Caveat: One year from today

Almost everyone likes to imagine the different possibilites that the future might hold.  "If I decide on X, then in one year, I might be doing Y.  If I start X now, in one year, I will have achieved Y."  Too often, we limit ourselves to our current path, and miss the many turnings that are all around us.  This list is in the spirit of capturing those turnings.  I tried to make a list of 5 things that I could visualize doing or having achieved exactly one year from today.  I tried not to spend a lot of time thinking about it — just used what pops into my head.  The point is to ignore "chance of success" and just imagine it happening.

One year from today I might be:

1.  Living in Lisbon, working on my "book" (not sure which book that is, but you get the idea).
2.  Back in Korea, teaching
3.  Looking forward to returning to graduate school
4.  Teaching English in Mongolia, after completing a short certification program
5.  Working in database design and administration again, maybe in Minneapolis or LA

Caveat: NOT a secular humanist

I was goofing around, and took an online quiz, which classified me as a secular humanist.   I hate that.  Why do I have to be a secular humanist?

Sure enough, I'm secular.  No denying that, really.  But humanist?  Where, in any of those questions, did I declare that I thought humans were the center of everything?  They most clearly are not the center of everything.  I rather prefer a philosophy like that elaborated once by the poet Robinson Jeffers:  I'm an inhumanist.  Not in the sense that I believe people should believe inhumanely.  Only that I believe that, ultimately, humankind is far from the center of things.

If we dethrone and reject superstitious things, such as god, isn't it hypocritical or at the least a bit stupid to then elevate our own selves into that dethroned god's place?  That would be like Copernicus saying, "well, obviously the Earth isn't the center of the universe… hmm, maybe I am the center of the universe."  It's going in the wrong direction.  The universe has no center.  No special god.  No special rules.  No special monkeys.

I saw a t-shirt:  "Nietzsche is my copilot"  

Awesome.

Caveat: Confucian Immersion Therapy

For some reason, I regularly return to a gnomic little quote from Gilles Deleuze (his book, Spinoza) that somehow seems just perfect:  "ethical joy is the correlate of speculative affirmation." 

I've been meditating on simplicity.  On how deliberately putting boundaries around life's possibilities might, in fact, make life more livable.   Then there's my conviction that aesthetics can drive ethics.  This leads me to think about the relationship between constraints and aesthetics:   consider that fine art is about creating (or finding) constraints and then creating within those constraints.  Unconstrained creation is just chaos.

In this way, aesthetic creation is perhaps like other ludic activity — artistic praxis as game-playing.  The playful artist.  So, then, if you want an aesthetically grounded (ethically bounded?) life, you must accept arbitrary aesthetic constraints, just as in poetry or painting or whatever else.

Are the legalisms of Confucianism appealing to me in part because of the fact that they represent one such tried-and-tested set of "constraints on living"?  Can deliberately setting out to live inside such constraints make one mentally healthier, or does it just lead to repression?  Or is that dependent on other, unrelated factors.

Caveat: Language Soup

I went to see a movie called "Shinjuku Incident."  It's a project of Jackie Chan's, but it's not so much an action movie per se, more of a noir, violent drama.  It's set among the Chinese illegal immigrant communities in Japan in the 1990's, and the dialogue is about 75% Chinese, 25% Japanese.  Watching it with Korean subtitles made it into an Asian language soup.   I obviously didn't understand a great deal, but as is my tendency, I enjoyed trying to sort out the languages.  The ending was funny:  the Jackie Chan Chinese immigrant-gangster character is dying, floating away in a storm sewer, and says something profound — last words and all that.   The Japanese policeman character says something to the effect of, "what?!  I can't understand what you're saying!"  So the last words are unknown to the one witness of them.  My sentiments, exactly.

Caveat: Monomanias

There's a strange man who's goal is to visit every Starbucks in the world.  Unfortunately, with recent downsizing, it's become challenging for him to "catch up" to all the different locations before they close.  It's a moving target, as locations open and close much faster than he can get through the list.  He hasn't even tried South Korea, yet even in my time here I've seen both openings and closings of numerous Starbucks just within my small range of famaliar haunts. 

Well, anyway… I can kind of empathasize with his monomania, in some ways.   I've flirted with various monomanias of my own, but in general I've been too lazy to really fall into them.  I remember once I wanted to try to visit every single subway station in Mexico City, when I lived there.  And I think, at one point, I had done it… but then they've added 3 or 4 new lines since I lived there, so I would have to go back and visit more.  Once, I was thinking I could go visit subway stations in Seoul.  But I really haven't had the singelmindedness to do that.  My explorations tend to be less goal oriented, and more just a sort of drifting across the landscape.

Like a ghost.

