Category: Background Noise

Caveat: la nuestra es una civilización muy avanzada… Como dice la gente

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism

This song came around on my mp3 player and I could not remember the last time I heard it, but I used to like it a lot. I swear I blogged about it before, but I was unable to find any entry about it, so I will blog about it now. 

It has an ecological message – a bit naive, in my opinion. But the entire Re album by Café Tacuba is one of my favorite albums – a masterpiece – and the lyrics are always deep, symbolic, and layered in meanings. Note, for example that the rebellious engineer in this song is named Salvador (AKA Christ). Because this is a Café Tacuba song, that is not an idle reference. 

Anyway, it is a great song from a great album.

What I am listening to right now.

Café Tacuba, "Trópico de Cáncer."

Letra.

Cómo es que te vas Salvador
de la compañía si todavía hay mucho verdor?

Si el progreso es nuestro oficio
y aun queda por ahí mucho indio
que no sabe lo que es vivir en una ciudad…
como la gente.

Que no ves que eres un puente
entre el salvajismo y el modernismo.
Salvador el ingeniero,
Salvador de la humanidad.

Está muy bien lo que tu piensas
pero por qué no,
tú te acuerdas
que la nuestra es una civilización muy avanzada…
Como dice la gente.

Que no ves que nuestra mente
no debe tomar en cuenta:
ecologistas, indigenistas,
retrogradistas, y humanistas.

Ay, mis ingenieros
civiles y asociados,
no crean que no me duele
irme de su lado,
pero es que yo pienso
que ha llegado el tiempo
de darle lugar
a los espacios sin cemento.

Por eso yo ya me voy.
No quiero tener nada que ver
con esa fea relación de acción,
Construcción,
Destrucción,
Ahha.

Cómo es que te vas Salvador
de la compañía si todavía hay mucho verdor?

Ay, mis compañeros petroleros mexicanos,
no crean que no extraño el olor a óleo puro.
Pero es que yo pienso que nosotros los humanos,
no necesitamos
más hidrocarburos.

Por eso yo ya me voy.
No quiero tener nada que ver
Con esa fea relación de acción,
Construcción,
Destrucción,
Ahha.

Por eso yo ya me voy.
No quiero tener nada que ver…

Por eso yo ya me voy.
No quiero tener nada que ver…

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: God’s Alive! Run, Bob Dylan

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry

One of the worst cases of mis-heard lyrics I've ever experienced was with this song by Korn called "Got the Life." I love the song, though it's a bit dark and depressing, I suppose. The song's main chorus and title are the words "Got the life." I always heard this as "God's Alive," which – given the atmospherics of the song, as well as rest of the oeuvre of the boys from Bakersfield – I assumed was meant ironically in some way. Further, there's a line which is just nonsense: "Dance with me / Rumbiddieboo." I always heard it as "Dance with me / Run, Bob Dylan." 

Personally, I prefer the way I heard the song to the way it actually goes, so even after learning the correct lyrics, I still imagine my own personal version when I hear the song:

"God's Alive! Run, Bob Dylan." 

What I'm listening to right now.

Korn, "Got The Life."

Lyrics.

Hate, something, sometime, someway,
something kick on the front floor.
Mine? Something, inside.
I'll never ever follow.
So give.. me.. some.. thing.. that.. is.. for.. real.
I'll never ever follow.
Get your boogie on…
Hate, something, someway, each day, feeling ripped off again.
Why? This shit inside.
Now everyone will follow.
So give.. me.. noth.. ing.. just.. feel.
And now this shit will follow.
God thinks we will never see the light, who wants to see?
God told me, I've already got the life, oh I see…
God thinks we will never see the light, who wants to see?
God told me, I've already got the life, oh I say…
Oh, I see
Each day I can feel it swallow, inside something they took from me.
I don't feel your deathly ways.
Each day i feel so hollow, inside I was beating me,
You will never see, so come dance with me.
Dance with me
Rumbiddieboo
Rum bum dee dum dee bum diddie doo
ME!
God thinks we will never see the light, who wants to see?
God told me, I've already got the life, oh I see…
God thinks we will never see the light, who wants to see?
God told me, I've already got the life, oh I say…
Got the life.
Got… the… life.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Trip of a Lifetime

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Quotable

Lately several of my coworkers have been militating for and setting up some vacation time. Everyone, even Curt, has asked me "don't you want some vacation?"

Certain friends and relatives also have brought it up. They ask, When am I planning to take a vacation and travel and see people? 

When I think of taking a vacation, it leaves me utterly cold. On the one hand, it's true that I have been working hard – but I'm not working to exhaustion. I get enough sleep and rest and I don't push myself except for work – even to the extent that a trip to the store seems excessive and gets put off sometimes, and the idea of even a day trip into the city on a weekend requires a lot of lead time and mental preparation. On the other hand, when I imagine a vacation, I imagine two possible things. First, I could travel somewhere (e.g. the US) and make a whirlwind visit to people who are important to me. That sounds exhausting and stressful, and although I would love to see certain people, I can't imagine trying it on the sort of week-and-a-half-long race across America such as I did in 2012. The second possibility is that I could sit in my apartment and "relax" for some period of time. Frankly, that sounds boring and depressing. My 4-day weekend a while back for Buddha's birthday was already pushing the limit of my mental hunger for solitude.

As a consequence of the above thought processes, in fact the idea of a vacation doesn't really inspire me much. I'm having about the kind of vacation I "need" right now, anyway: because of the exam-prep period of the middle-schoolers, my teaching schedule has been halved for a few weeks. So I have enough work to get me out of bed each day, to keep me active and interested in things, but not so much work that I feel overwhelmed by it. Next month, I'll get a chance to feel overwhelmed again, but for now I'm taking a sort of "working vacation," basically.

So I'm not really planning anything. The whole idea of travel hasn't been particularly compelling for me the last few years – even before the cancer diagnosis, I was evolving into more of a homebody. Although I still sometimes fantasize about traveling, the reality of it is that I tend to get depressed and lonely  during extensive trips (such as my trip to Japan in 2010, or to Australia and NZ in 2011), or else I feel stressed – overwhelmed and exausted (such as my trip back to the US in 2012).

When people came to visit me, we did some trips – day trips and a few overnight tours to various parts (Andrew and Hollye to Yeonggwang; Ann and Jacob to Sokcho; etc.).  Although I enjoyed those trips, I did them as a means to "share" Korea with them, more than out of an interest in traveling myself. For me, a half-day adventure into Seoul to meet my friend Peter and hike a stretch of city wall is about the most extensive sort of trip for which I can work up any interest at all.

I write all this to say: sorry, if you're hoping I'm going to take a vacation. It doesn't seem to be in the cards, right now.

Here is another thought about "vacation," vis-a-vis my cancer experience of the past year:

In a sense, sickness is a place, more instructive than a long trip to Europe, and it's always a place where there's no company, where nobody can follow. Sickness before death is a very appropriate thing and I think those who don't have it miss one of God's mercies. – Flannery O'Connor (written to friend about her lupus disease that eventually killed her)

What do I mean by quoting this? I only mean that perhaps I've had the trip of my lifetime, over the past year, at the National Cancer Center Resort.

