Caveat: ius linguae

There are two main systems for deriving citizenship, which, being essentially legal concepts, go under their Latin names: ius sanguinis and ius solis. The idea of ius sanguinis, or “right of blood,” is that citizenship derives primarily from the bloodline. This is the traditional way of determining citizenship in countries that are primarily monocultural, as the nations of Europe were in the early modern era. Modern Asian countries also mostly use this model. The alternative is ius solis, or “right of soil,” where citizenship is derived from where one is born. I’m not sure that any modern country has a strictly ius solis model, but most modern “Western” countries – especially immigration-driven countries like the US, Canada or Argentina for example – use a combination of ius solis and ius sanguinis to decide citizenship.

I have thought about the issues around these definitions a lot, first of all as someone who was something of an immigration reform activist in the US prior to my own somewhat unintended emmigration (I say unintended in that I never meant for my emmigration to be permanent or even so long-term, but it has definitely evolved that way), but also as someone who is intrigued by the slow, difficult path Korean society and government is navigating toward a more open attitude toward immigration.

I have been observing with some degree of fascination my recent coworker Razel, who is Philippine-Korean. She acquired her status via marriage, but the extent to which she is integrated into Korean culture and society is breathtaking, and although I have no doubt that she occasionally experiences racism and prejudice, she says it’s in no way the defining feature of her experience. I feel jealousy for her level of Korean Language speaking ability – listening to her on the phone talking to her friends, code-switching between English, Korean, Tagalog and Visayan (the latter being her “native” Philippine languages) leaves me in quiet admiration.

Korean culture is uncomfortable with the idea of immigration. They welcome ethnic Korean “returnees,” called 교포 [gyopo], because they can be more confident of their ability to integrate into Korean society, and they more-or-less accept the idea of mixed marriages as an inevitability, too – as in the example of my coworker. But Koreans resist the idea of foreign individuals or families arriving and simply becoming Korean. It doesn’t sit well with their traditional Confucian concept of the predominance of ancestry and their ius sanguinis model of citizenship.

The other day, however, I had a weird brainstorm as I was thinking about my coworker’s mostly successful integration into Korean society. What if we could define a new, third model of citizenship? Specifically, for a more culturally and linguistically homogeneous society such as Korea, we could grant citizenship rights based, essentially, on the ability to participate in the culture – which is to say, the capacity for the language. It wouldn’t be that hard to say something to the effect of “citizenship for those who pass the language test” – though this would require an ethical and corruption-free administration of a well-designed test, which I’m not sure is the current status of Korea’s de facto standard Korean Language test, the TOPIK. But it would be a workable goal. So that would be ius linguae, “right of language.”

One thought that springs to mind is that this is a model that many in the US would be pleased to adopt – force all those “damn immigrants” to learn English before they get a green card or citizenship! Yet even as I’m happy to propose ius linguae for Korea, I recoil at the idea of applying it in the US. What is the difference? Mostly, history. Korea is historically essentially a single language / culture / state – for hundreds at least if not thousands of years. The US, on the other hand, was almost from the beginning a state defined by some concept of essentially “right of arrival” – to recall one of my favorite quotes on immigration, from Herman Melville, “If they can get here, they have God’s right to come.”

There are tensions within this, but that is the essence. Further, the US project is complicated by the preexistence of linguistic minorities – both Native American and French, Spanish, etc. – groups of people who were in place when the US essentially appeared “over” them through war or annexation. The US is an empire, not a unitary state. It hardly seems fair to impose as a requirement for citizenship the imperial language, since to do so guarantees the possibility of stateless permanent residents within your country, similar to the horrific legal status of Koreans living in Japan even today, 70 years after the end of the War. That Japanese example is a perfect one: the inevitable consquence of applying a ius sanguinis citizenship model in the context of empire is inequality and injustice.

I think Korea, however, is sufficiently compact and homogeneous that applying this type of ius linguae model of citizenship might represent an excellent compromise path between the traditional and inevitably racist ius sanguinis and the more modern ius solis / sanguinis hybrids, the latter of which would lead to an increasintly multi-cultural society and the emergence of linguistic / cultural ghettos – Korea already is beginning to have these in places where there are large numbers of foreigners, such as the area I call “Russiatown” that I like to visit sometimes. Granting citizenship only to immigrants who have already shown a commitment to integrating into Korean culture via the acquisition of the language would be a great solution, maybe.

