Caveat: es enemigo amor de la mudanza

Media (Texts/Music/Movies etc) / Not My Poetry / Quotable

Cervates_jauregui
Mar sesgo, viento largo, estrella clara,
camino, aunque no usado, alegre y cierto,
al hermoso, al seguro, al capaz puerto
llevan la nave vuestra, única y rara.
En Scilas ni en Caribdis no repara,
ni en peligro que el mar tenga encubierto,
siguiendo su derrota al descubierto,
que limpia honestidad su curso para.
Con todo, si os faltare la esperanza
de llegar a este puerto, no por eso
gireis las velas, que será simpleza.
Que es enemigo amor de la mudanza,
y nunca tuvo próspero suceso
el que no se quilata en la firmeza.
– Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616).

 


170px-Los_trabajos_de_Persiles_y_Sigismunda_(1617)El soneto aparece en su novela Los Trabajos de Persiles y Sigismunda, en el cap. 9 de la primera parte, atribuido al personaje de Manuel de Sosa Coitiño, el llamado "enamorado portugués." Es fácil olvidar que el novelista Cervantes también escribió mucha poesía de calidad notable – porque siempre aparece en sus novelas y cuentos atribuida a sus personajes fictícios.

Caveat: Grandmother’s Kimchi

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Kids / The Wonders of Work

We were doing iBT (TOEFL) Speaking test practice questions in the T1 반. I asked a question something like "Choose what you think is the most dangerous social idea in history and discuss."

The students have 15 seconds to think what to say and then must begin talking for 45 seconds. That's TOEFL.

That clown, Tae-hui, gave an answer, without waiting for me to say "start." He made me laugh:

"My grandmother's kimchi," he deadpanned.

What I'm listening to right now.

Capital Cities, "Safe and Sound."

Caveat: Teach Children with Love and Wisdom

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer / Kids / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism / Quotable / Teaching & Methodology / The Wonders of Work

Last night, I had a pretty long conversation with Curt. He was distraught over difficult business decisions: complaints from parents about teachers (fortunately not about me, at least none reported)… therefore more changes in the employee rolls forthcoming… lost students….

"I don't want to be 원장 [wonjang = hagwon boss] anymore!" he sighed.

He paid me an unexpected complement, then, as I complained, in turn, about my current struggle with reconciling my slow and still painful post-cancer recovery with my ambition, such as it is.

"In the time if have known you, you have shown a strong ability to be reborn," he said. He stood up and demonstratively tapped the [broken link! FIXME] Nietzsche quote that is still taped up beside the staffroom door. I'm often surprised and pleased by the philosophical turns our conversations take.

"I reinvent myself," I clarified, perhaps wanting to move away from the religious connotations of being "reborn" that he no doubt wasn't really familiar with in English.

"Yes. You were very different when I first met you." That was in late, 2007, and I worked for him the first time in the spring of 2008.

I didn't feel different…. I don't feel different.

But yes… I reinvent myself, it's true. Constantly.

"So now, I have to reinvent myself again," I finally said, with my own sigh.

"Yes. You can do it."

I will strive to become a better teacher, in my new post-cancer version of the jared.

Here are some ideas from my sixth-grade student Andrea in her recent month-end speech, on how to be a better teacher.



She's the kind of student that I am teaching for – I prefer students like her who have such high standards and expectations. I have titled her speech, "Teach Children with Love and Wisdom" – because that's what she says.

 

Caveat: Four Months Cancer-Free

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Cancer / Quotable

This phrase, "cancer-free," as discussed [broken link! FIXME] last month, is just code for "no major tumors currently identified." We all have cancer, all the time.

I guess my health is much improved.

But now that the elation of living through the summer has passed, I'm more and more suffering from a kind of mild depression: life must go on, and at times it's just as frustrating and tedious and unfulfilling as before.

I had hoped I'd be eating normally by now. I'm not. When do I get to eat Indian food again? Kimchi? Cake? Burritos? Crackers?

I had hoped I'd be gung ho about work and taking on the challenges it presents, by now. I'm not. When do the major problems plaguing my workplace finally reach some kind resolution?