Caveat: 바보!

pictureI am now officially a baboizer – Ellie sent me this candid photo, retouched some way or another using her cell phone. Note that “babo” in Korean is “fool” or “idiot.” I don’t actually ever call my students “babo” – or “idiot” for that matter. I get the impression from the pragmatics that babo is fairly mild in most social contexts, though it’s far from polite, obviously.
I other news, I tried to be like the Space Emperor BHO today – by killing a fly with a single hand in mid-air. I wasn’t successful. But I did it in two tries, against the wall. The kids reaction: “disgusting, teacher.”
Normally, I don’t bother voting in shareholder actions… I own enough different stocks that I get quite a few opportunities to vote one way or another on various things.  Everything’s electronic, of course, but I rarely feel sufficiently informed to bother voting one way or another.  But today, for the first time since coming to Korea, I voted: I gave a “for” vote in the action for Sun Microsystems to merge with Oracle. Not that I think it makes much of a difference, but it was empowering to feel as if I had an opinion worth having and to be able to act on it, whether an accurate one or not. If the merger goes through at the declared price, I will more-or-less break even on my Sun investment. And we shall see if Oracle is able to make the merged result profitable or not.
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Caveat: Threading… Computers vs Kids

When I check under XP, my computer is running about 300 threads at idle (that is, no programs running).  Does an O/S really need that many threads?  When I boot under Windows Server 2003, I find 500 threads at idle.  And when it's running under Vista, the number is almost 800 threads. 

Obviously, Vista works a lot harder to do the same amount of nothing.  No wonder my laptop crashes sometimes when I ask it to boot to Vista… it's saying "please, no, I'm tired!"  Just like when I ask my students to do more homework?

A few months back, I said goodbye to Ubuntu.  But now I'm reconsidering.  Vista is getting on my nerves, again.  Nevertheless, I had a major insight, yesterday, at work, as I was trying to do something (anything!) constructive with the new install of Microsoft Office 2007 (or some recent year).  It doesn't help, obviously, that I'm stuck with the Korean language version at work, and that it doesn't let you switch to English.  But why is it that every time Microsoft upgrades something, they change all the keyboard shortcuts?  Do they think that no one uses them?  I really despise relying on my mouse to get things done, and since I'm working with the Korean version, figuring out the keyboard shortcuts basically boils down to randomly pressing keys and collecting data on what it does. 

Oh, so, what was I talking about?  My major insight…  I prefer teaching to working with computers for one very simple reason:   computers always make me feel stupid, and kids at least sometimes make me feel smart.  There's nothing complicated about that.

Caveat: S(e)o(u)l(e) of Asia

“Soul of Asia” is an advertising slogan. “Sole of Asia” is an attitude problem.
This is the social reality – even the wealthiest of neighborhoods is made up of regimented rows of highrise buildings. Looking west from the 63 tower.
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Caveat: No plot

pictureI woke from a strange dream this morning. It was plotless… sometimes that happens. This was almost like some sort of abstract conceptual film; but  it had a visual esthetic drawn from Architectural Digest magazine, maybe. I was in a building. Looking for someone, maybe. It was drawing heavily on the Folwell Hall archetype in my brain (that building being the place where I have spent the most time at my erstwhile academic home, University of Minnesota – see picture).
The interior wasn’t quite right, though.  It was as if the building had been converted into million-dollar yuppie condos. Actually, that might be kind of cool. There were a lot of open, loft-y spaces inside, and then there was a hanging rope suspension bridge between two modernist-looking living rooms.  Finally, I worked my way up to a top floor, and went up a spiral staircase. And through a door, and up a last flight… to find myself on a vast wooden deck.
The deck had no rails, and looking beyond, it was on open, unsullied prairie. No other buildings. No trees. It was at ground level – the Folwell Hall I’d been exploring was underground. The was a strong wind; the grasses swayed.  It was like standing at a rest area in North Dakota. I turned around to go back downstairs.  There was a man selling Korean dalk-kkochi (skewer chicken) from a stand by the doorway where I’d emerged. Other than that, it was utterly lonely and isolated.
That was the dream. Nothing more. As I said, no real plot. The images were quite vivid and strong, though.
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Caveat: Strange Busyness

I had a strange day full of small things, nothing quite routine.
I went to a movie in a theater for the first time in more than year. It was a treat for some stellar students that Peter-teacher engineered, and he invited me along. It was fun, and mindless. Here’s a picture of Willy, standing in a statue, saying “no,” afterward.
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And also, I took a picture of a movie star we apparently saw. A Korean, of course. Not someone I recognized. And… of the various random figures in the picture, I have no idea who the actual movie star is.
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I went to work, and ate an actual sit-down meal with some coworkers at the place-of-work (as opposed to off campus at a restaurant), for the first time since I used to work at LinguaForum. That was fun, too, listening to them talk in Korean, understanding some of what they said, even.
I went to a wedding of a (former) coworker, Niki. But not a single other coworker that I knew was there, and I felt very isolated and out-of-place. That wasn’t so fun.  I fled.
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I sat in a cafe and wrote some notes for my “If I ran the hagwon.”
I met Basil, and we went to Insadong and he went to a Buddhist temple gift shop. He was shopping for trinkets, I guess. I have a hard time completely relating to that. I also find the idea of “Buddhist consumerism” strangely uncomfortable, the same way I find overtly Christian consumerism. There’s some kind of disconnect between dogma and action, maybe. The temple neighborhood is full of stores selling Buddhist and “monk” paraphernalia.
We went to some bookstores, but I bought no books. That’s not my routine, either.
We went to a vegetarian restaurant. The food was good. I liked it. I daydreamed of someday becoming a vegetarian (as opposed to my current 5-days-a-week vegetarianism, I guess).
At the subway station, the train was stalled, because an old man had fallen into the tracks and had been hit by the train. A gruesome prospect… Basil was fascinated and had to go look. I walked the other way. We ended up separated and I went back home.
My computer pissed me off by crashing as I started it up, when I got home. What’s with Vista, anyhow? God I hate it.
Overall, it was a good day, though.
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Caveat: 분노폭발