This is just a brainstorm – a first draft – that occured to me mostly while walking back and forth to work over several days. I’m sure it’s subject to plenty of criticisms and refinements, but I wanted to record my thoughts and put them down.


In other news: yesterday, I turned off the internet and my phone and did almost nothing. It was a lazy day but I think I needed it. I am in danger of social burnout given the teaching load I have taken on (willingly), so I’m going to nurse my off-time for maximum isolation, as my alone time is recuperative for me.

[daily log (1100 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: 업은 아기 삼년 찾는다

This is an aphorism from my aphorism book.
업은                    아기    삼년         찾는다
eop·eun                 a·gi  sam·nyeon    chat·neun·da
carry-on-back-PRESPART  baby  three-years  search-PRES
[Like] looking for three years for the baby one is carrying on one’s back.
BabyThis is about the same as “cannot see the forest for the trees” but also is about that tendency we have to look for things we already are holding, as when I’m looking for my glasses while wearing them.


Unrelatedly, what I’m listening to right now.

Smashing Pumpkins, “Disarm.” Michelle hated the Smashing Pumpkins, yet this song is strongly associated in my memory with our first full year together, because it was on the radio constantly during my drives to work (at UPS in Northeast Minneapolis) or class (at the Univ. of Minnesota).
[daily log (1100 pm): walking, 1 km – everything was so slippery, so I gave up on my walk]

Caveat: Rats

When I was in high school I had a pet rat. I remember being surprised by how easily trainable he seemed to be – I got him to jump and climb on command without even giving any kind of reward. "Jump, rat!" I would say, and he would crouch and look around and then jump several feet, from my hand to various other surfaces.

The rats in this video are much better trained.

[daily log (1100 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: The fly

Sitting in meetings is the single hardest aspect of my job. Sitting, listening the rapid exchange of Korean dialog about students I know well and curricula I have opinions on, quickly evolves into a difficult exercise in quiet restraint and acceptance of a state of unknowing, in the face of the unbearable desire to be in control and have my strong ideas heard.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that it becomes exactly like a moment of sitting in quiet meditation, while resisting reacting to a fly walking across my face.


Yesterday, walking to work in a snowstorm, I took this "selfie" while waiting for a green light to cross the street at one spot.

2013-12-12 14.29.11

I look old. Or at the least, cold.

I like snow, though.

[daily log (1130 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Who Is the Ugliest Alien?

There has been an on-going debate about debate, at work.

I hold the position that it is possible, given the right sort of material, to teach debate at ALL levels – even the most elementary. Further, I feel it can generate a lot of great enthusiasm and interest in the students. My colleagues, for the most part, argue that teaching debate is something to be reserved for only the most advanced students, and that debate isn't appropriate for lower levels.

2013-12-11 18.24.52I suppose that's partly due to slightly varying interpretations of the word "debate" – are we talking public policy debate, as I teach to my TOEFL students? – then yes, debate belongs only with the most advanced students. But if by "debate" we can mean any kind of spirited dialog about opinion, then it can work at any level.

The last few weeks I have been putting together some lesson plans to teach debate to my lowest-level elementary class, a group of 3rd/4th grade boys whom I've mentioned before as "los crazy boys." This week, I put my plan into action, without really seeking approval (but we're at the end our curriculum, which will be renewed / changed in January, so I felt free to finish the assigned book a few weeks early in order to do this).

Yesterday, I drew some "aliens" on the white board. I gave them names, and genders (see picture at right). Then I asked the boys which alien was ugliest. This lesson is focused on two patterns, both of which are quite difficult for Korean learners of English: 1) gendered pronouns (he/she/it), since Korean doesn't have grammatical gender of any kind; 2) superlatives in "-est" (superlatives work very differently in Korean).

Los crazy boys did absolutely spectacularly. After only one practice run, we put the thing on video and I only had to cut two interruptions of maniacal laughter after mistakes.

2013-12-11 18.24.55

2013-12-11 12.25.42

[daily log (1130 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Scaling back…

I have posted a minimum of twice-a-day to my blog for almost 2 years now, and I'm going on 4 years with a guaranteed once-a-day blog post. But as I've been predicting, I've been plunging more and more into work, and I just confirmed a new, post-내신 [naesin = middle-school exam time] work schedule that has 30 teaching hours per week on it. This will be the new normal, I suspect. Consider that anything over 22 hours is considered full time, and the only time in the past when I had 30 hours was a) when I almost quit my job at LBridge in Fall, 2008, and b) when I filled in for Grace when she went on a trip for a month in Summer, 2011.

