Caveat: Un cinco de mayo sobre hielo

Yesterday during Children’s Day, I went ice skating. Really. Among other things.

I met some friends who have a child – which seemed appropriate. We hung out at this street-fair style gathering at a place called 고양어울림누리  (roughly, you might call this Goyang Harmony World – Goyang is the name of my city, and Harmony World is a sort of multi-use municipal cultural center, with theaters, museums, sports centers, etc.).

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First we went ice skating – I last went ice skating in the late 1980’s. I didn’t do very well. Neither did many other people. I never fell down, though. Above, here is a picture of me taken by one of my friends from outside the skating rink with a cellphone. Not very good resolution, but I offer this as proof that I actually did this thing, for those who know me well will be skeptical.

After that, we had a kind picnic sitting in some shade among many other families and social groups gathered in open plaza areas. There were many fountains and many children playing in fountains, and except for the wind, it would have been a hot, summery day. The wind kept it pleasant.

We walked around the booths set up for the fair. There were lots of activities for kids.

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The son of my friends wanted to make an airplane. We stopped at that booth.

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I walked around while the boy was making his airplane.  I saw many booths full of crowds making various crafts. And I saw one booth that was almost completely empty – it was a traditional book-making activity. This made me sad. Making books is my number one favorite craft type activity.

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We walked to where a minor-league soccer game was going on. There were only a few people in the stands, but players were taking it very seriously. They argued with the refs.

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It was definitely springtime.

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The airplane was a good investment. The boy played with it for several hours, continuously. Despite the wind, which caused it to follow quite unexpected routes. I like this picture – the plane spun off around behind him, and he’s spinning to try to watch it. The shadow of the plane on the ground looks a little bit like a dragonfly.

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Thus I spent my Cinco de Mayo, 2012 – better known locally as Children’s Day.

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Caveat: Become Someone Else

"I don't feel that it is necessary to know exactly what I am. The main interest in life and work is to become someone else that you were not in the beginning." – Michel Foucault.

What I'm listening to right now.

João Gilberto, "Chega de Saudade." Lyrics:

Vai, minha tristeza
E diz a ela que sem ela não pode ser
Diz lhe numa prece que ela regresse
Porque eu não posso mais sofrer
Chega de saudade, a realidade
É que sem ela não há paz, não há beleza
É só tristeza, e a melancolia
Que não sai de mim, não sai de mim, não sai
Mas se ela voltar, se ela voltar
Que coisa linda, que coisa louca
Pois há menos peixinhos a nadar no mar
Do que os beijinhos que eu darei na sua boca
Dentro dos meus braços os abraços
Hão de ser milhões de abraços apertado assim
Colado assim, calado assim
Abraços e beijinhos e carinhos sem ter fim
Que é pra acabar com esse negócio
De viver longe de mim
Não quero mais esse negócio
De você viver assim
Vamos deixar desse negócio
De você viver sem mim

[Daily Log: walking, 4 km]

Caveat: Talent (?)

Today was a very long day. Karma had its talent show for elementary kids. I think it was at least moderately successful. I shot some video but I will have to edit through it see if any of it is of sufficient quality to post.

After work, the Karmites went out to eat. I tried to follow the conversation, but it wasn't always possible. I always recognize who is being talked about, and the general topics, but I still miss too much of the detail. So I just sat quietly and listened, mostly.

I'm feeling pretty good about work. The contract renewal is in progress – I'm staying another year. I don't think there will be any major complications. Anyway.

More later. Tomorrow is a holiday in Korea – it's called Children's Day. I'm going to get out of the house.

[Daily log: walking, 3 km]

Caveat: Teacher! My favorite beer is Heineken

I had my first day back with the middle-schoolers after the end of the mid-term test-prep period. Many of them were absent, but a core group of my RN1T cohort of mostly seventh graders was present, and they were definitely entertaining. The highlights:

Jeongjae said his homeroom teacher was a pig. I said that didn’t seem like a very nice thing to say. “Why is she a pig?” I asked.

“She gives horrible test!” He explained, which I could see leading to antipathy, but didn’t really make her a pig. “And she gives me food all the time. Extra food. She keeps making me eat!” Jeongjae is very skinny. Maybe she’s trying to take care of him.

