Caveat: Muse – Map of the Problematique

What I’m listening to right now.

Muse, “Map of the Problematique.”

I love this track. Here’s the lyrics.

Fear and panic in the air
I want to be free
From desolation and despair
And I feel like everything I sow
Is being swept away
Well I refuse to let you go

pictureI can’t get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over

Life will flash before my eyes
So scattered and lost
I want to touch the other side
And no one thinks they are to blame
Why can’t we see
That when we bleed we bleed the same

I can’t get it right
Get it right
Since I met you

Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over
Loneliness be over
When will this loneliness be over

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Caveat: 63) 승가에 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다

“I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the [Buddha’s] Priesthood.”

This is #63 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

61. 부처님께 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.
        “I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the Buddha.”

62. 부처님의 법에 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.
        “I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the Buddha’s Dharma.”

63. 승가에 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.

I would read this sixty-third affirmation as: “I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the [Buddha’s] Priesthood.”

More and more, I think the “become converted to” should actually be translated as a simple “embrace.” But whatever translation is used, it should be consistent in the affirmations where it’s used from #61 onward.

Up to this point, I had – through the miracle of cut-and-paste – developed the habit of repeating all the previous affirmations. But it was getting out of hand – the posts get quite long, and probably mean absolutely nothing to most of my readers, except giving the blog a kind of cluttery feel. So I’ve repented that repetitiveness. Instead, I’ve created a new category “The 108” which I will use to allow those interested in viewing all these affirmations together, and I will only repeat the two most recent previous affirmations in each post. I will take the time to go back and edit out the repetitiveness in the previous posts, eventually. [UPDATE: as indeed came to pass…]

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Caveat: カラフィナ – Oblivious

What I’m listening to right now.


Kalafina, “Oblivious.” [UPDATE 2021-12-08: link-rot noticed and repaired with new youtube embed, above]

This is undoubtedly the only song that is part of my mp3 rotation due to my having read the title over the shoulder of a stranger on their cell-phone screen while riding the subway (see relevant blog-entry from 2008). In point of fact, that’s a really weird way to acquire a song. But it suits my postmodern affectations well, I confess, that I did so.

Don’t get the weird idea I understand the Japanese. I can barely identify some of the vocabulary. And what few kanji I can identify below, I tend to pronounce in my head by their Korean hanja readings, not their Japanese ones, which I don’ t know. But in any event, I’ve always had a weakness for JPop, especially associated with anime. So here are the lyrics – just for the sake of completeness, and if I ever decide to study Japanese again.

本当は空を飛べると知っていたから
羽ばたくときが怖くて風を忘れた
oblivious
何処へ行くの
遠くに見えるあの蜃気楼
いつか怯えながら
二人の未来を映して
よるべない心二つ寄り添う頃に
本当の悲しみがほら翼広げて
oblivious
夜の中で
真昼の影を夢見るように
きっと堕ちて行こう
光へ
いつか 君と 二人
夜を 朝を 昼を 星を 幻想を
夏を 冬を 時を 風を
水を 土を 空を
we go further in the destiny・・・
oblivious
側にいてね
静かな恋がほら始まるよ
いつか震えながら
二人の未来へ
oblivious
何処へ行くの
遠くへ逃げてゆく水の中
何て綺麗な声で
二人の未来を
歌って

picture

Caveat: Damn Lazy Linguists

Everyone knows I have a weirdly immoderate love for reference books. I am the one who reads dictionaries and encyclopedias recreationally, and who compulsively visits wikipedia online the way normal people visit facebook.

pictureOn Saturday, I shelled out something over a 100,000 won (a hundred bucks) for a reference book. It’s one I’ve fantasized owning for at least two years. The actual value I will derive from it is highly dubious – I’m not sufficiently advanced to get most of what it has to say. It’s A Reference Grammar of Korean, a sort of exhaustive synchronic and diachronic study of the Korean language, by a trained linguist, and written in English, which makes it at least a little bit accessible.

It has one major drawback. It’s such a huge drawback that I kept telling myself I shouldn’t buy it. It’s a drawback that has me seething with frustration every time I open it. The problem is that Mr Martin, the book’s author, opted not to use the Korean writing system in his massive tome (over 1000 pages). Instead of hangeul, he uses our own charming Roman alphabet.

This has deep limitations. The most widely used “popular” Romanizations are unworkable for such an academic study as his, since they are not, strictly speaking, “reversible” – that is, there is not a one-for-one correspondence between their letters and the letters of hangeul. Reversibility is crucial in an academically reputable linguistic oeuvre of this caliber, because you have to be able to reconstruct what the heck he’s talking about in any given example. So he opts for a modified version of the infamous Yale Romanization.

