Caveat: The Space Emperor’s Apotheosis

There’s an artist named Tim O’Brian. I recently ran across an illustration of his that struck me as symbolically correct. To those who feel that Obama is too far left, I can only say that I feel you are deeply, deeply mistaken. I’m among those who perceive Obama to be turning out to be one of the most conservative Democratic presidents in more than 100 years. That’s why this illustration makes sense to me. Plus it looks cool.

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I had made a decision to call Obama “The Future Space Emperor” way back when he first appeared to be winning the 2008 election, but I haven’t stuck with it. If you stick with that metaphor, though – BHO as Palpatine – does that mean that Reagan is the dark side of the Force? Darth Ronald. Nice. Continuing the metaphor, I like the sound of Darth Romney, too. …Rolls off the tongue. We could view the current election as just a minor squabble among the Sith Lords within the Coruscant Beltway.

As I’ve admitted before, I voted for him. And I still view the currently psychotic Republican party as an unacceptable alternative. But I’m less and less enamored of Obama, too, if I ever was.

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Caveat: ya no siento el corazón

YO VOY SOÑANDO CAMINOS

Yo voy soñando caminos
de la tarde. ¡Las colinas
doradas, los verdes pinos,
las polvorientas encinas!…
¿Adónde el camino irá?
Yo voy cantando, viajero
a lo largo del sendero…
-la tarde cayendo está-.
“En el corazón tenía
la espina de una pasión;
logré arrancármela un día:
“ya no siento el corazón”.

Y todo el campo un momento
se queda, mudo y sombrío,
meditando. Suena el viento
en los álamos del río.

La tarde más se oscurece;
y el camino que serpea
y débilmente blanquea
se enturbia y desaparece.

Mi cantar vuelve a plañir:
“Aguda espina dorada,
quién te pudiera sentir
en el corazón clavada”.

– Antonio Machado

I hadn’t thought about Machado in quite a while, then out of nothing a line of his poetry popped into my head. I don’t think of him as one of my “main poets” – he doesn’t occupy those recurring thoughts of poetry like Jeffers or García Lorca or Neruda or Stevens. But I guess he must have made an impression at some point, or his line would not have appeared in my mind.

[Daily log: nevermind]

Caveat: 추격자

I had a strange dream last night where I was walking around Ilsan and ended up in Minneapolis. But the signs were still in Korean. I felt lost.
What I’m listening to right now.


인피니트 (Infinite), “추격자” (The Chaser).
[UPDATE 2020-03-21: link rot repair]
가사.

picture★인피니트-추격자★

미안해 마 독하게 날 버리고 떠나도 돼
니가 원한다면 그래 good bye

허나 내 맘까지 접은건 아냐
내 사랑이 이겨

아이야 먼저 가 어기야 디여라차 어기야디야 되찾을꺼야
잠시야 앞서도 널 따라 잡으리 난~

그녀를 지켜라 날 잊지 못하게
내 님이 계신 곳 끝까지 가련다

rap)잊어버려 이별의 말 앞에 멈춰가는 가슴 치고 무릎 꿇어본 나
꺼져버려 썪은 장작 같은 슬픔에 타버린 날 끌어본다
식은 네 맘이 왜 아직 내 마음을 매일 설레이고 헤매게 하는지
걸어본다 사랑에 날 굳게 만들지 또

아이야 먼저 가 어기야 디여라차 어기야디야 되찾을꺼야
잠시야 아파도 결국엔 웃으리 난~

그녀를 지켜라 날 잊지 못하게
내 님이 계신 곳 끝까지 가련다
거리를 좁혀라 내 손에 잡히게
내 님을 찾아서 내 전불 걸련다

rap)그래 나 독한 맘으로 널 버리려 했어 애써 본능을 짓밟아 버리며
흐려진 너에 대한 집착 또한 다~ 사랑이라~ 내뱉는 난~
또 도저히 널 놓지도 끊지도 못해 오늘도
뭔가에 홀린 듯 눈가에 맺힌 너를 쫓아

미안해 girl 절대 너란 끈을 놓진 않을래
내가 니 맘 돌릴꺼니 괜찮아
가슴 쥐 뜯겨도 별거 아니야

그녀를 지켜라 날 잊지 못하게
내 님이 계신 곳 끝까지 가련다

내 맘이 그렇지 하나만 알아서
꺾기고 아파도 널 사랑 하련다

미안해 마 독하게 날 버리고 떠나도 돼
니가 원한다면 그래 good bye
허나 내 맘까지 접은건 아냐

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Caveat: 개소리

I was sharing with my boss an opinion: given that a lot of parents are expressing distrust of the merger between Karma and Woongjin, he should call them all, personally. That’s always been one my “if I ran the hagwon” ideas, anyway – the owner or on-site manage should be intimately involved in building and maintaining relationships with ALL the parents, since they are, after all, the paying customers. The students, for better or worse, are essentially product. This is not to depreciate them in any way – they are the thing I like about my job, and they’re why I do it. But applying the lessons I learned from a decade of working in real-world business settings, you can’t ever forget your customers.
Curt has been stressed, lately, though. In response to my suggestion, he just said in a kind of a lighthearted way, “개소리” [gae-so-ri = “bullshit” (literally, it means “dog-noise”)]. It was kind meant as, “yeah, right, like I’m going to find time to do that.” I laughed it off. And my feelings were in no way hurt. But I nevertheless felt (and feel) that he’s making a mistake in this matter, maybe.
During the CC class (karaoke) I taught today, the boys insisted in hearing / seeing the video for a song called “Party Rock.” It has a zombie-themed shuffle-dance-craze-including video. Those fifth-grade boys are utterly enraptured by this video and song. I can’t figure it out.
What I’m listening to right now.