I had hoped I'd be plunging into some life-affirming project (i.e. my writing), to make better use of my remaining time on earth. I'm not. When will I finally have a reliable every-day writing habit?

This is the hard slog.

One. Step. At a time.

Kurt Vonnegut, in 2006, wrote back to a group of high school students. In part, he said:

Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting,
sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or
badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what's inside you, to make your soul grow.

What I'm listening to right now.

M83, "Wait."

Caveat: Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

I'm really not feeling  that great, so I took it easy today. I think it's more a kind of emotional frustration at how slowly my recovery feels like it's going.

So I sat around trying to read today, and then took a walk around the lake in a slight drizzle after dark fell.

What I'm listening to right now.

OneRepublic, "Counting Stars."

Lyrics:

(Chorus)
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars

(Verse)
I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find

Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

I feel something so right
By doing the wrong thing
And I feel something so wrong
By doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

(Chorus)
Lately I been, I been losing sleep (Hey!)
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep (Hey!)
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

(Verse)
I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn

Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
And I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told

And I feel something so wrong
By doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that downs me makes me wanna fly

(Chorus)
Lately I been, I been losing sleep (Hey!)
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep (Hey!)
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

(Bridge)
Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

(Chorus)
Lately I been, I been losing sleep (Hey!)
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby, I been, I been prayin' hard
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be, we'll be counting stars

(Outro)
Take that money
Watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

[daily log: walking, 5.5 km]

Caveat: Political Fantasy, A-Dreamed

Banalities & Journaling / Life is a Dream

Despite my slight addiction to political blogs and world-events newsfeeds, my dreams rarely seem overtly (geo)political in nature. Last night, however, I had a dream that was a bit like watching a major world event unfold on the internet – or really, two world events happening in parallel. Further, they displayed an interesting symbolism vis-a-vis my status as a U.S. expat at this stage in my life.

In the dream, two major political events were unfolding at the same time.

On the one hand, in Korea, a rather sudden and almost entirely peaceful reunification was taking place, somewhat in the style of the German reunification of the early 1990's. The air was full of optimism, as Seoul's TV networks and reality shows were allowed to wander freely in Pyeongyang, while many, many North Korean economic migrants were welcomed with essentially open arms into the South, and Park Geun-hye and Kim Jong-eun made joint appearances at conferences, discussing a "uniquely Korean" federal solution to reunification.

It was all the stuff of political fantasy, of course – I find such a scenario incredibly unlikely, though I wouldn't put the statistical chances at exactly zero.

The contrast, however, was that just as this was unfolding in Korea, in the U.S. a civil war was beginning, as Tea Partiers and other right-wing mal-contents, unhappy with yet another loss at the never-ending game of legislative obstructionism, decided that it was time to "Live Free of Die," as the revolutionary New Hampshire flag would remind us. They began a series of targetted killings and terrorist acts, including assassinating several Democratic Senators, while the state of South Carolina once again announced it was seceding, in response to some federal intervention in the matter of voting rights and healthcare. The U.S. Army was mobilized (again) to do something about the secession, as Texas and Tennessee followed suit.

Once again, this is the stuff of political fantasy, and not necessarily likely.

What I found interesting psychologically was how this plays out as a kind of dream-representation of my expat status, or of the reasons behind it. I left the U.S., in part, in 2007, because of a sort of feeling that the U.S. polity had reached such a senescence as to make it "not worth trying" to make a life there "work" anymore. Obama's election in 2008 seemed to offer a sort of chance at redemption, but his subsequent political ineptitude (not to mention outright failure to keep promises) has only confirmed my initial judgment: these are the last days of the Roman Republic, and we should remember that the glories of Caesar were largely only Caesar's, and that the victors write history, in civil wars too.

Make of it what you will.

Happy Sunday.

Caveat: Just A Rainy Saturday

Banalities & Journaling / My Photos

Chilly, rainy autumn Saturdays like today are the reason I fight to stay alive.

Pictures from the walk to work and the walk home.

2013-11-02 09.49.16

2013-11-02 14.29.46

2013-11-02 14.31.26

2013-11-02 14.35.44

2013-11-02 14.42.51

What I'm listening to right now.