Anyway, given that, I'm going to scale back my official "twice-a-day rule" with respect to this blog. I'll still try, and will still keep a once-a-day guarantee. A lot of what I end up posting here is pretty trivial or "light" or non-personal in any event, and there are plenty of other blogs doing that.

What I'm listening to right now.

Cee Lo Green, "Forget You." This is the "clean" version of the song – the version we've been using for our CC classes with the kids. The original version is "F@$% You," which is easy to imagine.

[daily log (1130 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Mojave

This track below, "Mojave," is from Antonio Carlos Jobim's 1967 album, Wave. I think my parents must have acquired this album not long after it first came out, because I distinctly remember seeing the black disk playing on the turntable when I was age 7 or so, and thinking it was the grooviest thing imaginable. At age 7, following my parents' taste to some extent (minus the classical, which seemed too "slow" to my childish sensibilities), I was mostly interested in Simon and Garfunkle, The Greatful Dead, the Beatles, Cat Stevens, and suchlike. And then there was this. My parents were not into jazz, typically, but somehow this album was in rotation.

When I played this album for the first time – still with fondness – for my college roommate (a music geek if ever the was one), his reaction was simple: "That sounds like elevator music." I had never thought of this before, but I took it with pride – as if I (or my parents) had discovered the genre of elevator music before it became "popular."

I think having this track on my mp3 rotation these days means it's one of the oldest continuously-listened-to pieces in my life.

What I'm listening to right now.

Antonio Carlos Jobim, "Mojave."

The video is weird – I rather like it, as it appears to be archival footage of a 100-year-old train trip. But my brain rebels against the idea of an Edwardian British train trip being accompanied by 60's bossa nova. It's painfully anachronistic. But… anyway. It's the version I was able to find via quick googlification.

[daily log: uh oh – I became lazy]

Caveat: Lo dudo

250secretos1252455

 

 

 

Time for an internet holiday. Turning everything off. See you later.


What I'm listening to right now.

José José, "Lo dudo."

Letra:

Anda y ve, te esta esperando,
Anda y ve, no lo hagas por mí,
que al fin y al cabo, somos solo amigos…

Anda y ve, te veo nerviosa,
Anda y ve y que sientas con él,
lo que en su día tu sentías conmigo…

Pero lo dudo, conmigo te mecías en el aire,
volabas en caballo blanco el mundo,
y aquellas cosas no podrán volver…
y es que lo dudo porque hasta veces
me has llorado con un beso…
llorando de alegría y no de miedo,
y dudo, que te pase igual con él, igual con él…

Anda y ve, te esta esperando,
Anda y ve, no lo hagas por mi,
que al fin y al cabo, somos solo amigos…

Pero lo dudo, conmigo te mecías en el aire,
volabas en caballo blanco el mundo,
y aquellas cosas no podrán volver…
y es que lo dudo porque hasta veces
me has llorado con un beso…
llorando de alegría y no de miedo,
y dudo, que te pase igual con él, igual con él…

Caveat: Crash and Walk

I'm always so tired on Saturdays. It partly is just that it's the end of the long work week. But I also think having the odd schedule on Saturday makes it worse – normally I work afternoons, but Saturday I work mornings instead. So when I got home today and it was still light out, I just crashed. My brain was disoriented.

I woke up at around 8 pm, rested but now discombobulated, schedule-wise. I cleaned up my apartment a little, and at 9 I left to do my orbit around the Lake, and by going counterclockwise, I could stop at the HomePlus (Tesco) on the way home and buy some various things I've been meaning to buy – instant nurungji which they don't sell in the supermarket downstairs, some kind of non-fake-seeming cheese… etc.

Now I'm home, and trying to decipher my headache. Is it too much exercise, lately, that's leading to the headaches? The seemingly slight restoration of some of the nerve endings I thought maybe I'd lost forever in my left neck and lower cheek area? It's easy to get paranoid about symptoms, now.

What I'm listening to right now.

The Who, "Love Reign O'er Me." From the album (and movie) Quadrophenia.

[daily log: walking, 7.5 km; running, 3 km]

Caveat: Cactus

What an awesome story. Plus… legos – how can that go wrong?

Cactus_html_30eda82f


I was doing so well, this week, with my new, more hardcore exercise efforts. But today, leaving work with a pretty bad headache and feeling tired… I couldn't. I just didn't.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Five Months Cancer-Free

I came out of surgery for tumor-removal five months ago this evening.