LMFAO, “Party Rock.”
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picture[Daily log: walking, 3 km; running 2 km]

Caveat: Long Days

Yesterday and today I have to work mornings – we're doing presentations to parents about the transition to the new merged hagwon situation.

Working from 10:30 am to 10 pm makes for a long day – even if there is quite a bit of dead time in there.

The morning is overcast. It's been such a dry, sunny early summer this year. I'll be happy when the monsoon comes. I think the trees will be, too. They're looking dryish.

Caveat: Our House

Work is stressing me out.

What I’m listening to right now.

Madness, “Our House.” 29 years ago I graduated high school. At that time, this was my favorite song. I remember driving down to Santa Barbara that summer, and hearing it getting frequent radio-play.

I took this photo in 1983. I’m just randomly placing it here. It’s of some seagulls at Mad River Beach in Arcata (the town of my birth).

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[Daily log: walking, 4 km]

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Caveat: E por que hei de negar?

“Caminho Monótono”

E por que hei de negar?…Ah! o encanto da estrada
abrindo em cada curva um leque de paisagem,
e o mistério da casa escondida e encantada
que mora sob a sombra amiga da folhagem

E por que hei de negar? Se isso é a vida passada;
se o fastio espantou o encanto da miragem
Hoje – o olhar distraído, e a alma já cansada
repetem todo dia e sempre a mesma viagem

E por que hei de negar? Ah! Aquelas ânsias loucas
dos beijos que cantavam sempre em nossas bocas
e das mãos, não sabendo nunca onde pousar…

Hoje… por mais que venhas, sempre estou sozinho…
E por que hei de negar? Se teu corpo é um caminho
onde de olhos fechados posso caminhar?…

– J. G. de Araujo Jorge

I love the Portuguese language. Maybe someday I will study it more deeply.

Caveat: Prosocial

I'm not sure what, exactly, to make of this abstract of a recent social sciences study (the article itself is paywalled, and I have little interest in actually trying to read it). But to control-c-control-v the abstract here:

Recent research has revealed that specific tastes can influence moral processing, with sweet tastes inducing prosocial behavior and disgusting tastes harshening moral judgments. Do similar effects apply to different food types (comfort foods, organic foods, etc.)? Although organic foods are often marketed with moral terms (e.g., Honest Tea, Purity Life, and Smart Balance), no research to date has investigated the extent to which exposure to organic foods influences moral judgments or behavior. After viewing a few organic foods, comfort foods, or control foods, participants who were exposed to organic foods volunteered significantly less time to help a needy stranger, and they judged moral transgressions significantly harsher than those who viewed nonorganic foods. These results suggest that exposure to organic foods may lead people to affirm their moral identities, which attenuates their desire to be altruistic.

On the one hand, I want to say that there was always something about the organic-foods-only people that got on my nerves, and now I have proof. On the other hand, I want to ask, if crappy food promotes "prosocial" behavior, why is everyone so antisocial when everyone eats so badly in, e.g., the USA? It depends on how one defines a term like "prosocial," I suppose. Lastly, I wonder, what is this broader purpose of this research? What is their broader social hypothesis? Where are the researchers going with this?

[Daily log: walking, 3 km]

Caveat: Immortality

picture“Yes, insofar as I am immortal, I will be immortal. To me, young has no meaning- something you can do nothing about, nothing at all. But youth is a quality and if you have it, you never lose it. And when they put you into the box, that’s your immortality.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

I love FLW.

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Caveat: Black Card

pictureMy student Ahyeon was angry at me today. But unlike most elementary students, instead of acting out, she approached her anger in an unusual way: she ignored the class proceedings for about 20 minutes (I could tell she was angry – it was about some issue related to the awarding of points on homework), and spent the time carefully making a “black card” for me (picture at right), which she presented to me with a shy smile at the end of class. It was very unusual, but I was pleased with it, in a strange way. It was so communicative – which as a language teacher, is much more valuable than the content of the communication, if that makes any sense.

– Notes for Korean –
냄새 [naem-sae] – smell (I was excited to learn this word from context based on overhearing someone talking – that’s so unusual, and it’s a much, much better way to learn vocabulary than repeatedly trying to memorize it)
두음법칙 [du-eum-beop-chik] – liaison (initial sound-[change] rules)

[Daily log: walking 7 km; running 1 km]

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Caveat: 빈정상했어

At work yesterday, the front-desk person was handing out some student-placement spreadsheet printouts and she skipped me. This always annoys me,  because I have a genuine interest in what’s happening to the students.

