this weekend im missing my 30th high school reunion. i wasnt intending to attend – the trip from seoul to humboldt isnt exactly convenient – but through the wonders of the facebook i can watch the reunion unfold anyway.. i had some close friends in high school, but i wasnt particularly social, and in watching my class facebook group im shocked by how many names i simply dont even recognize.
high school, looking back, isnt as painful to remember as the experience seemed at the moment of experiencing it. unlike many people, ive never been one to say “id never do high school again,” but likewise im not the sort to yearn to do it again either. i suppose like many, ive occasionally indulged a fantasy based on the premise “if only i knew then what i know now, why THEN id have a good time in high school.” but i suspect its a bit of a false premise.
ive done a great deal in my life but im still a deeply shy, nerdy guy at heart and im not even interested in changing that at this point. i was proud to be a nerd, even then, and so mostly now im more at peace with my shyness – not to mention my many coping strategies that mean many people dont even realize just how socially awkward i am on the inside.
likely if i went back with todays brain the only big difference would be in my feeling about it rather than big changes in behavior. i really made very few big mistakes in high school – i saved those for college, where with todays brain i can be certain id behave quite differently.
mostly what i feel right now is OLD. i know relative to many im not, but there is nothing quite like sitting in a cancer ward to foreground ones mortality.
i stole this picture below (if it comes through) from the arcata high school facebook group. . . . good old arcata. ive lived so many places. now my home is northwest seoul but ill be back sometime to tromp that eccentric town, stirring up ghosts and making new traces.