Quality of life, compared to 6 months ago, when the tumor in my mouth was rampant and as yet undiagnosed? Marginally improved. Less pain, overall – by quite a bit – but a lot of annoyance around the eating issues. Although slow, however, I do think there are small increments of improvement in that situation over time. So I look forward to returning more to "normal."

It was very foggy this evening when I did my circle in the park around the lake – so thick that the lights from the buildings in Ilsan were invisible from inside the park. The fog had that vaguely smoky smell that makes me wonder whether I'm inhaling toxic chemicals that have drifted across the Yellow Sea from China. Ah well.

The fog makes me think of my hometown of Arcata. Go figure.


What I'm listening to right now.

Kate Bush, "Hounds of Love." This song is old. It makes me think of cold winter days in St Paul in the mid to late 1980s.

[daily log: walking, 7.5 km; running, 3 km]

Caveat: Before Vs After Xmas Trees

2013-12-03 17.34.40Now that it's December, last night the front office staff decided we needed a Christmas tree. Koreans take their Christmas decorations seriously.

First, they decorated a potted plant next to the bookshelf (at right). The boss came down and was unimpressed. "No no no no," he said, shaking his head.

I, however, was quite pleased with it – I tried to explain the concept of a "Charlie Brown Christmas Tree" but this effort at cultural elucidation was utterly lost on everyone involved.

 

So the boss put out cash for a fake Christmas tree – "real" trees are unheard of in Korea, which I don't think is a bad thing.

Then they decorated this new Christmas tree and then posed beside it when I took a picture, with student Clara hamming for the camera too.

2013-12-03 18.54.57

I really preferred the Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

Caveat: Aliens Obsession

Scan0001

2013-11-30 14.20.54Lately for some incomprehensible reason I've been on a kick of drawing these little alien characters. I draw them on whiteboards at work, I draw them in the margins of notes, I draw them on my sketchpad at home.

It seems as if I'm developing this idea that they are either a supplement to – or a replacement for – my currently-existing "brand" as a teacher, which is my alligator(s). Partly, I'm thinking of this because I find them easier to draw: I've long considered an ability to draw my "brand" image fast and consistently (like a cartoonist) to be an important characteristic. Also, these days I've been thinking a lot about what a series of "Jared-brand" ESL textbooks would actually look like (given my standing but currently dormant commitment to work on that as a project). In making textbooks for children, I would want something interesting and engaging for students, and these alien characters provide exactly that kind of supplemental energy.

[daily log: walking, 7.5 km; running, 3 km]

Caveat: Tuna Melt

I keep trying to think of "soft, bland" foods that can add variety to my unbearably unpleasant diet.

2013-12-02 12.46.26Yesterday I decided to try something: I made some squishy tuna salad (mostly tuna and mayo, but added some very finely chopped tomato and diced raisins – can you imagine?) and slathered it on soft sandwich bread, and added a slice of Korean pseudocheese and microwaved it. It seemed vaguely proteinicious but most importantly, it was the right combination of soft and coherent to make it eatable.

I'm trying to force myself to eat more "normal" foods. I bought a croissant at one of the wish-they-were-french bakeries that abound here and microwaved it slightly, making it kind of chewy and softer. It worked okay, though I had to "wash it down." That's my strategy with a lot of foods – I can chew things but then I can't swallow them effectively, so I wash it down with water or juice or soda. It works.

Last night I went around the Lake after work. I'm trying to start the jogging habit again, as I had been doing last year before my health started feeling like crap, which in retrospect was because of cancer. Just as I started my jog, the lights went out at the park – they always do at around 11 pm. I love jogging in the dark in the park – not the jogging part, but rather the in-the-dark part. I hate jogging, always have… and what is this "runner's high" people talk about, and why have I NEVER experienced it? But I do like being out in nature at night – even when it's cold.