“Hmm,” I mused. “That sounds more like a pig-farmer, than a pig.” This went right over the boy’s head. But Eunjin, in the other corner of the room, broke out in a fit of giggles. She’s very quiet, but her English comprehension is excellent. She got the joke.

Later, we were talking about wild animals. “Are there any wild animals in Ilsan?” I asked.

Jeongjae’s hand shot up. “My homeroom teacher!” He announced, confidently.

pictureThe best was when Donghun’s hand shot up, unbidden. “Teacher!” He exclaimed, as if making a profound discovery. “My favorite beer is Heineken!” Out of the blue, and his accent was flawless. This is from a seventh grader. I think it’s from a television commercial. I couldn’t help but laugh at this.

[Daily log: walking, 5 km; running, 3 km]

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Caveat: Karaoke Class

pictureWe’ve been doing a lot of karaoke (노래방 [noraebang] in Korean) in class at Karma. We’re preparing for a talent show. I heard some girls doing a really pretty good rendition of this song, today. I don’t really like the song. But it’s stuck in my head, now.

What I’m listening to right now.

Bruno Mars, “Marry You.” The video isn’t the official Bruno Mars video – it’s something someone did for a film class, I think.

[Daily log: walking, 4 km; running, 4 km]

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Caveat: Recordings in Akkadian

pictureIt turns out that some professors of ancient, extinct languages such as Babylonian, Assyrian and Akkadian (which are all related to each other and to modern Arabic and Hebrew) have decided to make voice recordings of Mesopotamian literature (including Gilgamesh!). These recordings are hosted at the University of Cambridge, here. I’m weird: I like this. I listen to them… without understanding them.

Meanwhile, I’ve been regretting the fact that I kind of dropped the ball on my efforts to develop an exercise routine, last fall. So starting today, I’m going to post a “daily log” as a footnote to my evening blog-post. Such as it were. I walked around part of the lake at the park, this evening, after work.

[Daily log: walking, 7 km; running, 1 km]

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Caveat: Rearrangements

Perhaps as a tribute to my one year anniversary in this Ilsan apartment, I tried rearranging my furniture a little bit. I have a desk and a sofa – those are my bulkiest items. I have no bed – I long ago fully adopted the Korean custom of throwing a blanket on the floor, for sleeping – I just fold it up and put in a corner during the day. A few times I have fallen asleep on my sofa, but although it's comfortable to lounge on and was worth every one of the 150 bucks I spent on it last May, especially reading a book, it's not a pleasant place to sleep.

So last night I had this idea to somehow get my desk closer to my window area, but that puts it close to the sofa. It makes for a more open, roomy apartment with all the crap crammed into one end of it. I don't think I like the feel of it. But now I'm too burned out to rearrange it again just yet. Maybe later. I do like sitting close to the window, now that it's suddenly summer – I can look out at the next building's rooftop garden thing and hear the city noises.

Caveat: And Then, Summer

pictureWhat happened to spring? It was hot today. Summer. What’s with that? Wasn’t it just winter?

OK. Whatever.

My Korean friend Mr Kim of Gwangju called me out the blue today. Why am I so bad at staying in touch with people I genuinely like and am pleased to interact with? Well, I’m glad he called. He was wondering why I never came to visit him in Gwangju. I gave some excuse about being busy… the fact is, I’m lazy and simply haven’t taken the time to travel down there. Maybe this summer, right? I have other people to visit in Gwangju too. Picture, at right: a photo of a painted outside wall panel of a temple I visited at Mudeung mountain, Gwangju.


What I’m listening to right now.

