Category: Banalities & Journaling

Caveat: Mocha Oatmeal

Banalities & Journaling

About half the time, I have been having oatmeal for breakfast. It's nice and squishy and easy to eat. 

I have some instant Brazilian-style coffee that I make, and so I boil water and add some to my oatmeal (which I then microwave for a long time on a low setting, since it's not instant oatmeal), and some to my coffee. 

This morning, I was kind of zombie-like and I began preparing my oatmeal and coffee. Instead of putting the instant coffee in a cup, and the oatmeal in a bowl, I but both the coffee and the oatmeal in the bowl. I didn't notice. 

My oatmeal was coffee flavored. Not really that bad.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: Nonnet #5 “This House Opposes Summer”

A Daily Poem / Banalities & Journaling / Book 1 / My Poetry & Fiction / Nonnet

One reason I like nonnets is that it’s possible to compose them entirely in my head. They are sufficiently compact and structured that I can hold the whole thing in my “working memory” as I work out each line. Thus, I can do it while walking, which is another pastime of mine that doesn’t always mix well with writing, since this latter usually requires having a keyboard or notepad in front of me.
I made this nonnet walking to work.

(Poem #30 on new numbering scheme)

I hate summer, because it's too hot.
The sun squashes me, like an ant.
The air seems thick, like asphalt.
I start missing winter.
I could stride quickly.
I could shiver.
"Ah! So cold,
like a
ghost."

– a nonnet.

It’s occurred to me I could write a nonnet every day, while walking to work. Am I so ambitious?

picture[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: On Neoliberalism

Banalities & Journaling / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism / Politics, Economics & Current Affairs

Recently, the term "neoliberalism" seems to be undergoing a kind of evolution. In the past half century (i.e. during my lifetime), "neoliberalism" seems to have been a negative term used by people, mostly on the left, to define an opposition they don't like. Lately, however, some people have been trying to "reclaim" the term as defining their own position. Interestingly, I find this redefinition somewhat appealing. It seems to be a kind of "liberalism with libertarian tendencies" and/or "libertarianism with liberal tendencies" which actually hoves somewhat to where I am, politically, myself. 

One recent self-identified "neoliberal" that I ran across is Sam Bowman (I don't really know who that is – some economist maybe?). For the most part I am close to that defintion. Interestingly, I think Hillary Clinton is, too. Many Bernie Sandersites have called Clinton "neoliberal" despectively, but in fact, she might call herself neoliberal if identifying with Bowman's definition. 

I think what Bowman leaves out entirely, but which is critical to my understanding of both the historical conception of "neoliberalism" as well as why I think I don't quite match the concept, is on the issue of militarism and/or interventionism. I am not a pacifist, but I am not really in favor of militarism, even the "trying to save the failed-state-du-jour" variety common nowadays.

My biggest disappointment with Obama and biggest ambivalence about Hillary Clinton is in this realm. I think that this lacuna with respect to militarism in historical neoliberalism is its overlap with what was called "neocolonialism" when I was vaguely marxist, in college. And just as then, when it comes to such things, I am very much anti-interventionist. 

If I stick only with Bowman's defnition, I could be a neoliberal. But I refuse the term because of that unmentioned neocolonial affiliation. Both traditional liberals and traditional libertarians would also be unconfortable with it, I think.

[daily log: sweating]

Caveat: byeontae!

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work

The Korean word 변태 [byeontae] is translated as "pervert" but I think the meaning is a milder word than the way "pervert" is used in English. Or maybe not. Certainly I have realized it's one of the common insults thrown around between elementary students, and although the kids seem to have some general idea of what semantic field it covers, they don't seem to have much idea as to what a "pervert" actually is. Mostly, they're pretty sheltered.

I was surprised, therefore, yesterday with my youngest cohort (1st and 2nd graders) when one of the girls, Hailey, announced (in Korean) that one of the cartoon characters projected onto the screen of the vocabulary website we were working from in class was a "변태". I don't know what her exact words were, but her meaning was, "Teacher! That man is a byeontae!"

I was surprised. "Why do you say that?" I asked, in English.

