Caveat: My Canadian Bacon Implant

pictureI’m going to be honest: it’s really pretty gross.

Don’t scroll down and don’t read this post if you are easily grossed out. This is about my wrist, which was the “donor” spot for the material that was used to reconstruct my tongue after the tumor was removed.

The irony, of course, is that a major portion of that tongue reconstruction was lost due to the infection I suffered post-surgery in the hospital. The fact that I have retained a fully functional if somewhat truncated tongue is mostly attributable to my obstinacy and linguistic obsession, so-to-speak. At least one portion of the reconstruction I literally swallowed one day, hardly noticing it, after the second surgery cut it off and left it like a hanging useless bit with nothing to do. I think of my original forearm-sourced donor flesh, only about 10% remains at the root of my tongue – unless I have misunderstood the doctors.

Those same doctors insist, however, that the transplantation, though not entirely successful, was still utterly necessary – as it gave my tongue a critical period when I could “retrain” it to stay straight and forward-pointed in my mouth. Otherwise, it may have healed curled into a knot at the back of my mouth and I would have lost a major portion of my function. I’m inclined to give the whole thing the benefit of the doubt, but recovering my forearm functionality is now a major obsession of mine.

My wrist seems to be healing well, though. Last night, I slept with no bandage on it, for the first time. I woke up with a sprinkling of scab-detritus around me but the wound itself remained solidly closed and fine. I’ve had no infection problems whatsoever at the wrist spot, and it causes only minor discomfort, more due to the severed nerves than due to any actual pain.

But looking at it is difficult. I may never feel entirely comfortable with it out in public – as Andrew remarked while I was still in the hospital, it looks like a small but vicious sharkbite scar.

Frankly, I think it looks like I received an implant made of Canadian bacon in my wrist, that was then crafted through clever scarification to look like a helium balloon floating away in the air. When I look at it, I think of ham.

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Caveat: faux-Victorian wooden space station quest

The dream that I was struggling with as I woke up this morning was not very narrative in structure, more episodic but repetitive. The below is a summary of something that in the dream was more circular.

Andrew and I had ended up wandering around some large underground space (which bears relation to some of our explorations in Seoul yesterday), but I became convinced we were in a space station. Yet, for a space station, or for an underground mall, it was quite strange. Everything was wood, like the interior of a restored wooden faux-Victorian shopping mall – all high ceilings, high Belle Epoque stained glass, wooden floors, balconies and balustrades.

Although the place was very finely  wrought and beautiful, it was overlain by decay and disorder. There were hundreds, if not thousands, of squatters living in the various rooms and halls. There were sleeping bags and tents set up, like an Occupy encampment, and there was IT equipment everywhere, just scattered: racks of servers, racks of routers, wires laid out willy-nilly on the floor. Hippies sat cross-legged with laptops, and would reach out and grab a dangling ethernet cable.

Andrew and I were searching for my Great Aunt Mildred (my mother's mother's sister). Andrew never knew "Aunt Mid" – she's not on his side of the family (recall that Andrew is my half-brother, so his maternal relatives are not the same as my maternal relatives). I was quite close to my Aunt Mid before she died in the early 90s, in a strange way. We shared a passion for left-leaning politics and academic-style speculative sociology, and we had exchanged long series of letters at various times on various topics.

I wasn't sure why we were looking for her, because even inside the dream, I already knew she was dead. At some point, because of this, we shifted the focus of our search to finding our sister.  We were wandering in and out of the maze of interconnected rooms, brilliant with sunlight shining through high windows and glimpses of dark space, too.

I would ask, "Have you seen my sister?" of various random old men eating bowls of rice or hippy children chanting songs in circles.

Suddenly this woman presented herself, very solicitous and manipulative. She was short but she was quite fat, and had a round, Caucasian face with close-cropped gray hair, like a Buddhist nun. Definitely NOT my sister.

"Who are you?" Andrew asked.

"Why, I'm your sister," she said, nonchalantly. She was trying to get us to go through this doorway. The room beyond was dark. Andrew was very sceptical, and was pulling away. I was following along, not out of trust but more a kind of curiosity.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Trust me," she said, but there was something disingenuous in her smile.

The whole situation played out again, with slight variations. And again.

Eventually, I woke up.

Caveat: борщ

I want to prevent my brother from growing too bored while he visits. Plus, I have been craving Russian food from my favorite Russian-food restaurant for a long time – well before the diagnosis.

So we took the subway into Seoul and walked to the neighborhood I call Russiatown, near Dongdaemun. Andrew is even more of a Russophile than I am, so I thought he would enjoy this.

This is the restaurant.

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It’s changed names several times over the years, but they always have the same borshcht recipe, which is delicious.

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I also ordered a fried liver stroganoff that was quite good – I can’t believe that I, the incipient vegetarian, was craving liver, but I was. And so I ate it. The other purple stuff is svekolny – a beet and garlic slaw.

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I got extra sour cream on the side. Sour cream is hard to find in Korea. I really enjoyed that food.

Afterward, we walked up to the 청계천 [cheong-gye-cheon]. Andrew wanted a “proof of tourism” picture.

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Then we came home and relaxed. Currently he’s off riding his bike somewhere – did I mention he bought a bike? I didn’t see this as a bad idea – when he goes back to the States, I will inherit the bike – perhaps I will even ride it.

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