with yesterdays surgery, expectations of a miraculous two week recovery from the major surgery on july 4th have faded. now dr ryu has suggested that we move the radiation back a week or two from the intended first-week-of-august start. the concern is achieving full healing on the neck site, which is proving challenging. a persistent but non-life-threatening infection is slowing things, and so my hospital stay is stretching out to at least three weeks and probably more at this point.
im grateful that andrew is here as caregiver, and for my other friends for their continued support.
the monotony of the hospital stay grates. i cant write much – each blog post such as this is a painstaking hunt-and-peck on my smartphone that takes ten times longer than i feel it should. i read but my attention wanders. many of my roommates are kind and courteous but a minority make it their constant business to second guess my doctors, my diet, my beliefs. i wish them a speedy recovery to full health so they can take their negativity elsewhere.
sometimes my own positivity falters. i begin to feel i have reached a new "normal best" – that this now is the best i can do. i walk my orbits and say my affirmations inside my head, but a side voice expresses a cynicism: these affirmations arent working blah blah blah. its just the frustration of each moment, piling along. sleep comes more easily but still in never more than one hour chunks – marked out by my IV-driven bladder, a glowing red digital clock, and diffuse nightmares of vampire roommates and liquid-filled lungs.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
Not sure if you have seen this before but it is good for understanding how to deal with disease.
Oh my, this sounds difficult. I’m glad Andrew is there…perhaps he can relieve the tedium of a delayed recovery. But it is only delayed, so one day at a time. Love you, Jared.