Fourth-grader Jeonghyeon impressed me today, because she gave me a picture of a fish school. It was impressive because this was a fairly accurate representation of something we’d talked about during my “phone-teaching” with her last Friday. It was a sign that her comprehension skills are actually improving, and it’s a credit to the phone-teaching concept. She’s a difficult student – a befuddling combination of a sunny, positive attitude and stubborn resistance to actually learning something.
Here’s her fish school.
I’m extremely tired tonight. I think I slept badly over the last several days. I’m not sure why.
Slavoj Žižek's new book, Less Than Nothing, is reviewed in the New York Review of Books by John Gray. I haven't read the book, though I might buy it and make an attempt to read it if I came across it – it's about topics that interest me, including Hegel and the dialectic. But Gray's review is withering. Having previously explained Žižek's concept called "paraconsistent logic," he deploys it in his conclusion:
"Achieving a deceptive substance by endlessly reiterating an essentially empty vision, Žižek’s work—nicely illustrating the principles of paraconsistent logic—amounts in the end to less than nothing."
Bam. Takedown. Or is it?
I'm not anti-Žižek, but I get that he seems, well… like a self-parody. And Gray's point about his obsession with violence is valid. He's not a comfortable philosopher, but I'm utterly confident that his incoherence is deliberate. Whether it's deliberate because he's pulling it off as a sort of intellectual deception (a la Sokal affair), or because he's using it as a sort of dialectical "tool-of-instruction" (a la the Socratic Method), I'm not sure.
Again, although I haven't read the book, it seems to me that Gray didn't get what Žižek was doing. It's supposed to be less than nothing. The title says so.
Last night I dreamed I returned to Yeonggwang, but that Yeonggwang resembled Humboldt County, as Humboldt County would be if it were occupied by Koreans. Interesting.
Koreans don't call the Korean War the Korean War. Mostly, they call it 육이오 [yuk-i-o], which is just six-two-five, i.e., the date the war started. On this day in 1950, the North invaded the South. It's not a holiday, but some stores and businesses close, and there are a lot of flags, and some people seem a bit somber, if they're thinking of it.
At work, because of the merger, there are more meetings than usual. I find them frustrating, because a lot of important stuff is being said and decided, and with my poor Korean, I'm marginalized. I got an agenda for a big meeting tomorrow, and I spent nearly an hour studying it. I'm shocked and dismayed and saddened by how little vocabulary I know, still, after all these years. Sigh.
I was in the Gyeongbokgung subway station yesterday and happened to notice this piece of inspirational poetry posted on the “anti-suicide” doors (there are doors in many subway stations now along the platform edges, which prevents people from falling or jumping into the track area before the train comes – so I think of them as anti-suicide doors, though I’m sure they have other justifications as well). I snapped a picture.
The poem is by an American, Douglas Malloch, apparently a Freemason and lumberjack, among other things. The text on the door is in English on the right, translated to Korean on the left.
The tone and message of the poem is so “Korean” I can see why it was selected for inspirational subway poetry. There is a lot of subway poetry, these days, but most of it is Korean, of course – as is only appropriate.
Oddly, there is no wikipedia entry about Malloch – doesn’t anyone who ever wrote a book have a wikipedia entry? But I googled a masonic website with a page dedicated to his work. Here’s the poem from the subway door.
Be the Best of Whatever You Are
If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill, Be a scrub in the valley — but be The best little scrub by the side of the rill; Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.
If you can’t be a bush be a bit of the grass, And some highway happier make; If you can’t be a muskie then just be a bass — But the liveliest bass in the lake!
We can’t all be captains, we’ve got to be crew, There’s something for all of us here, There’s big work to do, and there’s lesser to do, And the task you must do is the near.
If you can’t be a highway then just be a trail, If you can’t be the sun be a star; It isn’t by size that you win or you fail — Be the best of whatever you are!
It’s preceded by this quote:
“We all dream of great deeds and high positions, away from the pettiness and humdrum of ordinary life. Yet success is not occupying a lofty place or doing conspicuous work; it is being the best that is in you. Rattling around in too big a job is worse than filling a small one to overflowing. Dream, aspire by all means; but do not ruin the life you must lead by dreaming pipe dreams of the one you would like to lead. Make the most of what you have and are. Perhaps your trivial, immediate task is your one sure way of proving your mettle. Do the thing near at hand, and great things will come to your hand to be done.”
I had a strange dream last night where I was walking around Ilsan and ended up in Minneapolis. But the signs were still in Korean. I felt lost. What I’m listening to right now.
인피니트 (Infinite), “추격자” (The Chaser).
[UPDATE 2020-03-21: link rot repair] 가사.