We have this newish thing at work, where we’re having the more advanced students post their typewritten writing assignments online, on a collaboration server that we’ve long used for posting work-related stuff. This is the wave of the future (or rather, of the recent past, really) – things like this are pretty much the standard in business, both in the US and Korea, nowadays. I think the parents appreciate it, since it’s not necessarily something the students at that grade level (4th~6th mostly) are being taught in public schools, nor even at their “math/science” academies, which focus almost exclusively on test prep. It gives them a small taste of how “grownups” need to be able to work with documents, computers, and the internet.
pictureAs can be expected, however, the student-destined collaboration directories fill up with some peculiar junk: weirdly named (and unnamed) documents in a hundred different (“I didn’t even know that was a format”) formats, etc. And today, in my Eldorado 2 class’ directory, I found a JPG picture of an enraged cartoon baby, with the quote “분노폭발” (see picture).
Is a student expressing frustration?  I have no idea who put it there – someone in that class, presumeably. Or just sharing something they thought funny? Or not having intended sharing it at all, maybe?
Anyway.
 

Notes for Korean
 변경 = change, modification (webpage context)
바람둥이 = playboy-type-guy, “playa” or don juan, braggart, boaster
철학 = philosophy
철학적인 = philosophical (I think?)
느끼다 = feel, experience, respond to (a stimulus)
폭발적 = tremendous popularity, population explosion
돌발영상 = spontaneous (unposed, candid) pictures
분노폭발 = explosion of wrath (see picture)

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Caveat: 63

I finally went to visit the “63 building” over the weekend, on Sunday. It’s the tallest skyscraper in Seoul. It has 60 floors. The name “63” is because it has three levels of basement, too, making a total of 63 levels. It’s a shiny coppery-colored building right on the Han River. Here is a picture I took looking straight north from the building toward the old part of the city, in the distance in the notch between the mountains. Yongsan is in the right center, and the Mapo area is in the left center. And in the foreground is the wide Hangang.
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Caveat: A chaotic scattering of thoughts

I keep a collection of "blog ideas" that I go to when I can't think of something to write.  But the list has been growing unmanageable, and most of these ideas seem destined to never go anywhere.  So I'll throw a few of them out here.   Random quotes and observations, I guess.  

1.  "Juche is the opaque core of North Korean national solipsism."– Bruce Cumings quoted by Philip Gourevitch in the Guardian, 2003-11-2.   "National solipsism" has a nice ring, even as applied to the comparatively cosmopolitan south.  

2.  I wonder about this weird convergence of history, such that for the first time in 2 generations, the U.S. has a government farther to the left than either of its two main neighbors, Canada and Mexico. Currently the PANistas are running Mexico and appear to be closing in on a new party monopoly to replace the 70 year-long reign of the vaguely leftist PRI (at least, the PRI was rhetorically and theoretically leftist, if not always in practice), and the PAN is arguably farther right than even the US's Republicans, at least in traditional measures of conservatism. And the Conservatives are running Canada, under Harper.  See also… Ignatieff v Grant (his uncle, the red tory)

3.  "omgomg! my fans rock! the movie is doing great you guys! omg AND its all cause of you!!!! I LOVE U ALL! IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET CHECK IT!," — Miley Cyrus, on the success of her new movie Hannah Montana (via Twitter).   I'm glad I'm still not on the Twitter bandwagon.  But, who knows… 

4.  "Crazy moms make crazy kids." — me, on the sometimes fraught interactions teachers must have with parents.

5.   Mixotricha paradoxa… In addition it has spherical bacteria inside the cell; these endosymbionts function as mitochondria, which Mixotricha lacks.   I knew that current theory says that mitochondria and chloroplasts arose as endosymbionts… but for some reason, I found this "halfway" adaptation that I discovered surfing wikipedia randomly one night rather fascinating.

6.  Quotes from the TV series "Dead Like Me":  "He's as dumb as a bag of hammers." — the character Dolores; and "Death is the one thing that always happens right on time." — the character George

7.  Another reason why Rush Limbaugh lacks credibility:  "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society" — Rush Limbaugh, Aug 12, 2005.  

8.  El Kabong was just a persona of Quick Draw McGraw's.   I didn't know that!

9.  "There's a buzz to failing and not dying" — Stephen Colbert.  True.

Caveat: an antisocial consumer of social spaces

My latest epithet for myself:   I am "an antisocial consumer of social spaces."  Basically, that seems like it might just be a fancy way of saying I'm a people-watching nerd.  But… whatever. 