A picture of the Ilsan skyline reflected in the Lake (which has no name – it's just 일산 호수 [Ilsan's lake]).2013-12-02 23.12.00

Caveat: And why they kept crawling so busily

SpoonRiverAnthology40. Theodore the Poet

AS a boy, Theodore, you sat for long hours
On the shore of the turbid Spoon
With deep-set eye staring at the door of the crawfish’s burrow,
Waiting for him to appear, pushing ahead,
First his waving antennæ, like straws of hay,
And soon his body, colored like soap-stone,
Gemmed with eyes of jet.
And you wondered in a trance of thought
What he knew, what he desired, and why he lived at all.
But later your vision watched for men and women
Hiding in burrows of fate amid great cities,
Looking for the souls of them to come out,
So that you could see
How they lived, and for what,
And why they kept crawling so busily
Along the sandy way where water fails
As the summer wanes.
– Edgar Lee Masters
(from Spoon River Anthology, 1915)
I awoke from a redundant Sunday nap to an apartment’s chill atmosphere which was redolent with uncreated or unsayable sacred texts, only to pick up and read this poem – almost at random – and some others in that book, and then I fell into a kind of reverie, imagining the reader here is like Pedro Páramo, adrift among the dead in Comala.
The imagined ghosts are the ones who become the most alive.
[daily log: walking, 3 km; running, 3 km]

Caveat: speech created hatred

300px-Sumerian_26th_c_AdabIt's a little-known fact that I once took a graduate course in the Ancient Sumerian language. It was all part of my general interest in obscure and difficult languages, which continues unabated to this day.

I had to memorize archaic hieroglyphs, cuneiform logographs and vocabulary meanings, not to mention the bizarre Sumerian grammar (the agglutinative nature of which I am sometimes reminded of when I look at Korean).

I don't remember much of it – Sumerian is just not something one has much occasion to use.

Somehow I ran across a proverb that was allegedly Sumerian, the other day, and I wanted to find out if it was just an empty attribution or if it was really from Ancient Sumer. So I researched it a little bit. Apparently it's the real deal. I really wanted to find an image of the cuneiform inscription, but my googling skills have proven inadequate to that task. So here is the proverb and the transcription I found (at this website):

A heart never created hatred; speech created hatred.

Segment A: 1.105
71. šag4-ge šag4 ḫul gig nu-ub-tu-ud
72. dug4-ge šag4 ḫul gig ib2-tu-ud

Above right is an image of the archaic style (c. 3000 BC) I mostly focused on in my class but it's utterly unrelated to the quoted proverb. Below, likewise unrelated, is an image of the later, more refined style of the civilization at its height (c. 2000 BC – and note that the refined style below is just as likely to be Akkadian as Sumerian – the civilization was bilingual and used the same writing system for both languages, which were linguistically unrelated – actually, that's similar to the situation between Korean and Chinese in the pre-modern era).

Cuneiform

Caveat: the last and greatest of human dreams

It's a few days late, but I just now ran across it.

Warning: if you are unfamiliar with Burroughs, be forewarned – you might want to reconsider listening to his "prayer" (which is not a musical track, either, by the way – this is poetry being read by the author).

Burroughs was a great American writer in my humble opinion – one of the greatest – but he was undeniably deeply profane and gallingly liberal (or perhaps more correctly he was a type of libertarian – he was pro-drug but also radically pro-gun, for example, and though he despised "lawmen" he didn't seem to have much of a problem with big government in principle).

His iconoclasm comes across plenty clearly in this short bit.

William S. Burroughs, "A Thanksgiving Prayer."

Text:

For John Dillinger, in hope he is still alive.
Thanksgiving Day, November 28th, 1986.

Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts.
Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.
Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger.
Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin leaving the carcasses to rot.
Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.
Thanks for the American dream,
To vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through.
Thanks for the KKK.
For nigger-killin' lawmen, feelin' their notches.
For decent church-goin' women, with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces.

Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers.
Thanks for laboratory AIDS.
Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs.
Thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business.
Thanks for a nation of finks.
Yes, thanks for all the memories – all right let's see your arms!
You always were a headache and you always were a bore.
Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

Burroughs, as a writer, was perhaps one of the single most influential in my life, though you wouldn't know that by looking at my lifestyle or my other tastes and interests. I am the junkie-that-never-was.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: A tweegret so unbearable… I have become a twit

My feelings of tweegret have overcome me, despite my long, strong efforts to resist it.

So I have become a twit – which is by far the best noun coined for those who tweet, using twitter.

But rather than give in to a phenomenon that seems so banal and narcissistic as to render even facebookland a veritable utopia of social altruism, I have decided to “double down.” 

Here is my twitter manifesto, #sayitin14 – dedicated to minimalizing further the already minimalist tendencies in twitter:

I will only post tweets 14 characters in length or fewer. Note that this does not include links or hashtags.

Originally, I thought to make my rule a limit of posts to one word. But I decided that to better double down on the original 140 character limit, a 14 character limit was more elegant.