★인피니트-추격자★
미안해 마 독하게 날 버리고 떠나도 돼 니가 원한다면 그래 good bye
허나 내 맘까지 접은건 아냐 내 사랑이 이겨
아이야 먼저 가 어기야 디여라차 어기야디야 되찾을꺼야 잠시야 앞서도 널 따라 잡으리 난~
그녀를 지켜라 날 잊지 못하게 내 님이 계신 곳 끝까지 가련다
rap)잊어버려 이별의 말 앞에 멈춰가는 가슴 치고 무릎 꿇어본 나 꺼져버려 썪은 장작 같은 슬픔에 타버린 날 끌어본다 식은 네 맘이 왜 아직 내 마음을 매일 설레이고 헤매게 하는지 걸어본다 사랑에 날 굳게 만들지 또
아이야 먼저 가 어기야 디여라차 어기야디야 되찾을꺼야 잠시야 아파도 결국엔 웃으리 난~
그녀를 지켜라 날 잊지 못하게 내 님이 계신 곳 끝까지 가련다 거리를 좁혀라 내 손에 잡히게 내 님을 찾아서 내 전불 걸련다
rap)그래 나 독한 맘으로 널 버리려 했어 애써 본능을 짓밟아 버리며 흐려진 너에 대한 집착 또한 다~ 사랑이라~ 내뱉는 난~ 또 도저히 널 놓지도 끊지도 못해 오늘도 뭔가에 홀린 듯 눈가에 맺힌 너를 쫓아
미안해 girl 절대 너란 끈을 놓진 않을래 내가 니 맘 돌릴꺼니 괜찮아 가슴 쥐 뜯겨도 별거 아니야
그녀를 지켜라 날 잊지 못하게 내 님이 계신 곳 끝까지 가련다
내 맘이 그렇지 하나만 알아서 꺾기고 아파도 널 사랑 하련다
미안해 마 독하게 날 버리고 떠나도 돼 니가 원한다면 그래 good bye 허나 내 맘까지 접은건 아냐
I was sharing with my boss an opinion: given that a lot of parents are expressing distrust of the merger between Karma and Woongjin, he should call them all, personally. That’s always been one my “if I ran the hagwon” ideas, anyway – the owner or on-site manage should be intimately involved in building and maintaining relationships with ALL the parents, since they are, after all, the paying customers. The students, for better or worse, are essentially product. This is not to depreciate them in any way – they are the thing I like about my job, and they’re why I do it. But applying the lessons I learned from a decade of working in real-world business settings, you can’t ever forget your customers.
Curt has been stressed, lately, though. In response to my suggestion, he just said in a kind of a lighthearted way, “개소리” [gae-so-ri = “bullshit” (literally, it means “dog-noise”)]. It was kind meant as, “yeah, right, like I’m going to find time to do that.” I laughed it off. And my feelings were in no way hurt. But I nevertheless felt (and feel) that he’s making a mistake in this matter, maybe.
During the CC class (karaoke) I taught today, the boys insisted in hearing / seeing the video for a song called “Party Rock.” It has a zombie-themed shuffle-dance-craze-including video. Those fifth-grade boys are utterly enraptured by this video and song. I can’t figure it out.
What I’m listening to right now.
Yesterday and today I have to work mornings – we're doing presentations to parents about the transition to the new merged hagwon situation.
Working from 10:30 am to 10 pm makes for a long day – even if there is quite a bit of dead time in there.
The morning is overcast. It's been such a dry, sunny early summer this year. I'll be happy when the monsoon comes. I think the trees will be, too. They're looking dryish.
Madness, “Our House.” 29 years ago I graduated high school. At that time, this was my favorite song. I remember driving down to Santa Barbara that summer, and hearing it getting frequent radio-play.
I took this photo in 1983. I’m just randomly placing it here. It’s of some seagulls at Mad River Beach in Arcata (the town of my birth).
My student Ahyeon was angry at me today. But unlike most elementary students, instead of acting out, she approached her anger in an unusual way: she ignored the class proceedings for about 20 minutes (I could tell she was angry – it was about some issue related to the awarding of points on homework), and spent the time carefully making a “black card” for me (picture at right), which she presented to me with a shy smile at the end of class. It was very unusual, but I was pleased with it, in a strange way. It was so communicative – which as a language teacher, is much more valuable than the content of the communication, if that makes any sense.
– Notes for Korean –
냄새 [naem-sae] – smell (I was excited to learn this word from context based on overhearing someone talking – that’s so unusual, and it’s a much, much better way to learn vocabulary than repeatedly trying to memorize it)
두음법칙 [du-eum-beop-chik] – liaison (initial sound-[change] rules)
At work yesterday, the front-desk person was handing out some student-placement spreadsheet printouts and she skipped me. This always annoys me, because I have a genuine interest in what’s happening to the students.
I think they leave me out because they assume I’m not interested, since I don’t often don’t join in the discussions they have over these printouts (given that they are in Korean and/or they often seem to take place at times when I’m off teaching a class – my schedule is thicker in the afternoons whereas many of the teachers have a thin afternoon schedule and a thicker evening schedule, and so meetings are often in the afternoons).
So this time, I said something like, “why are you forgetting me, can I have one too?” and she happily complied.
But then Curt remarked, muttering, “빈정상했어” [bin-jeong-sang-haess-eo]. And of course I had no idea what this meant. And I wanted to know.
It therefore became a long, drawn-out discussion over what, exactly, this phrase means. The verb (빈정상하다 [binjeongsanghada] / alternate form 빈정사다 [binjeongsada]) doesn’t appear any online Korean-English dictionaries we consulted. Google translate doesn’t even try.
After some back-and-forth, we decided it meant something roughly like “peeve” as in, “he’s/you’re peeved” (the subject is left out in Korean and so you can fill in whatever verb subject fits the situation). But I wasn’t really satisfied with this.
The Korean-Korean dictionaries online don’t have the verb (or the pre-derived verb-noun 빈정상) either. For the near-match 비정상, they offer definitions as follows. The definitions are hard enough to understand – my “translations” of the definitions are tentative at best.