What I'm listening to right now.

Aztec Camera, "Pillar to Post." In my college years, I really liked the group Aztec Camera, but it is no longer very interesting to me. Nevertheless, occasionally it comes around on my mp3 shuffle, and I get nostalgic for those times in the mid-80's when I listened to it a lot.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: I’m dead and I’m perfectly content

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry

The last few days, I have been suffering from some kind of minor but unpleasant stomach flu, I think – or some kind of minor problem from something I ate. I had bought some vegetables from the Lotte Supermarket which in retrospect may have been a bit questionable. I'd used them on Saturday to make a mild curry sauce which wasn't particularly delicious or easy to eat in any event, and then this consequence followed. 

Oh well.

Work is easier at the moment, with a somewhat reduced teaching schedule since the middle-schoolers are now in exam-prep classes for their Spring exams. I slept 10 hours last night – some kind of recent record.

What I'm listening to right now.

Charlotte Gainsbourg, "The Songs That We Sing."

Lyrics

I saw somebody who
Reminded me of you
Before you got afraid
I wish that you could've stayed that way

I saw a little girl
I stopped and smiled at her
She screamed and ran away
It happens to me more and more these days

And these songs that you sing
Do they mean anything
To the people you're singing them to
People like you

I saw a photograph
A woman in a bath of hundred dollar bills
If the cold doesn't kill her, money will

I read a magazine
That said by seventeen
Your life was at an end
I'm dead and I'm perfectly content

And these songs that I sing
Do they mean anything
To the people I'm singing them to
People like you

And these songs that we sing
Do they mean anything
To the people we're singing them to
Tonight they do

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Tudo cai pra lá e pra cá

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

Today was Korean memorial day, so I had the day off. I worked a lot this week, though, and I don't get Saturday (tomorrow off), so it's a bit of an anticlimax, as holidays go. Just an extra day off.

I met my friend Peter and we hiked along the militarized bit of the old Seoul city wall in the southern part of Bukhansan park, behind the Blue House (Korea's presidential house, 청와대, cf. the US's Whitehouse). I will post some pics tomorrow, I was too lazy to get them off my phone today, as I came home about 3 and crashed.

What I'm listening to right now.

Smoke City, "Underwater Love."

Lyrics

This must be underwater love
The way I feel it slipping all over me
This must be underwater love
The way I feel it
O que que é esse amor, d'água
Deve sentir muito parecido a esse amor
O que que é esse amor, d'água
Deve sentir muito parecido a esse amor
Esse amor com paixão, ai
Esse amor com paixão, ai que coisa
After the rain comes sun
After the sun comes rain again
After the rain comes sun
After the sun comes rain again
After the rain comes sun
After the sun comes rain again
This must be underwater love
The way I feel it slipping all over me
This must be underwater love
The way I feel it
O que que é esse amor, d'água
Eu sei que eu não quero mais nada
Follow me now
To a place you only dream of
Before I came along
When I first saw you
I was deep in clear blue water
The sun was shining
Calling me to come and see you
I touched your soft skin
And you jumped in with your eyes closed
And a smile upon your face
Você vem, você vai
Você vem e cai
E vem aqui pra cá
Porque eu quero te beijar na sua boca
Que coisa louca
Vem aqui pra cá
Eu quero te beijar na sua boca
Ô que boca gostosa
After the rain comes sun
After the sun comes rain again
After the rain comes sun
After the sun comes rain again
Cai, cai e tudo tudo cai
Tudo cai pra lá e pra cá
Pra lá e pra cá
E vamos nadar
E vamos nadar e tudo tudo dá
This must be underwater love
The way I feel it slipping all over me
This must be underwater love
The way I feel it, oh...

[daily log: walking, 8.5 km]

Caveat: 11 months cancer free

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

Almost a year, then.

I'm really just making this post only for completeness – I have kind of lost my desire to "celebrate" these monthiversaries. Doing so compels me overmuch to reflect – even more than I would otherwise – on how transformed some aspects of my life are, and to reflect on how in other respects my life is utterly the same. Neither reflection is flattered by the scrutiny. It might be better to just try to live life, with less reflecting upon it.

I will post next month, and then be done with this "feature" on This Here Blog Thingy™.

What I'm listening to right now.

José José, "Almohada."

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Se quedó hasta el fin.

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

More and more I simply feel rooted to this place. I think, often quite seriously, of quitting or escaping or trying to do something else, and my poor health gives me both compelling reasons to stay (the reliability and cheapness of the healthcare) and compelling reasons to go (the difficulty of my work situation vis-a-vis my poor health).

Nevertheless every time I sit down to sort out my feelings, I end up concluding that I will stay here. I was in this long daliance with Korea before my cancer, but the cancer was like a shotgun wedding and now I feel utterly committed to staying. I feel I will simply stay until I die.

I do not mean that morbidly – I mean it as a statement of what feels like inevitable fact, at some level. There are things I don't like about my life here, and I am deeply disappointed not just with my health but with my failure to somehow "make something" of my "second chance" (and really, if you know my biography, this is more like a "fourth chance," isn't it?).

But what, exactly, would I or should I be making of it? When I analize what is important to me carefully, those things are tied to my creativity and my teaching and my growth as a person. As such, where else could I have a better chance to make progress in any of those things than here in this place? If i quit my job, I probably would simply not have one – that's what seems likely. I cannot imagine that would cause me to feel less lazy or more productive about something like my art or writing – it's not like I don't have time for those things right now. That's what I believe, anyhow.

I'm just rambling. Reflecting.

Lo que estoy escuchando en este momento.

Maná, "En El Muelle De San Blas." I've posted this song before, but this is one of my favorite songs, I think. So I'm putting it again. It is simple but tells a memorable story. She just stays on the dock, waiting, for the rest of time, like a García Márquez novel or something. "Se quedó hasta el fin" – She stayed until the end.

Letra

Ella despidió a su amor.
El partió en un barco en el muelle de San Blas.
El juró que volvería,
Y empapada en llanto ella juró que esperaría...
Miles de lunas pasaron,
Y siempre ella estaba en el muelle,
Esperando...
Muchas tardes se anidaron,
Se anidaron en su pelo
Y en sus labios.
Llevaba el mismo vestido
y por si él volviera no se fuera a equivocar.
Los cangrejos le mordían
Su ropaje, su tristeza y su ilusión...
Y el tiempo se escurrió,
Y sus ojos se le llenaron de amaneceres.
Y del mar se enamoró,
Y su cuerpo se enraizó
En el muelle.
Sola,
Sola en el olvido.
Sola,
Sola con su espíritu.
Sola,
Sola con su amor el mar.
Sola...
En el muelle de San Blas.
Su cabello se blanqueó
Pero ningún barco a su amor le devolvía.
Y en el pueblo le decían,
Le decían la loca del muelle de San Blas.
Y una tarde de abril
La intentaron transladar al manicomio;
Nadie la pudo arrancar,
Y del mar nunca jamás la separaron.
Sola,
Sola en el olvido.
Sola,
Sola con su espíritu.
Sola,
Sola con su amor el mar.
Sola...
En el muelle de San Blas.
Sola en el olvido.
Sola con su espíritu.
Sola con su amor el mar.
Sola,
Sola en el olvido.
Sola,
Sola con su espíritu.
Sola,
Sola con su amor el mar.
Sola...
En el muelle de San Blas.
Se quedó...
Se quedó...
Sola, sola.
Se quedó...
Se quedó...
Con el sol y con el mar.
Se quedó ahí,
Se quedó hasta el fin.
Se quedó ahí,
Se quedó en el muelle de San Blas.
Sola, sola, sola.