I would like to observe that in a unicoded, character-per-syllable language with essentially optional spacing between words, like Korean, 14 characters is still quite sufficient to post entire sentences.

English, with its relatively low information density (on a per character basis), is more limited, and the restriction will lead to a certain absurdism. I hope.

picture

My username is @waejeorae (which is based on my joke “Korean Name” 왜저래 [waejeorae = what the…? , what’s up?] – because the pronunciation resembles that of my true name in Korean order: Way Jared). If you follow me, I promise to be disappointing.

As this late adoption of the now ubiquitous twitter platform shows, I am not really an “early adopter.” I certainly have been an early adopter in some realms: I wrote all my papers in high school on computer (1979~1983), I programmed my first spreadsheet app in 1986, I bought my first laptop PC in 1992, I published my first website (that people – namely, my students – actually visited) in 1995 (on geocities – remember that?), and this here blog thingy was started well ahead of the technology adoption curve in 2004. But I’ve been quite late in other areas: I only bought my first cell phone in 2004, and only got my first smartphone last year. And here I am joining twitter only past their IPO (which is a well-established signal of outright decline in the technology world). So whether I adopt some technology or not is largely connected with my perception of its usefulness, rather than some desire or interest in adopting new technologies for the sheer sake of being at the vanguard.

Caveat: What Happens When Antibiotics Stop Working

In my opinion, an across-the-board failure of antibiotics is much scarier than global warming. I was struck by the observation that if antibiotics stop working, things like my cancer surgery become nearly impossible, too – consider that without antibiotics, my post-surgery infection would have possibly been fatal. So when we sit and worry about the future of the world, let's worry about this rather than global warming, which seems much more "survivable" to my perception.

 

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: 노년의 내모습도 처음으로 궁금해졌네

My mother’s visit to me here in Korea ended about a month ago. Yesterday in one of my rare visits to facebookland, I stumbled across a post by one of my co-workers, who wrote about my mother’s visit and her having met my mother when we went to Ganghwa Island. Reading (err, trying to read) a language via a dictionary can be fraught with a sort of poesic impressionism that is probably absent in the actual language, but her facebook post seemed vaguely poetic to me.
Since many people in my life don’t use facebook (including my mother), I decided to share her post here in blogland.  She had written the post to accompany a pair of photos. I then make an effort on my part to translate. If there are errors or awkwardnesses of meaning, they are mine, not the author’s, so please forgive…

호주에서 오셨던 노부인이 보내주신 캘린더와 손글씨가 정겨웠던 카드..
짧은 만남이었지만, 오래된 사찰을 바라보시던 눈빛이 아직도 가끔 기억난다.
주름 가득했지만, 인자한 미소와 자기성찰의 시간이 가득한 평안한 눈빛에 나도 편안해지고…
노년의 내모습도 처음으로 궁금해졌네.

The old woman who came from Australia, the calendar she sent with a handwritten note..
A brief encounter, but I still sometimes recall the sparkle of her eyes gazing upon the old temples.
Full of wrinkles, but in her kind smile and relaxed eyes full of the time of self-reflection made me feel relaxed, too…
As if wondering at the form of my own old age for the first time.

Fb_html_m69d62080

Caveat: Sunk Love

Our hagwon lost two students between Monday and today that impacted me more than most of our recent losses. They were both "high maintenance" students, but in both cases I'd had personally put such a great deal of time and energy into them. Really, a "high-maintenance" student, in this context, means a high-maintenance parent (i.e. the paying customer). Both of them had very difficult, demanding moms. 

So in a sense, in both cases, we (meaning not me but the home-teacher involved) essentially said, "ok, enough is enough," and let the students move on. At one level, this is exactly what I advocate for in my [broken link! FIXME] IIRTHW essays – not all customers have the same value, and sometimes it's best to decide a customer isn't worth the trouble (and thus isn't worth the expense in staff members' time and special efforts) to retain. 

So I feel slightly hypocritical to be upset now that we've bid them good riddance. Except… well, except in these cases I was the one who invested so much of that time and special effort, and I'm suffering what the business school people call the "fallacy of sunk costs" – the almost unresistable desire to throw "good money after bad," or, in this case, to throw more personalized attention and love after already invested personalized attention and love.

Even acknowledging this error in my thinking, however, I have another thing that bothers me: although I know that the moms are (and have been) terribly difficult customers, I fundementally liked the students themselves immensely. I'm going to miss them terribly. Both of them were always bright spots in the days when I had them.