Hailey is a sharp kid – she's not fond of speaking English but she's good at guessing what I'm meaning. Confidently, she strode to the front of the class and drew a black arrow on the whiteboard upon which the cartoon was projected, using a black board marker. Here is a picture in which I provide a screenshot of the cartoon in question and have added in Hailey's arrow (a little bit hard to see – it looks like part of the cartoon).

byeontae

I was speechless. The other kids giggled. I didn't really think the kids had any awareness of that kind of thing. Anyway, I changed the subject. But it was kinda funny, too. 

[daily log: walking, 7km]

 

Caveat: Reunions

Banalities & Journaling

Yesterday was a holiday. And I had an interesting experience. 

A person who had been one of my best friends when I was in high school, over 30 years ago, had reached out to me to let me know that he just happened to be in Korea. Chris is quite busy – he's here on work, and they've filled up his schedule of course. But he had a few hours free, so I took the train into Seoul, and after some confusion about where to meet, I met up with him and his wife. We talked for a few hours and went across the street from the convention center where he was for his work to visit a temple called Bongeunsa. 

20160801_153105

He is essentially unchanged, to my perception. He still seems to be the same person I knew in high school. It was interesting talking to him, after so long – the last time I had seen him was 28 years ago, when I was a guest at his wedding. After that we had lost touch.

The picture quality is poor, I know. Nevertheless, perhaps if you knew us in high school, you'd figure out who he is? 

Today there was this huge downpour, but it was rather short. It's August, now – was that the monsoon's last hurrah? 

[daily log: walking, 2km]

Caveat: Harder than the speech test

Banalities & Journaling / Teaching & Methodology / The Wonders of Work

Babyalligator

My student who goes by Ken had found in the classroom one of my little square pieces of paper that I call my "baby alligators" (picture at right). I use them as points to give to my younger cohorts, which they then exchange for my alligator dollars. I added the extra step because with the younger students, I feel like I get better results by giving smaller-valued points more frequently. So they collect baby alligators during each class, and then exchange them for dollars at the end of the class for the actual dollars, at a rate of 5 baby alligators per dollar. 

Ken found the baby alligator and asked about it. I explained this procedure, and he was clever enough to immediately comment that that meant a baby alligator was worth 20 cents. I was pleased with this observation.

"If I give a dollar I get five baby alligators?" he asked, as confirmation.

"Yes," I agreed.

He fished around in his pencil case, and drew out his current collected savings. "Thirty-eight dollars is one hundred ninety baby alligators please." 

"Really?" I asked, surprised at this turn of events. "What will you do with them?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

"Are you sure you want them?"

He nodded.

I opened my laptop and opened the page of baby alligators. I print them in sheets of 49 (7 x 7) baby alligators. I printed 4 sheets to the color printer, and ran out of the classroom to collect them. I brought them back, with a pair of scissors. 

We were having some free time at the end of class, since he had finished his monthly speech test, so I cut six alligators out of one of the sheets and gave them to him. "That's one hundred and ninety."

Ken took the scissors and began cutting them up into their little squares.  I pestered him about what his plans for them were. He said he had no idea. 

"Well, anyway, I guess you're having fun," I commented.

"No." he said, shortly.

2016-07-28_babyalligatorprocessingI laughed. "Then why are you doing this?" I asked.

He shrugged. After a while cutting up baby alligators, he said, of his own initiative, "This is harder than the speech test."

"Oh really?" I asked, surprised. I think he was joking. 

Anyway, he cut up all the baby alligators into little squares (picture at right). I folded an envelope out of a sheet of paper, tacked together with some tape, and gave it to him for storing his baby alligators.

The bell rang and class was over.

I have no idea what he intended to do with his collection.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: The Personalities of Various Squares in Jeolla Dialect

Banalities & Journaling / Language & Linguistics / Teaching & Methodology / The Wonders of Work

I was working with a student the other day on trying to clarify that the pronunciation of the words "square" and "scare" are different. This is not, normally, something Koreans seem to have difficulty with, but for whatever reason, perhaps sheer obstinacy, Giha was unable to make the distinction.

Actually, there is, in fact, a possible, plausible cause for this. In some dialects of contemporary Korean – notably, the southwest (Jeolla), where I lived in 2010-11, and where Giha's family is apparently from – there is a strong tendency to merge [w]-onset diphthongs with their corresponding simple vowels. That is, [wa] and [a] are the same, [wɛ] and [ɛ] are the same, etc. In layman's terms, you might call it "w-dropping." I first noticed this in Yeonggwang, where I lived, because the locals seemed to inevitably pronounce the name of their town "Yeonggang" (i.e. dropping the [w]), and the regional capital's name, Gwangju, became "Gangju." 

