Month: July 2016

Yesterday was a very long day. 

I got up earlyish and had to go to the hospital. In some ways, it was a gratifying visit – it was, finally, the "normal" dental care appointment I've been having to put off for nearly a year due to the radiation necrosis issues in my mouth. I went to the oral oncology clinic at my beloved cancer center, but attached to that clinic is a little basic dental clinic. Somewhat to my surprise, the friendly and utterly Englishless receptionist, with whom I have a pretty good relationship now and who speaks to me in a very patient Korean, donned a mask and gloves and transmogrified into a competent dental hygienist. I had no idea.

I got a simple scaling and cleaning done, and even an annoying lecture about needing to floss more, which was somehow more bearable since it was in Korean. It was all standard dentist stuff. It was weirdly reassuring, this flight into something more normal. Mostly, it was relatively painless, too.

After that, I had to go to the store. My window fan broke, so I needed a replacement. It's hot, sticky summer – some kind of fan is a necessity for when I can't stand running the air conditioning. 

Then after that I had a long day at work. Many classes, many essays to correct. I was quite exhausted last night – more than 12 hours fully "on" is more than what I can usually handle. At least today my morning is lazy.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

I am back at the hospital for my follow-up on the diplostome aspect (ie. the necrotic hole in my jaw). The oral oncology clinic where I see Dr Min is directly across the corridor from pediatric oncology (소아청소년암센터). So each time I visit, I get to watch children with cancer. This can be emotionally intense: a wailing child in a fathers arms; two happy children with no hair playing; an emaciated child sleeping on a bench; a precociously grim-faced child in a wheelchair with one of those yellow IV bags that announces “chemo.”
Lots of waiting, this morning. More later.
Update: The lower jaw area finally seems to be healing OK. So, that means… more dental work. How exciting. I have a new appointment for next week.
[daily log: walking, 11km]

I walked in the pouring rain to cancerland to celebrate my 3rd year as a ghost in the world. I have been perforated and await the contrast medium and high energy photon bath. More later.

Update:

First of all, I titled this post "monsoony monday," as if unaware that it was in fact Tuesday. I'm accustomed to having my hospital appointments on Mondays or Thursdays, so I guess I had this idea as I trudged through the streams and rivulets that it was a Monday morning. That was incorrect. When I got to work, it turned out to be Tuesday, which, if I had stopped to remember yesterday, I might have figured out sooner.

Second of all, I don't have any cancer, as far as they can tell. I do have other features of advancing middle age, including some incipient proto-arthritis in my shoulder and foot.

Thirdly, Dr Cho told me that my Korean seemed to have improved. Perhaps it was just flattery. He spoke to me in Korean, which is more pleasant than his incongruous German-accented English (because of his long years in Germany): "Vee haf lookt at dee skahns, und dey look okey." I understood a few things he said.

Life goes on.

[daily log: walking, 11km]

In fact, almost eerily, I can quote nearly exactly from last year’s two-year anniversary. I will repeat it almost word-for-word, then, with details updated to match the curent situation.
3rd year anniversary… knock on wood.
It feels pre-emptive to announce this, today, because tomorrow, I have my scheduled checkup at the hospital, when they will do a scan and hopefully give me the “all clear.”
But today is the the official 3-year anniversary of my surgery, which was July 4th, 2013, and thus I feel like commemorating it today. I can always do a retraction if I get bad news next week – but I think I’d be feeling lousier in terms of health if I was going to get bad news. Who knows?
Last week was also the 16th anniversary of Michelle’s suicide. Her ghost still visits me, but less often lately.
I don’t really feel like meditating overmuch on “where I’m at,” right now. I’m just plugging along. Not great, not terrible, but hanging in there.
I have moments of great enjoyment in my job. And moments of frustration, too. I have greater frustration with my unfulfilled avocations – chiefly studying Korean, my writing, my art. But that’s nothing new, and there continue to be no major transformations on that front that are worth reporting or reflecting upon.
The one thing worth noting, in variance from last year: this last 6 months have been a bit more difficult than last year, because the Faustian bargain that was my radiation therapy “came back to collect,” so to speak. I have been struggling with some radiation necrosis in my jaw area, creating complications for what would have been routine dental work otherwise.
Life goes on.
Happy July 4th.
[daily log: walking, 6.5km]