Caveat: Rats Redux

When I was in middle school and high school, I had a pet rat. His name was [broken link! FIXME] Fnugus. I saw this video recently that made me remember that indeed, my rat was a pretty smart rat.

I had trained him to go to his cage much like the girl in the video. He would also jump whenever I said "jump rat." If I did it several times in succession, it made him look like he had a weird tic or was spastic. That was entertaining. It was also fun to put him on some elevated platform and have him jump to another platform. He would jump back and forth.

Mostly when I was in my room, I would allow him free run of my room. After he died, I found he had built a secret nest behind a filing cabinet in my room. It was full of some of my drawings, shredded into a comfy bed. I didn't hold it against him.

[daily log: 2 hops and a jump]

 

Caveat: Epitafio

I have been sleeping badly lately. I can't quite figure out why. Maybe it's the summer heat and humidity, the intermittent rain and steamy nights. Maybe it's worrying too much about things I can't control very well – my imperfect health, my overall existential situation, work. 

Whatever the reason, I will wake up far too early in the morning, often before dawn, and struggle to continue with my night's sleep. I will gaze out the window at the pinkening eastern sky, and anti-nostalgically remember distant dawns witnessed while standing in formation in basic training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina. I suspect the humidity and heat cause this inevitable mental train to depart the station.

Then I will wake up fully, end up reading something or trying to write something, and then attempt to take a nap. Some mornings, the naps work, other mornings, they don't.

This morning, as thunderstorms brewed, I successfully napped. I had strange dreams.

In one dream, I remembered a story that once made a huge impression on me. The strange thing (or the inevitable thing) was that the story I remembered, in the dream, was a story by Borges about dreaming. A man dreams another man, who grows to become real. In the end, the dreaming man is revealed to have been dreamed by another, ad infinitum. This is the "Ruinas circulares," a quite famous Borges story.

I awoke and found a link to the story text online. I re-read it, as I have done many times.

I made a resolution, which seemed to emerge from that groggy post-dream space, that this should be my epitaph:

Nadie lo vio desembarcar en la unánime noche

[No one saw him disembark in the unanimous night]

[daily log: walking, 6 km] 

Caveat: Hey kids! Let’s have a debate about Park Chung-hee!

The monsoon has finally come. The last week has been pretty continuously rainy and grey.

I like this kind of weather. I can feel my mood improving, as contrasted to how I feel when it is hot and sunny, which always just feels oppressive to me. 

I'm working hard. My TEPS-M cohort middleschoolers, who normally annoy me greatly, made me laugh yesterday. Somehow we got on the topic of politics. They said we should have a debate about politics. I am actually a bit wary of having debates about politics – the kids are either apathetic or bear the same irreconcilable "culture-war" views as their parents no doubt have, i.e. the evangelicals are Saenuri-dang (Korean Republican analogues) and the rest are Minju-dang (Korean Democrat analogues). Mostly I prefer to focus the debates on specific policies or lifestyle choices. 

Somehow they seemed intrigued when I said that a few years back I'd actually had a Korean "presidential debate" in one of my classes. They asked what other topics I'd done. Out of the blue, one student burst out, "Hey kids! Let's have a debate about Park Chung-hee!" 

It was in a voice meant to imitate mine.

"Hey kids" is an imitation of the way I speak to them, when I first walk into a classroom. It's a kind of fakey-jokey, super upbeat tone-of-voice phrase that is meant in a vaguely ironic way, that has become part of my classroom "brand," I suppose. Most of my students seem to find it entertaining as it contrasts with my normal tone, and it's quite predictable. 

The humor was in combining that cheery introduction with an immediate segue into what could conceivably be a very controversial debate topic – but of the sort of complex, elevated topic material for which I'm probably also known (and dreaded): Korea's notorious dictator, Park Chung-hee.

Anyway, it made me laugh. I hear only silence. Maybe you had to be there?