So if you think about the distinction, in English, between square and scare, the difference is simply the [w]-onset in the vowel of "square" which is missing in "scare": [skwɛɻ] vs [skɛɻ]. So, applying Gwangju dialectical phonotactics, you'd get the same pronunciation for both words.

I really wanted him to get the distinction, however. It was annoying me. For whatever reason, both words appeared in the same exercise we were doing. 

So I invented a tongue twister, for which I drew an accompanying illustration. The illustration is lost – I did not capture its ephermeral moment on the whiteboard, so you will have to imagine it. However, the tongue twister is memorable:

That scary square scares that scared square scarily.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: Zen With A Red Pen, Redux

Banalities & Journaling / Teaching & Methodology / The Wonders of Work

Lately I’ve been teaching some extra classes on TOEFL writing to my middle-schoolers, because they will be taking the “real practice test” next month (that’s not really an oxymoron – it’s a real test offered through the TOEFL creators, ETS, but taken as practice, i.e. the score is unofficial).
The consequence of this, though, is that I spend two or three hours a day evaluating and correcting 300-word essays.
So. Just busy, lately. Unlike the last time I posted about “zen with a red pen,” however, this time it’s entirely my own fault – I made this curriculum.
picture[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: In for a Trumping

Banalities & Journaling / Politics, Economics & Current Affairs

Nero_pushkinAs you may know, sometimes I read politics blogs somewhat obsessively. I generally don't feel particularly passionate about it – for me it's a strange sort of entertainment, as I just observe what is happening in the world.

The Trump thing disturbs me, as I've commented before.

Michael Moore – a political persona whom I normally abhor – makes a set of salient points to support his prediction that Trump will win in the fall. I actually believe he's on target, and will be curious to see if his idea pans out. My caveat must be, as Moore's is, that predicting a Trumping in the fall is not the same as supporting the man. He is a frightening narcissist. If America is Rome, then Trump can be her Nero. 

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: All that time wasted

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

So it's Saturday. I worked this morning. I am tired again.

What I'm listening to right now.

Sarah Jaffe, "Clementine."

Lyrics.

50 states
50 lines
50 crying all the time's
50 boys
50 lies
50 I'm gonna change my mind's
I changed my mind
I changed my mind
Now I'm feeling different

We were young
We were young
We were young, we didn't care
Is it gone?
Is it gone?
Is it floating in the air?
I changed my mind
I changed my mind
Now I'm feeling different

All that time wasted
I wish I was a little more delicate
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my name was Clementine

50 states
50 lines
50 crying all the time's
50 boys
50 lies
50 I'm gonna change my mind's
I changed my mind
I changed my mind
Now I'm feeling different

We were young
We were young
We were young, we didn't care
Is it gone?
Is it gone?
Or it's floating in the air?
I changed my mind
I changed my mind
Now I'm feeling different

All that time wasted
I wish I was a little more delicate
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my name was Clementine

All that time wasted
I wish I was a little more delicate
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my
I wish my name was Clementine

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: 난 준비 되다

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work

My youngest, lowest-level class has one 2nd-grade boy, Semin, who is quite “wild.” Not always in a bad way – he is bright and engaged, but it is impossible for him to sit still, and he only has one volume setting: maximum.
We were learning a song in the class. I had the kids sing through it a few times, but their enthusiasm was disappointing. They kind of mumbled along. So, I turned the volume down on my computer playing the song as background, and told them I wanted them to sing loud – not shyly. Because they’re lowest level, I added in Korean, “큰소리해” [do loud voice], to make sure they’d understood.
Semin got a very serious look on his face, and settled into a pose with his arms crossed on his chest, like a game-show contestant.
“난 준비 되다,” he intoned, in all seriousness. This means, “I am ready.”
I had to laugh. Of course he was ready. And indeed, he shouted the entire song.
[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: a great puzzle to unravel

Banalities & Journaling / Teaching & Methodology

I have a friend who is starting graduate school this fall, in Asian Studies (with an emphasis, presumeably, on Korea). 