Lou Reed, "Perfect Day." Lou Reed passed away on Sunday.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Every, every, everyday 내가 만든 History

Background Noise / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

The Korean group Exo-K sings in typical kpop style, mixing in tons of English to their lyrics. They also sing in Chinese (kpop is quite popular in China and how could the Korean music industry resist such a huge market?). I was curious if they mixed in English in the same way in the Chinese version – and in fact, they do.
What I’m listening to right now.

H0Exo-K, “History.”
가사:

Listen, 느낄 수 있니?
내 심장이 뛰지를 않아
(My heart be breakin’)
분한 마음에 울어도 보고,
소리 질러 “하!” 외쳐도 봤어
(My pain be creepin’)

흑과 백, 아직 남과 북,
끝이 나지 않는 전쟁 Scene
둘로 나뉜 태양의 절망
멀리 돌고 돌아서 다시 시작하는 곳에 다 왔어
오류투성이지만 배워가며 강해질 수 있는 나
저 태양처럼 거대한 하나란 걸 아는 날
오- 오- 모두 함께 가는 우리 미래로
I need you and you want me,
지구란 이 별에서 오오 오오
Every, every, everyday 내가 만든 History.
Break it! 욕망의 반칙 Move it! 파괴란 미덕
(No more shakin’ like that)
Magic 시간이 가면 또 씻은 듯이 다시 재생 돼
시공간을 뛰어 넘어서
에덴의 아침을 꿈꾸고 있어
가자! 우린 그런 존재
멀리 돌고 돌아서 다시 시작하는 곳에 다 왔어
오류투성이지만 배워가며 강해질 수 있는 나
저 태양처럼 거대한 하나란 걸 아는 날
오오 오오 모두 함께 가는 우리 미래로
I need you and you want me,
지구란 이 별에서 오오 오오
꿈을 잉태 하는 날 우린 다시 일어나
일어나, 일어나, 일어나 (turn it on)
일어나, 일어나, 일어나
영원할거라 믿고 싶을 때.
언젠가 할 거 라고 망설일 때
내일이 바로 끝인지도 몰라.
후회 같은 건 잊어버려 두려워마
제발 사랑해, 사랑해, 사랑해
조화로울수록 완벽하잖아
모든 슬픔이 기쁨이 여기에
나와 너는 한 생명인 걸
Ya! 우리가 원래 하나로 태어났던 순간,
갈수록 소모적인 이 세계를 만난 순간
우린 점점점멀어져가 점점
둘로 깨져버린 채 힘을 잃어버린 태양
갈수록, 갈수록, 갈수록, 갈수록 더
간절했던 꿈의 세계를 다시 마주하는 순간
내 가슴이 뛴다, 마구 뛴다. 둥 둥 둥 둥 둥 둥
돌고 돌아서 다시 시작하는 곳에 다 왔어
Yeah- EXO-M, EXO-K
우리가 시작하는 미래 History
저 태양처럼 거대한 하나란 걸 아는 날
Oh- 하나의 심장에, 태양에
끝없이 우린 하나로 강해지고 있어
I need you and you want me,
지구란 이 별에서 오오 오오
Every, every, everyday 내가 만든 History.
The Chinese version.

Caveat: There’s No Hagwon Yearbook

Banalities & Journaling / Teaching & Methodology / The Wonders of Work

Mostly today at work I was hosting Halloween parties for groups of elementary students. I guess it ends up being the most important "holiday" event at our hagwon – which makes sense: Halloween is essentially the U.S.'s "children's day."

But also today, I found out that several of my longest-term students in my most advanced middle-school class are leaving our hagwon. I was quite sad to hear this – I've been out of touch with the Tuesday-Thursday cohorts because of my post-cancer part-time status, so I haven't been following events as closely as I normally try to do.

Walking home from work, I was quite moody and sad, thinking about how I've known two of these departing students for the entire time I've been teaching at Karma – since May of 2011. It's hard to see them moving on, but, of course, that's what students do.