[daily log: walking in the rain, 6 km]

Caveat: 내일은 새로울꺼야 기대를 높여

Sometimes, I will admit, what I’m listening to right now is not something I particularly like. I try to keep myself exposed to Korean culture and that includes the pop my students mention to me or that I happen across on the TV.
My students said I was old yesterday. This is true, but I still ended up preoccupied by it. So I went surfing Korean pop music.
Tomorrow will bring new expectations.

카라, “Step.”
가사.

Step it up now oh oh oh
라라라라라라라라라라라라
라라라라라라라라라라라라

넘어지진 않을거야 슬픔아 안녕
친해지지 않을거야 눈물아 안녕
자신을 믿는거야 한숨은 그만
이깟 고민쯤은 웃으며 bye bye

또 한번 더 배웠어
I will never forget about U, ye~
커졌어 난 강하게 더 높게 (Oh 높게)
오 예 예 예 예

Step it up step it up 다시 시작이야
또 템포를 올려서 앞질러 갈래
Just step it up step it up 다 보란듯이
크게 볼륨 높여 baby my babay

라라라라라라라라라라라라
라라라라라라라라라라라라

내일은 새로울꺼야 기대를 높여
그게 사는 재미같아 근심은 날려
누구나 같을꺼야 기 죽지 않아
작은 걱정쯤은 웃으며 bye bye

난 강하게 더 높게 (Oh 높게)
오 예 예 예 예

Step it up step it up 다시 시작이야
또 템포를 올려서 앞질러 갈래
Just step it up step it up 다 보란듯이
크게 볼륨 높여 baby my babay

내 인생에 섣불리 get louder
나 좋으라고 그랬겠어 그랬겠어

one two one two step 모두 박자에 맞게
겁 낼 필요 없어 아니 울 것 없어
모두 같이 함께해
어지럽게 왜 쓸데없는 생각해
그러지 말고 우리 모두 다 Step it up now

절대 난 돌아보지 않겠어 (Oh whoa yeah)
앞만 보기도 시간은 짧아

Step it up step it up 다시 시작이야
또 템포를 올려서 앞질러 갈래
Just step it up step it up 다 보란듯이
크게 볼룡 높여 baby my babay

Step it up step it up (왜 섣불리 get louder)
또 템포를 올려서 (괜히 그랬겠어 그랬겠어)
Just step it up step it up 다 보란듯이
크게 볼륨 높여 baby my babay

라라라라라라라라라라라라
라라라라라라라라라라라라

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Bug-Murder

I have been somewhat neglecting my efforts at meditation practice, probably to the detriment of my mental health. I still tell people I'm "Buddhist" in Korea when they ask me about religion (which is more common than you would think) – mostly because telling them this precludes the standard opening to Christian evangelism that annoys me so much – but in fact it's a bit of a front. 

I underscored this recently for myself, with a joke with a student. In my TOEFL2 class, there was a big ugly scary bug working its way across the floor. I didn't really want to kill it, but the students were jumping around and being distracted by it: there seems a certain bug-phobia embedded in Korea's younger generations. So, hesitating only briefly, I walked over and stomped on it, on my way out of the classroom. I turned and said, "I guess I'm not a very good Buddhist, am I?" 

This was what you might call a throwaway line – one of those jokes that I make that I don't really expect my students to understand but which I make because when I'm with my students, I make an effort to talk "as much as possible" on the principle of "contextualized input" – it's an actual strategy that's part of how I approach my role as a native-speaking teacher where there are very few native-speaking teachers. 

I was actually quite surprised when one of my students, the quite intelligent Sihyeon, burst out laughing at this joke. On the part of the student, it takes both some actual cultural knowledge and some effort to "pay attention" to previous discussion topics for him to have gotten it.

