Caveat: The Amazing Triumph In Which Bad News Came Embedded

Banalities & Journaling / Buddhism & Zen / Life in Korea / The Wonders of Work / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

I'm writing this as I ride the bus to work. Sometimes I do writing on the bus – it's a good use of the commute time. I save a file, and move it to my online cache or post it later. 

After my previous post, which was depressing in tone, I was meditating. Well… I was attempting to meditate – I don't really think that what I do counts as "real" meditation, although it might count, under some zen-like definitions. Mostly, I watch my monkeymind as it monkeyminds around, with a certain effort at detachedness. I was thinking, of course, about the upcoming Move. What worries me, most, about it? Well, I know which building I'm moving to – it's being built by the school. The school will be my new landlord. This is terrifying, because the school has a notably horrible track-record in managing other aspects of its physical plant. Therefore I expect, with 100% certainty, substantial problems in at least one of the following areas: utilities and internet (90% chance); appliances and things falling apart – despite (or because of) it being a new building – (60%); lack of essential furnishings (40%); plumbing problems (99%). Et cetera.

As I was thinking, however, I tried really hard to find and enumerate the positives. And there are quite a few, actually: 1) the commute will be reduced from 50 minutes each way to less than 5 minutes each way; 2) I will not miss living in Yeonggwang, which is still, by far, the ugliest town I have known in Korea – a country not noted for its attractive efforts at urbanization; 3) the chances that the new apartment is smaller than my current one are probably about nil; 4) I will save money on at least the commuting aspect – I'll be paying no more of the 3400 KRW daily in bus fares, which will add up over my last several months; 5) hopefully money can also be saved vis-a-vis the apartment billing too – my current building nickel-and-dimes me on mysterious building maintenance fees quite a bit – but with the school being the landlord, I might have more opportunity to push back on that kind of thing. 

But there was a real, amazing victory right in front of me, too. It was something altogether different. Yesterday morning, I went to bow to my principal in the morning, as I generally try to do. And after bowing, he approached me and spoke to me about this apartment matter – in Korean. That's how I got the confirmation of the rumor. Yes, I received the news in the Korean Language. Entirely. I even caught some of subtleties of the communication: "did I happen to know that…?" "I hope you'll be OK with…." And this is, upon reflection, a suprising accomplishment. I was receiving work-related news from my principal in Korean and I wasn't even really thinking about the fact that it was in Korean. I didn't understand everything – I never do: impressionistically, it's kind of "blah blah new apartment blah blah in february blah blah I hope that's OK blah blah." But I had no sense that there was some important ambiguity in the communication that I was missing. It was simply what he was telling me. And that was a linguistic triumph.

Caveat: Scorched Rice, Looming Relocation

Banalities & Journaling / Food & Drink / Life in Korea / The Wonders of Work

Sometimes, when I'm at the grocery store, I will buy something that I don't really know what it is, just because I'm curious to find out.  There are so many packaged snacks and candies in Korea that fall into the "I don't really know what that is" category.  Monday, I was in the candy aisle looking for some candy to buy for our "English Store" to sell to our students, and I saw something that was called "누룽 지향 사탕" – I still have no idea what this name means, since except for the last word, which means "candy," the dictionaries and googletranslators are unenlightening.  But under this name, in small letters, I found the descriptor "Scorched Rice Candy."  This sounded intriguing.  It's hard to think of "scorched rice" as being delicious.  Or as being candy.  But it sounded very Korean.  I bought a bag of Scorched Rice Candy.  It's not bad.  It really does taste like overcooked rice.  But of course, it's mostly sugar, which makes it candy.  I wonder if there's some kind of "comfort food" psychology behind a flavor like "scorched rice," in Korea.

I found out yesterday that the rumors circulating that I would have to move, again, were true.  That will be my fourth apartment since starting work at this school.  I'm not thrilled.  It's difficult for me not to feel a lot of anger and frustration over this aspect of my employment.  It definitely underscores why, no matter how much I like some aspects of Hongnong Elementary, I could never find myself renewing.  This is not to say that I don't recognize that other schools don't put their teachers through similar crap – it will be a gamble, wherever I choose to go next, and I realize that I could end up "losing out" and going somewhere with even worse problems.  My efforts to locate a school "ahead of time" where I might feel out what the job and living situations are like have come to nought.

The move date will be in February.  I wonder how complicated it will be?  I wonder how much extra of my own money it will end up costing me?  I expect I'll find out these answers on the day of the move – certainly not ahead of time.  Sigh.

 

Caveat: wikiwailing

Internet & Blogging

One of my favorite internet utilities, wikipedia, is begging for money. I am normally the sort of person that would succumb to these kinds of pleas: I’m a lifetime member of Minnesota Public radio, I’m a lifetime member of my university’s alumni association. I believe in supporting non-profit organizations from which I derive direct benefit. And it is absolutely incontrovertible that I derive mountains of benefit from the vast wikithing. But… I doubt I’ll give any money to wikipedia. Why?