I despise the Yale Romanization, despite my deep sympathies for the issue of reversibility just mentioned. Mostly because it is nastily counter-intuitive to English speakers. The letters are just “wrong.” Consider a common phrase like “In South Jeolla Province”: 전라남도에서. The ROK government’s Romanization, which I’m meticulously loyal to in this blog, would be “jeollanam-do-eseo”. The Yale is “cenlanam-to-eyse”. How can you come close to pronouncing that correctly, with a spelling like that? It’s a bit like Pinyin, in this respect. If you have no idea what I’m ranting on about, don’t worry about it.

One might ask, why did the author choose to do this? It seems almost disrespectful of the Korean language, at some level. But actually, as a linguist, I understand perfectly.  You see, people like me – people trying to learn Korean – are not, in fact, his target audience. Nor, obviously, are any actual Korean speakers – actual Korean speakers can, of course, read the reference grammars written in Korean, which abound. No, Mr Martin’s target audience is linguists. And linguists, despite being linguists, have a low toleration for being asked to learn new writing systems just in order to absorb a few charming points of abstract syntax for some given language. Personally, I find this… strange. It strikes me as lazy, a little bit – and disrespectful of whatever language is being looked at. At the least, it strikes me as vaguely unprofessional of them. But it’s a true fact about linguists, I cannot deny.

I’ve decided to tolerate it, though. The book is too useful and downright fascinating. Maybe someday my Korean will be good enough that I can actually derive usefulness from a Korean grammar written in Korean. That would be very exciting. But until then, I guess I will put up with Martin’s idiosyncratic Yale. And maybe, meanwhile, Mr Martin will make a future edition that puts the effort into putting hangeul in brackets, or something, alongside all his transcriptions. Putting the original spelling in Korean alongside that nifty reversible transliteration in that abhorrent Yale system (for all the lazy linguists out there)… well, that would be both highly professional and deeply respectful.

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Caveat: Molotov – Karmara

What I'm listening to right now.

Rock en espanglish!  Nunca me canso de este track.

No me dijeron que pagara por lo que haces
Simón vas a joder a los demás
The more you get, the more you don't forget
put them down y empieza un nuevo show
Don't pay por lo roto y ve por lo otro
que si se regresa, say your prayers, reza
hablas mal traicionas a tu carnal,
de eso vas kuleka but it comes back
The people's choice now es el anti-support güey,
it's gonna go down, si sigue that way
trata a tu brother como a tu carnal,
say "all we are sayin' is give peace a chance"
ESTRIBILLO
Man kills man -y se felicitan-
Save your alma -que la necesitas-
Man kills man -y se felicitan
Karmara -todo lo que sube tiene de bajar-
Vi a un maestre cargando su trinche
no sabes man cuando entrega el estuche
vi a otro maestre cargando su hoz
De este planeta prefiero irme en paz
Se hierve sabroso su pasado de laza
alivianame ñor por pensar en venganza
por todos los grillos que viva la tranza
de la libertad solo queda esperanza
The final day el día del botón rojo
Karmara man a mi nadie me lo dijo
Vamos mal pasándola por culpa de otros
el cambio verdadero se encuentra en nosotros
ESTRIBILLO

Caveat: 62) 부처님의 법에 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다

“I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the Buddha’s Dharma.”

This is #62 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


60. 죄를 지은 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
         “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward guilty people.”
61. 부처님께 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.
        “I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the Buddha.”
62. 부처님의 법에 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.

I would read this sixty-second affirmation as: “I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the Buddha’s Dharma.”
Just add dharma (법 [beop = “law, rule”]).

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Caveat: Cat Stevens – Miles From Nowhere

What I’m listening to right now.

Cat Stevens, “Miles From Nowhere.”

This song always makes me think of long walks (really long walks) through the Arcata Bottoms (out along Lanphere Road, where my step-father’s house was), in the rain, in about 1979.

Lyrics.

Miles from nowhere
I guess Ill take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

Look up at the mountain
I have to climb
Oh yeah, to reach there.

Lord my body has been a good friend
But I wont need it when I reach the end

Miles from nowhere
Guess Ill take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

I creep through the valleys
And I grope through the woods
cause I know when I find it my honey
Its gonna make me feel good

I love everything
So dont it make you feel sad
cause Ill drink to you, my baby
Ill think to that, Ill think to that.

Miles from nowhere
Not a soul in sight
Oh yeah, but its alright

I have my freedom
I can make my own rules
Oh yeah, the ones that I choose

Lord my body has been a good friend
But I wont need it when I reach the end

Miles from nowhere
Guess Ill take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there.

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Caveat: 맛있당!

“This is the lion. The lion is under the elephant. Lion hungry. 맛있당!”

Thus went the narrative of my first-grade student Jae-hyeon, to accompany the illustration he drew on the blackboard. Apparently, the elephant sat on the lion. The lion, feeling vengeful, ate the elephant, and declared “맛있당!” [Yummy!]. Note the extremely large exclamation point. You can kind of see what happened, if you study the drawing.

picture

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Caveat: Afghan Whigs – Debonair

What I’m listening to right now.