한동준, “너를사랑해.” 가사:

아침이 오는 소리에
문득 잠에서 깨어
내 품안에 잠든 너에게
워우우워 우워워
너를 사랑해
내가 힘겨울때마다
너는 항상 내 곁에
따스하게 어깨 감싸며
워우우워 우워워
너를 사랑해
영원히 우리에겐
서글픈 이별은 없어
때로는 슬픔에
눈물도 흘리지만
언제나 너와 함께
새하얀 꿈을 꾸면서
하늘이 우리를
갈라놓을 때까지
워우우워 우워워
너를 사랑해

내가 힘겨울때마다
너는 항상 내 곁에
따스하게 어깨 감싸며
워우우워 우워워
너를 사랑해
영원히 우리에겐
서글픈 이별은 없어
때로는 슬픔에
눈물도 흘리지만
언제나 너와 함께
새하얀 꿈을 꾸면서
하늘이 우리를
갈라놓을 때까지
워우우워 우워워
너를 사랑해
너를 사랑해

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Caveat: 쓰레기를 먹는 공룡

pictureAs long as we’re on the topic of dystopian(-ish) children’s literature (see previous post), I dug out one of my favorite Korean children’s books that I’ve run across (not that there are that many in my repertoire). It’s entitled 쓰레기를 먹는 공룡, which roughly translates as The Trash-Eating Dinosaur. I love this book, even though I have not, in fact, successfully read it front-to-back. I like the pictures, I like the aesthetic, I like the theme. And I’ve worked through some fragments. It’s a much higher-level, more difficult kid’s book than the others I’ve blogged about here so far. But anyway. I probably like it partly because it reminds me of the Wump World (see, again, previous post). More retro-futuristic dystopianism, but this time, with a Korean cultural twist.

The basic plot is (or seems to be – remember that my ability to read Korean is pretty lousy) that there is a dinosaur that is discovered that eats trash. He’s put to work, but there are unforeseen consequences – environmental, of course, but also with respect to the dinosaur’s quality-of-life, if you will. Things are resolved happily, of course, just like the Wump World – it’s kid’s lit, after all.

Here are some samples of the book. I love the sketch-like illustrations. Here’s the dinosaur strolling around a clearly Seoul-like metropolis (note historical city-wall gate on upper right-hand edge of the drawing – it reminds me too of the 팔달문 neighborhood in Suwon where I used to stay).

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Here’s the dinosaur hard at work. Note the iconic dung-piles in the lower left – these are part of a powerful contemporary visual meme among Korean school children – I see them drawn surreptitiously on desks, blackboards, and books on a daily basis.

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I like the politician or public official trying to berate (or interview? – these concepts are interconnected in Korean culture) the dinosaur in this picture.

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Caveat: Star Trek: Planet Pollutus

pictureI was watching old episodes of Star Trek: Voyager – because I’m something of a trekkie, and I’m feeling yucky and therefore doing absolutely nothing productive with my time. And there was an episode called “Workforce” from season 7, in which the crew of the starship are all abducted by a society with a labor shortage. They’re brainwashed and put to work. There were some scenery tableaux in that episode that seemed to evoke, in my mind at least, the aesthetic of one of the singularly most influential children’s books in my own past: Bill Peet’s Wump World.

Here’s a scene from the episode.

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Here’s a scene from the old children’s classic that, while obviously not identical, bears some striking resemblance at least in my mind.

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You might call it the “Pollutian Aesthetic” – since the Wump World has been taken over by the Pollutians from the Planet Pollutus. In the Star Trek episode, there’s a dash of Orwell’s 1984 (or successor aesthetics like the movie V, for example), too. You might call it retro-futuristic dystopianism.

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Caveat: Another Blog Post

This is my second post for today. I feel lousy. I'm posting this to my blog because I have a rule, now, that I have two posts per day no matter what. So you can read this and think, wow, it looks like Jared posted something new to his blog again. But in fact, it will be disappointing, because this is just a kind of metatextual place-holder with no actual blogular content for you to enjoy or ponder or depreciate or ignore.

Caveat: 감기

Over the last several days I’ve come down with a truly horrendous cold/flu (감기). My voice sounds low and gravelly and halting. It’s a good thing work has been relatively undemanding, as I still have a reduced teaching schedule due to the middle-schoolers’ mid-term test-prep time, but our upcoming first annual Karma talent show is demanding that I do a lot talking in the classes I do have – we’re practicing songs and skits with my elementary students. I end each day voiceless and hoarse.

