Should I stay or should I go?
I’m feeling the pressure to make the renewal decision. I have been saying, consistently (almost obsessively), that I would not renew at Hongnong under any circumstances. Yet when the day comes that I have to make the decision, I’m uncertain. I remember the same feeling when the question came at LBridge (aka Hellbridge) in July, 2009, and how tempted I was to just go ahead and renew, then, too.
But my circumstances are quite different than they were in July, 2009. I have nothing driving me to leave Korea, as I had back then. My stateside affairs are in order, right now, unlike they were then. And I have much less ambivalence about my overall intention to stay in Korea for the long term, unlike at that time. And so, all things being “equal,” why not just renew?
I really see myself as having two choices. Stay at Hongnong, or work for my friend Curt in Ilsan. Other options would have included: working elsewhere in Jeollanam (i.e. a different public elementary school) or working at a different hagwon, anywhere. The latter option really doesn’t appeal to me – there are so many variables about working at an unknown hagwon that can go terribly wrong. But the former option – finding a different elementary school – was actually the one I most preferred, up until recently. Unfortunately, I have gathered – only indirectly – that I’m basically being bureaucratically screwed with respect to this option. The Yeonggwang County education office is supposed to do some kind of paperwork to make a “renewal with transfer within the province” possible, but they are apparently refusing to do so, either due to sour grapes (resentment) or ineptitude. Consequently, I’ve basically had to rule out the option of trying to transfer to a different school. And it makes for a major dilemma, regarding staying at Hongnong: if I say, I am, in a way, rewarding those bureaucrats who are screwing me over through incompetence or bad feeling. But by letting this issue weigh majorly in my decision, I am favoring and encouraging my own anger, and perhaps ignoring the true value of the option of changing.
I have made some efforts to summarize my thoughts: I made a spreadsheet – but I can’t post that right now. Here are some notes that went into creating my “decision spreadsheet” (“decision spreadsheets” are actually something I do quite often, when faced with large decisions).
STAY AT Hongnong: why?
– I have some degree of stability and predictabilty: I know what to expect for the most part. and maybe, if I’m lucky, I won’t have to move again. I hate moving.
– This is a good environment for learning Korean; it is difficult to learn Korean in Ilsan: there are too many foreigners everywhere, and so many Koreans speak English well, there.
– Diversity of kids here makes for a teaching challenge.
– There are a lot of uncertainties in the Ilsan job offer.
– Working at hagwon will be more difficult: longer hours, more demand for overtime, unpredictable schedule, less vacation time.
– Hongnong and Jeollanam are very beautiful places to live, and there are many opportunities to explore.
GO TO Ilsan: why?
– I feel a lot of resentment and anger: staying at Hongnong means rewarding incompetence and unkindness on the part of administrators. This weighs heavily on me, but how important is it, really?
– English is not very important at this school, whereas at hagwon, English is, naturally, most important. Relatedly, it’s not fun teaching English to kids who don’t want to learn English: many kids at Hongnong don’t want to learn English.
– At Hongnong, future incompetence is not just possible, but inevitable: it might be very annoying to renew and then get hit with some new complication or unpleasantness – there’s a very high probability of buyer’s remorse.
– Life in in Hongnong is more expensive than Seoul, so it is easier to save money in Seoul.
– The offer in Ilsan includes an opportunity to improve my teaching CAREER: it would be a “career move.”
– Seoul and Ilsan have more cultural opportunities of the sort that I prefer: museums, cafes, etc. I LIKE living in Ilsan.