[daily log: walking, 5.5 km]

Caveat: Starbucks Planet

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Found Online

There was an interesting article over at The Atlantic the other day, pointing to someone who was mapping global cities based on their Starbucks locations. Seoul, apparently, has more Starbuckses than any other city – even New York or, um, Seattle. I like these compartive "same scale," simplified maps of urban areas, for some reason. It's interesting to see the contrasts in density, for example: e.g. the circle for Seoul metro represents 25 million and the circle for, say, Portland represents 1.5 million. 

Starbucks_520

I am not necessarily a huge fan of Starbucks, but I'm not one to put it down, either – I don't view it as an "evil corporation" or any such thing. Does the fact that I have Starbucks stock in my IRA (what's left of it, post cancer liquidation) perhaps bias me?

What I'm listening to right now.

Flaming Lips, "Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell."

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: 방귀쟁이 며느리

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Kids / Teaching & Methodology / The Wonders of Work

There is a Korean folktale called The Farting Lady (방귀쟁이 며느리). It’s pretty well-known, apparently, though I hadn’t heard of it before. There are some English discussions of it here and here.
The series of “roleplay” books we’re using for our Stars-level (younger elementary) students, called A*List, includes a lot of interesting stories, and our recent talent show (“verbal contest”) last Friday included pretty-well-done musical adaptations of Simba and the Tigers, The Wedding Mice, and this Korean folktale, The Farting Lady.
Frankly, I cannot imagine a better topic for a musical performance for first and second graders than a folktale about a farting lady. The kids thought it was fun, although their too-serious demeanor during the performance in the video below somewhat belies that – that’s the pressure of the final show, I guess.
I think it’s interesting that the likelihood of such a drama being performed in a US institution seems to me rather low – unless I’m misjudging my own culture – given the peculiar puritanism in US education that might be wary of frankly addressing the topic of a farting lady.
Preparing for the performance was a little bit difficult, because my Betelgeuse class has been shrinking and currently only has 2 students. So with seven roles in the story, we had to be creative and not really do it as a full-fledged dramatic performance, making it instead more of a dramatized reading with singing. I think they did an excellent job at the talent show, and the judges (some parents) did too – they got 3rd prize.
Here is the video of their performance, with Ken and me as MCs beforehand.

Here are some sample pages from the materials provided by the publisher of the roleplays, called A-List. It is one the best ESL curriculum publishers in Korea my personal opinion – their product is high quality and pedagogically sound.
A-List The Farting Lady page-001_240 A-List The Farting Lady page-009_240
A-List The Farting Lady page-019_240 A-List The Farting Lady page-025_240
[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Baekseok Burning

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

Apparently there was a giant fire at the Goyang City Bus Terminal earlier today. Seven people died. It's weird when disaster strikes somewhere that is intimately familiar to you – you think: I could have been there. 

Homeplus_burning

The bus terminal building has a HomePlus store in it – it's a few subway stops away from here.

What I'm listening to right now.

Depeche Mode, "Never Let Me Down." 

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: a natural part of life

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

Sometimes it takes a friend to give us back our own wisdom and allow us to see it. My friend Mark, with whom I only have the most fleeting contact most of the time but who is nevertheless still one of my closest friends, wrote this email to me earlier today.

I saw your blog and decided to send a note.  I know we all have down times.  You probably have had some in Korea, but I have been impressed at how much you have enjoyed the entire experience, and how worldly you are compared to me.  I think bad times are a natural part of life.  And then something happens and it turns around.  I certainly believe in the ability of people to just decide to be happy.  I've done that.  But the time has to be right.  I guess people need to wallow in their sadness for a while first or something.  

…

Take these words as your inspiration, you may recognize them:

I have made the realization that happiness is not a mental state. It is not something that is given to you, or that you find, or that you can lose, or that can be taken from you. Happiness is something that you do. And like most things that you do, it is volitional. You can choose to do happiness, or not. You have complete freedom with respect to the matter. 

Hope you have a great day, and know that we love you.

He quotes the thing I wrote some years ago and had sitting here at the left side of this here blog thingy. 

What I'm listening to right now.

The Arch, "Let It Beat Us."

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: Nyam nyam nyam

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

I surfed the internet a little bit. I discovered that I am not tone deaf.

I'm not sure that I ever really thought I was, but I also didn't really know how to figure out if I was or not, since I didn't really have enough musical training to understand what tone-deafness even was.

I'm not sure that not being tone deaf helps me much when I'm listening to Korean pop music. Korean culture is weird.

What I'm listening to right now.

Lip Service (립서비스), "냠냠냠."

가사

Y'all ready?
Alright
Drop it

냠 냠냠냠냠냠 빼고 싶어요!
냠 냠냠냠냠냠 그만 먹고 싶어요!
냠 냠냠냠냠냠 답이 없어요!
냠 냠냠냠냠냠 길이 없어요!

HOOK

햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거가 맛있어요!
아메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노 맛있어요!
냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 밤이 되면 더 땡겨요!

Verse 1

평생의 숙제 끝나질 않은 살들의 축제
줄지 않는 내 무게 살과의 전쟁
아 아이고 머리야
칼로리 계산하다 하루가 다가겠네
O. M. G
또다시 먹방놀이 내 배는 보라돌이
들려 살찌는 소리 내 뱃살아 I'm sorry
꼬륵 꼬륵 꼬륵 꼬륵 꼬륵 꼬륵 꼬르륵
후룩 후룩 후룩 후룩 후루룩
머릿속엔 라면뿐~

HOOK

햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거가 맛있어요!
아메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노 맛있어요!
냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 밤이 되면 더 땡겨요!

Verse 2

Ok 치킨 앞에서 커지는 내 beat
맘 잡았었는데 다시 멈칫
집었다 놓았다 내 맘은 애가 타
나도 날 몰라 cuz i got a wing

이만하면 됐지 I'm gona crazy
입에 넣는 순간 난 후회할 테지
Stop 그만 O. M. G

난 이미 먹었고 신나게 먹었고
주사위는 던져졌고 시간은 지났고
내일은 조금만 먹어야지
내일은 저녁은 굶어야지

HOOK

햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거햄버거햄 햄버거가 맛있어요!
아메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노 맛있어요!
냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 밤이 되면 더 땡겨요!