Unlike public school teaching, there's not really any such thing as a "yearbook" for hagwon students. I began to daydream and speculate as to how a hagwon yearbook might be done – it can't be based on fixed enrollment periods, since students are constantly coming and going. It would have to be monthly. With some appropriate technology (e.g. social networking of some kind) I think it wouldn't be hard to make a hagwon "yearbook," however. It would be more like a "monthbook." I should discuss this with my boss.

[daily log: walking, 3 km]

Caveat: 76 kg

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer / Found Online

I stepped on my little Tesco bathroom scale this morning and it said 76 kg. That's 168 lbs. I've never had a reason to distrust this scale – it was more-or-less in sync with my official weigh-ins during my radiation treatment.

Here's the thing: the last time I weighed less than 170 lbs was 1990. I passed it going the other direction while in basic training for the US Army – "bulking up" they called it, as I got in shape. Before that, I had always been a skinny person. And since the US Army, I have always been a fat person. Permanent metabolic changes were either wrought by my army experience or else corresponded with it.

I peaked in 1998 at around 260 lbs (120 kg), with another peak at about the same in 2005.

The key to my current weight is simple: the "amazing cancer diet" works! Just make sure that eating is more painful than exercise, and you're set.

38.lose_weight_tomorrow

Caveat: Halloweeneen

Banalities & Journaling / Kids / The Wonders of Work

1383132766249The '-een' in Halloween means "eve." So Halloween Eve should be called Halloweeneen.

We had Halloween parties at the hagwon for the Monday-Wednesday-Friday cohorts of elementary kids. It was more tiring than teaching regular classes. I'm exhausted.

At right is a picture of me with two girls who wore costumes. I wore a costume too, although it was a bit of a stylistic mish-mash: the original (a few years ago) was Zorro. But I don't have my plastic sword, so I was using a giant inflatable plastic hammer. And I don't have my mask on.

It appears I'm a psycho sneaking up on them. That wasn't really the intent of the picture, but it works for Halloweeneen.

My middle-schoolers, in reaction to my costume, said I resembled a younger, more dangerous Dumbledore (of Harry Potter). I wasn't sure I should feel flattered by that.

[daily log: walking, 3 km]

Caveat: bring bonnie dreams

Not My Poetry / Quotable

Auld Daddy Darkness creeps frae his hole,
Black as a blackamoor, blin' as a mole:
Stir the fire till it lowes, let the bairnie sit,
Auld Daddy Darkness is no wantit yit.

See him in the corners hidin' frae the licht,
See him at the window gloomin' at the nicht;
Turn up the gas licht, close the shutters a',
An' Auld Daddy Darkness will flee far awa'.

Awa' to hide the birdie within its cosy nest,
Awa' to lap the wee flooers on their mither's breast,
Awa' to loosen Gaffer Toil frae his daily ca',
For Auld Daddy Darkness is kindly to a'.

He comes when we're weary to wean's frae oor waes,
He comes when the bairnies are getting aff their claes;
To cover them sae cosy, an' bring bonnie dreams,
So Auld Daddy Darkness is better than he seems.

Steek yer een, my wee tot, ye'll see Daddy then;
He's in below the bed claes, to cuddle ye he's fain;
Noo nestle to his bosie, sleep and dream yer fill,
Till Wee Davie Daylicht comes keekin' owre the hill.
– James Farguson

This Scots English Halloween poem is so densely Scots that it's pretty hard for me to understand. But it seems appropriate on Halloweeneen.

Caveat: 버스커

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

버스커Sometimes I listen to Korean pop radio – streaming on my computer so it’s easy to look up songs and stuff.
I hear this song by a group called 버스커 버스커 [busker busker] a lot and decided to look it up today. I like the cartoony image (is it an album cover?) I found on the lyrics site.
Anyway, the song is really a bit yodelly for my taste, but it’s not bad.
What I’m listening to right now.