1.) 어떤 것이 바뀌어 달라지거나 탈이 생겨 나타나는 제대로가 아닌 상태. “The condition of [something] not being as one desires [such] that some kind of trouble or revised change appears.” 2.) 바르거나 떳떳하지 못한 상태. “The condition of being unable to be honorable or upright.”
These definitions utterly fail to match Curt’s off-the-cuff definition and don’t match my intuition of verb’s actual meaning. They don’t make any sense at all, in my opinion. So that’s not it. Just a lexical wild-goose-chase.
Looking at the verb in parts (which isn’t always a smart or correct thing to do with Korean verbs, as my Korean tutor is constantly insisting), I see the first part is 빈정, which appears bound in other verbs like 빈정거리다, which means “to make a sarcastic remark.” And the second part is 상하다, which includes a definition “to be hurt, to be offended, to be troubled with.” This latter is promising – it seems to match Curt’s definition much better. If you add in a shading of sarcasm, it actually seems to capture my actual expression and manner pretty well.
So I’m going to offer a tentative English definition of the phrase “빈정상했어” as “he’s/you’re sarcastically peeved” … but in slangy pragmatics (and dating myself to the 1980s) as “don’t have a cow, man.”
What I’m listening to right now. Linkin Park, “Pushing Me Away.”
Some of my elementary students were drawing things during some extra time because we were taking a placement test related to the change in curriculum next month. I drew some alligators for a girl named Yumin, and she added her own other things to my alligators.
Another student drew something idyllic and Korean-themed.
Another was inspired to create his own alligator, which I liked a lot.
It was a long day at work, despite a light teaching load. I stayed at work and organized stuff so that when we move (in July), I’ll be ready.
As one commenter points out: “For the materialist in you.”
It’s fun to think of all kinds of wacky advertising tag-lines. The best I’ve come up with in the last 5 minutes is: “Sometimes changing the means of production takes a litte extra. Let us help.”
How can you hate a font? I've often been puzzled by the Comic Sans haters out there in the world. And finally, some guy has produced a professional and truly entertaining, if tongue-in-cheek rebuttal.
On a slightly more serious note, I use Comic Sans occasionally, on this blog, but in my teaching work, I use it quite a bit when making hand-outs for my lower-grade, lower-ability students. Why? Because there have been actual studies that show that Comic Sans (and related simple, "handwriting style" fonts) is easier for people unfamiliar with the Latin alphabet to read.
As an example, consider the shape of the letter "g" in a more "sophisicated" font: g
I've had lower-level students point to a printed "g" of this style in their school books and ask me literally, "what's that?" Compare it to what they're taught to write: g
Think about it. And stop the Comic Sans hating, people.
Today was a truly useless day, by the way. I didn't do any of the things I'd intended to do. My procrastination is on maximum.
When I was in my early 20s, I smoked cigarettes. I was defnitely addicted, but I managed to kick the habit without that much difficulty. I started again when I was in the Army, but it was always a kind of boredom-while-working type thing, there, doing what everyone does during the breaks. It never really got to be a habit during that time.
Mostly I don't think about smoking, except that I'm glad that I stopped. But sometimes I get cravings. And this morning, when I woke up, I awoke from a dream about smoking cigarettes that was weirdly compelling. In the dream, I'd gotten really angry because I'd gone to buy cigarettes and I had been charged an outrageous amount of money – there was vivid moment of handing over one of those gold-colored Korean ₩50,000 (about 50 bucks) and getting small change back. So I was smoking my cigarettes, in the dream, one after the other, as if to say, "damn, I'd better enjoy these, they were so expensive."
I like when I have strange dreams – I've been having a lot of them lately. My sleep patterns are messed up, too. That part, I don't like so much.
So it's official, now – the letters went out to parents today, so they can't really go changing their minds, at this point. My current place of employment, Karma Academy, is merging with Woongjin Plus, which just happens to be the company that took over and eventually renamed my former employer, LBridge, affectionately known as "hellbridge" to some of its workers. Overall, there were a lot of things I liked about LBridge, so I don't see this as necessarily apocalyptic – and one of the things I liked least about LBridge was the management, which will have changed twice over by the time I'm back there again next month. My current boss, Curt, will be in charge. I wonder though, at how this will work out. There are a lot of "I wonders" now.
I'm going to keep an open mind. Given the current market conditions, mergers are one of the few ways a hagwon can grow. So I understand the business rationale. But why this specific marriage? – two hagwon could hardly be more mis-matched, from a business culture standpoint. That's actually the point, as a conversation with my boss last night underscored. Perhaps both can grow and improve through cross-fertilization.
The title to this blog post is rather alarmist. But I'm not really expecting a return to the dark days of 2008. And as I said, there were a lot of things I really liked about LBridge – especially the rigid curriculum. Karma could use some structure, in that area. I had a moment of schadenfreude during a "training presentation" yesterday, when a powerpoint slide on a means of evaluating student writing was flashed on the screen that bore clear markings of being the descendant of the speech and writing scoring schema I developed while at LBrdige and had happily turned over to the curriculum designer (who's long-gone, now, but the earmarks of her work are everywhere). That weird feeling that you've left actual traces of your work at an organization that you've long left behind, but now, returning, there it is. "I made that," I wanted to say. I refrained.
There’s a guy in Oregon that turned an old jetliner into his home.
This reminds me of the kind of thing my uncle would do – the uncle that lives in Alaska and travels the world as a helicopter pilot.
I don’t know why I feel so tired lately. Perhaps I’m getting sick, or maybe I’m letting myself get stressed out about work. But well… anyway. Life, it goes on.