 

Notes for Korean
담임 = charge, duty, homeroom teacher
실지견학= fieldtrip, practicum
견학= observation, inspection (learning by~)
실지=practice, reality, actuality
so, that means a "fieldtrip" is, in fact, a "reality inspection" — nice.
이런=such, such…as, like this
유령=ghost, specter, phantom
유령학생="ghost student" i.e. "unknown student #10" in the school's database:  유령학생10

 

Caveat: 이안의 돌

My coworker Sean was celebrating his son Ian’s first birthday.  The first birthday is called 돌 (dol);  it’s a big deal in Korean culture, and is generally held in a catered location with entertainment, food, millions of relatives.  Rather like a wedding reception in the U.S., for example.  I went to Ian’s event, and sat around and ate hweh (raw fish) and fruit and people watched and chatted with Peter and Sarah (who were only other Lbridgists to show up).   It was mildly entertaining.  Sean is moving back to Guam (he’s Korean-Guamanian, I guess you might call it), but with the intention of leveraging his US citizenship into an Air Force career, apparently.  I wish him luck.  He has a family to support, and hagwon work doesn’t pay so hot… it’s understandable.
I walked home from where it was near Tanhyeonyeok (and the SBS studios out thattaway) with Peter.  We chatted about aimless walking and aimless roadtripping, which seems to be a trait we share.  It was fun.

Caveat: Argh, sycophancy

I was out at dinner with teams "D" and "C," along with the campus bosses, after work the other night.  One of those obligatory "let's all get drunk and pontificate and expiate ourselves at each other" that drives the Korean business environment, English-language schools included. 

And I began feeling really angry.  It was mostly at a certain brand-new coworker.  Speaking English, so I was comprehending… I would probably have felt the same sort of anger at the others, but they were mostly sticking to speaking Korean, and that made the pontifications inpenetrable, though still self-evidently pontifications, nevertheless.

The internal mantra that kept me quiet and inscrutable throughout the social experience was:  "If I've nothing good to say, I will say nothing."  But the speech-to-new-coworker that I kept reformulating through most of the second half of the evening was something along these lines:

You've only been at LBridge for less than a week.  What the hell do you know?  I've had more than 30 bosses in my life, including work in fortune 500 companies, non-profits, factories and union work, the US Army, mom-and-pop businesses, and more.  And beyond any doubt, our campus manager, this person whom you sycophantically are right now praising up, down and sideways, is the absolute worst manager I've ever had.

This job has other redeeming features, including the super-smart children, as well as Sarah's amazingly competent (if not always user-friendly) efforts at keeping a well-structured curriculum.  Please don't misunderstand me — our boss is not a bad person!  His heart may even be in the right place, although he seems to me to be stunningly superficial and unreflective, like the worst caricatures of G.W. Bush.

But as far as basic management skills are concerned…  as far as "caring for and mentoring" one's employees is concerned…  as far as showing consistency and business acumen is concerned…  well, forget it.  It ain't there.  And don't try to say that I'm applying "western" standards.  I had several Korean bosses before the current one, and although all of them annoyed me at one point or another, I would never have declared any of them to be fundamentally incompetent.

That was the "angry" speech.  I never said it.  All's the better.  But since then, I've also spent time composing another, much less scrutable statement.  I've managed to avoid uttering that one, too, but I relish playing it out in my head — if only because I would love to see the gears turning in this new person's head as my intended meaning becomes clear:

In North American mainstream culture, respect is something that is earned, and that can be lost, too.  In Korean traditional business culture, respect is due to one's superior regardless of merit.  I am trapped between cultures.

But I've managed to just stay quiet.  Except, now, this totally says-it-all internet post.  Hah.  So far, no one at my current job has shown any ability whatsoever to use the outside-of-Korea internets to find things out about me or anything else in the entire universe.  A lack of curiosity?  A lack of ability?  Korea manages to remain insular despite 100% internet connectivity, through a combination of walled-garden-variety internet portals and simple linguistic and cultural naivety.

And do I really give a damn, at this point, if they find these, my rantings?  Seems that I don't.

Caveat: Browser Skirmishes

I keep hoping I can find an alternative to Internet Explorer that allows me to navigate my work-based websites (which are Korean designed and based).  I'm not sure why… I don't necessarily have anything against Microsoft, at least with respect to their browser, in particular.  I guess I just like to keep my options open.

But the Korean-based websites are stunningly Microsoft-dependent.  Last night, I had a moment of elation when, messing around with my laptop at home, I downloaded and installed the latest Opera browser.  I went to my work website, successfully logged in, and saw normal-looking Korean hangeul writing instead of gobbledygook, which is what I get in both Google Chrome and Firefox.  Nevertheless, the work website was useless because the ActiveX embedded site-navigation widget that appears on the left hand side (which, in fact, loads in Firefox successfully) failed to load in Opera.  Net result:  a gain in one area (flash-based rendering of Korean characters) was offset by a loss in another (navigation widget broken).  Ultimately, I'm still married to Internet  Explorer.

I like the Opera interface, though.  I may end up spending some time with it.