I didn’t discover the Afghan Whigs until fairly recently. But they are a true 90s band. I feel like their sound is the halfway point between the Psychedelic Furs and Nirvana. That’s pretty impressionistic. I’m really stuck on this track, at the moment.

I’m trying for a new “feature” on this here blog thingy. I’ve tried things like it before. I could grandiosely call it: The Soundtrack to the Film Version of My Autobiography. Which is to say, TSttFVoMA?  Maybe let’s just call it: Background Noise.

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Caveat: Moon

I went out to do my little jog around the lake. I like doing it at night when I get home, after work – jogging in the dark suits my personality quite well – it’s less hot at night, and I don’t feel like people are watching me. Ilsan’s Lake Park is well lit and has lots of paths and trails.

I took this really cool picture of the amazing, full, bright, shiny moon hanging and reflecting over the Lake, with part of the Ilsan skyline. My little digital camera did pretty well, I think.

picture

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Caveat: 61) 부처님께 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다

“I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the Buddha.”

This is #61 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


59. 외로운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward lonely people.”
60. 죄를 지은 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
         “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward guilty people.”
61. 부처님께 귀의하게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.

I would read this sixty-first affirmation as: “I bow with a thankful heart and become converted to the Buddha.”

I was dreading #61 because the syntactic pattern changes completely, but it wasn’t too bad. I’m unsure whether the “-게되어” is a causative, a passive, or some other type of structure, so I’m not sure about the “become converted” part – it could be a much simpler “embrace.”

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Caveat: Happy Bloomsday

pictureToday is Bloomsday. Hope it’s a good one. 

His (Bloom’s) logical conclusion, having weighed the matter and allowing for possible error?

That it was not a heaventree, not a heavengrot, not a heavenbeast, not a heavenman. That it was a Utopia, there being no known method from the known to the unknown: an infinity renderable equally finite by the suppositious apposition of one or more bodies equally of the same and of different magnitudes: a mobility of illusory forms immobilised in space, remobilised in air: a past which possibly had ceased to exist as a present before its probable spectators had entered actual present existence.

A Utopia. See? And Joyce’s Ulysses ends: “…and yes I said yes I will Yes.”

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Caveat: Ἐν ἀρχῇ

pictureἘν ἀρχῇ ἦν ὁ λόγος, καὶ ὁ λόγος ἦν πρὸς τὸν θεόν, καὶ θεὸς ἦν ὁ λόγος.” – ΚΑΤΑ ΙΩΑΝΗΝ 1:1

In keeping with my apparent theme for the week: random languages that I studied long in the past. Above – the opening of the most interesting of the four Gospels (in my opinion), John. As found in my mother’s old Greek New Testament, which I acquired in January when visiting her, when she showed me a box of books she was getting rid of.

My ability to read Greek is very poor (maybe slightly better than my ability to read, say, Welsh – see previous blog post – mostly due to the more accessible plethora of cognates). I did take a semester (or two? I don’t remember) of Ancient Greek in college. But the translation of this phrase is nevertheless quite easy because it’s such a commonly known phrase: “In the beginning was the word…” – see? You can complete it yourself.

Shall I attempt to read this book? Probably not. But Greek (and especially ἡ κοινὴ διάλεκτος, “the common dialect” [koine] such as found in the New Testament) is pretty high on the list of languages that interest me. The Bible makes a great text to revisit when learning a language, because it is so meticulously translated into each language. I saw a trilingual edition in a bookstore a while back: Greek, English, Korean. I should have bought it. Then I could mess with koine guiltlessly, having the Korean staring me en face.

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Caveat: Goddaith

I’ve been in a weird state of mind, lately. I keep revisiting random poetry and random languages I studied in times long past. I guess I’m trying to live up to the “unrepentant language-geek” part of my blog’s header (see above [UPDATE: Obsolete information – no longer in header. Still true, though.]).

So… I was mucking around at wikisource.org (a place where public domain texts can often be found). I began browsing Medieval Welsh poetry. I took a course on Medieval Welsh in 1988. I loved it – despite (or because of) it being one of the most intense academic undertakings I’ve ever tried. I remember struggling to translate bardic love poetry, as well as, most memorably, the legend of Pwyll and Rhiannon from the Red Book of Hergest. I remember Pwyll blindly chasing Rhiannon down into Annwn (the Otherworld) vividly.

When I found a four-line poem by Dafydd ap Gwilym, I decided to “figure it out.”  I won’t go so far as to say I “translated” it – I got the gist of it by using google translate, but also had to surf to some Old Welsh dictionaries, because google translate is based on the modern Welsh language, and the program doesn’t know what to do with the obsolete vocabulary and grammatical forms of 15th century Welsh. I have no idea how accurate my little translation might be – I was unable to find any “official” translation online.

pictureGoddaith a roir mewn eithin,
Gwanwyn cras, mewn gwynnon crin,
Anodd fydd ei ddiffoddi
Ac un dyn a’i hennyn hi.
There’s a wildfire among the gorse,
Parched by Spring, withered kindling,
It will be difficult to put out
and [to think] a lone man caused it.
[Picture at right: Welsh Summer Landscape Painting]

I actually find the tone of the poem strikingly “modern” in its sensibility – but perhaps that’s a reader’s projection.