I think they leave me out because they assume I’m not interested, since I don’t often don’t join in the discussions they have over these printouts (given that they are in Korean and/or they often seem to take place at times when I’m off teaching a class – my schedule is thicker in the afternoons whereas many of the teachers have a thin afternoon schedule and a thicker evening schedule, and so meetings are often in the afternoons).

So this time, I said something like, “why are you forgetting me, can I have one too?” and she happily complied.

But then Curt remarked, muttering, “빈정상했어” [bin-jeong-sang-haess-eo]. And of course I had no idea what this meant. And I wanted to know.

It therefore became a long, drawn-out discussion over what, exactly, this phrase means. The verb (빈정상하다 [binjeongsanghada] / alternate form 빈정사다 [binjeongsada]) doesn’t appear any online Korean-English dictionaries we consulted. Google translate doesn’t even try.

After some back-and-forth, we decided it meant something roughly like “peeve” as in, “he’s/you’re peeved” (the subject is left out in Korean and so you can fill in whatever verb subject fits the situation). But I wasn’t really satisfied with this.

The Korean-Korean dictionaries online don’t have the verb (or the pre-derived verb-noun 빈정상) either. For the near-match 비정상,  they offer definitions as follows. The definitions are hard enough to understand – my “translations” of the definitions are tentative at best.

1.) 어떤 것이 바뀌어 달라지거나 탈이 생겨 나타나는 제대로가 아닌 상태. “The condition of [something] not being as one desires [such] that some kind of trouble or revised change appears.”
2.) 바르거나 떳떳하지 못한 상태. “The condition of being unable to be honorable or upright.”

These definitions utterly fail to match Curt’s off-the-cuff definition and don’t match my intuition of verb’s actual meaning. They don’t make any sense at all, in my opinion. So that’s not it. Just a lexical wild-goose-chase.

pictureLooking at the verb in parts (which isn’t always a smart or correct thing to do with Korean verbs, as my Korean tutor is constantly insisting), I see the first part is 빈정, which appears bound in other verbs like 빈정거리다, which means “to make a sarcastic remark.” And the second part is 상하다, which includes a definition “to be hurt, to be offended, to be troubled with.” This latter is promising – it seems to match Curt’s definition much better. If you add in a shading of sarcasm, it actually seems to capture my actual expression and manner pretty well.

So I’m going to offer a tentative English definition of the phrase “빈정상했어” as “he’s/you’re sarcastically peeved” … but in slangy pragmatics (and dating myself  to the 1980s) as “don’t have a cow, man.”

What I’m listening to right now.


Linkin Park, “Pushing Me Away.”

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Caveat: Drawing Things

Some of my elementary students were drawing things during some extra time because we were taking a placement test related to the change in curriculum next month. I drew some alligators for a girl named Yumin, and she added her own other things to my alligators.

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Another student drew something idyllic and Korean-themed.

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Another was inspired to create his own alligator, which I liked a lot.

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It was a long day at work, despite a light teaching load. I stayed at work and organized stuff so that when we move (in July), I’ll be ready.

[Daily log: walking, 5 km]

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Caveat: The Future Behind Us

When talking about the future, I gesture to my front. When talking about the past, I gesture to my back. Over the last several years of teaching English in Korea, I've become aware that this may not be a human universal, but rather, something dependant on my Western cultural background.

I don't really know what the "rule" is, in Korea, about whether the future is in front of you or behind you, but I've gradually come to suspect it might not be exactly as in Western culture. Recently, I ran across something that hints at the possibility of difference – not with respect to Korean culture specifically, but with respect to language and/or cultural universals. A quote (hat tip to Sullyblog):

Patterns in spatio-temporal metaphors have also revealed striking reversals of the direction of time. For example, in languages like English and Spanish spatial metaphors put the past behind the observer (e.g., the worst is already behind us) and the future in front (e.g., the best is still ahead of us). In Aymara [a Peruvian native American language], this pattern is reversed and future is said to be behind the observer while the past is in front. This pattern in metaphors is reflected in patterns in spontaneous co-speech gesture. When talking about the past, the Aymara gesture in front of them, and when talking about the future, they gesture behind them, a striking reversal from patterns observed with speakers of English or Spanish.

I'm going to have to watch Koreans closely for those "spontaneous co-speech gestures." I have some suspicion (which may be false) that I might find a different conceptualization of time, which has been hinted at by the difficulties I've occasionally had with using gesture to convey the meanings of past and future (which, in an EFL classroom, come up in a discussion of verb tenses, among other things). More on time spatial metaphors here.

Caveat: Lumpenconsumerist

pictureThere is apparently a Karl Marx themed Mastercard credit card issued by a bank in eastern Germany. Far out.

I saw it at the Marginal Revolution blog.

As one commenter points out: “For the materialist in you.”