Caveat: El Túnel

pictureHe estado leyendo la novela de Sabato, El Túnel. Encontré el libro hace medio año en un estante mal mantenido el librería 교보문고.  Hace mucho tiempo que me dedico a leer una novela en español, y me está gustando. De estilo policiaco, tiene un sabor kafkaesco, o tal vez me hace recordar los excelentes del polacoargentino, Gombrowicz.
El viernes pasado, habiendo podido salir del trabajo temprano a causa de que fuera el fin del trimestre, fui a Seul para devagar, como es mi hábito. Y de repente sentí que había perdido el librito. Me gusta leer libros en español cuando me meto en el metro, por el gusto de confundir a los locales en cuanto se den cuenta de que no es el inglés que esté leyendo. Tantos coreanos padecen una miopía respecto los idiomas occidentales: que sólo existe una lengua del ”alfabeto inglés.”
No podía encontrar el librito en ningún lado. Me puse triste. Pero hoy, preparando otra salida, para ir a algún Starbucks con la intencionada de estudiar, de repente ahí estaba el libro. Me alegró. Acabé con casi 20 páginas en el metro, esta tarde.
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Caveat: Different Priorities

The small cultural differences are sometimes the most striking.  Take the question of what's considered publicly embarrassing. 

God forbid a woman be caught smoking by a male colleague or stranger in public.  Korean women who smoke go to great lengths to hide the fact that they smoke, and every building has a secret balcony or hidden rooftop space where these shameful women ply their vice, while Korean men smoke nonchalantly anywhere they damn well please.  

Meanwhile, I passed not one but two women casually seated on busy sidewalk benches at different spots, indelicately cleaning the gunk out from between their toes.

Notes for Korean
콩국수 = cold noodles and soybean  soup
부터 = from, when
cf. 나를 선생님으로부터 보호하세요 = protect me from the teacher (a student sample sentence)
차지하다= seize, take possession of, make something one's own
편리한 =  convenient
적 = [this is some kind of mystery particle… I see it all the time, attached to substantives and followed by the copula… not sure how it works.  one dictionary meaning that might fit:  "occasion, time, experience" but I'm not sure that's right]
example:
구체 = the property of concreteness
구체적인 = concrete (adjectival meaning, i.e. having the property of concreteness)

Caveat: Proliferation Security Initiative

According to various news sources (e.g. The Korea Herald, The Australian), South Korea's response yesterday to the North Korean nuclear test has been to finally get around to joining the US's "Proliferation Security Initiative."

This was particularly interesting to me, because of an incident in one of my most advanced debate classes about a month ago.   We have these "newspapers" (they have current events packaged for ESL learners, produced by a domestic Korean publishing house) that always have a current debate topic in their pages.  I really like pulling our in-class debate topics from these newspapers, because they are always topics that are immediately relevant to South Koreans, being policy issues that are under discussion by the government.  I can urge the kids to consider that they are learning not just English, but something along the lines of a South Korean civics class.  This provides at least some of them with some additional motivation, and because the topics are prominent in the South Korean media, it also makes them easy to research, even if they are often conceptually quite difficult.

 Last month, the newspaper had as its debate topic the question as to whether South Korea should fully join the US's Proliferation Security Initiative.   I didn't know much about it, and I didn't put too much time into researching it, myself.  I read the article, gave it some thought, and it seemed like a pretty uncontroversial thing, to me.  I understood South Korea's ambivalence, about it, however, given the always fraught nature of its relationship with its northern neighbor — North Korea had basically said that it would view South Korea joining this treaty as a "declaration of war."  Huh… right.

I tend to avoid stating my personal opinion on these debate topics until after the debate is finished, so as not to bias the students' take on them.  But I'd formed in my mind that joining PSI would probably be OK.  Until Sally's discussion of it.

Sally is a sharp sixth grader.  A bit of a prodigy, in some ways, excellent with these civics and social studies type concepts.  I have joked that she's going to be a lawyer, some day.  Anyway, we were beginning our discussion of this Proliferation Security Initiative, and she begins, quite simply:  "I read about it, and I think it's illegal."  My jaw dropped open.  "Uh… That's not what the newspaper said," I was thinking to myself.

But she went on to explain that it involved arbitrary search and seizure in international waters, and that it basically boiled down to a form of international racial profiling of ships-at-sea.  Not using this kind of vocabulary — she's not THAT good — but she did a perfectly adequate job of making these ideas clear using simpler vocabulary.  And I was just stunned, even recognizing that she was probably basing this on something she'd found on a Korean opinion website of some kind.  Because here was a 6th grader, lecturing me on international law.   She'd managed to internalize the arguments, and it was clearly not just parroting but that she understood the significance of them.  I was so impressed.

Sure enough, when you look at Wikipedia on the topic of PSI, you find that it was another one of those dubious cowboy-internationalist undertakings of John Bolton, former UN Ambassador under President Bush.  Given that pedigree, how could it NOT be illegal?  I bonked my forehead and went "d'oh!"  And, because of Sally, I changed my mind about South Korea joining the Proliferation Security Initiative.

