Day: July 18, 2013

i had consult with dr jung just now. he tends to be more communicative than dr ryu, but i dont see him as often since hes only a superstar guest reconstructive surgeon and not a resident surgeon like dr ryu.

dr jung helped me understand some of the urgency of yesterdays surgery, which id picked up on but hadnt been clear on details. although the tongue reconstruction was solid and healthy, the infection in my neck had spread to part of the vulnerable transplanted flesh. so the neck infection, while not life-threatening, was at the least suddenly tongue-threatening.

hopefully they can control the neck infection. dr ryu added a second antibiotic this morning, and dr jung said my immune system was "way above average" whatever that means. they installed a fluid shunt during the surgery yesterday and in the last 24 hours since ive had much less problem with the liquid (pus&blood) ending up in my lungs and mouth.

dr jung was his usual very blunt self. "at first your surgery was an amazing success. now because of the infection its just a so-so result but i think youll be fine."

with yesterdays surgery, expectations of a miraculous two week recovery from the major surgery on july 4th have faded. now dr ryu has suggested that we move the radiation back a week or two from the intended first-week-of-august start. the concern is achieving full healing on the neck site, which is proving challenging. a persistent but non-life-threatening infection is slowing things, and so my hospital stay is stretching out to at least three weeks and probably more at this point.

im grateful that andrew is here as caregiver, and for my other friends for their continued support.

the monotony of the hospital stay grates. i cant write much – each blog post such as this is a painstaking hunt-and-peck on my smartphone that takes ten times longer than i feel it should. i read but my attention wanders. many of my roommates are kind and courteous but a minority make it their constant business to second guess my doctors, my diet, my beliefs. i wish them a speedy recovery to full health so they can take their negativity elsewhere.

sometimes my own positivity falters. i begin to feel i have reached a new "normal best" – that this now is the best i can do. i walk my orbits and say my affirmations inside my head, but a side voice expresses a cynicism: these affirmations arent working blah blah blah. its just the frustration of each moment, piling along. sleep comes more easily but still in never more than one hour chunks – marked out by my IV-driven bladder, a glowing red digital clock, and diffuse nightmares of vampire roommates and liquid-filled lungs.

it was shorter – just one hour instead of nine. no icu afterward – just some tongue and mouth rearranging.

the process. . . the feeling of starting and ending the procedure – were radically different. going into my first surgery i didnt have much awareness of pre op stuff – they put me under early. this time, i was awake and alert during most of the pre op, including long minutes in the OR. discussing and placing tubes, medicines. monitors – awake for all of it. and i knew almost half the staff – the surgical interns faces familiar behind their masks, giving dr seok a nod as he squeezed my hand, making a wan grin at dr jang. letting the anesthesiologist patter on about minnesota.

coming out was less like icu too – it was just a post op wake up room and people bustled around but rather than the intense attention received after the first surgery, this time i was mostly ignored. finally they wheeled me out and andrew was there and i returned to 10th floor ward. 

dr ryu came and gave me a summary, but i missed details, still feeling fuzzy. ill have to find out later. but he seemed happy with the outcome.

so more later. . . im home in my ward and already ambulatory.