It’s fun to think of all kinds of wacky advertising tag-lines. The best I’ve come up with in the last 5 minutes is: “Sometimes changing the means of production takes a litte extra. Let us help.”

[Daily log: walking 2 km; running, 2 km]

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Caveat: Rocket Man

How could I have gone so far in life without knowing about this?

What I’m listening to right now.

pictureWilliam Shatner, “Rocket Man.” A “sci-fi,” sardonic interpretation of Bernie Taupin and Elton John’s classic. I almost like it better. The lyrics:

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I’m gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don’t understand
It’s just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

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Caveat: The Comic Sans Nation

How can you hate a font? I've often been puzzled by the Comic Sans haters out there in the world. And finally, some guy has produced a professional and truly entertaining, if tongue-in-cheek rebuttal.

On a slightly more serious note, I use Comic Sans occasionally, on this blog, but in my teaching work, I use it quite a bit when making hand-outs for my lower-grade, lower-ability students. Why? Because there have been actual studies that show that Comic Sans (and related simple, "handwriting style" fonts) is easier for people unfamiliar with the Latin alphabet to read.

As an example, consider the shape of the letter "g" in a more "sophisicated" font:
g

I've had lower-level students point to a printed "g" of this style in their school books and ask me literally, "what's that?" Compare it to what they're taught to write:
g

Think about it. And stop the Comic Sans hating, people.

Today was a truly useless day, by the way. I didn't do any of the things I'd intended to do. My procrastination is on maximum.

[Daily log: hah]

actual

Caveat: Damn Expensive Cigarettes

When I was in my early 20s, I smoked cigarettes. I was defnitely addicted, but I managed to kick the habit without that much difficulty. I started again when I was in the Army, but it was always a kind of boredom-while-working type thing, there, doing what everyone does during the breaks. It never really got to be a habit during that time.

Mostly I don't think about smoking, except that I'm glad that I stopped. But sometimes I get cravings. And this morning, when I woke up, I awoke from a dream about smoking cigarettes that was weirdly compelling. In the dream, I'd gotten really angry because I'd gone to buy cigarettes and I had been charged an outrageous amount of money – there was vivid moment of handing over one of those gold-colored Korean ₩50,000 (about 50 bucks) and getting small change back. So I was smoking my cigarettes, in the dream, one after the other, as if to say, "damn, I'd better enjoy these, they were so expensive."

I like when I have strange dreams – I've been having a lot of them lately. My sleep patterns are messed up, too. That part, I don't like so much.

Caveat: Hellbridge Redux?

So it's official, now – the letters went out to parents today, so they can't really go changing  their minds, at this point. My current place of employment, Karma Academy, is merging with Woongjin Plus, which just happens to be the company that took over and eventually renamed my former employer, LBridge, affectionately known as "hellbridge" to some of its workers. Overall, there were a lot of things I liked about LBridge, so I don't see this as necessarily apocalyptic – and one of the things I liked least about LBridge was the management, which will have changed twice over by the time I'm back there again next month. My current boss, Curt, will be in charge. I wonder though, at how this will work out. There are a lot of "I wonders" now.

I'm going to keep an open mind. Given the current market conditions, mergers are one of the few ways a hagwon can grow. So I understand the business rationale. But why this specific marriage? – two hagwon could hardly be more mis-matched, from a business culture standpoint. That's actually the point, as a conversation with my boss last night underscored. Perhaps both can grow and improve through cross-fertilization.

The title to this blog post is rather alarmist. But I'm not really expecting a return to the dark days of 2008. And as I said, there were a lot of things I really liked about LBridge – especially the rigid curriculum. Karma could use some structure, in that area. I had a moment of schadenfreude during a "training presentation" yesterday, when a powerpoint slide on a means of evaluating student writing was flashed on the screen that bore clear markings of being the descendant of the speech and writing scoring schema I developed while at LBrdige and had happily turned over to the curriculum designer (who's long-gone, now, but the earmarks of her work are everywhere). That weird feeling that you've left actual traces of your work at an organization that you've long left behind, but now, returning, there it is. "I made that," I wanted to say. I refrained.

[Daily log: walking, 4 km]

Caveat: Cause For Optimism

"the trash-strewn lots of Detroit and the subway tunnels of New York support far more biodiversity than the sterile, “sustainably planted” forests that cover most of the continental U.S." – Christopher Mims, in an article at a site called Motherboard.

This seems depressing and darkly pessimistic, but frankly, I find in it cause for optimism. Why? Because that means nature is actually pretty good at building biodiversity "under duress." The world is not ending – merely changing. And evolution is all about adaptation. Things will go on.

Caveat: Somebody’s Uncle

There’s a guy in Oregon that turned an old jetliner into his home.

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This reminds me of the kind of thing my uncle would do – the uncle that lives in Alaska and travels the world as a helicopter pilot.

I don’t know why I feel so tired lately. Perhaps I’m getting sick, or maybe I’m letting myself get stressed out about work. But well… anyway. Life, it goes on.