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: 阿異 亥理te 李ding

I had a really horrible day yesterday. Some of my students rebelled, because they felt my homework expectations were too hard and unjust. Yet I think I’m easier than the other teachers – but they see me as low priority (it is sometimes clear that this perception is possibly encouraged by the other teachers, too). Anyway, it didn’t really go well. But it passed.
This morning, I had a better set of classes.
One student sent me his essay with the subject header, “阿異 亥理te 李ding”.
Sometimes (frequently) I get subject headers from students that are pure nonsense, and normally I could have read this as an example of that. But I’m certain that in this case it was a kind of multilingual rebus – because I happened to have briefly discussed the principle of rebus with this student not that long ago.
If you read the Chinese characters (hanja) with their Korean pronunciations, you get “아이 해리(이)te 리ding.” If you transliterate the Korean spelling, you get “a-i hae-i-te ri-ding”, which, phonetically, is clearly “I hate reading.” This is a sentiment frenquently expressed by the student in question.
Have a nice weekend. I want to rest.
[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Little Rabbit Foo Foo, I Don’t Like Your Attitude

When I was a child, there was a kind of an earworm song called "Little Rabbit Fru Fru" which my sister and I sang with great enthusiasm, partly because it seemed to annoy our mother so much.

I thought of that song for some reason, recently – I think one of the songs in one of the role play texts I was teaching featured a similar melody.

I found an infinite number versions online, with variants like "Little Bunny Foo Foo" and others. Most of them are just as earwormy as I recall, but there were some unusual renditions too. I particularly enjoyed one slightly postmodern version, rendered on the basis of a children's book which retells the story of Fru Fru AKA Foo Foo, with excellent Scottish enunciation.

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

The Australian economist John Quiggin, who writes at a blog called Crooked Timber which I often peruse, had a slightly oblique discussion of a text by Thucydides (the Melian  dialogue) which I very vaguely recall once reading (or attempting to read). His summary is interesting, vis-a-vis drawing an eerie (and ironic) kind of parallel between the situation in Classical Greece, with Athens as hegemon within the Delian League, and the situation in modern Europe, with Germany as hegemon within the European Union.

He concludes with the quote I have used as my title on this post, which I guess is a kind of anonymous Greek proverb which was first recorded in Sophocles' Antigone (one of my favorite classical plays, I guess, though I most prefer Jean Anouilh's modern adaption, which neverthless stays quite loyal to the thematics… and speaking of Germans behaving hegemonically).

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Buying a bike while sitting in class

Yesterday, my student Yeongu kept pulling out his smartphone and doing something on it. I know some teachers take the phones away from students, but I have never been a fan of that style. I prefer to try to motivate in the direction of moderating their own impulsive behavior. 

I commented to him, "I think you're addicted. What are you doing? Chatting?"

He just smiled and put the phone away, but minutes later it was out again. This went on for a while, and twice more I said, "can you please not pull out your phone like that during class, unless you're using the dictionary" – I allow students to use the dictionaries on their smartphones given my own poor ability to provide clear definitions for difficult vocabulary sometimes, given we are often trying to prepare debates about complex topics. Ironically, today's topic was "self-esteem" and "self-control."

I asked him again what he was doing. 

Finally he relented and said, "Teacher, this is important."

"Why, what's important?" I asked.

"I'm buying a new bike," he said – he held up his phone showing the screen of a popular Korean online shopping site (like amazon), with an image of a bike.

Oddly, suddenly, I didn't feel upset at all.

"That's cool," I marvelled, quite sincerely. I guess it hit me, in that moment, that that was a very "futuristic" thing, this idea that a student could be sitting in class and shopping at the same time. "I never could shop while sitting in some boring class, when I was young. You're very lucky." 

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Proto Acid House

I’m still in a kind of bad state of mind, but I’ll get over it.


What I’m listening to right now.