Bridge

비파가 나가신다. 길을 길을 비켜
내 말 좀 들어봐 나 아주 미쳐
Everyday 완벽했던 지난 5 days
주말 한방에 dang 모든 걸 reset
Diet diet 그 놈의 diet
요요 와요 man I'm tired
뭘 믿고 자꾸 먹어대 겁 없게
돌이킬 수 없어 내일부터 다시 해

HOOK

돈가스 돈가스돈 돈가스 돈가스돈 돈가스 돈가스돈 돈가스가 맛있어요!
아메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노메리카 메리카노 맛있어요!
냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠 냠냠냠냠냠냠 밤이 되면 더 땡겨요!
(종일을 굶다가 밤이 와 그러다 터진 내입구멍 O. M. G 냠냠냠냠냠냠)

[daily log: walking, 1km]

Caveat: 87 años de soledad

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Español Aleatorio (Random Spanish) / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism

RIP Gabriel García Márquez. Ayer murió a la edad de 87 años.

Últimamente confieso no ser tan admirador de su obra, y sin embargo debo decir que durante un período de mi juventud fue un escritor cuya influencia en mi fue muy fuerte. Su novela Cien años de soledad fue probablemente el primer libro en español que leí de forma continua, de comienzo al fin. Creo que fue durante un fin de semana lleno de nieve y frío mientras vivía en Saint Paul en 88. ImagesFue la primera vez que contemplaba la idea que quería estudiar la literatura española. Después de cinco años, esa idea se fijó y fue el comienzo de mi carrera académica de estudios graduados. Mis intereses se ampliaron pero llevo una deuda al autor colombiano porque fue él quien al principio me introdujo a la literatura española.

"La vida no es sino una continua sucesión de oportunidades para sobrevivir."

Lo que estoy escuchando en este momento.

MC 900 ft Jesus, "Buried at Sea."

Lyrics

is this a sound
or just a dream?
in my world nothing is quite what it seems

white shroud
clear blue sky
the sea swells a bit
when sailors die

was that a word?
is this a clue?
you're so very far away
but i'm sure it's you

feathers fall
birds in flight
they bury me slowly
is it really still night?

was that a word?
is this a clue?
you're so very far away
but i'm sure it's you

feathers fall
seabirds in flight
in my world
nothing is

[daily log: walking, 5km]

Note: this blog post was delayed 9 hours in posting due to my blog host being DOWN. It was down a lot yesterday, and there have been a lot of technical issues recently, apparently. One reason I tolerate the annoyances of the typepad blog host – and PAY for it (there are so many FREE blog hosting options these days that paying for mine as I do is a bit of an anachronism) – is reliability. Moments such as that one yesterday give me pause….

Caveat: Steal from the world

Background Noise / Not My Poetry

Solitude

HAPPY the man, whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air
            In his own ground.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire;
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
            In winter fire.

Blest, who can unconcern’dly find
Hours, days, and years, slide soft away
In health of body, peace of mind,
            Quiet by day.

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mix’d, sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please
            With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
            Tell where I lie.
– Alexander Pope (1688–1744)

What I'm listening to right now.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Sacrilege."

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Buried Beds and Folktales

Background Noise / Found Online

The song lyrics do not match the video, and at first, that bothered me. In the end, though, I decided I liked them. They have the same feel, I think. They are both based on folkloric elements or themes. Each has its separate story, and I'm not sure that it makes sense having put them together this way, but each story is interesting. There's a website.

What I'm listening to right now.

Buried Beds, "Children of the Sea."

Lyrics

A ship to shore, a girl a boy,
fastened golden pins of the sea.
Of fear, of rain, a tongue betrays,
wash your sins away and face the day.

All you children of the sea,
one single heart does beat
your chains will fall away.
Darkness grows when you’re alone,
but your mother lies below
she’ll lift you up electric blue and green.

Of men, of rage, a girl betrayed,
once a garden raised falls below.
One heart, one hand, will lift the land,
a crumbling tower falls into the sea.

All you children of the sea,
one single heart does beat
your chains will fall away.
Darkness grows when you’re alone,
but your mother lies below
she’ll lift you up electric blue and green.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Hambre interior

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Español Aleatorio (Random Spanish)

Tal vez lo siguiente subraya el hecho de mi depresión reciente. Sea lo que sea.

Ésta canción siguiente es producto de la otra ciudad que ha integrado mi alma: la gran podrida del mero méxico.

Lo que estoy escuchando en este momento.

Hocico, "Odio en el alma."

Letra.

Afliccion por no saber
cuando llegara el ocaso
las almas rien
y el espiritu miente.

Sin sentimientos de si
hemos oscultado el limbo
tanto hemos mirado hacia atras
que el pasado nos ha alcanzado

Esta enmienda voraz
se revolcara en nuestros traumas
donde la inocencia resulta
inconmensurable ante nuestros ojos
siempre tratando de esconderse
en la casa del debil.

Escucha nuestro afan
por quedar en la inclemencia mundana.

Entierra este diente en su quijada
y sabras cual es tu destino
escupe en su ojo mas humillado
y sabras cual es su nombre.

Hemos llegado sin fe
tambaleantes en confusion
y hemos salido hambrientos
sin poder siquiera digerir
el aire que nos cubre
lamentos de inanicion
sin poder comprender al fin.

Hambre en el alma
Hambre interior
Hambre en el alma
Hambre en mi interior.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: I’m walking a line-just barely enough to be living

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

Yesterday, it dawned heavily overcast and about 10 C (50 F). This was an exact replica of the eternally overcast dawns of my youth in Humboldt, and put me into a moody, nostalgic state of mind as I sat and tried to read on my couch after waking and being unable to get back to sleep – a frequent enough occurance these days. It's a common type of weather on the Humboldt side of the Pacific, but not really that common on this side, in Korea, except during the monsoon, when if it's overcast it's always stickily 10 or 20 degrees C warmer.

Today dawned less overcast, more just that spring Seoul smog (outsourced from Beijing, mostly) that I like to complain about. It was warmer. I walked to work without my overcoat for the first time since last October or so. Buds had appeared on some of the trees.

At work today, Ken commented that I looked miserable. I reckon so.

I'm unhappy on several fronts. There's the increasingly permanent-feeling post-cancer reality of my seemingly fragile and unpleasant health condition. It still hurts to eat – I suspect it may never be an enjoyable experience again  for me. There's the new arrangement in the staff room at work, which frankly sucks. I'm particularly put out by what seems to be a neglect of attention to the fact that of everyone's new spot, mine and Ken's are the only spots without conveniently adjacent shelf space. Is the fact that he and I both have tended in the past to complain about a need for more shelf space linked to this? Are we being punished? Do they think that native-speakers don't need shelf space? In the previous arrangement, I had finally won some shelf space after nearly a year of requesting it. How long is it going to take this time? Small things of this sort affect my mood profoundly. There's the 30+ teaching hours and concommitant shitloads of correcting. There's the never-ending litany of unrealistic parental complaints. There's the fact that despite having some great debate classes recently, I just discovered this morning that hours of video that I've taken are unusable due to technical glitches involving the microphone I was using. There's my perennial laziness vis-a-vis my efforts to study Korean, despite my equally perennial tendency to point out to myself that if there was a single thing that would improve my quality-of-life in my current circumstances, it would be to improve my Korean. Why must I be so lazy?

Anyway.

What I'm listening to right now.

Talking Heads, "Houses in Motion."

Lyrics.

For a long time I felt without style or grace
Wearing shoes with no socks in cold weather
I knew my heart was in the right place
I knew I'd be able to do these things.