[Daily log: walking, 4 km]

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Caveat: 거짓말도 방편

거짓말도             방편
falsehood-word-TOO expedient
Even a lie is expedient.
The end justifies the means. Eh? I try not to live by this maxim, but I know lots of people believe it.
Yesterday I stayed late at work, which is why I didn’t exercise. This morning I feel unmotivated. No lie.

Caveat: Patrick Star’s To-Do List

I ran across this image a while back – from some episode of Spongebob Squarepants.

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It’s Patrick’s to-do list, of course. I sometimes can relate – although my to-do list never says that. But sometimes, maybe it should, right? Zen.

The opposite of zen might be “nez.” How would this work? Always worrying, always stressing, always planning and organizing compulsively, never in-the-moment. Right?

Work is causing me some worry, these days – there will be a big announcement soon. More in the never-ending saga of “M&A: Korean hagwon industry edition” (that’s M&A = “Mergers and Acquisitions”).  There, that’s a good teaser. But honestly, why should I worry. I’ll be fine. I’m not invested in it, and the contracts are always one year long. I hate to see what the kids go through, sometimes, though. Kids do best with stability. Adults all around the world are pretty lousy at providing that.

Finally, on my blog’s left-hand column, I have various widgets. I’m sometimes adding, deleting, moving them around. Did you see the new cost-of-war widget? I may tire of it soon – it’s depressing. But I thought I’d try it out.

The other day, my weather widget told me that the weather was “expired.”

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That seemed rather apocalyptic.

[Daily log: walking, 3 km]

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Caveat: Xanthic Dream

I dreamed a Xanth novel last night. This might require some background in order to be understandable to most people, I suspect – probably more background than I'm really willing to give… so perhaps you could spend some time on the topic using the wikithing if you're really interested (and who, reading this blog, is really interested?). My feeling about Piers Anthony's Xanth novels is that they're not as good as they seemed to me at the time when I read most of them, but they're not bad, either. They are good, optimistic, teenage boy nerd-lit.

OK. The dream. There was this dwarf or hobbit-looking character, who wore blue pajamas, and his special magic power was that his presence intensified the feelings of community and togetherness and the social cohesion of the people around him. A lot. But it worked very subtly, and in a way that did not make it obvious at all that his presence was the cause. Somehow I was on a quest – possibly to figure out my own magic power. All very typically Xanthian. There were weird espionage things going on, and I was peripheral to the central plot, more of an observer than a participant.

We sailed off across some sea, Dawn Treader style (see CS Lewis's Narnia series – and by the way, that's the only Narnia book I genuinely liked – and no, I've never seen any of the Narnia movies). The details of the dream have faded quickly since waking up, and so … I don't know exactly what happened. We landed on some new continent. There was a distraught princess who felt threatened by the dwarf character – perhaps she was aware of his magic power and was threatened. There was a fractious community that resembled an English hagwon that slowly became more harmonious because of the dwarf's secret magic. But then the dwarf was assissinated by a mule that had George W's face, and while the princess held the dead dwarf's hands and cried, I woke up.

Setting aside the annoying, brutalist symbolism toward the end, I'm genuinely interested in the narrative potential of the aspect regarding a "magic power" that intesnsifies communitarianism. I've long been intrigued by – and drawn to – concepts of intentional communities. I was deeply influenced by my "borderline hippy commune" childhood, no doubt. I suspect if there is a character in my real life that resembles this peculiar blue-pajama-wearing dwarf, it might be my mother – someone who sometimes seems better at creating community around herself than being in that community. I was struck by the aspect in which my role in the dream was as a spectator of community being built by others, rather than as a participant, myself. I wish I wasn't like that, but I accept that it's my natural role, maybe.

Caveat: Sucede que me canso de ser hombre

    Walking Around

Sucede que me canso de ser hombre.
Sucede que entro en las sastrerías y en los cines
marchito, impenetrable, como un cisne de fieltro
Navegando en un agua de origen y ceniza.

El olor de las peluquerías me hace llorar a gritos.
Sólo quiero un descanso de piedras o de lana,
sólo quiero no ver establecimientos ni jardines,
ni mercaderías, ni anteojos, ni ascensores.

Sucede que me canso de mis pies y mis uñas
y mi pelo y mi sombra.
Sucede que me canso de ser hombre.

Sin embargo sería delicioso
asustar a un notario con un lirio cortado
o dar muerte a una monja con un golpe de oreja.
Sería bello
ir por las calles con un cuchillo verde
y dando gritos hasta morir de frío

No quiero seguir siendo raíz en las tinieblas,
vacilante, extendido, tiritando de sueño,
hacia abajo, en las tapias mojadas de la tierra,
absorbiendo y pensando, comiendo cada día.

No quiero para mí tantas desgracias.
No quiero continuar de raíz y de tumba,
de subterráneo solo, de bodega con muertos
ateridos, muriéndome de pena.

Por eso el día lunes arde como el petróleo
cuando me ve llegar con mi cara de cárcel,
y aúlla en su transcurso como una rueda herida,
y da pasos de sangre caliente hacia la noche.