Charanjit Singh, “Raga Bhairav.” This is from a unique 1982 album called “Ten Ragas to a Disco Beat” which has been “grandfathered” into the Acid House genre, which didn’t even exist in 1982. Nevertheless, the sound is quite convincingly within the style. I heard about the death of Mr Singh on the radio yesterday, and realized I had this in my collection, so I went and listened to it. It does sound quite contemporary.
[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: My mortality always on the tip of my tongue

I struggle with having to bear my mortality so close to the surface. These periodic checkup scans, which serve to remind me of the precariousness of my health, and of the sheer luck of it, don't help. It's more basic than that, though. In fact, my tongue reminds me at every single moment, because I can feel it, and it is still alien – hacked and transformed and handicapped and so clearly not really my tongue

Think about how we use our tongues constantly to probe the insides of our mouths. It's unconscious, and reflexive, and evolutionarily ancient. Watch a baby, some time, discovering the world through her tongue. Watch a rodent cleaning its fur. Watch a snake tasting the air.

Now imagine that every time you go to touch that familiar spot behind your teeth, or steer some piece of food you're chewing, or go to speak a consonant, you use a tongue which requires focus and conscious effort because it's not the same tongue that you first learned those skills with.

I cannot ever forget that I have been transformed, and that I'm a survivor of a traumatic experience.

I would prefer to forget.

Anyway, my bad feeling last night was not confirmed today. The CT scans have spoken. I continue to have a clean bill of health, from the oncologists' perspective. That's good.

What am I supposed to be doing with this time against fate which I've bought? 

[daily log: walking, 9.5 km]

Caveat: Words

Today started OK.  I had a conversation on the phone with my mother that was fairly upbeat, and then I went to the hospital for my scheduled scan.

The hospital was "locked down" because of the MERS panic. There were workers scanning people who wanted in, and asking questions and filling out surveys. It was frustrating because I got held back while they found someone who could ask me questions in English, after I failed to understand a question put to me in Korean. 

Once in, I tried to check in for my appointment early (which I always do – I always go early because it makes the appointments go faster, in my experience), and they wouldn't let me. So I had to wait. 

The scan was OK, though I had two more frustrating moments with my Korean. 

What's wrong with me, anyway, that I still can't speak this language? I felt like a failure.

I went to work, and got there just in time to teach my 6 classes straight on my new Monday schedule.

I got to hear about parents having complained that my classes were too difficult last week. I argued with my boss Helen about whether memorizing words with their translations is really a solution to kids not understanding material in one of my classes. My position is that, well, not really. Then again, given my own lack of success in learning Korean, who am I to talk? I felt gloomy about that.

I wasn't well-prepared because I didn't come early to prepare my classes, having been at the hospital instead.

I left work depressed. Very depressed – with a generally bad feeling about where I'm at and what I'm doing (and/or failing to do). 

Tomorrow, I go back to find out my diagnosis (if any). Just at the moment, I feel like my luck's given out, but we shall see.

[daily log: walking, 7.5 km]

Caveat: Two Years Cancer Free

… knock on wood.

It feels pre-emptive to announce this, today, because this coming Monday, I have my scheduled checkup at the hospital, when they will do a scan and hopefully give me the "all clear."

But today is the the official 2-year anniversary of my surgery, which was July 4th, 2013, and thus I feel like commemorating it today. I can always do a retraction if I get bad news next week – but I think I'd be feeling lousier in terms of health if I was going to get bad news. Who knows?

Last week was also the 15th anniversary of Michelle's suicide. Her ghost still visits me, but not that often. 

I don't really feel like meditating overmuch on "where I'm at," right now. I'm just plugging along. Not great, not terrible, but hanging in there.

I have moments of great enjoyment in my job. And moments of frustration, too. I have greater frustration with my unfulfilled avocations – chiefly studying Korean, my writing, my art. But that's nothing new, and there have been no major transformations on that front that are worth reporting or reflecting upon.

Life goes on.

Happy July 4th. 

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Who Is No Homework Girl?

I have an oft-mentioned student (or gadfly) named Sophia.

Today she came early, and since she hadn't done her homework, I sat her a computer to compose her essay/speech for me. She is very hyper and unfocused, but over the course of about 40 minutes she managed to produce an essay that vaguely resembled the desired output. I was looking periodically over her shoulder, and she was actually writing the thing.