He sent me a message marking the milestone of his starting graduate school. I was deeply moved by his message, and although I'm not always comfortable "bragging" on this blog, I just feel really grateful for his gratitude (if that makes sense). He wrote, addressing me, 

I know I've said it before, it was you more than any single person I met personally, who was responsible for where I have ended up today. Life is a series of adventures and stumbling around from thing to thing, and it is a great fortune to meet good people along the way, who, some believe, are placed there for a purpose. You showed me that Korea, being in Korea, can be intellectually challenging, a great puzzle to unravel. I was quite ignorant after that first year, but have made great strides. It's all come to this.

I suppose this is the same feeling of accomplishment that I get when I feel like my teaching is successful.

In fact, I had a moment like that with one of my students yesterday, too. Grace had come into my classroom momentarily to ask me some quick question about where I'd placed a student's paper. I answered quickly, and Grace ran out and back in and said she found it, and thanks. It was a quick exchange, but entirely between native speakers, so full of the typical elisions and fast speech that I mostly have learned to avoid when speaking at work to my students or Korean coworkers. 

Anyway, one of my very long-term students, Hansaem (I've taught her for four years, now), said something to the effect of, "That was so amazing!"

I laughed, and asked her what she meant.

She said, "well, you and Grace, two foreigners, talking English. So fast. And I understood everything."

"I guess that means you have learned some English then," I observed somewhat drily.

"I guess so," she answered, looking pleased with herself.

I understand that feeling of excitement when you understand something in a language you're trying to learn. So I felt pleased, too.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

 

Caveat: to “normal” dentistry

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

Yesterday was a very long day. 

I got up earlyish and had to go to the hospital. In some ways, it was a gratifying visit – it was, finally, the "normal" dental care appointment I've been having to put off for nearly a year due to the radiation necrosis issues in my mouth. I went to the oral oncology clinic at my beloved cancer center, but attached to that clinic is a little basic dental clinic. Somewhat to my surprise, the friendly and utterly Englishless receptionist, with whom I have a pretty good relationship now and who speaks to me in a very patient Korean, donned a mask and gloves and transmogrified into a competent dental hygienist. I had no idea.

I got a simple scaling and cleaning done, and even an annoying lecture about needing to floss more, which was somehow more bearable since it was in Korean. It was all standard dentist stuff. It was weirdly reassuring, this flight into something more normal. Mostly, it was relatively painless, too.

After that, I had to go to the store. My window fan broke, so I needed a replacement. It's hot, sticky summer – some kind of fan is a necessity for when I can't stand running the air conditioning. 

Then after that I had a long day at work. Many classes, many essays to correct. I was quite exhausted last night – more than 12 hours fully "on" is more than what I can usually handle. At least today my morning is lazy.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: 뭘 그렇게 놀래?

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Media (Texts/Music/Movies etc) / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

I caught this movie on the TV, called 나의 절친 악당들. It was funny and a bit surreal. I recommend it.
The song at the end, kind of an outro theme song, had a classic music-video style sequence, with the actors lip-syncing the lyrics. I couldn’t find the clip online, but the whole movie is posted here (for now, since these things tend not to last long) so you could scroll to the end to catch the video sequence, at 1:43:00. I kind of got hooked on the song. I started trying to translate the lyrics because I couldn’t find a translation online, but that effort lost steam. I thought the title, anyway, might be something like “What’s your game?” or “What are you playing at?” although the subtitles in the movie posting have “Why surprised?” But I think the the verb 놀다 has an element of the meaning “to play” that “Why surprised?” fails to convey. Maybe something like “Why are you pretending to be surprised?”
So that song is…
what I’m listening to right now.

장기하와얼굴들, “뭘 그렇게 놀래.”
가사.