And as we watch him digging his own grave
It is important to know that was where he's at
He can't afford to stop…that is what he believes
He'll keep on digging for a thousand years.

I'm walking a line-i'm thinking about empty motion
I'm walking a line-just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-no time to begin
This isn't the time-so nothing was done
Not talking about-not many at all
I'm turning around-no trouble at all
You notice there's nothing around you, around you
I'm walking a line-divide and dissolve.

Never get to say much, never get to talk
Tell us a little bit, but not too much
Right about then, is where she give up
She has closed her eyes, she has give up hope

I'm walking a line-I hate to be dreaming in motion
I'm walking a line-just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-no time to begin
This isn't the time-so nothing was done
Not talking about-not many at all
I'm turning around-no trouble at all
I'm keeping my fingers behind me, 'hind me
I'm walking a line-divide and dissolve.

I turn myself around, I'm moving backwards and forwards
I'm moving twice as much as I was before
I'll keep on digging to the center of the earth
I'll be down in there moving the in the room…

I'm walking a line-visiting houses in motion
I'm walking a line-just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-no time to begin
This isn't the time-so nothing was done
Not talking about-not many at all
I'm turning around-no trouble at all
Two different houses surround you, 'round you
I'm walking a line-divide and dissolve.

[daily log: walking (a line), 5 km]

Caveat: chaos and bachatón

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

2014-03-22 12.06.54At least I'm appreciated by my students. I found this message (at right) on the white board after a class, from two students from whom I wouldn't have expected. I'm glad they seem to appreciate me.

The staff room today was a chaotic nightmare – they've decided to rearrange the desks… something about a need for the team members (i.e. middle-school team and elementary team) needing to be grouped together and facing one another. But!… well, 4 of the 8 staff members are on both teams, so the whole undertaking seems stupid, to me – a waste of time and effort, and I can almost guarantee that I will have a smaller, less comfortable work-area than I had before.

What I'm listening to right now.

MJ feat. La Sista, "Teorías de amor."

[daily log: walking, 6 km]

Caveat: the hollow sound of silent people

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry

I took my standard Sunday internet holiday, but I did not accomplish much. I have these drawings I want to work on… and my writing, too. But I haven't progressed much. Mostly I graze various philosophy books and kill time with mind-numbing games.

What I'm listening to right now.

Kris Kristofferson, "Casey's Last Ride."

Lyrics.

Casey joins the hollow sound of silent people walking down
The stairway to the subway in the shadows down below;
Following their footsteps through the neon-darkened corridors
Of silent desperation, never speakin' to a soul.
The poison air he's breathin' has the dirty smell of dying
'Cause it's never seen the sunshine and it's never felt the rain.
But Casey minds the arrows and ignores the fatal echoes
Of the clickin' of the turnstiles and the rattle of his chains.

"Oh!" she said, "Casey it's been so long since I've seen you!"
"Here" she said, "just a kiss to make a body smile!"
"See" she said, "I've put on new stockings just to please you!"
"Lord!" she said, "Casey can you only stay a while?"

Casey leaves the under-ground and stops inside the Golden Crown
For something wet to wipe away the chill that's on his bone.
Seeing his reflection in the lives of all the lonely men
Who reach for any thing they can to keep from goin' home.
Standin' in the corner Casey drinks his pint of bitter
Never glancing in the mirror at the people passing by
Then he stumbles as he's leaving and he wonders if the reason
Is the beer that's in his belly, or the tear that's in his eye.

"Oh!" she said, "I suppose you seldom think about me,
"Now" she said, "now that you've a fam'ly of your own";
"Still" she said, "it's so blessed good to feel your body!"
"Lord!" she said" "Casey it's a shame to be alone!"

[daily log: walking, 1 km]

Caveat: 소멸탈출

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

The song-title “소멸탈출” [somyeol-talchul] means, roughly, “avoid extinction.” This was my approach to life last summer. I feel as if extinction is still hanging over me. It occupies my mouth while I sleep, a kind of ghost-of-death that anchors itself in there when I cease my vigilance.

What I’m listening to right now.

Nell (넬), “소멸탈출.” This could be a hymn, almost.

가사:

고개 숙인 비겁함이 날 초라하게 하고
구겨버린 내 무릎이 자꾸 땅 속에 박혀
알 수 없는 목소리가 머리 속을 울리고
위태로운 내 믿음이 촛불처럼 흔들려

Lift me up, Lift me up
이 어둠 속에서
Lift me up, Lift me up
날 일으켜 세워줘

유혹이 든 위협이든 한 가지 확실한 건
난 언제나 내 진심의 반대편에 서있고
내 자신에 대한 연민과 혐오 사이에 갇혀
후회란 두 글자 속에 내 전부를 가둬
Lift me up, Lift me up
이 어둠 속에서
Lift me up, Lift me up
날 일으켜 세워줘
Don’t let me break down.

여기저기 균열이 간 내 마음의 틈 그 사이로
절망의 그림자가 말 없이 스며들어.

Lift me up, Lift me up
이 어둠 속에서
Lift me up, Lift me up
날 일으켜 세워줘
Lift me up, Lift me up
이 어둠 속에서
Lift me up, Lift me up
날 일으켜 세워줘

Lift me up, Lift me up
Lift me up, Lift me up
Don’t let me break down.

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

 

 

Caveat: 8 Months Cancer Free

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

I feel as if I am counting down to something. But I really am only counting down to the past. There is nothing specific ahead, except "continue living." I feel as if I have abrogated all those sweeping "bucket list" goals I spent so much time outlining and meditating on during the depths of my illness last summer, and now there is only each day. 

This isn't completely bad, of course. It's good to live "in the moment," as they say. I need those sweeping goals, though – otherwise, the aimlessness of life underwhelms me and leaves me feeling purposeless. 

I am neglecting the social stuff – work is highly social, of course, and my schedule is very, very busy these days. Consequently, when I'm not at work I have no desire for human contact or interaction. I ignore the "social media" with the exception of this odd, one-way communication that is my blog. That's ok, I guess, but I know some of my friends and acquaintances become annoyed. If so… I'm sorry. 

And… today was a really depressing day. Was it depressing because I was already depressed, and thus I only saw the bad parts? Or was it objectively depressing? I had a completely new schedule – meaning unfamiliar classes (although I know almost all the students well enough). I was inadequately prepared. I have huge pile of correcting and grading and evaluations hanging over me… undone. At the end, it was capped off by some unwanted, negative feedback conveyed from parents. Stupid complaints: the typical stuff, parents who think they know English better than the teacher and want to second guess what teachers say, or how they correct their students' work, or whatever. I have no time for that crap.

Without a doubt, I'm depressed, lately. Am I more depressed than I was last May, when I was sick with cancer and didn't know it, and when I was in constant pain and dissatisfied with work? Hm… I'm now recovering from cancer, rather than unknowingly sick with it. But I still have constant pain, I'm still dissatisfied with work, and now I have my new food miseries as well as the gloom of my mortality hanging over me more prominently than ever.

Overall quality of life? 30%. Has it been worse? Yes. Has it been better? Yes.