Two words: Jimmy Wales. Rather than being a large, professional organization asking for financial support, the tone of the campaign comes across as a Jimmy-Wales-branded, typically megalomaniacal, whining-for-dollars. Wikiwails. I don’t want to give that narcissistic asshole a single devalued KRW, despite the fact that I love the product he helped to innovate. Even the mere fact that the management of wikipedia somehow thought that the idea of branding the plea-for-funds with Mr Wales’ face was a good one is itself an overt sign of the degree to which the man’s weird personality seems dysfunctionally to dominate the organization. If his name and face weren’t attached to the organization, I would donate. I promise.

As things stand, I’ve even reduced my daily visit quotient to well under my normal 30 articles average – because I get tired of looking at his self-satisfied, overly-earnest face.

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Caveat: 23) 분노 심으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다

Buddhism & Zen / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to succumbing to rage.”

This is #23 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

…

21. 탐욕으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to avarice.”

22. 시기심으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to jealousy.”

23. 분노 심으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this twenty-third affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to succumbing to rage.”

Coming across this one has caused me to doubt my certainty about my translation above for #18, where I translated “성냄” as “anger.”  But this word, “분노” also seems to mean anger. They’re different types of anger, I’m guessing. “성냄” is offense, or a flaring up of annoyance. Perhaps it might be described as controlled anger.

I get the impression “분노” is more the uncontrolled sort. So I decided to go with the word rage. I’m wondering if the defective helping verb “시다” (in gerund form “심” above) isn’t also altering the meaning somewhat (note that I use “defective” as reference to an established grammatical abstraction, meaning a verb that is not fully conjugable – it’s not a judgment on the quality of the verb). I don’t really even understand how this verb works – it seems to mean something like “allow” or “let.” So it’s “rage being allowed.” Hmm, like “succumbing to rage.”

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Caveat: …entre o céu e a terra

Language & Linguistics / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism / Quotable

My entry earlier this morning started me thinking about Leonardo Boff. He is one of the most charismatic humans I have ever met in person – that was 24 years ago. From his website, a compelling quote is easy to find:

"Hoje nos encontramos numa fase nova na humanidade. Todos estamos regressando à Casa Comum, à Terra: os povos, as sociedades, as culturas e as religiões. Todos trocamos experiências e valores. Todos nos enriquecemos e nos completamos mutuamente. … Vamos rir, chorar e aprender. Aprender especialmente como casar Céu e Terra, vale dizer, como combinar o cotidiano com o surpreendente, a imanência opaca dos dias com a transcendência radiosa do espírito, a vida na plena liberdade com a morte simbolizada como um unir-se com os ancestrais, a felicidade discreta nesse mundo com a grande promessa na eternidade. E, ao final, teremos descoberto mil razões para viver mais e melhor, todos juntos, como uma grande família, na mesma Aldeia Comum, generosa e bela, o planeta Terra." – Leonardo Boff. Casamento entre o céu e a terra. Salamandra, Rio de Janeiro, 2001. pg 9.

Caveat: That is called tautology

Buddhism & Zen / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism

“Buddhists, Christians, Islam; nobody knows the truth of God or the truth of Buddha because such a thing does not exist. When you talk about truth, that is already based on what you know. But what you know is originally supposed come from truth, right? So in order to talk about truth you have to know the truth. If you don’t know the truth you can’t talk about it. That is called tautology. You are chasing your own tail.” – Shin, Myo Vong, Cookies of Zen, p 382.

This quote cuts close to what I think of as religion’s “epistemological problem.” And I don’t mean that despectively – I, too, as a practicing faith-based atheist, have the same epistemological problem. Only sincere agnostics (and I am one of those cynics who believes most agnostics are insincere, or, minimally, self-deceptive) can avoid the problem – and they do so only by refusing to play the game. At some point, each believer makes a commitment to some kind of truth. And there is no resolution to the paradox lurking behind the question of where such truth comes from. In fact, perhaps in a slightly Lacanian sense, it is the elision of that paradox that is the definition of faith, although I still prefer the definition of faith I once heard in a lecture by Leonardo Boff: faith is a sort of positive inversion of fear. Cf Kierkegaard?
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Caveat: centro de asfalto, yo impertérrito

Español Aleatorio (Random Spanish) / Language & Linguistics / Not My Poetry / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism

Cada fin de semana, me he dedicado a leer un poema.  Hice una vuelta a Miguel Labordeta, poeta vagamente surrealista aragonés de posguerra, sobre quien hice un par de ensayos durante mi época en estudios graduados en U Penn, con el mejor profesor que tuve ahí, Ignacio López.  Creo que entre los poetas específicamente españoles del s. XX, éste ha sido el que más me ha influido, después del infinito Federico García Lorca, por supuesto – y dejando al lado el más voluminoso número de poetas iberoamericanos.