The negative aspect of this “mucking about” with other languages: I’m still trying to reignite my former passion for learning Korean. My heart hasn’t been in it. I’m plateaued.

A parting thought:

“I did not learn any Welsh till I was an undergraduate, and found in it an abiding linguistic-aesthetic satisfaction.” – J.R.R. Tolkien said this. But it’s precisely true for me, too – I could have said exactly the same. But I didn’t quite end up so creatively productive as Mr Tolkien.

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Caveat: 60) 죄를 지은 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다

“I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward guilty people.”

This is #60 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

58. 고집스러운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward stubborn people.”

59. 외로운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward lonely people.”

60. 죄를 지은 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this sixtieth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward guilty people.”

Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty…

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Caveat: la tristeza inmortal de ser divino

"Soneto a Cervantes"

Horas de pesadumbre y de tristeza
paso en mi soledad. Pero Cervantes
es buen amigo. Endulza mis instantes
ásperos, y reposa mi cabeza.
Él es la vida y la naturaleza,
regala un yelmo de oros y diamantes
a mis sueños errantes.
Es para mí: suspira, ríe y reza.
Cristiano y amoroso y caballero
parla como un arroyo cristalino.
¡Así le admiro y quiero,
viendo cómo el destino
hace que regocije al mundo entero
la tristeza inmortal de ser divino!

– Rubén Darío

No me acompaña el genio Cervantes de tal modo como a Darío, precisamente.  Pero sí me acompaña – siempre está presente en la mente.  Me brinda un cierta perspectiva sobre el mundo que me rodea: un distanciamiento medio-posmoderno, digamos… o barroco.  Es igual.

Me ha introducido una melancolía este fin de semana pasado.  Pasará, seguro.  Mientras tanto… viendo dramas coreanas, y leyendo poesías al azar.

Caveat: The Ajummocracy

So, after about a six month hiatus, I’ve finally resumed my Korean-rom-com-drama-watching habit. The show I selected to take up is not really as likable as most of my previous efforts – in fact, it’s a bit of a struggle not to end up just despising every single character in this show. But I’m sticking with, partly for that exact reason – I think it’s maybe innovative precisely in just how deeply flawed all the characters are.

And yet it manages to match most of the Korean rom-com conventions quite well, despite this. And maybe my perception of flaws is culturally related – which is to say, Koreans may not perceive the characters as all equally as deeply flawed as I do.

pictureThe show in question is 내조의 여왕 [nae-jo-ui yeo-wang = Queen of Housewives]. The title already tells you just how atrociously tight to every conceivable bad Korean stereotype this show manages to stay. And as usual, I don’t want to post here an in-depth plot summary, as it’s not really interesting to me to try to do so, and I don’t want to spoil it for those interested in watching it.

It’s quite complicated. There’s a sort of “love hexagon” going on: three married couples, A-B, C-D, and E-F. But E and C love B, D loves A, A might love D too, but is loyal to B. F despises B because B was mean to her in high school, so nobody likes F, but she’s the nerd girl I thought I should feel the most sympathy for, but she’s the villain. E is A’s boss, and C is E’s boss, but C hates his wife D, it was an arranged marriage. Etc.

There’s lots of interesting moments of self-reinvention and intentionally symbolic behavior – i.e. the characters engaging in symbolism in a sort of self-aware way. There’s a resurrection scene like that, in episode 5 or 6, I think. B digs a grave and lies down in it with husband A, and they have a deep conversation. Then they both sit up, and resolve to do their best, moving forward, despite the obstacles.

I understand that A and B are supposed to be the protagonists, but B’s cruelty early in the story line is close to unforgivable, and she seems shallow and painfully self-centered. Her husband A has a heart of gold but is clearly dumb as a rock. He dances along from one out-of-control crisis to the next, never seeing anything coming.

Lastly, my favorite website for downloading these dramas (which shall remain nameless, here), has disappeared from the internet – which is partly why I dropped my drama-watching habit. The website posted free copies of the dramas with English subtitles, but I suppose the copyright police have taken them down. Fortunately, there is now a commercial website in the US that offers subtitled Korean drama, called mvibo.com. So I’ve broken down and started paying for the privilege of having subtitles. I hesitate to recommend it, though – the ironical act of sitting about 5 blocks from the MBC studios headquarters and watching streaming MBC content from some website in America means that the streaming quality is quite poor: the tubes under the Pacific are clogged with dead fish from the radiation in Japan, maybe. I wish I could figure out how to find the subtitled content from a Korean website – but I’ve given up hope on that.