거짓말도 방편 falsehood-word-TOO expedient Even a lie is expedient. The end justifies the means. Eh? I try not to live by this maxim, but I know lots of people believe it. Yesterday I stayed late at work, which is why I didn’t exercise. This morning I feel unmotivated. No lie.
I ran across this image a while back – from some episode of Spongebob Squarepants.
It’s Patrick’s to-do list, of course. I sometimes can relate – although my to-do list never says that. But sometimes, maybe it should, right? Zen.
The opposite of zen might be “nez.” How would this work? Always worrying, always stressing, always planning and organizing compulsively, never in-the-moment. Right?
Work is causing me some worry, these days – there will be a big announcement soon. More in the never-ending saga of “M&A: Korean hagwon industry edition” (that’s M&A = “Mergers and Acquisitions”). There, that’s a good teaser. But honestly, why should I worry. I’ll be fine. I’m not invested in it, and the contracts are always one year long. I hate to see what the kids go through, sometimes, though. Kids do best with stability. Adults all around the world are pretty lousy at providing that.
Finally, on my blog’s left-hand column, I have various widgets. I’m sometimes adding, deleting, moving them around. Did you see the new cost-of-war widget? I may tire of it soon – it’s depressing. But I thought I’d try it out.
The other day, my weather widget told me that the weather was “expired.”
I dreamed a Xanth novel last night. This might require some background in order to be understandable to most people, I suspect – probably more background than I'm really willing to give… so perhaps you could spend some time on the topic using the wikithing if you're really interested (and who, reading this blog, is really interested?). My feeling about Piers Anthony's Xanth novels is that they're not as good as they seemed to me at the time when I read most of them, but they're not bad, either. They are good, optimistic, teenage boy nerd-lit.
OK. The dream. There was this dwarf or hobbit-looking character, who wore blue pajamas, and his special magic power was that his presence intensified the feelings of community and togetherness and the social cohesion of the people around him. A lot. But it worked very subtly, and in a way that did not make it obvious at all that his presence was the cause. Somehow I was on a quest – possibly to figure out my own magic power. All very typically Xanthian. There were weird espionage things going on, and I was peripheral to the central plot, more of an observer than a participant.
We sailed off across some sea, Dawn Treader style (see CS Lewis's Narnia series – and by the way, that's the only Narnia book I genuinely liked – and no, I've never seen any of the Narnia movies). The details of the dream have faded quickly since waking up, and so … I don't know exactly what happened. We landed on some new continent. There was a distraught princess who felt threatened by the dwarf character – perhaps she was aware of his magic power and was threatened. There was a fractious community that resembled an English hagwon that slowly became more harmonious because of the dwarf's secret magic. But then the dwarf was assissinated by a mule that had George W's face, and while the princess held the dead dwarf's hands and cried, I woke up.
Setting aside the annoying, brutalist symbolism toward the end, I'm genuinely interested in the narrative potential of the aspect regarding a "magic power" that intesnsifies communitarianism. I've long been intrigued by – and drawn to – concepts of intentional communities. I was deeply influenced by my "borderline hippy commune" childhood, no doubt. I suspect if there is a character in my real life that resembles this peculiar blue-pajama-wearing dwarf, it might be my mother – someone who sometimes seems better at creating community around herself than being in that community. I was struck by the aspect in which my role in the dream was as a spectator of community being built by others, rather than as a participant, myself. I wish I wasn't like that, but I accept that it's my natural role, maybe.
Sucede que me canso de ser hombre. Sucede que entro en las sastrerías y en los cines marchito, impenetrable, como un cisne de fieltro Navegando en un agua de origen y ceniza.
El olor de las peluquerías me hace llorar a gritos. Sólo quiero un descanso de piedras o de lana, sólo quiero no ver establecimientos ni jardines, ni mercaderías, ni anteojos, ni ascensores.
Sucede que me canso de mis pies y mis uñas y mi pelo y mi sombra. Sucede que me canso de ser hombre.
Sin embargo sería delicioso asustar a un notario con un lirio cortado o dar muerte a una monja con un golpe de oreja. Sería bello ir por las calles con un cuchillo verde y dando gritos hasta morir de frío
No quiero seguir siendo raíz en las tinieblas, vacilante, extendido, tiritando de sueño, hacia abajo, en las tapias mojadas de la tierra, absorbiendo y pensando, comiendo cada día.
No quiero para mí tantas desgracias. No quiero continuar de raíz y de tumba, de subterráneo solo, de bodega con muertos ateridos, muriéndome de pena.
Por eso el día lunes arde como el petróleo cuando me ve llegar con mi cara de cárcel, y aúlla en su transcurso como una rueda herida, y da pasos de sangre caliente hacia la noche.
Y me empuja a ciertos rincones, a ciertas casas húmedas, a hospitales donde los huesos salen por la ventana, a ciertas zapaterías con olor a vinagre, a calles espantosas como grietas.
Hay pájaros de color de azufre y horribles intestinos colgando de las puertas de las casas que odio, hay dentaduras olvidadas en una cafetera, hay espejos que debieran haber llorado de vergüenza y espanto, hay paraguas en todas partes, y venenos, y ombligos. Yo paseo con calma, con ojos, con zapatos, con furia, con olvido, paso, cruzo oficinas y tiendas de ortopedia, y patios donde hay ropas colgadas de un alambre: calzoncillos, toallas y camisas que lloran lentas lágrimas sucias.
