caveat: tradeoffs

ive been struggling with the tradeoff i made as part of this surgery. i dont recall if i stated it here quite explicitly, so ill summarize in a few sentences at the risk of being repetitive, beginning with a question: to wit, given the chance to salvage 100 percent functionality of my tongue and mouth, would i be willing to sacrifice with some permanent loss of full range of function of my right hand? the answer was so obvious i didnt even hesitate – i have two hands, but only one mouth and tongue. so i said of course.

i only mention this because this morning with various frustrations, im really feeling the lack of a right hand. right now, i basically have zero percent functionality. there is no indication that that is permanent, but its becoming clear that if current trends continue, ill have full voice and eating long before my right forearm is rehabilitated. and thats a pain.

not in the pain-needing-medication sense but in the getting things done sense. im going to have to relearn how to type at least for the short term, and im not sure i wasnt in a little bit of denial about just how much typing i do.

going to the bathroom, cleaning up, changing clothes – they all become frustrating rube-goldberg puzzles.

ok, that might be enough narcissistic whining. it took me 35 minutes to type this blogpost. last week on tuesday i could have made an entry this length (if ideas were already prepared in my mind) in about four minutes – i used to be a fast typist.

caveat: more of the team

i went to see dr jung this afternoon. while dr ryu is in charge of my neck, they share responsibility for my tongue and dr jung alone is in charge of my right arm. so dr jung and his team changed the dressing on my arm and inspected things.

should i describe what it looks like? i dont really want to, but the following conceit occurred to me: if i saw my bare right forearm on a stand in a modernist gallery, the caption would read “title: lovely spring flower. medium: putrefying flesh on a still living man.” that strikes me as a vaguely baudelairean joke. but in all seriousness, the artists seemed pleased with the outcome.

here is a picture of dr jung, me, and his two surgical nurse practitioners, jang and jeon. who seemed a kind ernie and burt in scrubs.

picture

CaveatDumpTruck Logo

Back to Top