So, you’re still wondering: what’s the ajummocracy? Ajumma [아줌마] is a Korean word used to refer to a particular type of middle aged or older woman, generally in an assertive, forceful sort of aspect. The ajumma represents the matriarchal “power behind the throne” that everyone says exists behind the monolithic facade of Korean patriarchy. Like all cultural stereotypes, it has some grains of truth, of course. I have coined the term “ajummocracy” for the concept of “government by ajummas.” The idea is that Korean women do, in fact, wield considerable political power, even in deeply traditionalist and Confucian (or pseudo-Confucian – this is important but I don’t want to get into it here) contexts. But they do so by manipulating their “men” behind the scenes. Again, I’m not endorsing this – I’m talking about cultural stereotypes. And it’s an interior cultural stereotype. That’s important – ajummas refer to themselves within this context, both deprecatingly and with pride. There is, in fact, an “ajumma pride” movement in Korea. Yes – really.

Back to the drama. This drama is perhaps the best encapsulation, in rom-com format, for that cultural stereotype. Every single female character is manipulative and ambitious. Every single male character is inconstant, mercurial, and temperamental. Each man submits, at some level, to his wife in private, while in public, they play macho games that seem to be either ghost-reflections of the ajumma politics or just male ranting and venting without consequences.

I do not suffer under the delusion that this portrait of Korean society is “real.” But it’s deeply interesting to me, the same way that reading Calderon de la Barca’s or Lope de Vega’s Spanish Golden Age dramas are deeply interesting, as each so transparently display all kinds of fascinating cultural detritus.

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Caveat: Yip Yip Yip Yip Radio

pictureMy brother posted a link to this video in facebookland. It’s worth repeating.

Who doesn’t remember the Sesame Street Martians with love in their hearts?

I think these aliens were my single most favorite things about Sesame Street. Their telephone routine is as clear as a bell in my mind, 40 years later (well, I’ve probably seen it since then a few times).

This little dubstep remix is appealing for its combination of that kind of nostalgia and modern trends in music. Very cool.

IamPumpking, “The Yip Yip Martians Discover Dubstep.”

Here is the original.

Sesame Street, “Martians Radio.” [UPDATE 2014-01-11: youtube embeds were broken – I’ve replaced them.]

“Happy happy happy happy.”

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Caveat: 59) 외로운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다

“I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward lonely people.”

This is #59 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

57. 가난한 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward poor people.”

58. 고집스러운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward stubborn people.”

59. 외로운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this fifty-ninth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward lonely people.”

I wish people would show less compassion toward lonely people. A lot of “lonely” people are perfectly content being alone, a lot of the time. Well, I don’t know that. But in my own case, I’ve got a certain comfort and contentment with my solitude. I rarely view it as a bad thing at all.

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Caveat: It’s biznis

I suppose I had to have a bad day, eventually.  I felt discouraged.  I will say that today, then, was the official ending of my "new job honeymoon" at Karma Academy.  My frustration was on two fronts, one general and one specific, which are basically linked.  Neither of them is novel in the least – I can almost guarantee I've ranted similarly before, probably on more than one occasion.

First, the general:  I'm struggling more and more with a feeling of unclear or vague expectations, vis-a-vis what sort of teaching I should be doing, what I should be working on, what I might be doing right or wrong, etc.  Koreans almost never tell you "how you're doing" – until there's some crisis or some problem.  I've been feeling guilty, too, because of the inevitable double standard that emerges whenever you have "native speaker" and local Korean teachers working side-by-side – we are inevitably, because of our different proficiencies and distinct market values, held to different levels of expectation.  This always makes me feel like I'm exploiting some kind of peculiar affirmative action program, inappropriately.

So the second thing is that today, there was not a major crisis, but a minor complaint from a parent that then got blown out of proportion in my mind.  Hagwon parents are so hard to please, of course.  One parent complains of not enough homework, and another complains of too much.  How can one respond?  Often what happens is that you give lots of homework, and there's a kind behind-the-scenes understanding that not all the kids are being held to the same standard, as driven by parental expectations or requirements.  The conversation goes: "Oh, that kid … his mom doesn't want him doing so much homework, so don't worry if he doesn't pass the quiz, just let it go."  This grates against my egalitarian impulses, on one level, and on another, despite being sympathetic to it, I end up deeply annoyed with how it gets implemented on the day-to-day: no one ever tells ME these things until some parent gets mad because I never got told, before, about the special case that their kid represents.  In the longest run, of course, in the hagwon biz, one must never forget who the paying customers are – it's the parents.  And for each parent that is pleased that their kid is coming home and saying "hagwon was fun today," there's another that takes that exact same report from her or his kid as a strong indicator that someone at the hagwon isn't doing his or her job.  So it boils down to this:  happy hagwon students don't necessarily mean happy hagwon customers.  As a teacher, you're always walking a tightrope: which kids are supposed to be happy, and which are supposed to be miserable?  Don't lose track – it's critical to the success of the business.

I came home feeling increasingly grumpy, and went on my 3km jog, feeling fat and old and slovenly and inept at my career.  The humidity is high, the night felt hardly chilly at all.  Now I'm eating an ascetic dinner of rice and kimchi, and drinking cold corn-tassel tea.  I'm churning mostly fruitless "if I ran the hagwon" fantasies in my head. 