– Pablo Neruda
A veces me siento así igual. Mas en el momento me siento sólo solo, y cansado – pero no cansado de ser ser humano.
Dayeon's is the best. Do you see that her zoo has hamsters and ants (lower left)? Do you see the girl taking a picture? Do you see the awesome alligators, with only their eyes peeking above the water? She's a pretty good artist for a third grader.
Here's a few by some other kids.
What I'm listening to right now.
[Update 2017-06-22: Video embed of song removed, due to link-rot, and because no other online embeddable version can be found. Sorry.]
Bob Dylan, "Man Gave Names to All the Animals." It's hard to find a good online version of this song. This is a live one that isn't such a great recording, but it's nevertheless an awesome song, and thematically appropriate for the evening. It always makes me remember, vividly, driving to Duluth in the 1980s.
Here are the lyrics.
Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, in the beginning Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, long time ago.
He saw an animal that liked to growl Big furry paws and he liked to howl Great big furry back and furry hair "Ah, think I'll call it a bear".
Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, in the beginning Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, long time ago.
He saw an animal up on a hill Chewing up so much grass until she was filled He saw milk coming out but he didn't know how "Ah, think I'll call it a cow".
Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, in the beginning Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, long time ago.
He saw an animal that liked to snort Horns on his head and they weren't too short It looked like there wasn't nothing that he couldn't pull "Ah, I'll think I'll call it a bull".
Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, in the beginning Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, long time ago. He saw an animal leaving a muddy trail Real dirty face and a curly tail He wasn't too small and he wasn't too big "Ah, think I'll call it a pig".
Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, in the beginning Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, long time ago.
Next animal that he did meet Had wool on his back and hooves on his feet Eating grass on a mountainside so steep "Ah, think I'll call it a sheep".
Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, in the beginning Man gave names to all the animals In the beginning, long time ago.
He saw an animal as smooth as glass Slithering his way through the grass Saw him disappear by a tree near a lake ….
How freakin appropriate, given my feelings this weekend.
What I’m listening to right now.
X-Press (feat. David Byrne), “Lazy.” Actually, I wasn’t so lazy, listening to it. I went on a jog in the park, around the lake. The extended version is a better track, but the shorter version has the cool video, above.
Here’s the lyrics.
I’m lazy when I’m lovin and I’m lazy when I play I’m lazy with my girlfriend a thousand times a day I’m lazy when I’m speaking, I’m lazy when I walk I’m lazy when I’m dancing and I’m lazy when I talk
Open up my mouth, air comes rushing out (sigh) Nothing, doing nada, never, how d’you like me now? Wouldn’t it be mad, wouldn’t it be fine Lazy, lucky lady, dancing, loving all the time
Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lzy Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?
Some folks they got money and some folks love to sweep Some folks make decisions and some folks clean the streets Now imagine what it feels like, imagine how it sounds Imagine life was perfect and everything works out
No tears are falling from my eyes I’m keeping all the pain inside Now don’t you want to live with me I’m lazy as a man can be
Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?
Ooh-hoo
Imagine there’s a girlfriend, imagine there’s a job Imagine there’s an answer, imagine there’s a God Imagine I’m a devil, imagine I’m a saint Lazy money, lazy, sexy, lazy outer space
No tears are falling from my eyes I’m keeping all the pain inside Now don’t you want to live with me I’m lazy as a man can be
(Note this paragraph is for the extended version)
Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me? Lazy when I work, lazy on the bed Screaming all you like but it only fades away I’m lazy when I’m praying, lazy on the job Got a lazy mind, lazy eye, lazy lazy father
Hard man, hard life Hard keeping it all inside Good times, good God m’so lazy I almos’ stopppppTTT
Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me? Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?
I had fully intended to take advantage of having this Saturday off to travel down to Gwangju, this weekend. I had even declared my intention, which often serves to get me more motivated. But I have lost my motivation, once again, to travel. I have been so not-interested-in-traveling, in recent months – or even longer. The longest trip I’ve taken since moving back to Ilsan over a year ago is to Gangnam, on the south side of the Han River in Seoul. Why am I not into going places? My journey has felt very interior, lately. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. As far as traveling this specific weekend, to Gwangju… I suppose I’ve been feeling a little bit depressed, and it’s harder to get out and do stuff when in that state of mind, obviously. Foremost, I’ve been depressed about my health: my inability to lose the weight I’ve targetted for losing, my inability to exercise as much as I promise myself I’ll do, a sort of general feeling of poor health. My students don’t help – yesterday I had a grumpy student muttering under his breath about my 똥배 [ttong-bae] – literally, “shit-gut” but basically it’s a low-talking word for what we call beer belly. Students are often unkind.
I’m not as depressed about work as I had been feeling earlier this Spring, but I continue to despise my lack of DRIVE with respect to trying to improve my Korean. Although realistically, I am doing things, I am studying it, I am improving. But it’s so very, very slow. And take, for example, my recent resumption of my custom of posting vocabulary words alongside my blog entries, in my “-Notes for Korean-” (e.g. previous blog post). It’s pretty discouraging to go back and look at Notes from 4 years ago on this blog and see the exact same vocabulary items …talk about feeling like being on a treadmill. Anyway, apologies to my various friends in Gwangju for the fact that I never go there to visit. To my other friends and family, apologies for blogging about utterly banal and depressing personal topics (TMI?)- but this blog is also, more and more, a kind of continuing journal of my life and state of mind.