Caveat: thundersnow

It's a little bit hard to see but there are fat slushy flakes falling… and I hear thunder, standing looking out the front entrance of karmaplus.

2013-11-26 15.38.04.jpg

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Farewell Friend

My friend Peter, who was so generous to me with his time over the summer – even down to spending time with me overnight during my hospital stay in July – is down to his last 24 hours in Korea. I took the 1001 bus over to Bucheon to have an early lunch with him before he rushes off to take care of last minute things and get packed. We had some udon at a Japanese place which is one thing that goes pretty well for me, being bland and soft.

I'm on the bus back to Ilsan now and will go to work a bit early.

I wish Peter safe travels and good luck on his next endeavor, whatever it may turn out to be.

Caveat: Coffeewash

When I got home from work  after my Saturday morning classes, I was eating something and had made coffee to drink. I knocked over the coffee cup by accident, and poured an entire cup of coffee on my keyboard, my mouse, my cellphone, and other gadgets.

So I took it as a sign. I unplugged everything, turned everything off, cleaned everything, and decided to go low-tech for the rest of the day.

I think my keyboard is dry now.

Good night.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: this revolver’s breath

OK, I had a rather unpleasant epiphany the other day: what if I need to take my doctor's [broken link! FIXME] remarks of a month ago – that it may be 3 to 5 years for things to get back to normal – more seriously? What if, in fact, that's how long he meant even for me to be able to eat normally? That this frustrating, unpleasant eating experience is, in fact, a new normal? Maybe I should shop for some of those disgusting protein shakes that manic dieters consume, and be done with "eating" as a habit altogether. Or something.


What I'm listening to right now.

MC 900 Ft Jesus, "But If You Go."

Lyrics:

remember on the day we met
you asked me for a cigarette
distracted, i acted without thought
and ignored you
and then you got upset
and left me there without a word
but not alone
for now a third would rule the room that afternoon
the loudest silence ever heard
my best imaginary friend
he and i made excellent bookends
brothers, not to others tied
but each the shadow of his twin
and me, i knew myself so well
a scarecrow on a carousel
a spinning world just out of reach
a blur, i saw but couldnt tell you how i found myself alone
i crossed a bridge on my way home
and threw my soul into the depths, for you

but if you go
away from me
our house will fall
on us both you see
and then we'll share
this revolver's breath
tomorrow finds us together in death

but if you go
away from me
our house will fall
on us both you see
and then we'll share
this revolver's breath
tomorrow finds us together in death

my love for you is like a rose
that follows where the sunset goes
and finding velvet fields of stars
its petals so that it shows
my heart there for all to look
a beating page torn from a book
and cradled in its bed red bloom
offered to the one who took it from me
hope to hear you say its yours
forever and a day
or longer
love gets stronger
till it burns the space between away
this flower holds the key to me
its secrets guarded jealousy
but opens up in trusting not betrayed

but if you go
away from me
our house will fall
on us both you see
and then we'll share
this revolver's breath
tomorrow finds us together in death

Caveat: Whiteboard Drawings

With the start of November, I've been starting a new habit in some elementary classes. When I write their names on the board (which is a long-standing habit of mine, as I have found that keeping track of how students are doing "publicly" is a great motivator and encourages students to pay attention), I now accompany their names with a "character." This is mostly for entertainment value, but sometimes we have little conversations about them too. I have big plans for these characters, eventually, but for now they're just in a sort of beta. But they're cute and fun to draw, and it doesn't really take that long – I do it when the kids are doing a vocab quiz or digging out their homework at the beginning of class.

2013-11-18 19.23.14 2013-11-21 18.08.36

 

 

 

 

2013-11-22 19.20.30

2013-11-22 20.46.42[daily log: walking, 5 km]

 

Caveat: 대가리 잡다가 꽁지를 잡았다

This is an aphorism from my aphorism book.
대가리       잡다가         꽁지를          잡았다.
dae·ga·ri  jap·da·ga     kkong·ji·reul  jap·ass·da
head       seize-TRANSF  tail-OBJ       seize-PAST
Seizing for the head and instead catching the tail.
According to the book, this means something like “big ambition, small success.”
I feel like this could be a title for my autobiography.

Caveat: Time Is Powerful

The topic is hair.