Then, when I wasn't looking, she turned and said, "I finished."

I looked at the screen, and it was blank. "Where's you're essay?" I asked.

"I didn't save," she shrugged, grinning at me almost proudly.

"What? Really?" I was a little bit surprised – not that she'd lost her essay, but that she seemed to have done it deliberately. So I asked, "Why did you do that?"

"Cause I'm NO HOMEWORK GIRL," she shouted, triumphantly and defiantly. She jumped up and ran out of the room.

A heroine for our age.

 [daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: 개미가 정자나무 건드린다

Here is an aphorism from my aphorism book.

개미가 정자나무 건드린다
gae.mi.ga jeong.ja.na.mu geon.deu.rin.da
ant-SUBJ shade-tree stir-PRES
An ant stirs a shade tree.

The ant cannot be successful in trying to shake a big tree. This means “out of one’s league,” maybe: the small man provoking or challenging the big man – a hopeless battle.


In other news, today is the last day of my “naesin vacation” – i.e. my reduced work schedule because of the middle school exam prep period. Frankly, this naesin vacation was the least vacationy I’ve had – since Grace was out for the first 3 weeks of it, I actually didn’t have a reduced schedule but instead an increased one. Last week I finally got the reduced schedule, but it hasn’t had the recuperative effect I normally derive from these periods of easier work. I’m still feeling stressed and burned out.
[daily log: walking 6 km]

Caveat: 내것 잃고 인심 잃는다

About a month ago, I misplaced my book of proverbs. I don’t quite know how this happened – I was straightening things up and put it somewhere I thought was logical at the moment, and then couldn’t for the life of me find it again later.
This was annoying. I actually looked quite actively for it a few times.
Yesterday, I finally ran across it, under a vast pile of papers I had intended to sort out at one point. How it got there I can’t quite fathom, as the pile of papers precedes, archeologically speaking, the loss of the book. 
Anyway, I am glad to have found it again. Here is a proverb.

내것 잃고 인심 잃는다
nae.geot ilh.go in.sim ilh.neun.da
my-thing lose-CONJ hearts-of-people lose-PRES
“I lose my things, and I lose the hearts of the people.”

I guess this has a pretty self-evident meaning, although it’s not clear to me if the loss of the things leads to the loss of people’s hearts, or if it’s more about how bad luck comes along all at once, losing this and then that.
Anyway, this is why I was sad to have lost my aphorism book – because I knew that subsequently, I would be losing the hearts of my readers. 
[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Vigilant Disregard

On my work blog's admin page, hosted on the naver.com website, which is Korean, they will put up these little "prompts" to suggest blog topics, in Korean.

Yesterday, on June 25th, appropriately, they had the question:

6.25전쟁과 같은 전쟁이 다시 일어나지 않으려면, 어떻게 해야 할까요?

Roughly, it asks, "How can we avoid another war like the 6-25 war?" ("6-25 war" is what South Koreans call the Korean war, since it started with the  North's surprise attack on June 25th, 1950). 

The answer that popped into my mind immediately was: "Just keep doing the same thing that's been done."

Why such a flippant answer? Well, it's worked for 60 years, right? 

I would characterize the South's approach to the North with the oxymoronic phrase "vigilant disregard." Vigilant because the Korean military is large, well-trained (relatively speaking), and well-supported (e.g. financially, by the U.S. alliance, etc.). Disregard, because, despite this vigilance, there is little coherence or intentionality to be found in the broader policy portfolio. It is mostly reactive, but tempered by a strong conservative tendency to hove to the status quo and avoid provocation. I've always said that South Korea seems to mostly see the North the way a Korean family would regard a mentally ill elderly relative. Something to be embarassed by, to try to ignore, but also to be controlled as best possible. 

Anyway, I answered that naver blog question here on this here blog thingy. 

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: This debate is boring

This is crossposted from my work blog.

We did a "humorous" debate on a topic the students selected from a list of suggestions. 

Proposition: "This debate is boring."