This weekend, I am going to draw some pictures. Maybe.
There is some guy in Russia who was previously convicted of operating a Ponzi scheme during the go-go post-communist 90's (his conviction was originally delayed because he managed to get elected to parliament, which gave him immunity). Now, he's operating a ponzi scheme again – but this time, he's announced that that's what he's doing, thereby perhaps avoiding illegality – seriously, is it illegal to bilk stupid people of their money, if you tell them that's what you're doing? He argues that that makes him no different than a major bank or a casino. See the article, here. It does rather raise ethical issues, and/or connect to what would be the various appropriate liberal/libertarian/conservative stances with regard to it.
Today I had a busy day despite the start of the test prep time – one of the other teachers was absent, and so I covered some extra classes. And I tried to study, some. And I saw Stephen Colbert
-Notes for Korean- 노래하는 분수대 [no-rae-ha-neun bun-su-dae] = the "Singing Fountain" at Ilsan's Lake Park 수위 [su-wi] = janitor 경비원 [gyeong-bi-won] = building watchman, doorman 바닥 [ba-dak] = floor, ground 마루 [ma-ru] = wooden floor 천장 [cheon-jang] = ceiling 칠판 [chil-pan] = blackboard, whiteboard, chalkboard 부엌 [bu-eok] = kitchen 거실 [geo-sil] = living room 전자레인지 [jeon-ja-re-in-ji] = microwave (electric-range) 가스레인지 [ga-seu-re-in-ji] = stovetop (gas-range) 오븐 [o-beun] = oven 커튼 [keo-teun] = curtain(s) 블라인드 [beul-la-in-deu] = blinds 유리장 [yu-ri-jang] = a pane of glass 시계 [si-gye] = clock, watch 벌 [beol] = punishment 체벌 [che-beol] = corporal punishment (observation on usage: Koreans seem to preferentially use this term for what I, personally, prefer to call "hazing" – it's punishment of the body not by hitting or hurting someone, but rather by compelling them to hold positions or engage in actions which cause discomfort to their own bodies, e.g. making students stand with their arms up in the air for extended periods of time, making them hold heavy objects, making them jog or do pushups or that kind of thing – it's basically boot-camp-style discipline; I don't think this really means corporal punishment the way Americans use that term, although the literal meaning is corporal punishment [body-punish]) 교실 [gyo-sil] = classroom 식당 [sik-dang] = dining room [also restaurant] 침 [chim] = bed 침실 [chim-sil] = bedroom [bed-room] 의자 [ui-ja] = chair 창문 [chang-mun] = window 문짝 [mun-jjak] = door [one panel of a multi-part door] 문 [mun] = doorway, gate 책상 [chaek-sang] = desk 책장 [chaek-jang] = bookcase (or, the pages in a book) 식탁 [sik-tak] = table 소파 [so-pa] = sofa (진공)청소기 [(jin-gong)cheong-so-gi] = vacuum [(vacuum) clean-machine)] 드라이기 [deu-ra-i-gi] = dryer (dry-machine) 기계 [gi-gye] = machine 냉장고 [naeng-jang-go] = refrigerator, cooler 식혜 [sik-hye] = Korean rice drink, cf. horchata 생강 [saeng-gang] = ginger 도토리 [do-to-ri] = acorn (powder, flour) 도토리묵 [do-to-ri-muk] = acorn jelly 염원하다 [yeom-won-ha-da] = to want strongly, to long for 호치키스 [ho-chi-ki-seu] = stapler (really, this is a brand name = ~Hotchkiss?) 절대 않다 [jeol-dae anh-da] = (I/you/he/she) never do/es that 절대 안했어요 [jeol-dae an-haess-eo-yo] = (I/you/he/she) never did that 절대 안할 거에요 [jeol-dae an-hal geo-e-yo] = (I/you/he/she) never will do that 뛰어넘다 [ttwi-eo-nam-da] = to hop 열대 [yeol-dae] = tropical (climate) 온대 [on-dae] = temperate (climate) 냉대 [naeng-dae] = arctic (climate) 아열대 [a-yeol-dae] = subtropical (climate) 야단맛다 [ya-dan-mas-da] = to be scolded 야단치다 [ya-dan-chi-da] = to scold 사랑스러운 눈길로 [sa-rang-seu-reo-un nun-gil-lo] = with a loving gaze X스럽다 [seu-reop-da] = to feel X about someone else 받아들이다 [bad-a-deur-i-da] = to receive, to get 수용하다 [su-yong-ha-da] = to accept, to receive 수염 [su-yeom] = whiskers 뉘우치다 [nwi-u-chi-da] = to repent a sin 한 [han] = regret (N) [this is one of many homonyms of 한]
I stand around at American weddings I stand around for family At my best when I'm terrorist inside At my best when it's all me
I was there when they took all the people I was alone in a mental ravine You breathe life when you break the walls down You breathe life when you set me free
Where is my head Where are my bones Why are my days so far from home? Where is my head? Where are my bones? Can you save me from myself?
Free thinking renegade social Missed the moon, the man and now In a slipstream of my possibilities? I got the boat so we don't drown These are the days that are split down the middle No words to calm me down Be sure that what you dream of Won't come to hunt you out
Where is my head? Where are my bones? Why are my days so far from home? Ghost man Where is my head? Where are my bones? How come we get so lost? Ghost man Where is my head? Where are my bones? Can you save me from myself? Can you save me from myself?