What I'm listening to right now.

Digable Planets, "Graffiti feat. Jeru The Damaja."

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: 인명은 재천이라

Background Noise / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean) / 한국어 속담 (Aphorisms & Proverbs)

This is a proverb from my notes that I don't know where I ran across.

인명은 재천이라
in·myeong·eun jae·cheon·i·ra
life-TOPIC providential-BE-QUOT
Life is providential.

A person's life is under the will of heaven.

True dat.

What I'm listening to right now.

MC 900 Ft Jesus, "I'm Going Straight To Heaven."

[daily log: walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Spinach and Smog

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Food & Drink

I really have this desire to eat more healthily than I do. In trying to do this, however, I am challenged by my constant frustration around eating, which constantly leads me down a path of least resistance, seeking out "comfort" foods (which nowadays mostly means foods easy-to-eat: pasta with some mild sauce, bland rice concoctions, etc.).

2014-02-23 17.58.03Today, inspired by a mound of spinach at the supermarket, I decided to try something, and made some quite passable blanched spinach with mushrooms and a few bits of zucchini and onion sauteed with garlic and butter. A whole bag of spinach wilts and reduces quickly to a single bowl full. I've always rather liked spinach, but previous recent efforts were frustrated by textural issues. This time, by de-stemming all the leaves and chopping it slightly and letting it wilt more, I achieved a squishy but still mostly fresh texture that was quite manageable.

Well, anyway. The days are warming, somewhat, from the depths of winter. They have been accompanied by the terrible smoggy haze I associate with early spring in Seoul, which is probably due to a combination of the fact that winds prevail from the west this time of year with the fact that yucky-smoggy China happens to sit directly to the west. The sun in the afternoon sky was just a pale, glowing, peach-colored disk.

What I'm listening to right now.

Warpaint, "Love Is To Die."

[daily log: walking, 2 km]

Caveat: Small Things

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling

Walking home from work today I stopped at the GS Mart in the basement of the Taeyoung Shopping Center which is across the street from my old apartment. I don't go into that GS Mart very often any more, because there are other supermarkets closer to my new apartment. But it's kind of on-the-way home (only a slight detour) and they sell a better selection of some things (they have a small selection of imported Campbells Soups, for example) than the store right in my building.

Interestingly, when I went in there today, two different cashier ladies recognized me and greeted me, and what's more, one of them asked me how I was doing relative to recovering from the cancer. I had zero recollection of having told her all this, but she apparently remembered many details of whatever I'd managed to communicate to her last summer. She asked about my brother, she asked how the radiation had gone, she asked if my insurance had covered things well. I guess I'd told her quite a bit. And this time, as no doubt last time, it was all in Korean. Having such an involved conversation in Korean is always good for my sense of accomplishment. I feel like my vocabulary is improving – if not active vocabulary, at least passive vocabulary.

Small things.

What I'm listening to right now.

Two Harbors, "You Pulled the Rug Out."

[daily log: walking, 5.5 km]

 

Caveat: And here I sit

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Not My Poetry

Yesterday evening, after taking a short nap, I traveled into Seoul because I had been invited to dinner by my coworker Ken. He is a fairly compartmentalized person – meaning, normally, he seems to keep the various aspects of his life (his jobs, his girlfriend, his family, etc.) all in separate spaces. So I felt flattered and compelled to socialize with him, as he doesn't reach out that way very often.

I got to meet his girlfriend and a friend of hers while we had dinner in the Itaewon, Seoul's notorious and unusual "international" neighborhood (imagine somewhere slightly downscale in Brooklyn, with Korean policemen, maybe).

It was interesting. I ended up on the last train back and got home shortly after midnight, and was tired today. The main thing I accomplished was chopping up the entire box of Seollal [Lunar New Year's] gift apples (from work) and rendering it into a rather mediocre applesauce – so I can eat them and not end up throwing them away.

What I'm listening to right now.

Joan Baez, "Diamonds and Rust." The song is about Bob Dylan, with whom Baez had a relationship. The song is a little by dylanesque, too.  I actually really like these lyrics, and my semi-pseudo-hippie upbringing left me with a congenital weakness for Joan Baez.

Lyrics

Well I'll be damned
Here comes your ghost again
But that's not unusual
It's just that the moon is full
And you happened to call
And here I sit
Hand on the telephone
Hearing a voice I'd known
A couple of light years ago
Heading straight for a fall

As I remember your eyes
Were bluer than robin's eggs
My poetry was lousy you said
Where are you calling from?
A booth in the midwest
Ten years ago
I bought you some cufflinks
You brought me something
We both know what memories can bring
They bring diamonds and rust

Well you burst on the scene
Already a legend
The unwashed phenomenon
The original vagabond
You strayed into my arms
And there you stayed
Temporarily lost at sea
The Madonna was yours for free
Yes the girl on the half-shell
Would keep you unharmed

Now I see you standing
With brown leaves falling around
And snow in your hair
Now you're smiling out the window
Of that crummy hotel
Over Washington Square
Our breath comes out white clouds
Mingles and hangs in the air
Speaking strictly for me
We both could have died then and there

Now you're telling me
You're not nostalgic
Then give me another word for it
You who are so good with words
And at keeping things vague
Because I need some of that vagueness now
It's all come back too clearly
Yes I loved you dearly
And if you're offering me diamonds and rust
I've already paid

– Joan Baez

[daily log: walking, 1.5 km]

Caveat: 선날떡국

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Food & Drink / Life in Korea

Yesterday, I spent the Lunar New Year’s day alone. I wasn’t invited anywhere and wasn’t in the mood to go out exploring on my own – I think I’ve got a relapse of that cold I had through much of the first half of January.

But I didn’t feel depressed or left out. I was happy to spend some quality time with my own soul.

2014-01-31 09.12.37The Korean tradition is that you should eat a bowl of 떡국 [tteok-guk = rice cake soup]. I decided to fulfill this tradition even though I was alone. I had on hand some 사골곰탕 [sa-gol-gom-tang = bone marrow broth] which several of my Korean acquaintances are always insisting I should be consuming for my “health” (in the broadly interpreted, pre-medical conception common in Korean discourse) and of course I always have the plain white 떡 [tteok = rice cakes] on hand because their soft and can add calories and bulk to a broth or soup. So I put the two together with some custom seasoning of my own and some chopped onion and parsley, and voila, rice cake soup al gringazo.

Eating this on New Year’s morning is supposed to give good luck for the year.

What I’m listening to right now.

Erasure, “Gaudete.” This is technically a kind of Christmas Carol, or sacred song from the Advent calendar which fell on December 15 last month for 2013. So posting it now is a bit late. I suppose Asian Lunar New Year is a kind of secular Advent, meant to celebrate the same Winter principles of renewal and beginnings.

Lyrics.

Gaudete, gaudete! Christus est natus
Ex Maria virgine, gaudete!

Tempus adest gratiæ
Hoc quod optabamus,
Carmina lætitiæ
Devote reddamus.

Deus homo factus est
Natura mirante,
Mundus renovatus est
A Christo regnante.

Ezechielis porta
Clausa pertransitur,
Unde lux est orta
Salus invenitur.