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Caveat: Bye Bye Bye

pictureNah. Just kidding. I’m not going anywhere. “Bye Bye Bye” is the name of a song we’re doing in the sing-along / listening comprehension CC classes, which I’m teaching to some of the elementary groups during the test-prep period. It’s by N Sync. I don’t like the song. But the kids seem to – not all of them, but some of them. And playing it, for them, going slowly, going over the lyrics, line by line. Well… it gets stuck in your head.

What I’m listening to right now.

N Sync, “Bye Bye Bye.” The sound quality on this youtube seems exceptionally poor, and that’s probably intentional – prevents redistributive piracy. But you get the idea.

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Caveat: Can We Teach English to Aliens While They Shoot Each Other?

pictureIt was a kind of gloomy, rainy weekend, and for once, I didn’t find the rain very comforting. The sky just felt heavy, without feeling dynamic as rain often does, at least for me.

I had fragmented dreams last night – I was trying to teach English to aliens. They kept having laser gun battles in the classrooms. Maybe I watched too much sci-fi crap over the weekend. Hm… maybe not so fantastical, though.

Utterly unrelatedly…

What I’m listening to right now.

효린 (씨스타) [Hyorin (Ssiseuta=Sister)], “널 사랑하겠어 [I Will Love You].” 가사:

내 뜨거운 입술이 너의
부드러운 입술에 닿길 원해
내 사랑이 너의 가슴에 전해지도록

아직도 나의 마음을 모르고 있었다면은
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어
효린 [씨스타] 널 사랑하겠어 Lyrics

어려운 얘기로 너의
호기심을 자극할 수도 있어
그 흔한 유희로 이 밤을 보낼 수도 있어

하지만 나의 마음을
이제는 알아줬으면 해
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다 널 사랑하겠어

널 사랑하겠어 언제까지나
널 사랑하겠어 지금 이 순간처럼
이 세상 그 누구보다
널 사랑하겠어

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Caveat: Tippa Tappa Tappa

I awoke to rain tapping on my window. Tippa. Tappa tappa.

I feel slow… that feeling when you wake up, that you're not sure who or where you are, for a moment. Reality takes time, re-integrating.

I've been reading a novel called Aquella Montaña Tan Lejana, which is a translation into Spanish of Korean novelist Wanseo Park's 그 산이 정말 거기 있었을까. Amazing, what can be found in Seoul's bookstores, eh? I haven't gotten very far into it, yet. I'll provide some thoughts on it, later, maybe.

Caveat: 소 잃고 외양간 고치기

소   잃고      외양간  고치기
cow lose-AND stable fix-GER
[…like] fixing the stable after losing the cow.

The proverbial meaning is obvious, and matches English’s “Closing the barn door after the horse is gone.”

It’s a sunny Spring morning. The sky is hazy. Next week is my one-year anniversary of departing Hongnong. It feels like yesterday. I miss some aspects of it – it was a complex and life-altering experience in a way that the year since then has not been. But it wasn’t sustainable for me. So I cannot regret having left, and having come here. This has been a much more low-key, stable-feeling, emotionally sustainable year. More on meditations on renewal, later.

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Caveat: Find Myself a City to Live In

What I'm listening to right now.

Talking Heads, "Cities." From 1979's Fear of Music. I have found several cities to live in, over the years, taking the song's advice. Lately, the city I live in is Seoul, of course. Previous favorites included L.A., Philadelphia, Minneapolis, and México, D.F. Hmm, why am I saying this? I don't know.

I love the Talking Heads, even after all these years. They never get old to me. I guess you'd call them formative, or essential, or foundational to my musical taste and character. This evening, I ran across a great review at The Atlantic of a book-length review by Jonathan Letham of the Fear of Music album. This is what put this song on my playlist.

The lyrics:

Think of London, a small city
It's dark, dark in the daytime
The people sleep, sleep in the daytime
If they want to, if they want to

[CHORUS]
I'm checking them out
I'm checking them out
I got it figured out
I got it figured out
There's good points and bad points
Find a city
Find myself a city to live in.

There are a lot of rich people in Birmingham
A lot of ghosts in a lot of houses
Look over there!…A dry ice factory
A good place to get some thinking done

Down El Paso way things get pretty spread out
People got no idea where in the world they are
They go up north and come back south
Still got no idea where in the world they are.