뭘 그렇게 놀래
내가 한다면 하는 사람인 거 몰라
그렇게 동그란 눈으로
나를 쳐다보지 마
뭘 그렇게 놀래
내가 빈말 안 하는 사람인 거 몰라
뭐라도 본 듯한
표정 짓고 서 있지를 마

뭘 그렇게 놀래
내가 한다면 하는 사람인 거 몰라
그렇게 얼빠진 눈으로
나를 쳐다보지 마

잘 들어 미안하지만
니가 보고 있는 것들은 꿈이 아냐
그리고 잘 봐 낯설겠지만
니가 보고 있는 사람이 진짜 나야

나도 내가 진짜로
해낼 줄은 몰랐었어
이렇게나 멋지게
해낼 줄은 몰랐었어
너도 내가 진짜로
해낼 줄은 몰랐겠지만
더 이상 예전에 니가 알던
내가 아니야

뭘 그렇게 놀래
내가 굉장히 냉정한 사람인 거 몰라
되돌릴 수 있다는
그런 꿈꾸지도 마

잘 들어 미안하지만
니가 보고 있는 것들은
꿈이 아냐 그리고
잘 봐 못 믿겠지만
니가 보고 있는 사람이 진짜 나야

나도 내가 진짜로
해낼 줄은 몰랐었어
이렇게나 멋지게
해낼 줄은 몰랐었어
너도 내가 진짜로
해낼 줄은 몰랐겠지만
더 이상 예전에 니가 알던
내가 아니야

나도 내가 진짜로
해낼 줄은 몰랐었어
이렇게나 멋지게
해낼 줄은 몰랐었어
너도 내가 진짜로
해낼 줄은 몰랐겠지만
더 이상 예전에 니가 알던
내가 아니야

뭘 그렇게 놀래

[daily log: walking, 11km]
 

Caveat: pinching myself after stubbing my toe

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work

So I'm still sick with this summer flu. I would say the worst has passed but I still feel lousy, and basically did nothing all weekend. The only thing positive I can say about it is that the headaches and discomfort of the flu symptoms have helped me to forget some of my other chronic discomforts. It's a bit like how if you stub your toe and then pinch yourself to distract from the pain.

I really don't want to overuse this here blog thingy as a forum for complaint.

We had a hweshik (business dinner event) Friday night, bidding goodbye to a long-term colleague who is moving on from Karma. Although she is in many respects a very traditional Korean style teacher, she is one of Karma's "old-timers," and I have always respected her professionalism and dedication hugely. It is sad to see her go. 

I was a zombie at the dinner, interacting even less than my normally reticent self due to cold medicine and exhaustion.

The weather has been pleasant all weekend – overcast monsoon clouds, with a little bit of rain Saturday. Less hot, anyway. My class at work was cancelled Saturday, but I was already walking there, so I got to take a bit of a walk.

Today is going to be a very long day at work.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: Nonnet #4 “beans”

A Daily Poem / Banalities & Journaling / Book 1 / My Poetry & Fiction / Nonnet

I wrote another nonnet. My friend Bob commented that I seem to have a “knack” for them. I don’t know about that, but I enjoy doing them – they are constrained like haiku, and the constraints are syllabic rather than metric (a type of constraint I find more difficult to “do in my head”). The haiku form, nowadays, has a bit of a cliche feel in English, which these nonnets avoid.
(Poem #29 on new numbering scheme)

Consciousness
Speculating about my own mind:
moments of consciousness might be
like little fragments of light;
but no, that's wrong. Instead,
like so many beans,
we toss them up;
they begin
to fall
down.

– a nonnet
picture[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: 전우치

Banalities & Journaling / Media (Texts/Music/Movies etc)

movie posterSince I’m so sick with this flu, I have been lying around in an even more profoundly layabout manner than usual, when not at work. Yesterday, I slept over 11 hours. When  I turned on the television, I watched a Korean movie about a time-travelling medieval Taoist wizard and his adventures in modern Seoul, with some difficult-to-understand detours to the period of the Japanese occupation of Korea (1930’s). It was called 전우치 (romanized as Jeon Woo-chi: The Taoist Wizard.)
It seemed like a pretty entertaining movie, to the extent I understood it.
Then I went to work. I’m in a bit of a fog, lately.
Off to work again today.
[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: 눈 괜찮아?