“Letanía del imperfecto”

Sed antigua abrasa mi corazón de lentitudes.
En música y llanto mi ubre roída de pastor.
Tumbas de aguas y sueño,
soledad, nube, mar.
Doncellas en flor, cementerio de estrellas,
cuadrúpedos hambrientos de paloma y de espiga,
en náusea y en fuga de amargos pobladores oscuros,
mineros desertores de la luz insaciable.
Cráteres de lluvia. Volcanes de tristeza y de hueso,
despojos de pupilas y hechizos desgajados.
«Me gustas como una muerte dulce…»
Arrebatado. Sido. Aurora y espanto de mí mismo.
Viejos valses con calavera de violín
en la cintura de capullo con sol ciego de ti.
«Pero me iré…
debo irme… pues el jardín no es leopardo aún
y tu caricia una onda vaga tan sola
en los suelos secretos del atardecer…»
Canes misteriosos devoran mi perdón.
Mi distancia se pierde en las columnas de tu abril jovencito.
Cero. Vorágine. Desistimiento.
Nueva generación de hormigas dulces cada agosto.
Viento y otoños por los puentes romanos derruidos.
Golpeo a puñetazos besos de miel y desesperanza
en pavesas radiantes de futuras abejas.
Veintisiete años agonizantes
sonríen largamente a lo lejos.
Buceo. Soles y órbitas indagando los cubos del olvido.
El misterio. Eso siempre.
El misterio a las doce en punto del día
y en su centro de asfalto
yo
impertérrito.

— Miguel Labordeta Violento idílico (1949)

 

“Violento idílico” (1949)

Caveat: Machine Translation for Your iPhone

Internet & Blogging / Language & Linguistics

This looks really amazing. 

I have some thoughts, however.  First, I’m not really up on how this works, these days, but 20 years ago I wrote my senior thesis in the field linguistics on syntax-related computational parsing issues that had a significant bearing on the field of machine translation, so I’m quite aware of the complexities involved.  I’m a big fan of google translate, too – but there are huge limitations. 

I would run out and get this app just for the novelty factor, except for two major issues that prevent me:

1)  I’m still 100% boycotting all things Apple.  Give me a few more years. 

2) Right now, it appears to only work for Spanish-English/English-Spanish, and I already got that app directly installed in my brain, during my time in Mexico in the 80’s.  And even if it was providing Korean-English, if the quality of the translation is similar to google translate (and I suspect it could only be worse, since google is state-of-the-art), then Korean-English is nowhere near the level of reliability or useability as, say, much more closely-related language pairs like Spanish-English – most of what you get out of google translate for Korean-English/English-Korean, in either direction, is still utter gobbledy-gook – just hints of meaning, essentially syntaxless strings of word-glosses.

(Hat tip Sullyblog)

Caveat: 22) 시기심으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다

Buddhism & Zen / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to jealousy.”

This is #22 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

…

20. 교만 함으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to arrogance.”

21. 탐욕으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to avarice.”

22. 시기심으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this twenty-second affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to jealousy.”

These recent affirmations have not been so difficult to translate, since only the initial word (which ends up the last word in the translation) has varied. Anger, harsh words, avarice, jealousy. Your standard enumeration of bad things, across most religious traditions.

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Caveat: Just Some Pictures

Banalities & Journaling / Life in Korea / My Photos

I had my camera out during my morning ride with Mr Lee, and my walk to the bus station after work.

Mr Lee, removing snow from his car. My apartment is just off the right side of the picture about 200 meters.

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We dropped off Mr Lee’s wife at her work at West Yeonggwang Elementary, again. This is a picture from the parking lot, there.

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This is a picture looking back at the school, as we were driving away.

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These are a cluster of buildings near a crossroads about a kilometer from the school.

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This is at my parking lot / track / soccer field / playground in front of Hongnong Elementary (my school).

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This is Hongnong Elementary’s main entrance.

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This is walking down the main driveway of the school at the end of the day.

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This is one of my third graders, posing proudly with his trumpet.

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These are some girls playing with snow in a vacant lot on the way down Hongnong’s high street.

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This is the exciting Hongnong bus terminal (at left in the picture) at the south side of town.

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Caveat: Who Knows Who the Good Teachers Are?

Teaching & Methodology

The students.

A recent article in the New York Times explains.  Looking for what types of data provide the best correlation with objective measures of teacher performance (such as improved test scores, etc.), Gates Foundation researchers and statisticians discover (discover?) that students know who the good teachers are.  The fact that the "education establishment" might be shocked or surprised by this encapsulates, elegantly, what is wrong with the "education establishment."

Caveat: Falling Down For Fun

Banalities & Journaling / Kids / Life in Korea / My Photos

The kids at school decided to use an extremely slippery, ice-covered ramp in the courtyard area as a recreational device during lunch break.

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Earlier, when I looked out my window at 7:40 am, this is what I saw. Dumptrucks. Snow.

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Walking toward the bus terminal, I saw one of the very, very sad palm trees planted in front of the Glory Hotel. Why do Koreans plant palm trees? I don’t think the palm trees like the climate.