Y me empuja a ciertos rincones, a ciertas casas húmedas,
a hospitales donde los huesos salen por la ventana,
a ciertas zapaterías con olor a vinagre,
a calles espantosas como grietas.

Hay pájaros de color de azufre y horribles intestinos
colgando de las puertas de las casas que odio,
hay dentaduras olvidadas en una cafetera,
hay espejos
que debieran haber llorado de vergüenza y espanto,
hay paraguas en todas partes, y venenos, y ombligos.
Yo paseo con calma, con ojos, con zapatos,
con furia, con olvido,
paso, cruzo oficinas y tiendas de ortopedia,
y patios donde hay ropas colgadas de un alambre:
calzoncillos, toallas y camisas que lloran
lentas lágrimas sucias.

– Pablo Neruda

A veces me siento así igual. Mas en el momento me siento sólo solo, y cansado – pero no cansado de ser ser humano.

[Daily log: walking 5 km; running 3 km]

Caveat: Casualties

According to this article on the AP, suicides have exceeded war casualties among troops in Afghanistan this year. Partly, that underscores how few troops actually die fighting in Afghanistan – the drones help assure that mostly the people who die are on the other side. But this whole suicide-while-in-the-military tells me they’re doing something very wrong. I can speak from my own experience in the Army – when you feel there’s some moral failing in what you’re doing, it’s much easier to feel despair and get depressed. I think, therefore, that this suicide rate among troops is something we should pay attention to, vis-a-vis our moral instincts – do we have any?

What I’m listening to right now.

Radiohead, “Go To Sleep.” This song is awesome, and the video is cool too – I’d never seen it before searching for a version of the song to paste here.

Like every song from this album (Hail To The Thief), it makes me nostalgic for my massive 2003 road trip in Australia, when I discovered my rental car had a CD player and I went into some suburban Sydney Target store and bought a couple Radiohead CDs, which thus became my soundtrack for the trip up the coast from Sydney to Cairns (2000 km).

Lyrics.

Something for the rag and bone man
“Over my dead body”
Something big is gonna happen
“Over my dead body”

Someone’s son or someone’s daughter
“Over my dead body”
This is how I end up sucked in
“Over my dead body”

I’m gonna go to sleep
Let this wash all over me

We don’t wanna wake monster taking over
“Tiptoe round, tie him down”
We don’t want the loonies taking over
“Tiptoe round, tie them down”

May pretty horses
Come to you as you sleep
I’m gonna go to sleep
Let this wash all over me

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Caveat: Animals

Some kids drew pictures of zoos for me.

Dayeon's is the best. Do you see that her zoo has hamsters and ants (lower left)? Do you see the girl taking a picture? Do you see the awesome alligators, with only their eyes peeking above the water? She's a pretty good artist for a third grader.

Zoo 002

Here's a few by some other kids.

Zoo 002

Zoo 002

Zoo 002

What I'm listening to right now.

[Update 2017-06-22: Video embed of song removed, due to link-rot, and because no other online embeddable version can be found. Sorry.]

Bob Dylan, "Man Gave Names to All the Animals." It's hard to find a good online version of this song. This is a live one that isn't such a great recording, but it's nevertheless an awesome song, and thematically appropriate for the evening. It always makes me remember, vividly, driving to Duluth in the 1980s.

Here are the lyrics.

Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, in the beginning
Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, long time ago.

He saw an animal that liked to growl
Big furry paws and he liked to howl
Great big furry back and furry hair
"Ah, think I'll call it a bear".

Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, in the beginning
Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, long time ago.

He saw an animal up on a hill
Chewing up so much grass until she was filled
He saw milk coming out but he didn't know how
"Ah, think I'll call it a cow".

Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, in the beginning
Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, long time ago.

He saw an animal that liked to snort
Horns on his head and they weren't too short
It looked like there wasn't nothing that he couldn't pull
"Ah, I'll think I'll call it a bull".

Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, in the beginning
Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, long time ago.
He saw an animal leaving a muddy trail
Real dirty face and a curly tail
He wasn't too small and he wasn't too big
"Ah, think I'll call it a pig".

Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, in the beginning
Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, long time ago.

Next animal that he did meet
Had wool on his back and hooves on his feet
Eating grass on a mountainside so steep
"Ah, think I'll call it a sheep".

Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, in the beginning
Man gave names to all the animals
In the beginning, long time ago.

He saw an animal as smooth as glass
Slithering his way through the grass
Saw him disappear by a tree near a lake ….

[Daily log: walking, 4 km; running, 3 km]

Caveat: The Private Sector Is Doing Fine

President Obama got in some trouble for saying this. But it’s true. Robert Wright at The Atlantic explains. Here is a graph from his article.

picture

Wright speculates:

“What if Obama, rather than just try to walk back his unfortunate choice of words, trotted out some visual aids and spent 60 seconds explaining exactly what he meant? ‘Professorial’ can be a feature, not a bug.”

Haha. Obama’s having got defensive and backed down on this issue really does seem like a mistake, to me.