Now, it becomes moot (note to self:  now is the time to explain the meaning of the word "moot" to Sally's class — we can revisit PSI for 5 minutes in light of the news).    South Korea has gone and jumped into it, anyway, in reaction to the North's intemperance.  Ah, well…

Caveat: The Space Emperor, Drawn to the Dark Side

Our future Space Emperor, BHO, is clearly not afraid to disappoint his fans. Whether this represents cynicism or realpolitik, I find hard to judge. I really, really enjoyed Maureen Dowd’s recent mocking of the situation vis-a-vis Cheney: “Dick twinkles. ‘Yes, we can.'”
pictureIn other news, I collected all my retired (read, broken) plastic alligators and brought them to class today, because this is the last week of the Spring term. Here is a picture after the Eldorado2 kids had arranged them.
Notes for Korean

야경= night view
-스럽다 = to seem like
사랑스러운 = love-like ~ “lovely”
올리다=raise up, [and many other meanings, maybe “begin”?]

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Caveat: Scooter

It seems I see more and more of these tricked out scooters. Scooters are everywhere, and always have been. But lately, there seems to be this influx of some kind of European or Japanese style high-end scooters. I saw a “Hello Kitty” themed pink scooter with a trendy-looking woman riding it, walking home from work the other night. And this thing was in the parking lot a block away, the other day.
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Caveat: Alas, Robuckle

It was a pretty rough week.  Not so much in the quantity of work, but in the ups and downs of the affective environment at LBridge.  There was the announcement, mid-week, that there will be layoffs, campus closings, etc.  Though not impacting me directly, obviously the mood in the staff room has taken a beating.  And today the rumors began to surface that teaching loads would be way up, next term.  Which is logical, but no more welcome, for all that. 

And there were deprecatory things muttered about "speaking teachers" (code for E2 visa-holding teachers as opposed to "natives") who have "easier jobs."  While I disagree with that, with regard to class load, I do acknowledge that not having to interact with the parents, as is required of the native teachers, definitely makes things a little bit easier.  I see how they struggle and suffer with the constant shifts in mood and policy (oh, there's a policy?), and of course, lack-of-support, on the part of management. 

But the thing that has me most depressed is the situation of a student of mine.  Not just mine… she's been in the Eldorado-ban (level) for a good portion of my time here.  Her English name, self-selected, is Clover.  I actually really have enjoyed having her in my class.  She's not a great intellect, and her English skills are spotty.  She's not a hardcore studier, and she's often moody.  She can be easily discouraged, and is too often comparing herself unfavorably to her peers.  The competition gets her down.  But… she could be a lot of fun, too.

One day, a month or two ago, I came in, and she announced, "today, I am Robuckle."  I said, "that's an interesting name.  I like it."  But I wanted to know where it came from.  She managed to explain, after jumping up to the board and drawing it out in Korean hangeul, that it was the consequence of playing a common language-game with the hangeulized version of "Clover."  This, of course, enchanted me – everyone, including my students, know about my love for all sorts of language games.

Here's how it works.  If you write "Clover" in Korean syllables, it comes to keul-lo-beo (클로버).  Then, according the rules of the language game, you put the first syllable last.  That gives lo-beo-keul (로버클).  But now the leading /L/ has been un-twinned, so it gets to become an /R/, according to standard Korean phonology.  That gives ro-beo-keul.  Finally, you un-hangeulize it back to something close to English phonology, and it sounds like "Robuckle."  Fabulous!

Clover enjoyed having made me so happy with such a silly thing.  So I enthusiastically endorsed the renaming of Clover as Robuckle.

Robuckle went back to being Clover a few weeks later, but after that, I always would grin to myself whenever I was scoring a paper of Robuckle's, or entering a grade, or whatever.  I'm easily and eccentrically pleased, I guess.

Anyway.  Clover's grades have been dropping quite a bit, of late.  And she got a terrible score on the speaking final speech.  She complained (via her mom, conveyed to the homeroom teacher, conveyed to me) that I had scored her unfairly.  And she became grumpy and taciturn in class.  Which of course caused her subsequent scores on things to drop, too.  I asked her, several times, to bring me the scoring sheet I had given her for the speaking final – I was open to renegotiating the score, or, even, letting her have another go at it.  But she was more interested in being angry about it.  She finally told me her mom "threw it away" (meaning the scoring paper), to get me to leave her alone about renegotiating the grade.

The other day, she apparently complained to her mom that she "hated" all of her teachers at LBridge.  Which is fine.  Such complaining is the god-given right of every adolescent.  But she alleged that we all hated her, too, and that we were unfair to her.  Such complaints come from children everywhere, all the time.  But the problem in the hagwon biz, where the parents are the paying customers… well, you can imagine: I've written about this dilemma at least once before.  The management is just as likely to side with the kid as with the teachers, especially if the kid in question is being unequivocably backed by his or her parent.

The outcome of this is that Clover's homeroom teacher got a dressing-down today by the manager, for not intercepting Clover's problems, and for being unfair, and for not mediating her perceptions of unfairness of her other teachers, such as myself.  And that left Clover's homeroom teacher pissed as hell, naturally.  At Clover.  At Clover's mom.  At the manager.  And Clover is, most likely, dropping out.  And Clover's sister, a star pupil across the street at the middle-school branch, is being pulled, also.  Officially, it's all the fault of us teachers. 

You see how this works?  It's depressing.