I stand around at American weddings I stand around for family At my best when I'm terrorist inside At my best when it's all me
Ghost man How come we get so lost? Ghost man
Where is my head? Where are my bones? Why are my days so far from home? Ghost man Where is my head? Where are my bones? How come we get so lost? Ghost man Where is my head? Where are my bones? Can you save me from myself? Can you save me from myself?
I like this song. It makes me think of my years living in L.A. – which were rough years, in some respects. We get nostalgic about even difficult times. I am a ghost man.
Because today was the last day of regular class for the middle-schoolers (due to upcoming test-prep time, again – AGAIN!), we played some games in the “good” classes.
We were playing a version of the mafia game (a commercial version called Lupus in Tabula, Korean edition), which requires that the students dissumlate or “act” as I call it. They have to pretend they are not the ware-wolf, or pretend to know who the wolf is, etc.
After getting “killed” several times early in the game, one girl said, “I think I’m a good actor, but I think I’m not.” This was terribly funny, for some reason. It was pretty accurate, too – her confidence on how to the play the game was outstripping her “poker face.”
Anyway, it was fun. And now I will miss the middle schoolers, again.
A Korean child’s first birthday is a special celebration, called 돌 [dol = anniversary]. They celebrate with a sort of public party similar in character and atmosphere to a wedding reception. My coworker Danny had such an event for his daughter’s first birthday, today. I started out intending to take some pictures but then I didn’t, really. Here’s a few.
A candid, fuzzy shot of Danny’s wife, and him holding their daughter, who’s dressed up in some traditional Korean clothes.
A somewhat out-of-focus picture of the child choosing a small toy gavel – there’s a tradition where the child is presented with some items to choose, which serve as a sort of prediction for her future. Choosing a gavel makes her a lawyer, maybe, or a judge or future president (?). Note the presence of an MC at left.
Here’s a much better picture of another coworker of mine interacting with his very cute 5 year old daughter. The kept making faces at each other and they looked the same. It was entertaining.
[Daily log: walking, 7 km; walking-with-a-really-extremely-heavy-box-because-I-went-shopping-and-bought-something-big, 1 km]
Korea has this consumer product called “drinking vinegar.” You dilute it with water, and enjoy the acidity of it, I guess. Lately, I’ve been drinking it.
Is this another part of my periodic flirtations with “becoming ajeossi”? [ajeossi = “uncle” AKA generic middle aged Korean man].
Well, whatever. Today is Korea’s Memorial Day holiday, but I’m going to a work-related social function.
Ilsan (the name of the new, western half of the municipality of Goyang, a Seoul suburb of about one million to the northwest of the metropolis) is not, in most people’s minds, a particularly glamorous place. Nevertheless, much the way Burbank is the “workaday world” behind the glamour of Hollywood, in L.A., with its many TV and movie studios and corporate offices, Ilsan has two major television studios, and it’s hard to watch Korean TV without recognizing neighborhoods and landmarks.
In that way, I feel as if I’ve landed in a sort of “parallel-universe” version of Burbank, sometimes (which is striking only because I lived in Burbank for several years in the early 2000’s). I was reminded of this when I was jogging and was struck by a view of the MBC studios building reflected in the lake at Hosu Gongwon. Here’s a picture.
Despite it being nighttime, pictures were easy – between the full moon behind the overcast sky and the city lights, it was plenty bright enough for pictures. Also in the park, I saw a 장승 [jangseung], a sort of traditional Korean totem.
I love jangseung. I don’t know what the hanja on this one says [Update: my friend Sanghyo provides info in his comment, below – the picture above is 지하여장군 = The Underground Female General – which frankly sounds like an awesome name for a blog or rock band]. She looks pretty scary, up against the swirling night sky.
I was reading an article at the Atlantic by Robert Kaplan about Vietnam's complex, fraught relationship with China, and how that has made them much more receptive to US influence in the region, despite the legacy of the Vietnam War. Whenever I study Vietnam, I'm always struck by the cultural and political similarities with Korea.
One phrase that he uses to describe the millenia-long influence of China on its southern neighbor is: "the narcissism of small differences." This made me laugh, because it's so precisely the sort of phrase that could be applied to the interesting cultural dynamics at play between Korea and China, too, or between Korea and Japan, or between North Korea and South Korea, for that matter. And I suppose it could apply to most any cultural interaction between related neighbors, e.g. Canada and the U.S., too. That being said, although it's a thought-provoking phrase, I don't actually think it conveys much information. It's more poetry than political analysis.
I spent the day today reading and cleaning my fridge. Not at the same time. And I tried to study a little bit, too. I'm still feeling very distressed and annoyed with my knowledge that I need to reduce my blood pressure, and I'm manifesting a definite lack of self-discipline in tackling it – step one: I ate too much today. It was healthy food, mostly… but it was too much. Pasta and stuff. Sigh.
-Notes for Korean- [I'm resurrecting this "feature" of my blog from 2008/2009 – I think it helps me to organize my study efforts. I'm not sure why I ever stopped doing it, except that there have been periods when I've given up studying Korean.]