Did I forget to mention, to mention Memphis
Home of Elvis and the ancient greeks
Do I smell? I smell home cooking
It's only the river, it's only the river.

Caveat: Giganta et al

Giganta

“I never knew that a playground could look like a fun-loving giant robot and a prison for hardened criminals at the same time.” – Thus writes someone at Komboh blog. How could I disagree? – this is fabulous. Plus, I really like the guy’s blog website design. It’s really awesome.

I have been addicted to graphic design websites since before they existed. Um… how is this possible? Well I don’t really mean websites, do I? When I worked for the University of Minnesota Libraries, in the late 1980’s, I discovered a magazine called Graphis (the magazine still exists). It was a glossy collection of the best of graphic design and advertising design. I would spend hours paging slowly through back issues. It was almost a kind of meditation. It was also a way to kind of stay in touch with my creative side, and to get a feel for the world. So now, all these years later, I still page idly through graphic design and arts magazines – I just do it online, now. I visit My Modern Met blogs almost daily, for example. And I regularly discover new sites like Komboh, referenced above.

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Caveat: 1:20 AM

Last night, at 1:20 AM, a very loud and scary-sounding alarm began to sound in my building. I woke up, startled. My first thought: I opened a window and listened to the world outside, to see if it was part of a broader civil-defense alert (e.g. North Korea finally going off the deep end). Relieved that that didn't appear to be the case, I figured two possibilities: 99%) somebody messing around and made a mistake; 1%) an actual fire in the building. I opened my door into the corridor, and exchanged blurry glances with a neighbor guy down the hall. We shrugged. I went back in, grabbed my little "documents" box and threw it into my backpack, slipped on some shoes, grabbed my cellphone and wallet, and went down the stairs, seven floors, to the lobby of my building.

There were many people loitering around. But no evidence of fire trucks, nor was the night-watch doorman/parking-lot dude anywhere in evidence. I exchanged meaningless glances with some deeply annoyed-looking women. The night-shift man in the 24-hour convenience store off the lobby (with whom I have a "nod hello" acquaintance since he's always starting his shift when I stop in there on the way home from work to buy my bottled cold corn-tassle tea or orange juice or milk) didn't seem to be noticing the alarm at all.

The alarm stopped. I went back up the stairs, because the elevators seemed stuck on some upper floor. I stopped and peered in a few of the floors on the way back to the seventh. Nothing really going on. I went into my apartment, and put down my bag. I figured if it was a real fire, the alarm would start again, but I was also feeling stressed because it seemed likely that it could go off again, if it was the result of someone's mistake. So I stayed awake. I fired up the computer and surfed the internet, and tried to watch an episode of the Daily Show. I thought about my "emergency response" plan. I actually have one – I keep all my important documents in a plastic box which I can grab easily (as I did this time). And my laptop sleeps in my backpack, too. And I have a detachable harddrive with file backups that I can throw into it easily. I looked around my apartment, and wondered if there was anything else I'd regret hugely to lose, in an emergency. Hm… I'm kind of a pack-rat, especially with books and papers. But … I'd let go of most of it without being plunged into depression, if it had to happen. And so… whatever.

I feel like I didn't get a very good night's rest, though.

Caveat: Bots

I have been known to log on to some chat utility or another (i.e. AIM or Yahoo) to interact with some long-lost acquaintances now and then. There are lot of bots lurking out there in these nether parts of the internet. Mostly, of course, one wants to ignore such things as bots. But the other day I was inspired, I decided to see what the bot had to say for itself. I was unimpressed, except by my own strangeness. I have changed the usernames to protect the innocent and the guilty.


bogybaggle: heya.

jaredrobot: really?

bogybaggle: hey! 21/femaIe here. you?

jaredrobot: robot. indeterminate age.

bogybaggle: NO i am not a bot

jaredrobot: i know. i am.

bogybaggle: hmm….. have we ever chatted be4?

jaredrobot: yes. we are one and the same. one mind. hive mind.

bogybaggle: oh sorry…. i am reaIIy forgetfuII sometimes. but anyways whats up?

jaredrobot: i'm suffering from an epistemological crisis.

bogybaggle: hey i have some pictures of me on my profiIe on this site if you wouId Iike to see them?