버스커 버스커 [busker busker], “처음엔 사랑이란게.”
가사

거리에 오 겹쳐진 그녀 모습 속에는
오 난 그어떤 그리움도 찾아볼 순 없군요
거리에 일렁이는 그녀 모습 속에는
오 난 그 어떤 외로움도 찾아볼 순 없군요
처음엔 사랑이란 게 참 쉽게 영원할 거라
그렇게 믿었었는데 그렇게 믿었었는데
나에게 사랑이란 게 또 다시 올 수 있다면
그때는 가깝진 않게 그다지 멀지도 않게
난 예
벤치에 앉아있는 그녀 모습 속에는
오 난 그어떤 그리움도 찾아볼 순 없군요
벤치에 들려오는 그녀 웃음 속에는
오 난 그어떤 외로움도 찾아볼 순 없군요
처음엔 사랑이란 게 참 쉽게 영원할 거라
그렇게 믿었었는데 그렇게 믿었었는데
나에게 사랑이란 게 또 다시 올 수 있다면
그때는 가깝진 않게 그다지 멀지도 않게
머린 아픈데 오 너는 없고
그때 또 차오르는 니 생각에
어쩔 수 없는 나의 맘 그때의 밤
나에겐 사랑이란 게 아 사랑이란
처음엔 사랑이란 게 참 쉽게 영원할 거라
그렇게 믿었었는데 그렇게 믿었었는데
나에게 사랑이란 게
라랄라라 워 허허어 허어 워 허어허어 예
라랄라라 워 허허어 허어 워 허어허어 예

[daily log: walking, 8.5 km; running 1.5 km]

Caveat: Bread and Flowers

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

I had an easy day today – only one class. Tomorrow is my last "day off" from work, as I go back to full time officially on Friday, November 1st but unofficially on Wednesday, to assist with the Halloween Party.

I guess it's good I have a few more easy days – I had a pretty upset stomach yesterday and especially this morning. Bleah. I suspect (but don't know for sure) that it's related to the withdrawal of the painkiller. In any event, despite the upset stomach, I'm not feeling much (intolerable) pain in my mouth. I have only taken a few ibuprofin since last week, mostly on Saturday night when I had a headache. Furthermore, I ate a piece of bread this evening. That might sound insignificant, but if you know how I've been eating, you'd realize it's big progress.

OK then, that's enough of my health-status update. More later.

What I'm listening to right now.

My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, "Lucifer's Flowers."

[daily log: walking, 10 km]

Caveat: Ayn Random

Background Noise

Ayn Random sounds so much more interesting that mere Ayn Rand, don't you think? This comic made me laugh a lot.

Ayn_random

There was a time when I was quite the fan of Ayn Randian thinking. I've changed a great deal, I think. My recent years in South Korea have turned me into some kind of liberto-communitarian. Is there such a thing?

On a more philosophical and serious note, I was reading this excellent article, contrasting the Rawlsian fact and the Nozickian ideology of the current American polity. Perhaps South Korea is compelling because at least in its current historical moment, it is kind of an inverse: a Nozickian fact embedded in a Rawlsian fantasy (although yes that's an exaggeration – just look at healthcare as an example; I guess my point is that SK is less Rawlsian than it pretends, while the US is more Rawlsian than it pretends or hopes).

Unrelatedly…

What I'm listening to right now.

Nancy Sinatra, "Burning Down the Spark."

Caveat: Entre le royaume des vivants et des morts

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / My Drawings & Paintings

The kids from Montreal have an awesome new song that I listened to about 10 times today. David Bowie heard them working on it, and liked it so much he joined them signing – you can hear his distinctive voice.

Plus, I drew this picture of a skeleton dreaming (ink and watercolor).

2013-10-27 19.22.32

What I'm listening to right now.



Arcade Fire, "Reflektor."