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Caveat: m’so lazy I almos’ stopppppㅌㅌ

How freakin appropriate, given my feelings this weekend.

What I’m listening to right now.

X-Press (feat. David Byrne), “Lazy.” Actually, I wasn’t so lazy, listening to it. I went on a jog in the park, around the lake. The extended version is a better track, but the shorter version has the cool video, above.

pictureHere’s the lyrics.

I’m lazy when I’m lovin and I’m lazy when I play
I’m lazy with my girlfriend a thousand times a day
I’m lazy when I’m speaking, I’m lazy when I walk
I’m lazy when I’m dancing and I’m lazy when I talk

Open up my mouth, air comes rushing out (sigh)
Nothing, doing nada, never, how d’you like me now?
Wouldn’t it be mad, wouldn’t it be fine
Lazy, lucky lady, dancing, loving all the time

Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lzy
Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?

Some folks they got money and some folks love to sweep
Some folks make decisions and some folks clean the streets
Now imagine what it feels like, imagine how it sounds
Imagine life was perfect and everything works out

No tears are falling from my eyes
I’m keeping all the pain inside
Now don’t you want to live with me
I’m lazy as a man can be

Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy
Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?

Ooh-hoo

Imagine there’s a girlfriend, imagine there’s a job
Imagine there’s an answer, imagine there’s a God
Imagine I’m a devil, imagine I’m a saint
Lazy money, lazy, sexy, lazy outer space

No tears are falling from my eyes
I’m keeping all the pain inside
Now don’t you want to live with me
I’m lazy as a man can be

(Note this paragraph is for the extended version)

Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy
Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?
Lazy when I work, lazy on the bed
Screaming all you like but it only fades away
I’m lazy when I’m praying, lazy on the job
Got a lazy mind, lazy eye, lazy lazy father

Hard man, hard life
Hard keeping it all inside
Good times, good God
m’so lazy I almos’ stopppppTTT

Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy
Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?
Ohhhhh I’m wicked and I’m lazy
Ohhhhh Don’t you want to save me?

[Daily log: walking, 1 km; running, 3 km]

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Caveat: The Vulgate of Experience

pictureWallace Stevens is possibly my favorite poet. At the least, he’s in a list of “10 most important” for me. I was reading a poem called “An Ordinary Evening in New Haven” – there are places where you can find the text online (though not copy-and-pastable – what’s below, I re-typed myself – pardon any typos).

It’s a longer poem (about 23 pages), which I can’t reproduce in total, but here is the starting canto and a pair of cantos farther along that stood out for me.

An Ordinary Evening In New Haven

                                I
The eye’s plain version is a thing apart,
The vulgate of experience. Of this,
A few words, an and yet, and yet, and yet–

As part of the never-ending meditation,
Part of the question that is a giant himself:
Of what is this house composed if not the sun,

These houses, these difficult objects, dilapidate
Appearances of what appearances,
Words, lines, not meanings, not communications,

Dark things without a double, after all,
Unless a second giant kills the first–
A recent imagining of reality,

Much like a new resemblance of the sun,
Down-pouring, up-springing and inevitable,
A larger poem for a larger audience,

As if the crude collops came together as one,
A mythological form, a festival sphere,
A great bosom, beard and being, alive with age.

                                XVII
The color is almost the color of comedy,
Not quite. It comes to the point and at the point,
It fails. The strength at the centre is serious.

Perhaps instead of failing it rejects
As a serious strength rejects pin-idleness.
A blank underlies the trials of device,

The dominant blank, the unapproachable.
This is the mirror of the high serious:
Blue verdured into a damask’s lofty symbol,

Gold easings and ouncings and fluctuations of thread
And beetling of belts and lights of general stones,
Like blessed beams from out a blessed bush

Or the wasted figurations of the wastes
Of night, time and the imagination,
Saved and beholden, in a robe of rays.

These fitful sayings are, also, tragedy:
The serious reflection is composed
Neither of comic nor tragic but of commonplace.

                                XVIII
It is the window that makes it difficult
To say goody-by to the past and to live and to be
In the present state of things as, say, to paint

In the present state of painting and not the state
Of thirty years ago. It is looking out
Of the window and walking in the street and seeing,

As if the eyes were the present or part of it,
As if the ears heard any shocking sound,
As if life and death were ever physical.

The life and death of this carpenter depend
On a fuchsia in a can–and iridescences
Of petals that will never be realized,

Things not yet true which he perceives through truth,
Or thinks he does, as he perceives the present,
Or thinks he does, a carpenter’s iridescences,

Wooden, the model for astral apprentices,
A city slapped up like a chest of tools,
The eccentric exterior of which the clocks talk.

                                XIX
The moon rose in the mind and each thing there
Picked up its radial aspect in the night,
Prostrate below the singleness of its will.

He writes very philosophically, of course. The poem is about religion and life and death and Jesus (the carpenter). His conclusion, at the end of canto XXXI:

It is not in the premise that reality
Is a solid. It may be a shade that traverses
A dust, a force that traverses a shade.