jaredrobot: i don't have the ability to integrate visual data.

bogybaggle:
yeah? ok weII you wiII have to signup there to make sure that your not a
kid because i have a coupIe R rated pictures on there

bogybaggle: but dontt worry it is completly free and easy to signup. heres the signup page https://[redacted]

jaredrobot: kid robot. you're a genius.

bogybaggle: A bot? not hardly babe. Are you?

jaredrobot: yep.

bogybaggle: when u get Iogged in then search for my profiIe bogybaggle.

bogybaggle: if u want to see my R rated pics. the gaIlIery password is xxxfun

jaredrobot: yes, mistress. i'm yours to command.

bogybaggle: brb.
jaredrobot: that's what they all say.

What I'm listening to right now.



Bumblebeez 81, "I Come With Water."

[This is a back-post, written at the date shown but only saved in draft form for a very long time. I finally decided to go through and officially "post" a bunch of old draft posts lying around.]

Caveat: 모양 나라에 온 도깨비

I like children’s books. I like the Korean language. So my recent decision to try to read one Korean kid’s book each week as part of my efforts to learn the language seems destined to be a win-win. Here’s the book. It’s very low level, of course – such is my proficiency with Korean.

The book is called 모양 나라에 온 도깨비, which I would translate as “The gnome who came to the land of shapes.” It’s not really a gnome – a 도깨비 [do-kkae-bi] is a native Korean fairy-tale creature that’s kind of a cross between a gnome and a unicorn, maybe.

Here’s the cover.

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The first page introduces the land of triangles.

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Other shapes are introduced, farther along. Then all the various shapes, who seem to live in segregated neighborhoods, all run into each other while on a picnic. The plot thickens. So does the Korean – this next was a difficult page to decipher.

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A rough translation of this page:

Hello, triangles!
You guys are a little bit weird-looking.
Hello, rectangles!
Really funny-looking.
Hello, circles!
First time ever to see such faces.

Then things get bad. There’s a wind-storm; the shapes get mixed up with each other, and then the gnome shows up. Oh noes!

But it’s a kid’s book. There’s a happy ending.

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Caveat: Such Is Sunday

I'm really so very anti-social, these days. And I'm trying to not spend so much time online, during my weekend time. I had a pretty positive, relaxing day, but it wasn't what you would view as objectively productive. I studied Korean for a while. I read some books. Not whole books – parts of various books, including finally finished the first volume of the three volume history of Korea I'm working through. I wrote a little bit, and I cleaned my apartment's floor. I stayed off the internet for most of the day – which is a pretty major accomplishment, actually. Such is Sunday.

What I'm listening to right now.

미쓰에이 [Miss A], "터치[Touch]." 가사:

Album: 닫힌 내 가슴은 누구도 사랑할 수가 없다
그렇게 믿었는데 어느새 내 가슴이 열리고 있어
굳은 내 가슴은 다시는 설레일 수가 없다
그렇게 믿었는데 너를 볼 때마다 내 가슴이 뛰어
You touch my heart baby (touch touch)
You touch my heart baby (touch touch)
부드러운 손길로 내 마음을 어루만져 (touch)
You touch my heart baby (touch touch)
You touch my heart baby (touch touch)
내 마음을 모두 다 다 다 가져 갔어 (touch)

상처를 주기도 받기도 이제는 정말 싫다
그렇게 믿었는데 너와는 왜 그런 일이 없을 것 같니
가슴에 상처가 나으려면 한참이 걸릴 거다
그렇게 믿었는데 어느새 내가 너의 품에 안겨있어
얼음처럼 차가워진 내 가슴 어느샌가 살며시 빼앗은
너는 따스하게 비치는 햇살 내 상처에 다시 나는 새 살
나도 모르게 어느새 너에게 기대
하늘이 다시 한 번 내게 기회를
준 걸지도 모른다는 생각이 내 마음에 들어 baby

Caveat: Rabbits Eating Basketballs

pictureIt was supposed to be “Rabbits eating vegetables.” But the latter word wasn’t familiar to my low level elementary students, whereas they all knew the word “basketball.” So when we recited the little dialog in chapter 9, that’s how it came out.