Ergo nostra contio
Psallat iam in lustro;
Benedicat Domino:
Salus Regi nostro.

[daily log (11 pm): like a log]

Caveat: The Bones of Our Promises

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Cancer

Post-scans update: according to Dr Cho, there's "nothing there." That's a good thing.

All clear.

His biggest single advice to me RE my issues still with eating, phlegm and periodic coughing fits was: water, water, water. I already drink more water than I used to, but his advice reminds me that I could probably do yet more. I'm trying to always have a cup of water or bottle around, but it's never been a habit of mine so it's sometimes hard to remember. Definitely I drink more at night, waking up every few hours because of my dry mouth.

Anyway, I am once again grateful to be embedded in the South Korean healthcare system: for 35 bucks (about $200 before insurance) I got scanned and consulted and followed up on, and everyone I interacted with, from the accounts desk (수답) to the techs and doctors, was efficient and kind and patient. Thankful to be in walking distance of a great, global quality cancer center in a country that isn't so terrified of socialism that they think healthcare shouldn't be regulated.

Anyway, more later. I'm home for brief moment, and will head to work now.

What I'm listening to right now.

The Limousines, "Fine Art."

Lyrics.

You! You are a disaster
You are a master of the fine art…
The fine art of falling apart

How'd you manage to stab yourself in the back?
How'd you get your arms to bend back like that?

Me? I'm just a bastard
Another master of the fine art…
The fine art of falling apart

They're coming back to point and laugh and ask me:
"How'd you manage to stab yourself in the back?
How'd you get your arms to bend back like that?
How'd you manage to stab yourself in the back?
How'd you get your arms to bend back like that?
How'd you get your arms to bend back like that?"

Burn it down

You pour the gas
And I'll strike the match
And we'll turn our back on this pile of ash

And the only things left
Will be the bones of our promises

[daily log (11 pm): walking, 9.5 km]

Caveat: i write to remember…

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Life is a Dream

I awoke from an almost violent dream. It's been a long time since I had a dream like that, frustration bubbling to the surface.

I was trying to prepare for my classes, but they kept changing the schedule. Just as I'd put together my pile-of-lesson-plans, they'd come and give me a new schedule showing I had some other configuration of classes that meant everything needed to be re-done and reshuffled.

Then I went out into the hallway and it was dark and poorly-lit. There were homeless people sleeping in the halls at work but the work halls went on and on, like pedestrian tunnels in the subway. I went into a room with a lot of kids, but they were just playing, it wasn't a class. I tried to get them to help me organize this box of posters – each poster had to be rolled up neatly and slotted into its spot.

When I came out, pleased to have finally rolled up my posters, I was presented with yet another new work schedule. I started yelling.

"Get away from me," I finally said. I threw down my poster box and they all escaped and began unfurling. Instead of just being posters, it was like they were alive – like long blankets or banners of cloth unfurling in wind, with monsters dancing beneath them. Rather than feeling dismayed by this, I was thrilled, but the people around me were screaming. It was quite crowded, now, in the halls.

I pulled back the roiling paper to reveal an angry child with a pair of scissors, screaming and chasing another child. I was frustrated again, but unable to control things – they were getting out of hand. A homeless man looked up at me and grinned, and held out his hand in that passive way beggars do here in Korea.

I looked up in turn and saw my sister looking down a stairway toward me and the roiling paper and homeless men and children screaming with scissors. She was just watching. Next to her were other members of my family. They could do nothing to help. I shrugged helplessly, and fell down, as a now shoulder-to-shoulder mass of people moved through the hall.

A child was getting hurt, now – there was blood. I could do nothing.

It was 330 am. My mouth dry like dust, as it always gets at night, now. I sat up rapidly, the way one does after nightmares, sometimes.

What I'm listening to right now.

The kids from El Paso capture the mood at the end of my dream pretty well, here – and interestingly, the song includes scissors – if only one arm of them.

220px-At_the_Drive-In_-_One_Armed_Scissor_coverAt The Drive-In, "One Armed Scissor."

Lyrics.

yes this is the campaign
slithered entrails
in the cargo bay
neutered is the vastness
hallow vacuum check the
oxygen tanks
they hibernate
but have they kissed the ground
pucker up and kiss the asphalt now
tease this amputation
splintered larynx
it has access now

send transmission from
the one armed scissor
cut away, cut away

banked on memory
mummified circuitry
skin graft machinery
sputnik sickles found in the seats

self-destruct sequence
this station is non-operational
species growing
bubbles in an IV
loitering

unknown origin
is this the comfort of being afraid
solar eclipsed
black out the vultures
as they wait

dissect a trillion sighs away
will you get this letter
jagged pulp sliced in my veins
i write to remember
'cause i'm a million miles away
will you get this letter
jagged pulp sliced in my veins
i write to remember…

Notes for Korean vocabulary
두고보다 = to "wait and see", to watch

[daily log (1100): waking, 1 km]

Caveat: Gifigator

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Media (Texts/Music/Movies etc) / My Drawings & Paintings

I decided to try something completely new yesterday: I made an 8 frame animation and then gifified it.

Allegations2

It took longer than its very amateurish appearance would suggest. The alligator is intended to be the infamous Kevin (or one of his many successors – Kevin II, Kevin III, Charles, Brian, etc.), and the well-known (among my students) mouse's name is Lunch.

 

Saturday night, a few hours after I got home from work, my friend Seungbae came out to Ilsan to visit me.

He may be returning to Mexico in February, and I hadn't seen him since he had gone off to Latin American last fall. I'm impressed with where he's been taking his career. Especially given how he's broken with Korean tradition and changed careers several times in his life – this career is a quite recent thing. My Spanish-speaking Korean friend is finally leveraging his Spanish abilities spectacularly. Anyway, he really is my best Korean friend – the person with whom I have the most in common. I was glad to see him although I've been pretty gloomy and antisocial lately.

He and his girlfriend (another way he's breaking with Korean tradition – divorced and dating again in his early 50's) and I went to dinner at the BonJuk across the street from my apartment and talked for a few hours. I was jealous of his bibimbap but ate my danhobakjuk fairly comfortably.

What I'm listening to right now.

Broken Bells, "Holding on for Life."

[daily log (11 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: en la niebla hundido

Background Noise / Not My Poetry

Unamuno2


Muerte

Eres sueño de un dios; cuando despierte
¿al seno tornarás de que surgiste?
Serás al cabo lo que un día fuiste?
¿Parto de desnacer será tu muerte?

El sueño yace en la vigilia inerte?
Por dicha aquí el misterio nos asiste;
para remedio de la vida triste,
secreto inquebrantable es nuestra suerte.

Deja en la niebla hundido tu futuro
ye tranquilo a dar tu último paso,
que cuanto menos luz, vas más seguro.

Aurora de otro mundo es nuestro ocaso?
Sueña, alma mía, en tu sendero oscuro:
"Morir… dormir… dormir… soñar acaso!"

– Miguel de Unamuno (escritor y filósofo español, 1864-1936)

Lo que estoy escuchando en este momento.

David Bowie, "My Death." En origen la canción fue hecho por el cantor bélgico Jacques Brel en francés. Bowie la cantó en su período Ziggy Stardust en los 70.