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Then Mr Lee stopped by me as I crossed the traffic circle, and offered me a ride.  I met his kids, who go to Yeonggwang Elementary.  I met his wife, again, and we dropped her off at her work at Yeonggwangseo (West Yeonggwang) Elementary.  I had never been in that part of Yeonggwang – it was very beautiful with its fresh coating of snow, and reminded me of driving through rural southeastern Minnesota in winter – rolling hills, mixtures of hardwood and pine forest, stubbly pale yellow fields covered in white, grain elevetors, random rural hardware stores, etc.

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Caveat: 21) 탐욕으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다

Banalities & Journaling / Buddhism & Zen / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to avarice.”

This is #21 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

…

19. 모진 말로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to harsh words.”

20. 교만 함으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to arrogance.”

21. 탐욕으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this twenty-first affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to avarice.”

Overnight, it appears a lot of snow fell. Not Minnesota-level “a lot” – but definitely Korea-level “a lot.” I decided to have rice and coffee for breakfast. A strange hybrid sort of breakfast. School has been serving very minimalist lunches, lately. Often almost vegetarian. Maybe they’re out of money – spending too much on remodeling. Everyone – all the Korean teachers – have been upset by this. But I rather like it. I’m weird, I guess.

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Caveat: Trying to Understand Slavoj Žižek

Banalities & Journaling / Language & Linguistics / Media (Texts/Music/Movies etc) / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism

And it wasn't because of his ideas.  It was just the accent.

Slavoj Žižek is a well-known, contemporary, post-modern philosopher of the so-called "continental" school that I often like to read.  I have read (or attempted to read) several of his books, and find his thinking fascinating.  If I was a "practicing philosopher" – as opposed to a strictly recreational one – his is the sort of philosophy I'd be trying to practice.

So I was excited to find a two hour presentation of his on FORA.tv.  An amazingly smart fellow-foreigner-in-Yeonggwang, a Quebecker named Matty, pointed me at the website FORA.tv a week or so ago – there's a lot of interesting things there, and I can tell it will be a place I visit regularly. 

Unfortunately, as compelling as I find Žižek's thought in writing, his spoken English is quite difficult to understand.  It was like listening to someone you really want to understand in a language you don't know very well – in other words, exactly like every single day of my life, here in Korea.  I hope I can find the text of his presentation on "God becoming an atheist" and other Lacanian approaches to Christianity – which is, as best I can figure out, what he was talking about.

While at FORA.tv, I also found a much more enjoyable presentation by the linguist Daniel Everett, on the issue of disappearing languages and his seemingly somewhat Whorfian take on why they should be preserved.  I might disagree with that aspect, but I like that he's challenging Chomsky on such issues as the universality of syntactic recursion, and he's a compelling presenter.

I don't really trust my little apartment's thermostat, but it alleges that the temperature inside has dropped below 20 C, for the first time that I've noticed.  So far, I haven't turned on the ondol (floor heating) – it seems to be well-insulated and/or to benefit from the heat of the neighbors' apartments (unlike most Korean apartments that I've ever experienced or heard about).  I was watching the news last night in Korean, and they say (well, I think they say – there's always some room for misunderstanding) that snow and cold are coming.

 

Slavoj ŽižekB

Caveat: Maybe a humanitarian concern

Politics, Economics & Current Affairs / Quotable

Nixon tapes, quoted in the New York Times article, December 10, 2010: “The emigration of Jews from the Soviet Union is not an objective of American foreign policy,” Mr. Kissinger said. “And if they put Jews into gas chambers in the Soviet Union, it is not an American concern. Maybe a humanitarian concern.” “I know,” Nixon responded. “We can’t blow up the world because of it.”

Caveat: 20) 교만 함으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다

Banalities & Journaling / Buddhism & Zen / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to arrogance.”

This is #20 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

…
18. 성냄으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to anger.”
19. 모진 말로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
        “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to harsh words.”
20. 교만 함으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this twentieth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to arrogance.”

Arrogance. My issue with arrogance is complicated. I don’t really feel that it is one of my major problems – but I know that almost anyone who knows me would say that they suspect it is.

Which is to say, I think many of those around me perceive me as arrogant. I’m intellectually prideful, yes. I can’t deny that. And I talk “down” to people because of my vocabulary, and my refusal to conceal my weird, academic interests in normal conversation. And for people who don’t understand what being a nerd really is like, I’m sure that that comes off as arrogant. The point is – I really do talk that way. I really do think that way. I really do have those interests – I’m not showing off or using it to push people away. I’d much rather talk about linguistic theory or geopolitics than sports or food. I’m sorry. Is that arrogant, for me to want to talk about my interests?