I tried to explain that rabbits don’t eat basketballs, but rather, vegetables. And I drew a picture on the blackboard, to explain why. I don’t have that picture – a student who found it disturbing erased it too quickly. But I have a reproduction that I drew just now – see picture at right.

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Caveat: Dreaming in SQL


-- I awoke from a dream this morning muttering,
-- "Well, I better to get to work
-- on that data warehouse."
--
-- The dream was one of those SQL coding dreams I used
-- to have a lot, when I was working as an SQL coder.
-- Screens filled with half-written SQL queries written
-- against the infamous ARAMARK datawarehouse (or my
-- surreptitious 2 terabyte copy of it that was running
-- on the "National Accounts Stealth Server" that I'd
-- constructed under my desk), in which I'd denormalized
-- the database to speed up pivot table queries of
-- various kinds. Dreams filled with feelings of anxiety
-- and urgency and frustration. I almost never have
-- those dreams, anymore - I haven't done a single
-- line of programming in almost 5 years, now. I'm a
-- happier and more balanced person, because of
-- it (though not perfect, oh no, I know).
--
-- But sometimes dreams do weird things, and this
-- early dawn, as my cold medicine wore off (I'm combatting
-- an unpleasant flu currently), I was plunged
-- into a vivid relapse of my database-hacking days. And I
-- awoke with a sense that I was behind on some ill-defined
-- but very important project, some report due
-- that day and the queries were running too slow, some
-- effort to find some ineluctable fragment of
-- information or some anomalous, dangerous data point
-- that the sales people insisted shouldn't exist and
-- would embarrass us in front of the customer, but
-- lo and behold, there it was glaring up from the
-- spreadsheet.
--
-- I made some of my Brazilian instant coffee, and
-- ate toast and an apple for breakfast.
--
-- Below is a dummy query from a SQL educational
-- website. Just to give a flavor or my dreaming.
DECLARE @PivotColumnHeaders VARCHAR(MAX)
SELECT @PivotColumnHeaders =
COALESCE(
@PivotColumnHeaders + ',[' + [MonthName] + ']',
'[' + [MonthName] + ']'
)
FROM dummy.dbo.ListMonthNames()
ORDER BY monthid
--
DECLARE @PivotTableSQL NVARCHAR(MAX)
SET @PivotTableSQL = N'
SELECT *
FROM (
SELECT
YEAR(OrderDate) [Year],
DATENAME(MONTH, OrderDate) as [Month],
SubTotal
FROM Sales.SalesOrderHeader
) TableDate
PIVOT (
SUM(SubTotal)
FOR [Month] IN (
' + @PivotColumnHeaders + '
)
) PivotTable
'
EXECUTE(@PivotTableSQL)
-- What I'm listening to, right now.
-- Kray Van Kirk, "You to me." There's no youtube or other
-- online video for this song. So... find your own copy - his
-- music is free from his website (I wonder... I should make my
-- own youtube. I wonder if he would object?

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Caveat: Free-Will Inspection

Koreans (like most Asians) often wear T-shirts with incomprehensible English on them. It’s like the clothing companies have hired unemployed Nigerian spamists to write their T-shirt slogans. I wish I took a picture of the phrase I saw today. I was walking to work earlier and saw one of those modern Korean dads – pushing the baby stroller, talking on his cell phone, dressed super-casually in jeans and T-shirt.

But then, in large maroon letters on the back of his shirt, it said, “Free-Will Inspection.” I didn’t get to see the front.

But I wonder what “Free-Will Inspection” is supposed to be. How does it work? If I decided to undergo Free-Will Inspection, would I get a positive result? If I flunk my Free-Will Inspection, does that mean I have a free will or don’t have a free will? Which is the preferable outcome?

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Caveat: Holy Crap, Spring.

It's 21 C (that's 70 F, approximately). First time even close to that temperature, since last Fall, I think. Well, time goes on. Spring is my least favorite season in Korea – it's often smoggy around Seoul, and that's when the Yellow Dust (from Mongolia, laden with Chinese characteristics) is worst. But it often has beautiful individual days, and seeing the flowers and trees bloom is often beautiful, too.

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