The debate was special because my relatives were visiting, and my niece Sarah and nephew James participated. It was a rare chance for American students to participate in Korean hagwon life. And although they'd never done this type of debate style before, they held their own as native speakers, with excellently reasoned if somewhat short speeches.

Here are the speeches.

Homework: none.

I'll post additional pictures of James and Sarah's visit to the hagwon later.

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: holographic principle

"The holographic principle states that the entropy of ordinary mass (not just black holes) is also proportional to surface area and not volume; that volume itself is illusory and the universe is really a hologram which is isomorphic to the information "inscribed" on the surface of its boundary." – from wikipedia.

This blew my mind – my layman's brain can't understand all the mathematics or physics, but I sort of understand the principles involved, and this is really amazing to think about. 

My stepmother Wendy and sister Brenda with her two kids James and Sarah have come out to Ilsan today. I'll post about it tomorrow.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

 

Caveat: Singing About Meatloaf

What I’m listening to right now.

Tiny Cowboy (AKA Oasis), “Meatloaf.”
This song is embedded in an episode of the the almost Cervantine cartoon Phineas and Ferb. The group “Tiny Cowboy” seems to be a fictionalization of the real brit alt rock group Oasis.
The sophisticated and multi-layered writing on this Disney children’s cartoon, which [broken link! FIXME] I mentioned before, continues to amaze me as I occasionally sample episodes during my free time. Either that, or my senility is advancing too rapidly, and I’m perfectly content to just sit and watch cartoons.
A deconstruction of Star Wars:

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: A Rainy Saturday

Yesterday was a rainy Saturday. I went into Seoul and met my stepmother Wendy. We shopped a bit around Insadong, had lunch of jeon [전] and donkaseu [돈카스], and stopped off at the Jogye temple.
picture
I came home and ended up going to bed early.
Today has been supremely lazy.
picture[daily log: walking, down the stairs and up again]

Caveat: Sow and Reap

Karma

Karma is what you do and what you reap as a result. If you stand tall and straight in the sunshine, then your shadow will be tall and straight. If you slouch, then your shadow will slouch. If you create noble karma, then you will have a noble life but if you create twisted karma, you'll lead a twisted life.
– ven. Song Choi (Korean Chogye zen practitioner, trans. by Brian Berry)

I don't know that I completely like the emphasis of this quote – it trends toward the "purity narratives" that I detest in religious discourse. However, it is a simple definition of "karma," which is always on my mind, because of my eponymously-named place of employment. Read creatively, we don't necessarily have to imagine that "twisted" is a negative – I could see it as a kind of synonym for "interesting" or "baroque" or something similar.

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: MERSland

Am I worried about MERS? Not particularly. On the one hand, I suppose if it gets bad, that would be, well, bad. And my own weak immune system would not be helpful, either, if it started spreading around Ilsan.
It is true the Korean health authorities have somewhat mismanaged the outbreak, too.
If I was in America, it’s worth noting that authorities there were mismanaging Ebola, not that long ago. So far, so much the same anywhere you choose to be.
In any event, I think 90% of the current MERS situation in South Korea is hypochondria and media-driven public panic. The fact is that if you stay away from hospitals, you’re fine.
Authorities are trying to correct their earlier mis-steps. I got a MERS-oriented public health flier the other day at my apartment.
picture
I guess I view it as one of those incipient, unpredictable but inevitable calamities, like earthquakes or typhoons or North Korean aggression. They happen if they happen, and meanwhile, the smartest course is to not worry and try to live life as normal.
picture[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: An American Kid In the Hagwon

My niece Sarah visited yesterday at Karma.
It was interesting to see how the kids reacted – they don’t get much chance to actually meet “foreigners” (i.e. like me), much less “foreign children.”
I wish I (or someone) had taken more pictures. Here are two that my stepmom (Sarah’s grandmother) took.
picture
picture
I was actually very impressed with Sarah’s equanimity and patience with the situation – I can imagine it feeling pretty overwhelming to be immersed with a bunch of rambunctious aliens (in many senses of that word – alien language and alien culture, but still just kids for all that). She got along really well with my lower level (and younger) class, but I think she felt a bit uncomfortable and overwhelmed with the older and more advanced kids.
picture[daily log: still just walking]