And despite all that, I'll miss Clover, too.  Her unkempt hair, her occasional wry grin, her sullen slouch, that baseball cap permanently affixed to her head, her flashes of real intelligence shining through the murk of atrocious syntax.

Alas, Robuckle.

Caveat: Evocations

It's weird how bits of music get attached to particular memories, and most significantly, for me, to specific texts.  It's not always a matter of, "that's what I was listening to when I read X."  Of course, sometimes it is, too.  Peter Gabriel's track "Mercy Street" was playing as I read the concluding paragraphs of Cien Años de Soledad, and whenever I hear that song, I inevitably think of that book.  More broadly, Cat Stevens' Tea for the Tillerman album will always, strangely, connect with LeGuin's Earthsea novels, because that album was on heavy rotation when I read those novels way back in junior high.  Tracks of New Order and Depeche Mode moodily — appropriately, perhaps — evoke Dostoyevsky and Nietzsche, as I had those on my playlist (at that time a cassette-playing walkman clone of some kind) when I was reading those very "heavy" books during my complex, often very depressed time serving in the US Army, and stationed at Camp Edwards in Paju, Korea.

Perhaps more peculiar are the connections between Kraftwerk or the Psychadelic Furs and Shakespeare and Melville.  But such connections are really solid, because altogether they represent my second year in college, when I was flirting with being an English major.  Still other evocations are downright bizarre, and less direct.  I almost always think of Jose Donoso when I hear Silvio Rodriguez's Playa Giron album, but the connection is basically because of the song "Santiago," which connects on subject matter to my 1994 visit (a winter week in August — Southern Hemisphere, remember?) in Santiago.  I was reading Donoso, despite the fact that I didn't have any kind of sound track with me at the time.

Perhaps the strangest evocation hit me today, as I was walking to work in the pouring rain.  Arlo Guthrie's "City of New Orleans" played on my MP3, and I thought of Ayn Rand.  That's just plain crazy… but it happens every single time.  I also tend to think about the murals of Diego Rivera.  The connection is actually rather abstract – it's not like I was listening to Arlo Guthrie as I read Atlas Shrugged, all those years ago when I was living in Mexico City.  I think it's got to do with the sort of populist (anti-intellectualist?) "exaltation of the hard-working craftsman" that thematically unifies those artists, despite their stunning ideological differences.

Caveat: Still Grumpy.

I'm still grumpy.  I spent the day feeling resentful about my language struggles, instead of doing something about it.  And I have a long week ahead of me.

More later, then…

Caveat: Frustrated

I have been feeling increasingly annoyed and frustrated with myself.  I've been in Korea for 20 months.  I was here a year, before that, in 1991.  I still haven't learned but the barest modicum of Korean language.

I spent 16 months in Mexico, when I was twenty, and bootstrapped myself into near-fluency.  I'm willing to acknowledge all the differences:  difference in age, difference in personal attitude and outlook, difference in the "luck" of my work situation and friendships (in Mexico) or lack thereof (in Korea).  But it still angers me that I can't seem to make anything even close to the same progress with this language.

I'm a fundamentally shy person.  That doesn't help.  I'm 20 years older, which is a handicap for both reason of brain chemistry as well as for reasons of culture:  Korea's ageism is profound and pervasive, and it seems to make building friendships even harder than they would otherwise be for me.

I'm really sad and depressed about learning Korean, right now.  I often make excuses, but it is, at core, the main reason I came here.  So what gives?  Why can't I?  I blame my laziness.  I feel guilty whenever I don't study, or when linguistic anxiety prevents me from taking on a challenging situation.  I feel guilty constantly, about it.  And feeling guilty doesn't help, either. 

I have a student who, in the bottom left of her paper, almost always writes:  "If you smile, you will be happy."  I assume this is a sort of motto or pep-talk to herself.  But I need to do something with it, too.  Still… that doesn't make learning Korean any easier, either.