Caveat: 개성

A poem by Kim Gwang-seop:

개성
빈천한 묏골에서
하나의 돌맹이로 태어 나서커
다란 바위가 되지 못할지라도
또한
하나의 시내로서 흘러서
넓은 바다에 이르지 못할지라도
그대는 무한에 비상하는 순간을 가지라

My feeble effort at translation, with lots of doubts and confusions and caveats:

Individuality
from poor dead bones
born and raised as a lone pebble
unable to become the great rock
also
flowing as a lone stream
unable to arrive at the wide sea
you hold an extraordinary moment to reach infinity

A more professional translation, by someone who goes by the name “Doc Rock” online (but who is apparently a PhD in Korean Lit):

Individuality
Though from an impoverished mountain valley,
Born as a pebble
Never to be a great boulder
Or
Flowing like a stream
Never to be wide as a sea
You will have moments to soar limitlessly

Why am I attempting this kind of thing, when I still can’t put together a coherent sentence most of the time? I just feel like doing it, I guess.

개성

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Caveat: Hanneapolis

I had an insight the other day.

I have compared life in rural Jeollanam Province to Kentucky.  Or some other rural and reputedly under-developed part of the US, since, in fact, Kentucky doesn't really meet the archetype, anymore, as well as Mississippi, or, more suprisingly, Nebraska (which I read somewhere now is the part of the US with the highest incidence of rural poverty). 

But I took advantage of the Kentucky archetype, which has become a part of the American dialect in that it's possible to use the suffix -tucky to indicate a place wracked by the social problems of rural poverty.  Many people refer to parts of Southern California's "Inland Empire" as Fontucky, for example – a portmanteau of the city name of Fontana with that suffix, -tucky.  And I once heard my own birth county referred to as Humtucky (combining Humboldt and -tucky) – as well as the quite common phrase Kentucky-by-the-Sea.

So I coined the term Hantucky to refer to Yeonggwang County, combining the prefix "Han-" which simply means "Korean," in Korean, with that -tucky suffix.  I was pleased.  I like coining terms.

The other day, I was walking along the broad, clean, tree-lined boulevard in Ilsan.  I passed an automated bicycle-rental post, where a woman was using her credit card to check out a bike.  Two very polite bicycle-mounted policemen rang their bells and rode past.  A man with long hair in a pony-tail and a rainbow-colored umbrella walked past, talking into his iPhone.  And there was the Russian immigrant woman I overheard speaking Korean with her blue-eyed daughter, that I saw last week.  And the two Turkish or Middle Eastern dudes in suits rushing toward the subway. There're organic-only food stores, and posters in front of schools talking about environmental issues.  I even saw a Volvo.

Prosperous.  Liberal.  High-density yet leafy-green and littered with parks.  Even slightly multi-ethnic (well, that's a stretch, but all things being relative, in Korea).

So I had a sudden insight.  If Yeonggwang County is Hantucky, then Ilsan might just well be Hanneapolis (<- Minneapolis).

Plus, it has a lake, and it's kind of flat.

Caveat: 58) 고집스러운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다

“I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward stubborn people.”

This is #58 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


56. 슬픈 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward sad people.”
57. 가난한 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward poor people.”
58. 고집스러운 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this fifty-eighth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward stubborn people.”
I think my problem is more just in being a stubborn person, myself.

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Caveat: Art

Sometimes I make efforts at “visual arts”

Below are some past works that I’m sufficiently happy with to share them, in a smallish format.

azul

Above:  Azul, 1992

abstract1

Above: Abstract, 1993

kitchen

Above: Kitchen, 1991

lines

Above: Lines, 1988

motion

Above: Motion, 1988

mujer

Above: Mujer, 1993 (this is actually Michelle)

oldman

Above: Old Man, 1993

sanchopanza

Above: Sancho Panza, 2006

sanmarinohouse

Above: Way Family Home (San Marino, CA), 1991

selfportrait

Above: Self-Portrait From Photograph at Age 5, 1999

icon

Above: Icon, 1995

Caveat: That smell is freedom

Jeffrey Goldberg (of The Atlantic’s Goldblog fame) Palinesquely channels Longfellow on the subject of Paul Revere. Brilliant. If you’ve been following the Palin-on-Paul-Revere controversy, it’s quite hilarious. An excerpt:

pictureLISTEN, my children, and you shall hear
Of the early evening ride of Paul Revere,
On the twentieth, or twenty-first, of May, or possibly June, in Seventy-six, or maybe Seventy-seven;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who refudiates that famous day and year.

Then I will ride a Harley, that I was pulling on a trailer behind the bus, and spread the alarm,
Man, I love the smell of that emissions
That smell is freedom, carried by horse,
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
Not horse emissions, chopper emissions.
But horse emissions are very patriotic.
And I will warn the British that the British are coming.
Which should confuse them very much.