Caveat: L’insensibilité de l’azur et des pierres

Tristesse d'Été
Sonnet

Le soleil, sur le sable, ô lutteuse endormie,
En l'or de tes cheveux chauffe un bain langoureux,
Et consumant l'encens sur ta joue ennemie,
Il mêle avec les pleurs un breuvage amoureux.

De ce blanc flamboiement l'immuable accalmie
T'a fait dire, attristée, ô mes baisers peureux,
"Nous ne serons jamais une seule momie
Sous l'antique désert et les palmiers heureux !"

Mais ta chevelure est une rivière tiède,
Où noyer sans frissons l'âme qui nous obsède
Et trouver ce Néant que tu ne connais pas !

Je goûterai le fard pleuré par tes paupières,
Pour voir s'il sait donner au cœur que tu frappas
L'insensibilité de l'azur et des pierres.
– Stéphane Mallarmé (French poet, 1842-1898)

It has felt very summery lately. 

I was going to post about Wendy and Sarah's visit to Karma yesterday, but I'll save that post for another time as I didn't set aside time this morning to write about it. I will only say I slept in a bit more than usual this morning and had a really bad dream about losing several students (really losing them, as in unable to find them), and everyone laughing at me for my inability to find my students. I think that symbolically reflects stress over the quality of my teaching.

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Dolls Yelling Like Thunder

I met my stepmother Wendy yesterday – she's back in Korea this time with my sister and niece and nephew. But those latter are staying with friends in Seoul, and so far those friends in Seoul are keeping them very busy – which is fine, since I'm rather burnt out lately. But I met Wendy yesterday, we went to a bookstore and had lunch at an Indian restaurant, and then Wendy came out to Ilsan. She says she likes Ilsan, and I'm happy to host her here.

Early this morning, around 5 am, there was a monstrous thunderstorm, and I woke up. When I went back to sleep, I had a very strange dream.

I was teaching in a very disorganized, slightly overcrowded hagwon. Hm… sounds like reality. There was a very noisy class going on next door to mine, and so I went out into the hallway to see what was going on in the other class, and I looked in and saw only dolls on shelves and toys. No students.

I went back to my classroom, and once again, there was noise coming through the thin walls. Once again, I went to look, and saw only these somewhat creepy dolls sitting on shelves. 

The dream wasn't quite a nightmare, but it was disturbing and eerie. 

I woke up and the clouds from the earlier storm had cleared, and then later I had coffee and made a short shopping trip with my stepmom, and we talked a lot.

Really, that's all we did: kind of sat around today and talked a lot. Two vaguely exhausted relatives catching up, I guess.

 [daily log: walking, 2 km]

Caveat: Spongewalter Whitepants

OK, I don't even particularly like that TV show, "Breaking Bad." 

This parody, however, is pure genius. Maybe it's just that I do happen to like Spongebob. I'm weird, right?


I had a another really difficult day yesterday. The capper: I broke my video camera – which, if you watch my work blog, you know I use a great deal in my classroom, on a daily basis. I have to buy a new camera. I guess maybe this weekend. 

I will go into Seoul today, to meet my stepmother who happens to be in Korea currently – she's been staying at Yongsan. 