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]
Trapped in a prison, in a prism of light
Alone in the darkness, darkness of white
We fell in love, alone on a stage
In the reflective age

[Pre-Chorus – Régine Chassagne]
Entre la nuit, la nuit et l’aurore
Entre le royaume des vivants et des morts
If this is heaven
I don't know what it’s for
If I can’t find you there
I don't care

[Chorus]
I thought I found a way to enter
It’s just a Reflektor (It's just a Reflektor)
I thought I found the connector
It’s just a Reflektor (It's just a Reflektor)

[Verse 2]
Now, the signals we send, are deflected again
We're so connected, but are we even friends?
We fell in love when I was nineteen
And now we're staring at a screen

[Pre-Chorus – Variation – Régine Chassagne]
Entre la nuit, la nuit et l'aurore
Entre le royaume des vivants et des morts
If this is heaven
I need something more
Just a place to be alone
Cause you're my home

[Chorus]

[Bridge 1]
It’s just a reflection of a reflection
Of a reflection of a reflection
But I see you on the other side?
We all got things to hide
It’s just a reflection of a reflection
Of a reflection of a reflection
But I see you on the other side
We all got things to hide
Alright, let's go back

[Verse 3]
Our song it skips, on little silver discs
Our love is plastic, we'll break it to bits
I want to break free, but will they break me
Down, down, down?
Don't mess around

[Chorus]

[Bridge 2- David Bowie and Win Butler]
Thought you were praying to the resurrector
Turns out it was just a Reflektor (It’s just a Reflektor)
Thought you were praying to the resurrector
Turns out it was just a Reflektor (It’s just a Reflektor)
Thought you were praying to the resurrector
Turns out it was just a Reflektor (It’s just a Reflektor)

[Outro]
It’s a Reflektor
It’s just a Reflektor
Just a Reflektor
But I see you on the other side
It’s just a Reflektor
But I see you on the other side
We all got things to hide
It’s just a Reflektor
But I see you on the other side

[daily log, walking, 5.5 km]

Caveat: A Chair

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Life is a Dream / My Drawings & Paintings

I dreamed about a chair.

This is no joke. The whole dream was about a chair. I can't even explain it. It was just there, like on this huge flat plain, standing there like a monument, but not a big chair or fancy. A kitchen chair.

There were tourists who would come by to see it. There were pictures of it on the news and on the internet.

It was the sort of dream where I would wake up and think, "OK, that was weird," and then go back to sleep and end up right back in it.

I wanted to somehow capture it. But what can I do? What's to describe? A chair. What's to draw? A chair. Here is my dream.

2013-10-27 13.25.30

What I'm listening to right now.

Muse, "Thoughts of a Dying Atheist."

It's Sunday. I take the dream to mean I need to stop and rest. I intend to try to avoid my computer and phone today. See you later.

 

Caveat: 데헷

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

2013-10-26 22.55.31During my Saturday Special Speaking-only class my student handed me this card. I’m not sure what it means, but I tried to figure it out.
It says, “데헷~ 귀요미 윤디쨩”.
데헷 [de-het] is something like “haha” or “teehee”…
귀요미 [gwiyomi] means “cute”…
the “윤디” [yundi] I’m clueless about what this means…
“쨩” [jjyang] means “best” as in “number one person.”
I’m pretty sure she meant that she, herself, is cute and best at something. I wish I was better at figuring out this type of “found Korean.”
[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: adios opioids

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

Since Thursday, I've stopped taking the prescription painkillers. I'm not sure I was really ready to stop, but during my visit with Dr Jo he seemed surprised I was still taking them, and, since I've always preferred to be "ahead of the curve" on these things, I thought to myself, "maybe there's a bit of a habit aspect to it." So I stopped.

I do still have a lot of discomfort, but it's mostly tolerable. This morning my mood was surprisingly positive and good – enough that I've decided the opioids were probably depressing me a little bit, or affecting me in some way like that. I know that was the case with the really heavy stuff, which I'd stopped some time back with the feeling they were too much of a downer. Anyway, now I'm prescription-free.

Caveat: Teacher, I think that is very serious

Banalities & Journaling / The Wonders of Work

I have some cute plush bendy-snakes. I bought them for 3 bucks each at a stand outside the Korean Folk Village some weeks ago. I have been keeping them at my desk at work. One is lavender and the other is neon green.

My younger students stopped by my desk earlier today and arranged them in an intertwined way over the cubicle divider. "They are couple," one girl explained. All Koreans know the Konglishism "couple" – even 8 year olds.

"I see," I said, thinking nothing of it.