Hmm, there’s another aspect. Which is that I am judgmental. I mean… I come off that way. But that’s not really meant, either. Again – I’m merely expressing what’s interesting to me, and, in the area of “judgment”… well, I have strong values – strong ideas about what’s right or wrong, what’s appropriate. It can be difficult to set aside (or more accurately, to avoid expressing) those values when in conversation with people who don’t seem to share them. But I try.

Really, if I re-read the above, it just comes off as more arrogance. Why does assertively stating ones feelings come off as arrogance? Is the key simply to “shut up”? Is it only possible to be humble with one’s mouth shut? Maybe. This is more plausible than I’d like to admit.

On the other hand, just because I’m intellectually prideful doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with self-confidence in other areas. Lately, I’ve been very anti-social. Avoiding people. Feeling unmotivated. On retreat.

Inadequate as a teacher, unskilled in language acquisition, lazy as an artist.

Can’t.

Won’t.

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Caveat: Structural Corruption

Politics, Economics & Current Affairs

pictureI’m not going to try to summarize the whole article here – I suggest everyone read it, however. James Fallows discusses the issue of “structural corruption” in US government. The concept is often raised in the discussion of foreign countries, from China to Afghanistan, but it needs to be pointed out much more often, as Fallows does, that the US has it too. And it has it very, very badly.

One very annoying element of US exceptionalism shared by both the left and right, very broadly, is the weird, unrealistic belief that the US has no corruption, or in any event that it has much less than “other countries.” This really annoys me. I think the only difference between US corruption, and that of other countries more noted for corruption, such as Mexico or even South Korea, is that US corruption is so exclusively “structural” that it’s easily “depersonalized” and pushed from one’s mind.

I like Fallows’ reminder that it’s a really big deal, nevertheless. I find the concept of “structural corruption” to be a powerful one, intellectually. Please read his article.

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Caveat: The Governator’s Legacy

Politics, Economics & Current Affairs / Quotable

“The less you’re concerned about getting credit, the more work you can get done,” – Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

Unilke many, I've never been of the opinion that the governator was insubstantial.  He's a smart dude, and a highly unconventional politician.  And I think his disavowals of overweening ambition, while disingenuous, are somehow at the same time sincere – if that makes sense.  He's ambitious – but it's out of a genuine belief that he could "make a difference" from a political standpoint, as opposed to it being strictly a project of self-aggrandizement.

Nevertheless, I feel that Marc Ambinder's autopsy on the governatorship, now that the man from Muscle Beach is departing office after 7 years, is a bit on fluffy side, journalistically.  Perhaps this can be forgiven – journalists who meet or interview the governator always seem to be incapable or resisting the man's undeniable, almost magical, charisma.

The things – the accomplishments – that Ambinder wants to give Schwarzenegger credit for are things that I think would have happened regardless of who was governor.  Possibly, they'd have happened even if Gray Davis had remained governor.   They are things that have been "on the mind" of California's body politic.  The most long-lasting "changes" Schwarzenegger has overseen:  the alteration in elections processes that will (hopefully) end partisan primaries and gerrymandering; the checking of the power of the unions;  the long-term investment in alternative energy projects or public transportation infrastructure (and actually, I'm sceptical this last will really pan out – it's too easy for money to get removed or rerouted from projects of this sort).  Each of these, while advocated actively by the governator, could just as easily have come to pass regardless of who was sitting in the Sac. 

I'm far from optimistic about my birth-state's future as a well-functioning polity.  But I think the governator reflected (and still reflects, as he moves on) a zeitgeist that includes a fundamental collective self-awareness vis-a-vis its worst dysfunctions.  I will always be interested in – even fascinated by – California politics.  But, personally, I'm an adoptive midwesterner and, subsequently, mostly committed to my expat lifestyle, at this point.  

California is an embarrassing place to have been born.  Does that make me one of those "self-hating" liberals?  Maybe, except that I still characterize myself as a libertarian, or even as an anarchist, more than as a traditional liberal.  I believe in the importance and value of government, but I think it works best when the body politic remains highly sceptical of it.  I actually think Schwarzenegger would agree wtih me on that.

Caveat: Nuked While Sleeping

Banalities & Journaling / Life in Korea / Life is a Dream

I haven't had a "nuclear war" dream since about 1984.  I had a few vivid ones, back then.   This dream I just awoke from was both vivid and weirdly cinematic, although also seemingly satirical, toward the end.

I was on a bus, going toward Hongnong along the expressway.  It wasn't the commuting bus, it was a charter bus – I had been on some work-related excursion with my fellow teachers.  It was dark, and the flash of the explosion was obvious.  It was like the sun was rising, to the west, out of the Yellow Sea.  I had no doubt, immediately, about what I was witnessing, although a lot of the other teachers on the bus, whether through ignorance or denial, had no idea – until cell phones started ringing, and text messages exchanged, and internets surfed via smart phones.

Then the reaction was disbelief, awe, shock.  Yet we continued to drive the rest of the way to Hongnong.  It seemed logical, partly – the town is nestled behind the mountain, protected from the nuclear plant which had been the obvious target of the blast.  And then the chaos, as the real sun dawned, Korean Army units moving in, people evacuating. 