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

I tend to allow my HS2B cohort to socialize, in Korean, during class, if they’re working on some task, as last night, when I had them writing an essay. This is because they are all very good students, they all do their work, they are all good at focusing when necessary.
At least half the time, their talking is entirely relevant to the task at hand – ideas for their essays, bouncing grammatical or compositional questions off of each other, etc. I think this is quite useful. Given a task, the class can, to some degree, “teach itself.”
I like the class. The additional consequence is that I get to eavesdrop on Korean teenager conversation.
Mostly, it slips past me when they drift off topic, but sometimes I catch something fairly well.
Yeongseo (a girl) had said something to the effect of “He’s cute when he does that,” in reference to something Hongseop (a boy) was doing. Hongseop is sometimes the butt of good-natured joking, just because of his laconic personality. So this was perhaps an unexpected remark on her part.
Immediately in response to Yeongseo’s comment, Hanseam (another girl) quipped, in mock disbelief, 눈 괜찮아? ([nun kwaenhchana?] = are your eyes ok?). This is typical teenage sniping, but it was incredibly humorous in the context. And for whatever reason, I started laughing, which caused Hansaem some embarrassment realizing I was eavesdropping on the conversation.

This morning, I cancelled my hospital appointment, because this cold/flu I have is quite bad, and I don’t really want to have to lie there while they poke around in my mouth when I have a sore throat, congestion, cough, etc.
[daily log: walking, 10km]

Caveat: bleghwargh

Banalities & Journaling

I guess I've managed to contract some kind of summer flu or cold. I feel absolutely rotten. I slept infinitely, last night, but not comfortably.

And work is back to regular ("unreduced") schedule. I have another hospital visit tomorrow.

So. 

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: Long time no see

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work

I found a stapler on the ledge above the whiteboard in Room 204, way up high and almost hidden. I only noticed it because I was standing at the back of the classroom and happened to look up there. I was so surprised. I said, "Wow. A stapler!"

Staplers often go missing from the teacher's workroom, so although I was surprised to find it there, I also was pleased to have found it.

Without missing a beat, my student Eric cleverly said. "Oh. Long time no see!"

I asked him if he had something to do with the stapler's location there. He disavowed any involvement. "Maybe Grace put it [there]," he suggested.

Although Grace sometimes absconds with staplers, I couldn't see her putting it on the ledge above the whiteboard. I think Eric must have had something to do with it – his reaction was too quick.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: 소아청소년암센터 앞에

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

I am back at the hospital for my follow-up on the diplostome aspect (ie. the necrotic hole in my jaw). The oral oncology clinic where I see Dr Min is directly across the corridor from pediatric oncology (소아청소년암센터). So each time I visit, I get to watch children with cancer. This can be emotionally intense: a wailing child in a fathers arms; two happy children with no hair playing; an emaciated child sleeping on a bench; a precociously grim-faced child in a wheelchair with one of those yellow IV bags that announces “chemo.”
Lots of waiting, this morning. More later.
Update: The lower jaw area finally seems to be healing OK. So, that means… more dental work. How exciting. I have a new appointment for next week.
[daily log: walking, 11km]

Caveat: Things have come to that

Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry

Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note

Lately, I've become accustomed to the way
The ground opens up and envelopes me
Each time I go out to walk the dog.
Or the broad edged silly music the wind
Makes when I run for a bus…

Things have come to that.

And now, each night I count the stars.
And each night I get the same number.
And when they will not come to be counted,
I count the holes they leave.

Nobody sings anymore.

And then last night I tiptoed up
To my daughter's room and heard her
Talking to someone, and when I opened
The door, there was no one there…
Only she on her knees, peeking into

Her own clasped hands

– Amiri Baraka (American poet, 1934-2014)

This poem has a very dark title. Don't take it the wrong way – it's just a poem I happen to like. I will note, however, since it's on my mind: Michelle's suicide note was about 400 pages long, written out on loose sheets of unlined white paper. That could make 20 volumes, if the volumes were small.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: monsoony monday

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

I walked in the pouring rain to cancerland to celebrate my 3rd year as a ghost in the world. I have been perforated and await the contrast medium and high energy photon bath. More later.

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Update:

First of all, I titled this post "monsoony monday," as if unaware that it was in fact Tuesday. I'm accustomed to having my hospital appointments on Mondays or Thursdays, so I guess I had this idea as I trudged through the streams and rivulets that it was a Monday morning. That was incorrect. When I got to work, it turned out to be Tuesday, which, if I had stopped to remember yesterday, I might have figured out sooner.

Second of all, I don't have any cancer, as far as they can tell. I do have other features of advancing middle age, including some incipient proto-arthritis in my shoulder and foot.