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Caveat: I consoled myself with rudimentary thoughts

I have just recently discovered the musical oeuvre of Bill Callahan (also formerly performing under the name Smog). Recently released album: Apocalypse. Track: “Drover.”

Lyrics (poetry).

The real people went away
But I’ll find a better word, someday
Leaving only me and my dreams
My cattle and a resonator

I drove all the beast down right under your nose
The lumbering footloose power
The bull and the rose
Don’t touch them don’t try to hurt them
My cattle

I drove them by the crops and thought the crops were lost
I consoled myself with rudimentary thoughts
And I set my watch against the city clock
It was way off

Yeah one thing about this wild, wild country
It takes a strong, strong
It breaks a strong, strong mind
Yeah one thing about this wild, wild country
It takes a strong, strong
It breaks a strong, strong mind

And anything less, anything less
Makes me feel like I’m wasting my time

But the pain and frustration, is not mine
It belongs to the cattle, through the valley

And when my cattle turns on me
I was knocked back flat
I was knocked out cold for one clack of the train track
Then I rose a colossal hand buried, buried in sand
I rose like a drover
For I am in the end a drover
A drover by trade
When my cattle turns on me
I am a drover, double fold

My cattle bears it all away for me and everyone
One, one, one, one, one, one …

Yeah one thing about this wild, wild country
It takes a strong, strong
It breaks a strong, strong mind
And anything less, anything less
Makes me feel like I’m wasting my time

The song:

Bill Callahan, “Drover.”

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Caveat: Cool… But Strange

That's probably the best I'm going to get.

Saturday, in my PN2 class, that's the phrase Boyun used, to describe me:  "Teacher.  You are… cool.  But, um, strange, yes."  I felt quite pleased – that's pretty good, to get from a rebellious and mildly obnoxious 8th grade girl, who is notorious at Karma Academy for wearing too much eye liner and for having a foul mouth (in two languages, no less).

Working Saturdays is going to take some getting used to.  I've managed to reach almost 4 years in Korea without regularly doing this thing that most Koreans view as utterly inevitable.  So I might as well get used to it.  I never do anything with my weekends, anyway, right?  But I do seem to make use of the "down time" in a sort non-productive, recuperative way. 

Fortunately, today (Monday) is Korean Memorial Day.  So I get a holiday.  And a two-day weekend, after all.  What will I do with this holiday?  I might try cleaning my apartment – I feel like I'm living out of boxes… it's a little bit college-dorm-room-esque.

I went to Costco, yesterday.  Anytime I feel the slightest bit homesick for life in America, I can go to Costco.  It's an instant cure.  And a good way to find relatively inexpensive, "real" cheese (as opposed to plasticky Korean stuff, which, although I love it dearly, I sometimes grow tired of).  This time, I found some actual Swiss cheese from actual Switzerland.  I also found granola.  Wow.  I might eat that.

Caveat: 57) 가난한 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다

“I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward poor people.”

This is #57 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


55. 병든 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward sick people.”
56. 슬픈 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward sad people.”
57. 가난한 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this fifty-seventh affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward poor people.”

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Caveat: The Sun Was Orange

I was walking away from the Hugokmaeul neighborhood where I work after my early-ending Friday, over a foot-bridge across Ilsan-no. I looked west-northwest toward the Yellow Sea and China and North Korea off to the left there, in the haze, and the sun was orange. It looked very big, hovering there in the afternoon haze, but in the photo I took it doesn’t look very big. Or orange.

picture

I went to a bookstore and bought some EFL materials – I’ve been tasked with making a “Debate Textbook” at work, the first thing that resembles, vaguely, the “curriculum design” aspect of the job description I’d discussed with my boss before accepting the position. I’m excited about it – I hope I can do a good job.

I didn’t sleep well last night – not sure why. I’m feeling restless in a very undefined way. I’ve been getting more exercise. I walk 4 km. every day, mininum, in my round-trip commute to work.  Plus, I even went jogging in Hosugongwon (“Lake Park”) twice, last week. I have a little, approximately 3 km. long, route that I’ve been trying to follow. So far I’m still stuck with the extra kilos that seem to be one of my least-loved Yeonggwang legacies.

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Caveat: the metaphysic of the test

Or: how I learned to stop worrying and love the test.

pictureThis blog entry emerges from a typo I found in a book I’m rather casually perusing.  The book is Formalism and Marxism, by Tony Bennett.  The book is one of those lit-crit books that I picked up out of my mother’s collection during my last visit to Queensland in January.  It examines the relationship between the Russian Formalists and more recent works – I was attracted to it because it discusses Althusser and Eagleton, specifically.

Anyway, I’m not reading it very deeply.  Some of it is familiar if somewhat stale territory, and certainly the fact that it’s now almost 40 years old dates it somewhat in the realm of lit-crit.  But actually I don’t want to talk about marxist literary criticism or Terry Eagleton (who would have been one of my marxist muses had I ever written that PhD thesis on Cervantes, perhaps, along with Frederic Jameson and Gilles Deleuze).