The focus of the dream seemed to lie in the Kafkaesque confusion of what to do, where to go, who to meet with.  I was told that I had to go to my apartment (in the dream, my apartment was in Hongnong, not Yeonggwang) and that I was allowed to get one suitcase.  When I got there, I couldn't decide how to pack, and was thinking that it would have been so much easier to just tell me I could take only what I had on me.

Ambulances and then Army trucks were zooming around, delivering serverly wounded from behind the mountain.  There was some hotel on the top of the mountain that isn't there in real life, and it'd been right in front of the blast wave from the explosion.  The building had crumbled and fallen down the hillside.  Oh, ghastly. 

Mr Choi came into my apartment, and he was trying to read my books that I was debating packing.  And meanwhile, I was overhearing conversations, learning about where the bomb came from.  The bomb had come from Argentina.  Not even North Korea.

Argentina nuked South Korea?  Well, no.  It turned out that it was a disgruntled former English teacher.  Hah.  That's where the dream suddenly seemed satirical.  But the backstory was complex.  He was from a very wealthy family, and he'd spent his family fortune to acquire a bomb in Argentina using Russian and Argentine materials over a period of years, which he then delivered to Gamami (on the west side of the hill in Hongnong, next to the power plant) in a shipping container, where it successfully detonated.  His name was Edwards – a name that will live in infamy, according to some stentorian announcement on CNN.  Someone in my dream said to me, sardonically, "maybe not a good time to be an English teacher in Korea, now." 

And then I woke up.

Caveat: 19) 모진 말로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다

Buddhism & Zen / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to harsh words.”

This is #19 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

…
17. 전생 , 금생 , 내생의 업보를 소멸하기 위해 지극한 마음으로 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance with a sincere heart, taking care to destroy the karma of my past, current and future lives.”
18. 성냄으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to anger.”
19. 모진 말로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninteenth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to harsh words.”

This was easy, for a change – because it’s identical to its predecessor except for the substition of “모진 말” (harsh words) for “성냄” (anger).

It’s actually quite difficult never to use harsh words.

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Caveat: Unfriended

Banalities & Journaling / Internet & Blogging / Media (Texts/Music/Movies etc)

Most of what happens in facebook, in my opinion, is simply a re-imagining of various aspects of how humans have always organized their social lives.  Perhaps it makes things a little more "transparent," but it's hardly as revolutionary as people make claims for.  However, I've recently experienced something that I'm having trouble reconciling with "real world" parallels:  I've been unfriended. 

It doesn't mean much if someone who is strictly an "internet friend" unfriends you.  It's just an ending of the relationship, such as it was, on the same terms as it started.  But most of my facebook friends are "real world" friends.  Maybe not people I've seen much, in the last decade or two, but still people I can say that at some point in my past (recent or remote), I had a real, interactive, face-to-face friendship with – however brief.  What does it mean when such a person unfriends me?

It's a little bit odd, because I don't always notice right away – it's not like facebook gives you a little message that says "So-and-so doesn't like you anymore."  The three cases where I'm aware of having been unfriended, I became aware because people I thought were already my "friends" have suddenly started appearing in my "recommended friends" listing.  I will say to myself:  hmm, that's confusing.  But sure enough, if I go look, they're not my friend anymore. 

What's the etiquette, here?  Maybe a short return message, "It was good while it lasted.  Have a nice life."  Maybe they were annoyed with my blog posts, or my rants, or my metanegativity.  But I have facebook friends whose posts I find annoying – I just block their posts from my "news feed" – it seems more polite than unfriending.  Unfriending sends a definite message. 

Here's the metaphor I've developed.   Blocking the news feed of a facebook friend is like throwing away unanswered letters, in pre-internet parlance.  Or ignoring phone messages.  We all do this – whether short-term or indefinitely – with people we feel we've grown apart from or struggle to communicate with.  But unfriending is a bit like taking a picture of yourself throwing away an unanswered letter, or ignoring a phone message, and then publishing that picture in a newspaper, which the person who was trying to communicate may or may not notice.  Subtle.

It might be an interesting exercise to maintain a published list of unfriends, just for entertainment purposes.  But, although entertaining, that would be to dwell on the negative, which is something I keep reminding myself is better to avoid.

Is this meant to be a rant?  Not really.  I can see that maintaining facebook "friendships" with people you no longer feel a connection with, for whatever reason, as leading to a sort of "cluttered" feeling.  Better to sweep out the cupboards, periodically.  Maybe there should be some kind of etiquette for unfriending – a sort of dialogue:  "So-and-so would like to end the friendship.  OK?"  If you say OK, then you acknowledge, and no hard feelings.  That's more how real friendship works, and then fails – there's some back and forth, as it comes to a close.