수영하다 = to swim (humans) 헤엄하다 = to swim (animals/fish) 모엄 = adventure 병아리 = chick (i.e. baby chicken) 시냇가 = stream, rivulet 건너다 = to cross 뛰다 = to run 마당 = yard 날다 = to fly 백설기 = a style of tteok that has a texture that resembles, in my mind, polenta 붐에 안다 = hug closely 알아차리다 = to realize (to come to know…) (so, 알아치리지 못했구나 = I didn't realize… ) 가리키다 = to point 영리하다 = to be clever, to be smart
How is it at all possible that I reached the age of 46 without realizing that there are pedants out there who like to distinguish between the concepts of acronym (a pronounciable grouping of first letters and sounds, e.g. NASA) and initialism (an unpronounciable grouping of first letters, e.g. FBI)? And to think that I was a literature major!
According to the wiktionary, there are 3 meanings for acronym:
1. An abbreviation formed by (usually initial) letters taken from a word or series of words, that is itself pronounced as a word, such as RAM, radar, or scuba; sometimes contrasted with initialism. 2. A pronounceable word formed from the beginnings (letter or syllable) of other words and thus representing the phrase so formed, e.g. Benelux = the countries Belgium, Netherlands and Luxembourg considered as a political or economic whole. 3. Any abbreviation so formed, regardless of pronunciation, such as TNT, IBM, or XML.
I always, always thought that definition 3 was the main definition. For me, it was the only definition. But a usage note says, “The third sense is often criticized by commentators who prefer the term initialism for abbreviations that are not pronounced like an ordinary word.” So it turns out that these anonymous commentators would have judged me to be wrong, all these years.
My absolute favorite acronym, therefore, turns out to actually be an initialism (unless you are good at pronouncing the /tl/ cluster, as in the Nahuatl language): TLA = three-letter acronym. Properly speaking, it should instead be TLI = three-letter initialism. Somehow, it seems less compelling, that way. But that’s just because it shakes up my long-held habit. I’ll try to adapt.
Here’s a lingering question, however. Some potential acronyms are nevertheless typically “pronounced” as initialisms. Anyone could say /ukla/ for UCLA, if they wanted (and, in fact, Spanish speakers generally do exactly that, for example), but people typically spell it out in English, U.C.L.A. So is it an acronym or an initialism?
What I’m listening to right now.
Cat Stevens (AKA Yusuf Islam), “My Lady d’Arbanville.” He looks so very 70’s in that video.
But I’ve been realizing, when I heard it came around on the mp3 shuffle… Cat Stevens has been more consistently a part of my “life soundtrack” than any other composer or singer in my life – he was part of my parents’ soundtrack when I was child growing up, he was a major component of my own listening, as an adolescent, and unlike other musical manias and fads I’ve had, he’s always been on the short rotation. If I had to guess a single album that I’ve listened to more times than any other, it would almost undoubtedly be Mona Bone Jakon (the disturbing origin of this album title is slightly NSFW – interestingly, this latter term is an acronym [pardon me, initialism] which was being written about by Alan Jacobs at the Atlantic wherein I first learned of this aforementioned acronym/initialism distinction – thus, full circle).
I felt some tweegret when I ran across this tweet, by someone named Dan K. Here’s what he said:
History of the universe: Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people and ends up thinking about itself.
Now that it’s June, I don’t feel different than I did yesterday. That is a pointless observation. But it’s just hydrogen, right?
What I’m listening to right now.
Woven Hand, “Dirty Blue.” Interesting video, too.
Lyrics.
This fear is only the beginning
All for the loving hand
Yes I smile and I agree
It is a good night to shiver
A good tongue might make it right
All I’ve said above a whisper
There is a sorrow to be desired
To be sorrow’s desire
There is a sorrow to be desired
To be sorrow’s desire
What they say is true
It is a dirty blue
This color around you
You’re curled up warm
In your own little corner of Sodom
Did you agree to believe
This fall has no bottom
There is a sorrow to be desired
To be sorrow’s desire
There is a sorrow to be desired
To be sorrow’s desire
All we move by the book of numbers
I’m held together by string
I hear not the voices of others
The bells of Leuven ring
Fear not the faces of brothers
And I, I’ve come apart it seems
I see not the faces are covered
And I, I’m in your amber ring
Your amber ring…
What they say is true
It is a dirty blue
This color around you
There is a sorrow to be desired
To be sorrow’s desire
There is a sorrow to be desired
To be sorrow’s desire
Starting on the first of May, I started keeping a “daily log” in this blog of how much I’m walking and/or running (aka jogging). Each day on the last entry for that day I put the daily log in square brackets at the bottom of the entry – see below for today’s. I’m trying to increase my motivation and consistency. So I’m keeping data, here in this blog, the same way as I keep other sorts of daily banalities. Living the public, transparent lifestyle, out there on the internets.
The results are “just in time”: today, I learned I’m borderline hypertensive, because of my blood pressure, which was taken during my drug screening / health checkup that I had to get for the provincial education office (which I’d been procrastinating on).
I found it depressing – I walked 120 kilometers in the month of May, and jogged another 49, for a total 169. Combine that with the fact that I spend most of my working day on my feet (in the classroom) and that I almost always use the stairs (7 floors at home, 5 floors at work), and I don’t think I’m really that sedentary.
And yet… and yet… my weight is frozen with the extra “Yeonggwang 5 kilos” I picked up in 2010, and here I find I have high blood pressure. What’s going on? What am I doing wrong? I don’t think my diet is that irresponsible, either – I’m semi-vegetarian, I’m mostly avoiding alcohol… Well, just plain arghh.
Here’s a graph of my data. You can see how I get lazy each weekend – I knew this, and even accept it – it’s part of the routine I’m trying to establish for myself.
Here’s the data, in summary. Can you tell I used to work as a data analyst?
