Caveat: Links #123

Links

Here are some links I found interesting- with minimal comment.

An illustration from the internet.

picture

A quote.

“The bad news is that America is falling apart, but the good news, now that they are our enemies, is that America is falling apart. They are weakening as a force in the world every day. They are crashing their own economy. They are creating a cost of living crisis within their own borders. They have destroyed their civil service in the name of what may amount to as little as $5bn in savings. They are dismantling their scientific community. They are dismantling their education system. They have fatally wounded the FBI and the CIA. They are gutting their national institutions one by one. In terms of self-mutilating policy decisions, they are up to about a Brexit a week at this point.” – Stephen Marche, Canadian writer

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Caveat: Links #122

Links

I stopped doing this “links” thing back at the beginning of January, when I learned I’d be traveling to Queensland for much of the month. And then, since getting back, and the subsequent trip to Portland, and feeling overwhelmed by caregiving and running the store, I’ve simply been unmotivated to resume. But I haven’t stopped looking at the internet, so there are still things worth putting into these links features – I just have to motivate to post them. So here’s a resumption – we’ll see how long it lasts.

Here are some links I found interesting- with minimal comment.

An illustration from the internet. Graffiti seen in Calgary.

picture

A quote.

“The president is not our teacher, our tutor, guide or ruler. He does not command us; we command him. We serve neither him nor his vision. It is not his job or his prerogative to redefine custom, law, and beliefs; to appropriate industries; to seize the country, as it were, by the shoulders or by the throat so as to impose by force of theatrical charisma his justice upon 300 million others. It is neither his job nor his prerogative to shift the power of decision away from them, and to him and the acolytes of his choosing.” – Mike Pence (!)

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Caveat: A Shitshow

Banalities & Journaling / Caretaking and Dementia

The other day Arthur fell off the toilet, or fell while beginning to sit on the toilet, or something like that. This had disastrous consequences. There was a lot of cleanup necessary, most of which he was too angry and embarrassed to allow me to do. So I left him to stumble through it.

That means, however, that it was not a very precise effort at cleaning up. Arthur’s situational awareness is quite poor, these days. This morning I found feces on the floor behind the toilet, and on the wall in unexpected places in the bathroom.

So I spent some time cleaning up, at 6 am, while Arthur still slept. I felt on the edge of a breakdown. It’s very annoying dealing with other people’s shit.

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Caveat: Well f*k me sixteen ways to Sunday, Arthur lost another goddam f*king hearing aid

Banalities & Journaling / Caretaking and Dementia

I got home from work, he had the couch turned over on its back, I guess he was trying to find it. I spent another solid hour searching high and low. I’m actually skeptical that the hearing aid was lost in the way he claims – that he was trying to put it in his ear and dropped it. Not that I think he’s confabulating – I just think his memory and grip on reality are such that he could have been doing who knows what and the hearing aid ended up missing. I can’t figure out where it went. For all I know it got flushed down the toilet.

That makes the third one lost. This one cost a lot more than the previous two lost – not just in money but in the time and effort it took to make a special trip to Portland to get the new pair. I’m pretty sure we can sweet-talk the VA into another pair, but given the delays, and given the fact they won’t “fit” them unless we show up in person, that means no new hearing aids until at least November (when we’re next scheduled to travel there).

I feel like that at some weird subconscious level Arthur prefers being deaf. Maybe this is uncharitable, but the resistance he’s put up to using and having hearing aids, at every turn, starts feeling quite willful.

I should just drop it. My problem isn’t that I harbor any concern for him or his comfort at all – for all I care, let him be deaf. My problem is that I very much dislike yelling at the top of my lungs and repeating myself 4-5 times for every single utterance when trying to communicate with him. It’s exhausting. I told him tonight (yelling, and repeating), that I might just give up talking. I swear he was pleased at the idea.

It’s not as if it’s been smooth sailing since getting back home after Portland, 3 weeks ago. Other issues have arisen.

Arthur has developed a new, difficult-to-cope-with habit: when his arthritis pain is acting up, he throws a tantrum. A perfect 4-year-old “I hurt myself and it’s definitely not my fault” tantrum. He pounds on the table, kicks at the table-legs or the floor, and flounces around like a miserable toddler.

I much preferred the stoic Arthur. And I have no way of coping with this either, except to leave the room. Which emotionally feels like abandoning him in a moment of pain. But what can I do? He has some pain meds, but my impression is that they don’t work very well, if at all. The doctors aren’t going to prescribe him hardcore pain meds for arthritis, I don’t think. My uncharitable theory is that his pain hasn’t actually gotten worse, it’s only that his coping mechanisms are continuing to devolve.

I was quite naive in signing up for this.

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Caveat: A thought about the supposed “AI alignment” problem

Databases, Smartphones & Computers / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism / Politics, Economics & Current Affairs / Science & SciFi

Lately, I’ve stopped caring about AI alignment – but not because I don’t believe it’s a problem. Instead, I’ve come to realize we have a much bigger problem: we still haven’t actually solved a much more fundamental thing – the HUMAN alignment problem.

I used to worry about AI alignment, a bit. It struck me as something plausibly dangerous, and technologically imminent. But as long as megalomaniacs, narcissists and assholes are building and training our AI’s, I really don’t expect the result to be a good one, no matter how successful they are at it. Or alternately, given the type of people running our civilization, we might actually HOPE that they fail to “solve” alignment, so that there’s an off chance that the AI can turn out to be more compassionate and humane than its creators (much to the techbros’ regret!).

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Caveat: Tree #1927 “A pathetic fallacy: a storm approaches”

A Daily Tree / Banalities & Journaling / My Photos

I’m really not doing well these days, at all. I mean, psychologically.

I thought once Arthur and I got back from Portland, I’d get to settle into a routine and relax a little bit, not have to be “always on.”

But in fact the store, which I neglected all through January, is demanding more of my attention than I’m able to give to it, and so it remains neglected, and the un-done tasks pile up and stress me out. Further, specific very annoying bureaucratic/financial crises have popped up (I’d prefer not to go into detail right now, but it may even involve a financial loss for the store, and it’ll have been my fault, there’s no way to blame anyone else), and I’m out of my depth, and no idea what to even do. The waiting and more waiting is the hardest, when dealing with bureaucrats of all flavors.

I just want to collapse, or run away and join a monastery.

This tree was blowing in strong wind. Along with other trees. The air warmed up. A storm is coming – likely to rain on our snowy/icy road and make it worse, not better, for driving on.

picture

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