Thirdly, Dr Cho told me that my Korean seemed to have improved. Perhaps it was just flattery. He spoke to me in Korean, which is more pleasant than his incongruous German-accented English (because of his long years in Germany): "Vee haf lookt at dee skahns, und dey look okey." I understood a few things he said.

Life goes on.

[daily log: walking, 11km]

Caveat: Three Years Cancer Free

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

In fact, almost eerily, I can quote nearly exactly from last year’s two-year anniversary. I will repeat it almost word-for-word, then, with details updated to match the curent situation.
3rd year anniversary… knock on wood.
It feels pre-emptive to announce this, today, because tomorrow, I have my scheduled checkup at the hospital, when they will do a scan and hopefully give me the “all clear.”
But today is the the official 3-year anniversary of my surgery, which was July 4th, 2013, and thus I feel like commemorating it today. I can always do a retraction if I get bad news next week – but I think I’d be feeling lousier in terms of health if I was going to get bad news. Who knows?
Last week was also the 16th anniversary of Michelle’s suicide. Her ghost still visits me, but less often lately.
I don’t really feel like meditating overmuch on “where I’m at,” right now. I’m just plugging along. Not great, not terrible, but hanging in there.
I have moments of great enjoyment in my job. And moments of frustration, too. I have greater frustration with my unfulfilled avocations – chiefly studying Korean, my writing, my art. But that’s nothing new, and there continue to be no major transformations on that front that are worth reporting or reflecting upon.
The one thing worth noting, in variance from last year: this last 6 months have been a bit more difficult than last year, because the Faustian bargain that was my radiation therapy “came back to collect,” so to speak. I have been struggling with some radiation necrosis in my jaw area, creating complications for what would have been routine dental work otherwise.
Life goes on.
Happy July 4th.
picture[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Teaching & Methodology

Did you know that at least part of the time, I am an elementary EFL teacher? Betcha didn't. 

Thus: what I'm listening to right now.

Sesame Street, "Outer Space ABCs ." I'm rockin'.

Lyrics.

A a

B b

 C c

  D d

   E e

    F f

     G g

      H h

       I i

        J j

         K k

          L l

           M m

            N n

             O o

              P p

               Q q

                R r

                 S s

                  T t

                   U u

                    V v

                     W w

                      X x

                       Y y

                  and

                        Z z

 

Now I know my ABC's

Next time won't you sing with me?

[daily log: walking, 1km]

Caveat: Reaching for the sky, the sky reaches down

Banalities & Journaling / My Photos

Like clockwork, the monsoon started yesterday, July 1st. It poured rain all day, nonstop. I got wet walking.

I  saw they were nevertheless using concrete pump cranes at the upcoming Mormon church: the Neojaredites trying to reach the sky. They have a ways to go.

Neojaredites

This morning it was gray. I went to the store. 

[daily log: walking, 1km]

Caveat: My Biggest McSnake

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work

We were giving speeches yesterday in Honors cohort, on the topic "My Biggest Mistake." One student was consistently mispronouncing "mistake" as "mcsnake," so I drew a picture on the whiteboard to explain his mistake. The yellow McDonalds logo (hard to see in the photo) was Sophia's idea.

My_biggest_mcsnake

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

 

Caveat: 눈은 풍년 입은 흉년

Banalities & Journaling / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean) / 한국어 속담 (Aphorisms & Proverbs)

Here is a proverb from my book of Korean proverbs.

눈은 풍년 입은 흉년
nun.eun pung.nyeon ib.eun hyung.nyeon
eye-TOPIC abundant-harvest-year mouth-TOPIC famine-year
“Feast for the eyes, famine for the stomach.”