You see, on page 157 of the paperback edition of Bennett’s book, there is a typo.  Instead of saying “metaphysic of the text” it says “metaphysic of the test.”  And the thing is, I’ve been thinking about tests a lot lately.  Tests are a big part of work in education, and especially, Korean education, and more especially, Korean hagwon-based eduction.  The test is the thingthe only thing.

I have been developing a new feeling about testing.  Part of this is influenced by certain fragments of data emerging from the bigger world (see my  blog entry from a few weeks ago, for example).   Part of it is trying to make peace with the huge discrepancy between my dreams and ideals about education (which are vaguely Waldorfian and deeply influenced by my own unusual educational experiences in alternative “hippy schools” during my elementary years, during which tests were essentially verboten) and the reality-on-the-ground here in Korea (which is that testing is god and all bow down before it).

Running across this typo, in Bennett’s text, caused me to perform a bizarre mental experiment.  Instead of replacing the word “test” with “text” in the evident error, I decided to replace the word “text” with “test” in the subsequent paragraph.  Here is my sublime paraphrasing of Bennett’s idea, then, reframed as being about tests, rather than texts (I’ve italicized the original typo and bolded my substitutions).   Bennett is writing about the thought of Pierre Macherey, so my substitution game has inflicted on Macherey some thoughts about tests that I’m sure he never had.

More radically, Macherey breaks unequivocally with what we have called ‘the metaphysic of the test‘.  Urging that the concept of the ‘test‘ or the ‘work’ that has for so long been the mainstay of criticism should be abandoned, he advances the argument we have noted above: that there are no such ‘things’ as works or tests which exist independently of the functions which they serve or the uses to which they are put and that these latter should constitute the focal point of analysis.  The test must be studied not as an abstraction but in the light of the determinations which, in the course of its history, successfully rework that test, producing for it different and historically concrete in modifying the conditions of its reception.

The thing is, the quote mostly still works fine, despite this substitution.  This is because texts and tests are obviously related, from a metaphysical standpoint.  They both are functional, performative emissions of a broader cultural and ideological context.   And it leads me to an insight about my changing attitude to testing:  tests are not abstractions, but emerge from concrete cultural conditions and serve broad social purposes above and beyond just pedagogy:  they’re disciplinary systems and indoctrination engines as much as they are evaluative tools.

Here’s what I’m beginning to think:  it’s not so wrong to “teach to the test” as we say.  But let’s teach to the test in an enlightened way, making kids aware of the functions these tests serve, and openly discussing the role they serve in society and their strengths and weaknesses.  I recall, specifically, some concepts about “conscientization” in the context of Liberation Theology, to which I owe a huge debt to a certain professor Hernan Vidal at the University of Minnesota – one of those incredible teachers that leaves a permanent change with a person’s way of thinking about and seeing the world.

The idea of teaching to the test with an admixture of “conscientization” regarding the ideologies of the modes of production that are embedded in these tests, in the context of trying to be an elementary and middle school English as a Foreign Language teacher in Korea – well… let’s just summarize by saying:  “easier said than done.”

But… it’s possible.  With a modicum of humor, hints can be dropped.  Smart kids get it – I’ve done it before.  Now, I’m starting to feel I have a philosophical frame or justification for doing so.  And I’m making peace with the test.

picture

Caveat: Karmic Commute

This is my latest installment in my efforts to document what it's like to go to work.  My commute in Ilsan is just a walk to work, but not so short as the walk from my last Hongnong place to work, and not so far as to require a bus trip like my previous Yeonggwang apartment (which required several installments to document).

I call the commute karmic not because of a reference to Buddhism but because that's the name of new place of work:  Karma Academy.

Caveat: 56) 슬픈 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다

“I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward sad people.”

This is #56 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


54. 이 세상을 옳고 그름으로 분별하며 살아온 죄를 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any misdeeds lived and discerning this world right or wrong.”
55. 병든 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward sick people.”
56. 슬픈 사람에 대한 자비심의 부족함을 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this fifty-sixth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of any insufficiency [in showing] mercy toward sad people.”

Another one of those super-easy translations – just plug in a single change of vocabulary to the preceding one.

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Caveat: no pasa nada

I saw this video yesterday.   The pathos is so strong, for me, I almost cried.  It's from a kindergarten classroom teacher in a neighborhood south of Monterrey, Mexico.

It's kind of hard to tell what's going on in the video.  Apparently during the whole whole time, there is a major gun battle raging outside the window of the classroom, between rival gangs.  The teacher is having the children lie on the floor and keeping them calm, using long-practiced safety drills.  She's running her video camera the whole time, as she talks to them and even tries to lead the kids in a song, and uses the plot of the song to keep them lying flat on the floor (to catch the chocolate drops raining down).  She keeps saying "no pasa nada" [nothing is happening], to reassure them.

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