Later, I was sitting at my desk, and a 6th grader (about 12) named Sangjin came by. He studied the snakes with a sort mock shock or disgust on his face.

"Teacher, what is … happening?" he asked, gesturing at the snakes.

"My younger students did that," I explained. "They said they are a couple."

Sangjin nodded sagely. "Teacher," he said, with a pregnant pause. "I think that is very serious."

He got the intonation exactly right, too, dropping his already-changing voice a near-octave on the word "very."

I doubled over, laughing.

2013-10-25 19.50.45

[daily log: walking, 4.5 km]

 

Caveat: Abducted

Banalities & Journaling / Found Online

I have to work today but it feels like I have a little vacation. That's probably good.

I plod my way through my breakfast, and add an extra layer against the cool morning air, rather than shut my window.

My coffee is not just lukewarm but almost cold, because I have let it sit so long on my desk. I don't mind – my mouth is still temperature-sensitive, so I definitely prefer that to hot.

I need to do something creative, but I'm feeling exhausted. I guess I'll… surf some art sites on the internet.

I found this picture. It was brilliant and funny. I hope the author doesn't mind my reposting it here.

Abducted_by_jerry8448-d4khip1

 

Caveat: All Clear

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer / Hiking & Travel

My coworker May took a lot of photos last weekend when we went to Ganghwa Island (강화도). She forwarded some of them to me today so I'll post a few here.

I like this one of me looking meditative going down the stairs. In so many pictures of me, I look like I'm grimmacing in pain. Heh. Of course.

_MG_7279

I like this one of Helen with Jacob. Helen told me she had a very hard time understanding Jacob, and couldn't figure out if it was his Australian accent or the fact he's 15. I suspect a combination of both.

_MG_7262

Today after leaving Jacob and my mom at the airport, I raced back to Ilsan to make my 1 pm appointment at the hospital. I got my CT scan and then had a short consult with Dr Jo.

"All clear."

That's good.

I'm so tired. I got home around 4 and crashed into napland. I woke up just now and will post this and go back to sleep.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Various Random Things That Happened Today

Banalities & Journaling

I guess this will be a less thematically-organized blog post than usual. Just call it a journal-like summary of the day.

For her last day here, my mother wanted to return to 영천사 [yeongcheon temple] which is the temple on the hill closest to my apartment. I had [broken link! FIXME] taken her and Jacob there not long after they arrived. This time, Jacob didn't come – he went to do his own thing. Ann and I took a taxi to the very top, this time, though it was more expensive and a bit complicated to explain to the taxi driver, since the temple isn't well known and isn't on the typical online Korean map (not sure why that is).

We sat and watched a funeral taking place at the temple, and talked quite a bit, and walked back down the mountain slowly and came back home.

I took her to work to meet the rest of my coworkers that she hadn't met yet – but they were all fairly unsocial (shy? too busy? uninterested?). Then I sent mom home and taught my three classes.

My first class was one of the so-called "CC" classes (the origin of this term remains mysterious to me), where we listen to pop songs in English and try to write down their lyrics and sing along. So I found myself singing. I guess the song is an old theme song from the Pokemon movie – but the kids didn't recognize it, as the movie is probably too old to be familiar to them.

My last class was my middle school TOEFL class, and we did a practice debate about nuclear power in Korea. Now I'm having technical problems getting the video file off my camera.

Tomorrow I go to the airport to drop off my mom and Jacob, and then I go to the hospital to get my follow-up, post-radiation CT scan.

What I'm listening to right now.

M2M, "Don't Say You Love Me."

The lyrics:

[Verse 1:]
Got introduced to you my friend
You were cute and all that, baby you set the trend
Yes you did oh
The next thing I know were down at the cinema
We're sitting there, you said you loved me
What's that about?