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

 

Caveat: Disabling Windows Update Improved My Quality of Life Substantially

I have to say this – the “Windows Update” service sucks.
Perhaps there is some technical way to control when it decides to run its various processes. I was never able to figure it out – perhaps I was somewhat hindered by the fact that the computers I was working with are Korean language versions of Windows (and it should be noted, Microsoft charges money to change the language of your operating system, which strikes me as a cruel scam), and my Korean just isn’t that good.
picture
The experience I have had with Windows 7 is that the Windows Update kicks off various memory-intensive processes basically whenever it wants. These processes, linked to what is called the “TrustedInstaller,” are not the same as the timing of the download of the updates, which can be scheduled (see screenshot, above).
These processes use so much memory (the amount of which I couldn’t seem to regulate, cap or control) that it essentially prevents one from using the computer while they are running. As I said, these processes kick off on what seems an essentially random schedule (some experimentation showed that it was often, but not always, within the first few hours of connecting the machine to the internet after having been turned off or having been disconnected). It’s a common enough problem that you can find other people complaining about it online with google searches, but most commenters seem seem to relegate it to the category of an annoyance, rather than considering it a major problem.
For me, it was a major problem. I don’t use my computer all the time at work – obviously, when I am in the classroom, I’m not using it. But when I need to do something on it, I need to do something right then. I can’t sit around and wait for some Windows Update trustedinstaller.exe doohickey to finish monopolizing the memory. I’m on a 4-minute break between classes, and I have run to the staff room because need to go on my computer to print something for a student, or I need to search for a file on my computer, etc. I would keep the “processes running” window open my computer, just so at least I could decide right away whether my computer was going to be useful to me or not.
Lowering the priority on the process thread connnected to the svchost.exe process that encloses the trustedinstaller services involved in these processes didn’t prevent them from making my computer unusable. Killing off any of the svchost processes isn’t an option, as they tend to bundle things you really need, like network connectivity, with things you really don’t need, like Window Update. The only solution is to disable the process.
So, finally, I simply disabled Windows Update. What is it doing, anyway? All these alleged virus vulnerabilities… sometimes I feel like it’s just so much technohypochondria, really. If I have a major problem on my computer, I have it all backed up – I learned my lesson long ago, about that. I would never lose more than a day or two’s worth of work. I put everything important and long-term in google-docs. Maybe I would be best off at this point with a chromebook. But I need Windows because this is Korea – Microsoft owns the Korean OS space, and so I get too much stuff from coworkers, bosses, and students, that is Windows-reliant, Internet Explorer (i.e. ActiveX) -reliant, and/or MS Office-centered. I actually have Ubuntu Linux installed on my work computer, and sometimes I open it just for a breath of fresh air, but the interoperability issues quickly end those experiments.
Anyway, disabling Windows Update prevents these memory-intensive processes, and I can use my computer when I need to, without these annoyances.
Sometimes, I leave my computer on and turn the Windows Update back on when I leave work, so it can still do its update thing if it wants.
Since I disabled Windows Update, I’ve experienced a noticeable improvement in my mood at work. I no longer dread having to run to my computer to do something for a student between classes. I no longer have to tell a student, on a nearly daily basis, “I’m sorry, I’ll get that paper to you later, I can’t open it on my computer right now.”
For anyone reading this: 1) if you’re having the same problem, just disable Windows Update – you’ll survive fine; 2) if you have some advice for how to get my (Korean-speaking) Windows 7 to only run these memory-intensive process on some fixed schedule, please let me know – I gave up trying to figure it out.
Posting this here is probably inviting some various denominations of fanboy trolling, but I guess I’ll just deal with that – comments are moderated and often ignored.
picture[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Whiteboard Hijinks

My teaching schedule is slowing down some, now that the middle-schoolers have started test-prep, but I’m still filling in for Grace, and working hard getting caught up on all the work and projects I let fall by the wayside during my busiest time the last few weeks.
I’ve been pretty grumpy at work – I’m not very good at letting go of things that piss me off, in this case the issue of parents complaining about my more laid-back teaching style. I feel this need to “prove” myself – to do extra work to prove that I am, in fact, teaching something despite the more laid-back style. Hence all the work I’m doing in posting videos of my speaking tasks and tests on my work blog, all the work in showing that the kids are actually doing English-learning stuff in my classes.
Meanwhile, alligator meets mouse, drawn the other day.
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picture[daily log: walking, 6 km]

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