Caveat: 장수에 주말 여행했어요

On Saturday at 12 o’clock my friend Curt called me and asked if I wanted to accompany him to his home town, Jangsu, for a quick overnight trip. He had to go down for a “family meeting” and many relatives would be there. “It will be an adventure for you,” he commented.
I felt spontaneous, and said, “sure!” I met him at his hagwon at around 5:30, but at the last minute his daughter (who is 8) decided she wanted to come along, so we had to go collect her, and then he forgot to take a computer that he was going to give to his sister, so we had to drive back to the hagwon and get that. The result was that we didn’t get on the road until around 7:30.
The traffic wasn’t too bad driving down – most people who flee Seoul on the weekends do so earlier on Saturday, is my guess. We arrived at his home village at around 1 AM. The moon was full and the air was already summery, although fairly dry.
Koreans like to sleep in hot, stuffy homes, as far as I can determine, and Curt’s family homestead was no exception. But I was tired and slept soundly, and was awoken at 6AM sharp by the rapid, nonstop Korean of Curt’s mother’s voice. She is in her 70’s, but seems quite healthy and strong-spirited, like any good Korean matron.  She kept a running commentary the entire day. Curt, at one point, observed with a wry deference that his mother “loves to talk.”  I was enjoying the language input, without understanding more than a small amount. I perhaps would have tired of it, had I understood more, but as it was, it was just like being tuned to a Korean talk-radio station, but with all sorts of contextual clues to make it on the edge-of-comprehensible.
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We did a small sightseeing drive at around 7 AM, to see the new dam that rose above his old village. Here is a picture I took looking down from the dam into the valley – the village proper is in the foreground, and the family compound is just out of sight among the alfalfa fields behind the trees in the lower left.
We walked around and I took some pictures of the family using both their camera and mine. Keep in mind, this is not the whole clan – just those who happened to come along on the sightseeing drive: Curt, his older sister, his daughter, his niece, and his mother.
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After that, we drank some coffee back at the house, as more people showed up. Then at around nine, everyone went down to the restaurant that’s along the stream at the village turnoff at the main highway (highway 19). There were some 50 relatives there, quickly and systematically eating a typical Korean breakfast: rice, several kimchis (including a delicious and memorable cucumber kimchi I’d never tasted before), fish, other vegetable side-dishes, and a thin broth-type soup with some slices of what I thought was potato in it. After the breakfast there was to be the “family meeting.”
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Curt snuck away to smoke a cigarette beforehand, and hinted that I might want to go do something else (which was a polite way of saying I wasn’t invited, I suppose – I wasn’t offended). Here is a picture of the spot behind the restaurant by the stream and the highway across the stream, where we talked.
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So I walked back across the fields to the house. The house was swarming with children, who had no interest in practicing English with me (and who can blame them?), but they also seemed befuddled and frustrated by my poor Korean. I felt like I was embedded in a Kafka novel, for a while: lots of talking, but no communication whatsoever. One of the girls took my camera, and this is a picture I found in it later.
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Eventually, feeling exhausted by the language-overload, I went on a walk. I went into the village and looked at the Buddhist temple complex there – apparently Curt’s father, who passed away in 2007, had been a major philanthropist in the restoration and expansion of the temple. Here is a view approaching the temple, and another showing the intricate woodwork and painting on one of the buildings.
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Finally, the family meeting down at the restaurant was over, and Curt came and found me strolling around the village, along the river below the dam behind the temple complex.  “Do you want to come while I pay my respects to my father?” “Sure,” I agreed, amenably. I didn’t want to intrude or be the uncomfortable foreigner in what was no doubt an intimate and personal thing, but I was dreading spending the next several hours waiting for him with nothing structured to do.
The drive to his father’s grave was quite long, unexpectedly. Almost an hour, as he is interred at a veterans cemetery southwest of Imsil, which is some ways west of Jangsu.  We passed over a winding mountain road and into a much wider, more populated valley to get there.  Curt placed a lighted cigarette on his father’s grave.  “He loved to smoke,” he said.  He poured a bit of Soju onto the grass, and his sister placed a plate with some fruit on the grave stone.  Curt and his sister bowed deeply to the grave, and then his mother also bowed to her late husband.
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After the ceremony, and after making sure it was OK, I took a picture of Curt standing by his father’s grave.  He was teary and emotional. I felt awkward, and stayed mostly quiet, during the first part of the drive back to the house at Jangsu. We went back a different way, through Namwon and along a bit of the “88 Olympic Expressway” which reminded me in terms of feel and scenery of those odd, depression-era, two-lane tollways that snake around parts of Appalachia in Kentucky or West Virginia.
Returned to the house, we had a very quick but homemade lunch.  I especially liked the fried dubu (tofu) and kimchi – much better than restaurant varieties. And then it was suddenly over.  After some lounging around watching Korean music videos and listening to the grandmother lecture the granddaughters about who-knows-what, Curt, his daughter and I said our goodbyes and were back on the road at around 3 PM – although I embarrassed myself with some incorrect Korean in trying to say “nice to have met you.” I think I may have said something like, “That [romantic] date went well,” if it meant anything at all. But it wasn’t a date, was it?
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Caveat: Roadtrip

Very spontaneously, my friend Curt called yesterday and invited me along on a drive with him down to his hometown in Jangsu (near Namwon, in Jeollabuk province). It’s a 4-6 hour drive, depending on traffic (we managed about 5 hours down, not counting time to go back to his hagwon for something he forgot).
So, I met his family, ate a lot, and saw a very different, rural part of Korea, all in a whirlwind that got me back home tonight at 10 pm. Just as it was starting to rain.  I’ll write some more details later… I’m feeling exhausted, partly because after getting in very late last night we all rose at the crack of dawn this morning.  It was a kind of annual family reunion (“family meeting” he termed it).
So, my thought for this evening, after a total of 12 hours in the car in just around 28 hours, is only this: tollway rest areas are roughly the same everywhere in the world. See picture.
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Caveat: blade haaku

I was surfing wikipedia, and as usual gravitating to language-geek-appealing things.  I was reading about the Kannada language – a Dravidian language of west-central India.  And there was a list of interesting phrases, and I found that included "Blade haaku – to talk at length to an uninterested listener."  Every language needs a phrase that means this!

It might be a good name for a blog, too.  This blog?  I don't know.  I definitely have the strong gut feeling that most of the time, I am, in fact, talking at length to an uninterested listener.  But anyway, life goes on, right? 

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