Caveat: The African’s Snowball

Banalities & Journaling / Kids / Life in Korea / My Photos

Two sixth-grade boys ran past me in the courtyard. “Teacher! Teacher! African! Snowball!” they panted out, excitedly. But they didn’t slow down. They quickly disappeared into the back wing, toward the stairwell leading to the sixth-grade classrooms.

This was hard for me to understand. I was puzzled.

Until, a few moments later, Hwa-myeong raced into view from the alleyway between the storage building and the entrance to the boy’s bathroom. Ah. Hwa-myeong – our school’s only “ethnically diverse” Korean.  He’s Afro-Korean, or something Middle-Eastern, in his background. He’s a nice kid – a little bit hyper, but well-adjusted and quite popular. But his nickname, of course, seems to be “African” (the English word, “a-peu-ri-kan” in the Koreanized rendering). He had a large snowball. He was on the hunt. I got him to pause long enough so I could take his picture, as he posed, proudly displaying his weaponized snow.

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Here are some other pictures of our first snow.

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The weather was Minnesota-y, today. Meaning not the cold, per se, but the strangeness. It was quite changeable. Morning it was bitterly cold and snowing. By noon, the snow had melted and it was blustery. At 3 pm, the sky was like the bottom of a copper kettle, and there was thunder and lightning. There was a brief downpour of cold, cold rain. When I was walking home from the bus terminal at 6 pm, the sky was cloudless and violet-pink-blue-gold, from the dregs of the disappearing sun, and there was a sliver of crescent moon hanging peacefully.

My favorite first-grader, Ha-neul, presented me with a portrait she’d created of me, today. I was very pleased.

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Caveat: 18) 성냄으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다

Buddhism & Zen / Philosophy & Cultural Criticism / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to anger.”

This is #18 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

…
16. 내가 저지른 모든 죄를 망각한 채 살아 온 어리석음을 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance of any foolishness lived, forgetting any sins committed.”
17. 전생 , 금생 , 내생의 업보를 소멸하기 위해 지극한 마음으로 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance with a sincere heart, taking care to destroy the karma of my past, current and future lives.”
18. 성냄으로 인해 악연이 된 인연들에게 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this eighteenth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of the ties that become like an evil destiny due to anger.”

Anger. Anger-with-self? That’s my vice. Destiny? Do I believe that?

Walking familiar paths.

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Caveat: Gift Kimchi

Banalities & Journaling / Life in Korea

My coteacher Ms Ryu gave me some homemade kimchi (by her mom, not by her, I think).  I took it home – I got a ride home with Mr Lee, the "vice-vice" principal.  The sun set.  I made some kimchibokkeumbap (kimchi fried rice).  I'm tired – the day was eventless, because all my classes were cancelled, because of a giant test that was taking place.  Such is life working in a Korean school.  I tried to plan out some lessons for the future.  I studied Korean for about 2 hours.  Really.  It might snow tomorrow. 

Caveat: And on. And on.

Banalities & Journaling

I had a really terrible weekend.  Not anything specific, except a really extreme level of discouragement and consequential apathy.  I didn't study Korean, as I normally do.  I didn't write much, as I normally do.  I didn't go hiking or exploring – I had the excuse that I still don't feel very healthy, but that's really just a way to justify being antisocial.  And I was definitely that.

I've written before about feeling that I'm not making progress on the things important to me.  And I suppose I should try to better outline what those "important things" are. 

1) I came to Korea because I want to learn Korean.  It's not going well.  I've been here three years.  I can barely make myself understood in single sentences.  I understand less than 20% of what I hear.

2) I'm working as a teacher.  I like working as a teacher.  But I want to be an excellent teacher.  I don't think I am.  I'm barely adequate, mostly.   I don't know what steps to take to improve:  do I need to be more organized?  More spontaneous?   Funnier?  Less funny?  How do I connect with my students?

3) I wish I were a true artist.  I write all these little fragments, outlines, "first pages of novels."  I occasionally do a single drawing, or pen some half-hearted poem.  I have a musical instrument I tell myself I should learn how to play.  I don't work on it.  I'm intimidated by my inability.

4) I need to meditate more.  Better.  More…

These important things are all incremental projects.  They don't require miracles of talent or self-discovery.  Yet I'm not making progress.  I'm on a treadmill.

Caveat: Story Puzzles

Kids / My Photos / Teaching & Methodology

Last week, on my Wednesday and Friday afterschool advanced (allegedly sixth grade but really a mix of 3-4-5-6) class, I was trying to do an exercise with story-telling. I had these handouts that I’d gotten a while back, where there are these wordless comic-book-style story panels presented, and then a series of “hints” (like initial letters of words, rebus pictures, etc.). The students look at the pictures and try to fill in the story based on the hints. It’s pretty difficult, actually – even I was having trouble a few times thinking of how the authors of the exercises meant for the words to go.