[Verse 2:]
You're moving too fast, I don't understand you
I'm not ready yet, baby I can't pretend
No I can't
The best I can do is tell you to talk to me
It's possible, eventual
Love will find a way
Love will find a way…

[Chorus:]
Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time

[Verse 3:]
Here's how I play, here's where you stand
Here's what to prove to get any further than where it's been
I'll make it clear, not gonna tell you twice
Take it slow, you keep pushing me
You're pushing me away
Pushing me away…

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
oooo, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
na, na, na, na, na, na
oooo, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
na, na, na, na, na, na, na

Don't say you love me
You don't even know me baby…

Baby don't say love me, baby
Give me some time…

[Chorus (repeat until fade out)]

[daily log: walking, 3.5 km]

Caveat: Hey, Let’s Drive to Portugal…

Found Online / Internet & Blogging

… from Korea.

According to an article in the Korea Herald, a Korean family (mom, dad, 3 kids) took the family mini van to Portugal, via a ferry to Vladivostok and long drive across Siberia, Russia, Finland, Sweden, Denmark, etc.

They have been photo-blogging about it. Now they plan to drive back.

This is awesome. It's hard to explain all the ways that this is so fascinating to me. I think on the one hand I love the idea of that kind of trans-Russian adventure, and have fantasized about it for years. But the idea of doing it as a family, like as a sort of "family outing," it cool too, and makes it into the stuff of a kind of unconventional novel – not to mention my own childhood trekking across the Cascades or the Rockies or British Columbia with my sister, parents, Peggy, and a dog in a Model A Ford. Finally, it's interesting to see Koreans, specifically, doing things like this because they have a bit of a cultural reputation for being so, um, (pen-)insular… this is a nice antidote.

Here is a screencap of a picture of them setting out, at the Sokcho ferry terminal where you catch the boat to Russia (because North Korea – if it weren't for that, one could just drive all the way to Portugal directly). I like it because I was just in Sokcho last week.

Settingout_html_m4dbc9e4e

Caveat: Perhaps too soon for svekolny or borsht

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer / Food & Drink / My Photos

Before my mom leaves on Thursday, I really wanted to go to my favorite restaurant and eat real food, instead of just eating around the edges of real food at various places which is my current capacity. So we went to Seoul and did some souvenir and gift shopping and also visited my favorite restaurant, which is the Russian place that keeps changing its name near Dongdaemun.

We ordered lots of things. I was more-or-less able to eat some svekolny and borsht, but having some dumpling and kefir where perhaps pushing a step too far. The biggest obstacle: my mouth's sensitivity to acidity and spice in foods is less than it has been, but it's still a big problem.

Anyway, we had some Russian food which was very delicious, we bought some books and other things in and around Insa-dong, and we walked around some.

Tomorrow I work, so today was really my last chance to be "tour guide" for my mom and Jacob. They'll fly back to Queensland on Thursday.

Here's a picture at the Russian restaurant.

2013-10-22 14.26.37

[daily log: walking, 2.5 km]

Caveat: lenguas de légamo

Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry


Pm-23976-largeEl ángel de la ira

Sin dueño, entre las ortigas,
Piedra por pulir, brillabas.
Pie invisible.
Entre las ortigas, nada.
Pie invisible de la ira.
Lenguas de légamo, hundidas,
Sordas, recordaron algo.
Ya no estabas.
¿Qué recordaron?
Se movió mudo el silencio
Y dijo algo.
No dijo nada.
Sin saberlo,
Mudó de rumbo mi sangre,
Y en los fosos
Gritos largos se cayeron.
Para salvar mis ojos,
Para salvarte a ti, qué
Secreto.

– Rafael Alberti (poeta y pintor español, 1902-1999)


Por alguna razón salió de mi conciencia, al despertar, el nombre del poeta Alberti. Me hizo recordar el año 96, cuando en la universidad de Penn estudiaba con el profesor López, a quien si bien me recuerdo le gustaba citar a Alberti. Poeta difícil para mí, siempre lleno de aire y caballos y mar.

Alberti también hacía artes visuales, por ejemplo el dibujo arriba.

Caveat: Three to Five Years

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

I asked the doctor during my check-up earlier today how long it would be before my mouth started to feel normal. He said, "oh, maybe three to five years." This was in specific reference to my messed up salivary system, and not in reference to my pain, which presumeably will improve sooner. Hopefully. I want to eat normal food.

Work went ok.

I came home.

[daily log: walking, 4.5 km]

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