Lyrics.

My death waits like an old roué
so confident I'll go his way
whistle to him and the passing time…
My death waits like a bible truth
at the funeral of my youth
weep loud for that –
and the passing time…
My death waits like
a witch at night
as surely as our love is bright
let's not think about the passing time

But whatever lies behind the door
there is nothing much to do…
angel or devil, I don't care
for in front of that door…
there is you.

My death waits like a beggar blind
who sees the world through an unlit mind
throw him a dime
for the passing time…
My death waits there between your thighs
your cool fingers will close my eyes
lets think of that and the passing time
My death waits to allow my friends
a few good times before it ends
so let's drink to that and the passing time

But what ever lies behind the door,
there is nothing much to do
angel or devil… I don't care
for in front of that door… there is you

My death waits there among the leaves
in magicians mysterious sleeves
rabbits and dogs and the passing time
my death waits there among the flowers
where the blackest shadow, blackest shadow cowers
let's pick lilacs for the passing time

My death waits there, in a double bed
sails of oblivion at my head
so pull up the sheets
against the passing time

But whatever lies behind the door
there is nothing much to do
angel or devil… I dont care
for in front of that door… there is…

[daily log (11 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Sick Every Seven Days

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Found Online

When I got home from work Saturday evening, I turned off my phone and collapsed. I think I must have a cold – or… enough cold-like symptoms to qualify. Yesterday, during my increasingly-customary Sunday flirtation with luddism, I napped frequently and felt feverish. It's like I know I have a day off, and so I pause to allow my body to express its underlying unhealth.

On the one hand, I hate Sunday because it has become my "day for being sick," where the feelings of illness that I have ignored and postponed all week through force of will take over. On the other hand, Sundays are therefore devoid of feelings of responsibility or guilt.

I did a lot of reading. I've been reading a collection of Korean folk tales, and continue my non-linear pursuit of Heaney's translation of Beowulf. I'm not doing any "off-line" writing, lately.

Here is a funny graph I ran across that captures quite precisely why I don't bother preparing too much for individual lesson plans.

Tumblr_mz38xuyZDe1qa0uujo1_1280

What I'm listening to right now.

Soft Eject, "Simple Song." Soft Eject is from Georgia (as in the Transcaucasian country by the Black Sea, not the US state). I found whole albums of theirs that I like on a streaming site called soundcloud, but there aren't many youtubes of their music, and I can't figure out how to get any kind of download (be it paid-for, legal, or illegal).

[daily log (1130 pm): walking, 5 km]

Caveat: Blinded By The Light

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Quotable

"I think the big mistake in schools is trying to teach children anything, and by using fear as the basic motivation. Fear of getting failing grades, fear of not staying with your class, etc. Interest can produce learning on a scale compared to fear as a nuclear explosion to a firecracker."
– Stanley Kubrick

What I'm listening to right now.

Manfred Mann's Earth Band, "Blinded By The Light."

Lyrics.

Madman drummer bummers
Indians in the summer
With a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps
As the adolescent pumps
His way into his hat
With a boulder on my shoulder
Feeling kinda older
I tripped a merry-go-round
With the very unpleasing
Sneezing and wheezing
The calliope crashed to the ground

Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night
Blinded by the light

She got down but she never got tight
She's gonna make it through the night
Some silicone sister
With her manager mister
Told me I've got what it takes
She said, I'll turn you on sonny to something strong
Play the song with the funky break
And go-kart Mozart
Was checking out the weather chart
To see if it was safe outside
And little Early Pearly
Came by in her curly-wurly
And asked me if I needed a ride

Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night
Blinded by the light

Mama always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun
'Cause mama, that's where the fun is
Some brimstone baritone
Anticyclone rolling stone
Preacher from the east
Says dethrone the dictaphone
Hit it in the funnybone
That's where they expect it least
And some new mown chaperone
Was standing in the corner
Watching the young girls dance
And some fresh-sown moonstone
Was playing with his frozen zone
Reminding him of romance
The calliope crashed to the ground

Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night
Blinded by the light

What's funny is that when this song (originally written by Bruce Springsteen) was young (and I was young, too), I was convinced that the line "Another runner in the night" was "The rohner in the night." Now, you might wonder: what is a rohner?

Well, near my hometown in Humboldt County, California, there is a town called Rohnerville. We used to go there a lot when I was small, because my best friends lived there. There was a small airport near the town – not a commercial airport, just a landing strip, really – and in my mind, due some ambiguous highway signage at the turnoff to Rohnerville, the concept of the town and the airport merged. "Rohnerville" merged semantically into "Airportville" in my mind. Then, the existence the alternating green/white/red runway beacon was always very salient, as it was quite eerie to drive past on the highway on foggy nights (which are the most common type of night in Humboldt). Because of that, I developed one of those misbegotten ideas that the airport's runway beacon was called a "rohner." I never bothered to find out if this was true or not from any adults. A couple years later, as I neared adolescence, I heard this song on the radio and I simply imagined a "rohner in the night" as being your typical airport runway beacon, and I thought that was a major theme of this song. Furthermore, due to that misunderstanding, the song became wrapped up in my mind with memories of fun times playing with my sister and our friends Steven and Jeannine at their house in Rohnerville – thus it became one of those nostalgia-anthems many of us have, but in this case a sort of ex-post-facto one.

[daily log (10 pm): walking, 1 km]

Caveat: The Good, The Bad, The Badly Prepared

Background Noise / Banalities & Journaling / Teaching & Methodology / The Wonders of Work

Mostly the student speaking videos I post are the "good" ones – I'd rather showcase my students' successes than their failures. But lately I've been struggling with a profoundly undermotivated class called TOEFL1-T반. So two weeks in a row I've said if they were unprepared, I'd post their horrendous 45-second iBT Speaking Question answers online, and two weeks in a row they've been badly prepared. I posted these to the KarmaPlus video gallery where the Karma community can see them (it's a gated app so not open to the general public) but something made me decide to post them here, too.

KarmaPlus 중등 TOEFL1-T 반 Speaking Question Practice, January 9, 2014

KarmaPlus 중등 TOEFL1-T 반 Speaking Question Practice, January 2, 2014

2014-01-10 18.37.27This week has been a struggle because my health isn't intersecting well with my more-than-full-time commitment to work. I just work and sleep and eat and cough up disgusting things while trying to eat, mostly.

At right – some aliens.

Thursday night we had 회식 [hoe-sik = work dinner] to celebrate an apparent substantial uptick in Karma's enrollment with the new year.  I went along despite my low affect, and ate some juk and some jeon and some of that weird, overly-salted egg concoction (like an ingredientless quiche, maybe) that Koreans serve as a side dish (and I don't know the name of it), while my coworkers ate hoe [sushi]. Curt went around letting everyone give little speeches so I even gave a speech, thanking everyone for their support over the past year.

As usual, I found the experience much more exhausting than work – because it consists of high-speed, high-content Korean for several hours, and I'm trying so hard to understand.

What I'm listening to right now.

The Afghan Whigs, "Going To Town."

 [daily log (8 pm): walking, 5.5 km]

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