Yesterday, Wednesday, I had a lot of CC classes with the elementary kids. We play pop songs and the kids try to understand the lyrics and sing along – there's software that's pretty well designed to support this. Of course, the hardware resources (laptops and projectors) at the hagwon are always half-broken and still make this kind of technology-oriented class a challenge for us. But, well… it works out.

Mostly the pop songs are pretty recent: Adele or Katy Perry or whatever. But sometimes it seems like these really old ones appear. I was confronted with trying to present the Bee Gees "How Deep Is Your Love" to a group of 4th and 5th graders.

Students screamed and wailed in horrified protest. It was qualified immediately as "Old!"

Also, "느끼!" [neukki = greasy, sleazy, cheesy].

And finally, "Teacher! Too much hair!"

Indeed.

What I'm listening to right now.

Bee Gees, "How Deep Is Your Love."

Speaking of too much hair, I got a similar comment from a middle school student who goes by Pablo last week, when I happened to show him a very, very old photo of me that my brother had sent to me in my little care package.

Here is the picture.

Scan0001 - 복사본 (2)

I'm pretty sure that is me and my brother near Minnehaha Falls in Minneapolis in the early 90's – I'm almost positive that's when it was.

Pablo gazed at the picture, and said, "Is that you?" Then he said, "Wow. Teacher, you had so much hair!"

"Yes," I agreed.

And then Pablo said, reflectively, looking me up and down now, "Time is powerful."

Indeed.

[daily log: walking 5 km]

Caveat: Mo Tzu Quixote

I haven't been sleeping well. I sleep for an hour or two, then wake up. My mouth gets dry, my bladder seems small. I try to go back to sleep and mostly I succeed, but last night I was awake for about an hour. I was reading my Chinese philosophy book, about the guy called Mo Tzu, who came between Confucius and Mencius who are the two I already knew about, in around 400 BC. According to the book I'm reading, on the one hand he was focused on "universal love" and on the other, he was a committed authoritarian and believer in spirits.

I went to sleep and dreamed I met Mo Tzu, except he was dressed like Don Quixote and was wandering around ancient China. I think this happened because the author I'm reading referred to Mo Tzu's social class as "knights errant" – essentially mercenaries who went around renting their services to sovereigns.

Mo Tzu Quixote was accompanied by a cartoon-character Sancho Panza sidekick, and was reading to a crowd of Chinese peasants from the King James Bible. Where did that come from? The peasants were enthralled but then some wise man came with some soldiers and told the crowd to disperse.

I was sitting under a tree having given up trying to follow Mo Tzu. There was a line of ants walking, and I followed it, only to realize they were marching in a circle around the base of the tree. I collapsed in annoyance and disgust. The sun was setting, and it was cold.

I woke up again, feeling cold, my mouth dry as flour. 4 am.

Caveat: Linguistic Shortcomings

Today was a pretty bad day.

I went to work early. There was a two-hour meeting about new curriculum. This type of meeting is frustrating for me, because a great deal is being said that I have no doubt I'm interested in, but because it's Korean I often only get the gist of something, or it takes me too long to realize what's being said for me to be able to provide timely input to a conversation. Mostly decisions get made and I am merely witness to the process, which is better than not being included, but still more frustrating than a strongly opinionated individual such as myself might prefer.

Then I had some classes to teach. I have a lot of classes to teach, these days – I'm back to full-time. I teach 26 per week, I think.

Each day, I struggle to stay positive and focused and provide effective teaching. Yet my tongue and mouth have a limited ability to remain coherent after hours of talking. I'm often just plain physically tired feeling, too.

It doesn't help that I'm constantly hungry, yet I avoid eating because it's painful. Today I threw away part of my lunch (some rice twice-cooked with water – homemade juk) because it was taking me too long to eat and I needed to get ready for work. So I was so hungry my back and gut ached, but I wasn't willing to do anything about it. Just work through it.

I thought after two months after the end of radiation, I'd be beyond still eating like an infant and feeling pain with each bite.

There was a hweh-shik (회식 = work dinner) after work and everyone was pressuring me to go, and I just said no, no, no: a) it's not fun for me to watch other people eat and drink; b) I'm exhausted; c) I'm not feeling celebratory after an 11 hour day.

Sigh.

I do better in moments of crisis. My whole summer was crisis. This isn't crisis, this is just life – with the added discomfort of a messed-up mouth and tongue. I'm sick of it: it's just a long never-ending battle with my shortcomings (linguistic in several senses of the word) and discomfort.

[daily log: walking, 4.5 km]

Back to Top