This has a pretty clear meaning, I think, although I can’t think of an exact English equivalent at the moment. Basically, it’s the feeling I have all the time, since my surgery: I see delicious food all around me, and I remember feasting on such deliciousnesses, but the actual experience of eating is at best neutral, and at worst occasionally downright unpleasant. It has become a new normal, and so in my best moments, I can let the nostalgia of eating things I enjoy drive the current experience.
I wasn’t really meaning to complain, here, but running across this proverb seemed to rather match my experience. I saw a chicken sandwich in a cafe last night and was struck by an irrational craving, so I bought it and brought it home. The eating of it was … well… I’m still here, right? Mere sustenance.
[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: With half-closed eyes

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry

I'm not sleeping very well, lately. I think mostly it's because summer has arrived – my apartment is slightly too warm for me to sleep comfortably. Running the air conditioner at night, on balance, doesn't help – it's not a very efficient air conditioner and anyway the conditioned air feels stale. I woke up yesterday morning at 3:30 am, and only managed a short nap before work. I thought that would mean I'd sleep in this morning, but no such luck – I was wide awake and insomniated at 5 am. So… 

What I'm listening to right now.

Depeche Mode, "Waiting For The Night." I posted this song about 5 years ago, on this here blog thingy, but I wasn't yet in the habit of trying to include lyrics, so I figure it's OK to post it again. In fact, I think the song is about heroin addiction. As such, I'm not sure I buy the message. Nevertheless, I have long liked this song. 

Lyrics.

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality

I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still
All that you feel is tranquillity

There is a star in the sky
Guiding my way with its light
And in the glow of the moon
Know my deliverance will come soon

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality

I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still
All that you feel is tranquillity

There is a sound in the calm
Someone is coming to harm
I press my hands to my ears
It's easier here just to forget fear

And when I squinted
The world seemed rose-tinted
And angels appeared to descend
To my surprise
With half-closed eyes
Things looked even better
Than when they were opened

Been waiting for the night to fall
I knew that it would save us all
Now everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality

Been waiting for the night to fall
Now everything is bearable
And here in the still
All that you feel is tranquillity

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Multimap Test Page

Banalities & Journaling / Geofiction / Internet & Blogging

I’m not exactly in the closet about my geofiction hobby – I’ve blogged about it once or twice before, and in fact I link to it in my blog’s left sidebar, too – so alert blog-readers will have known it is something I do.

Nevertheless, I’ve always felt oddly reticent about broadcasting this hobby too actively. It’s a “strange” hobby in many people’s minds, and many aren’t sure what to make of it. Many who hear of it percieve it to be perhaps a bit childish, or at the least unserious. It’s not a “real” hobby, neither artistic, like writing or drawing, nor technical, like coding or building databases. Yet geofiction, as a hobby, involves some of all of those skills: writing, drawing, coding and database-building.

Shortly after my cancer surgery, I discovered the website called OpenGeofiction (“OGF”). It uses open source tools related to the OpenStreetmap project to allow users to pursue their geofiction hobby in a community of similar people, and “publish” their geofictions (both maps and encyclopedic compositions) online.

Early last year, I became one of the volunteer administrators for the website. In fact, much of what you see on the “wiki” side of the OGF website is my work (including the wiki’s main page, where the current “featured article” is also mine), or at the least, my collaboration with other “power users” at the site. I guess I enjoy this work, even though my online people skills are not always great. Certainly, I have appreciated the way that some of my skills related to my last career, in database design and business systems analysis, have proven useful in the context of a hobby. It means that if I ever need to return to that former career, I now have additional skills in the areas of GIS (geographic information systems) and wiki deployment.

Given how much time I’ve been spending on this hobby, lately, I have been feeling like my silence about it on my blog was becoming inappropriate, if my blog is meant to reflect “who I am.”

So here is a snapshot of what I’ve been working on. It’s a small island city-state, at high latitudes in the Southern Hemisphere, with both “real-world” hispanic and fully fictional cultural elements. Its name is Tárrases, on the OGF world map here.

Here is a “zoomable and slidable” map window, linked to the area I’ve been creating, made using the leaflet tool.

There were some interesting technical challenges to get this to display correctly on my blog, involving several hours of research and coding trial and error. If anyone is interested in how to get the javascript-based leaflet map extension to work on a webpage (with either real or imaginary map links), including blogs such as typepad that don’t support it with a native plugin, I’m happy to help. [UPDATE 20210605: The old leaflet map insert was broken. I replaced it (with more technical difficulties) with a new one.]

I have made a topo layer, too. I am one of only 2-3 users on the OGF website to attempt this – But the result is quite pleasing. [UPDATE 20210605: The OGF “Topo Layer” is currently out of commission. So the leaflet map insert has been removed.]
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