But my idea was to then have the kids make their own. I demonstrated one, on the whiteboard (an ad hoc story about miniature aliens landing at Hongnong, being cooked and eaten, and making the guy sick):

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Then I had them make their own, as homework. Most “forgot” the homework – pretty typical for the afterschool class – but one student did an amazing job. She made a story about snow and cats making “cloud bread” (which I theorize is a literal translation of the Korean term for something like eclairs). It was excellently done. Here is here set of picture panels:

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Here is her page of “hints” (remarkably few mistakes that impair the ability to fill it out):

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Finally, unrelatedly, a truly humorous little sketch on the corner of a paper from a first grader. The Korean is “peck peck” (as in “kiss kiss”). Cute:

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Caveat: 17) 전생 , 금생 , 내생의 업보를 소멸하기 위해 지극한 마음으로 참회하며 절합니다

Buddhism & Zen / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance with a sincere heart, taking care to destroy the karma of my past, current and future lives.”

This is #17 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

..
15. 내 이웃과 주위에있는 모든 인연들의 감사함을 잊고 살아 온 죄를 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance of any misdeeds lived, forgetting my gratitude for all my ties to my neighborhood and surroundings.”
16. 내가 저지른 모든 죄를 망각한 채 살아 온 어리석음을 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance of any foolishness lived, forgetting any sins committed.”
17. 전생 , 금생 , 내생의 업보를 소멸하기 위해 지극한 마음으로 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this seventeenth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance with a sincere heart, taking care to destroy the karma of my past, current and future lives.”

I don’t believe in karma, nor in past or future lives. These are the sorts of transcendental beliefs that don’t fit with my hyper-rationalist worldview. So this is an aspect of Buddhism that I find it difficult to relate to, although I tend to view karma as a metaphor for the fact that things we do in this life define who we are throughout the remainder of our life, and impact the lives of others, often in very indirect ways.

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Caveat: tweegret 2.0

Found Online

tweegret. N.  the feeling that one gets that one might be missing out, by not participating in what seems to be a largely vacuous fad called Twitter.

I felt my second twinge of tweegret, this morning, upon learning that the [US] National Christmas Tree has its own twitter account, this year (#trackthetree). Thank you, Stephen Colbert, for elucidating this matter so cogently.
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Caveat: Ritualized Humiliation

Banalities & Journaling / Life in Korea / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

Yesterday at the close of work, I was feeling rather depressed. 

One thing that happened, was that after I finished my afterschool classes, which end at 4 PM on Wednesdays, I went over to the gym to try to put in a social appearance at the staff intramural volleyball event (which includes a lot of traditional things to eat, too, and soju and makkolli and beer and things like that).  I'm just rying to fit in, I guess.  Anyway, the volleyball game seemed to be in suspension, due to the fact that one of the teachers is recently engaged to be married.  She'd brought her fiance to introduce him to the school staff.  And after forcing him to drink some alcohol (common enough in Korean social events), they tied him up, put him on a table, took off his shoes, and began hitting him on the feet.  Hard.  I'd heard of this before – vaguely – it's some kind of pre-wedding ritual that is common.   Maybe like the way a bachelor party is a ritual that is common before Western weddings.  But, this being Korea, it's got a very strong component of humiliation, and seems to be a lot about establishing social chains of dominance… that kind of thing.  I felt more alien than I normally do.  I felt like I could never truly understand Korea.  I was very puzzled, and dismayed by what seemed the cruelty of it.  I felt I couldn't relate to these people who I worked with every day.

And then I got mocked in my efforts to speak Korean – by a group of students (not students who I have in any class – I'm not even certain they attend my school).  I just felt self-conscious and hopeless, in that moment.

I wrote yesterday that I'm not making progress on the things that are important to me.  Someone asked, what are these things that are important to me?  Maybe it would be a good thing to try to map these out.

Caveat: 16) 내가 저지른 모든 죄를 망각한 채 살아 온 어리석음을 참회하며 절합니다.

Banalities & Journaling / Buddhism & Zen / The 108 / 한국말을 배움 (Failing to Learn Korean)

“I bow in repentance of any foolishness lived, forgetting any sins committed.”

This is #16 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).

…
14. 이 세상이 곳에 머물 수있게 해 준 모든 인연들의 귀중함을 잊고 살아 온 죄를 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance of any misdeeds lived, forgetting the preciousness of all my ties to the things that allow me to stay here in this world.”
15. 내 이웃과 주위에있는 모든 인연들의 감사함을 잊고 살아 온 죄를 참회하며 절합니다.
       “I bow in repentance of any misdeeds lived, forgetting my gratitude for all my ties to my neighborhood and surroundings.”
16. 내가 저지른 모든 죄를 망각한 채 살아 온 어리석음을 참회하며 절합니다.

I would read this sixteenth affirmation as: “I bow in repentance of any foolishness lived, forgetting any sins committed.”

I’ve certainly lived a lot of foolishness.

At the moment, I’m feeling discouraged. Sometimes, I feel discouraged. My teaching feels stale and uninteresting. My interactions with others feels fraught with my own negativity. I don’t feel like I’m making progress in the things important to me.

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