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Caveat: Trawlers and Fish

There's a political blog called "Stop Me Before I Vote Again." It's one of those leftish blogs (cf. also the libertarianish IOZ) that rants alot about how the Democrats are too far right and that there's some kind of conspiracy (or accidental synergy) between the two main parties in the US that prevents truly leftist agendas from being pursued – that the Democratic Party's leftism is a sort of subterfuge, essentially. I read the blog, occasionally, but the quality of the writing has decreased – or else I just don't get the point – there's really only one writer there that I even find coherent, to be honest.

But one recent post by Mr Coherent (Michael J. Smith – is this a real name or pseudonym?) made a striking and noticeable point about the stridency of right-leaning talk radio in the U.S. A quote (he's talking about the show called "Focus on the Family"):

Focus on The Family is a radio product; that is, it's a commercial enterprise with a political angle. It's a show; everything on it is contrived and scripted. It's a fishing boat, and the "Fundies" — for lack of a better word — are the fish. Some come into the net, of course, and others do not.

Strelnikov [the person being criticized here] has never swum with the fish in question; he knows nothing at all about their lives and feelings and thought processes. What does a trawler tell you about fish, except that they can be caught and sold?

This is a very important point.

"What does a trawler tell you about fish, except that they can be caught and sold?" I'd like to apply the same essentially marxian logic (I'm thinking of how ideologies are deployed to preserve systems, a la Eagleton) to how we think about behemoths like Fox News – these things are not reflecting views, they're designed to draw people in with the views they express, and maybe, incidentally, they cause the "fish" to swim in certain directions they wouldn't, on their own. Let's never forget that the current "far right looniness" in the U.S. is caused mostly by people who realized they could make money off of it. The rational market is going to eventually self destruct, at this rate, it seems to me.

[Daily log: um, no]

Caveat: 똥배

I had fully intended to take advantage of having this Saturday off to travel down to Gwangju, this weekend. I had even declared my intention, which often serves to get me more motivated. But I have lost my motivation, once again, to travel. I have been so not-interested-in-traveling, in recent months – or even longer. The longest trip I’ve taken since moving back to Ilsan over a year ago is to Gangnam, on the south side of the Han River in Seoul. Why am I not into going places?
My journey has felt very interior, lately. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
As far as traveling this specific weekend, to Gwangju… I suppose I’ve been feeling a little bit depressed, and it’s harder to get out and do stuff when in that state of mind, obviously. Foremost, I’ve been depressed about my health: my inability to lose the weight I’ve targetted for losing, my inability to exercise as much as I promise myself I’ll do, a sort of general feeling of poor health. My students don’t help – yesterday I had a grumpy student muttering under his breath about my 똥배 [ttong-bae] – literally, “shit-gut” but basically it’s a low-talking word for what we call beer belly. Students are often unkind.

I’m not as depressed about work as I had been feeling earlier this Spring, but I continue to despise my lack of DRIVE with respect to trying to improve my Korean. Although realistically, I am doing things, I am studying it, I am improving. But it’s so very, very slow. And take, for example, my recent resumption of my custom of posting vocabulary words alongside my blog entries, in my “-Notes for Korean-” (e.g. previous blog post).  It’s pretty discouraging to go back and look at Notes from 4 years ago on this blog and see the exact same vocabulary items …talk about feeling like being on a treadmill.
Anyway, apologies to my various friends in Gwangju for the fact that I never go there to visit. To my other friends and family, apologies for blogging about utterly banal and depressing personal topics (TMI?)- but this blog is also, more and more, a kind of continuing journal of my life and state of mind.

This weekend, I am going to draw some pictures. Maybe.

Caveat: Finance

There is some guy in Russia who was previously convicted of operating a Ponzi scheme during the go-go post-communist 90's (his conviction was originally delayed because he managed to get elected to parliament, which gave him immunity). Now, he's operating a ponzi scheme again – but this time, he's announced that that's what he's doing, thereby perhaps avoiding illegality – seriously, is it illegal to bilk stupid people of their money, if you tell them that's what you're doing? He argues that that makes him no different than a major bank or a casino. See the article, here. It does rather raise ethical issues, and/or connect to what would be the various appropriate liberal/libertarian/conservative stances with regard to it.

Today I had a busy day despite the start of the test prep time – one of the other teachers was absent, and so I covered some extra classes. And I tried to study, some. And I saw Stephen Colbert

-Notes for Korean-
노래하는 분수대 [no-rae-ha-neun bun-su-dae] = the "Singing Fountain" at Ilsan's Lake Park
수위 [su-wi] = janitor
경비원 [gyeong-bi-won] = building watchman, doorman
바닥 [ba-dak] = floor, ground
마루 [ma-ru] = wooden floor
천장 [cheon-jang] = ceiling
칠판 [chil-pan] = blackboard, whiteboard, chalkboard
부엌 [bu-eok] = kitchen
거실 [geo-sil] = living room
전자레인지 [jeon-ja-re-in-ji] = microwave (electric-range)
가스레인지 [ga-seu-re-in-ji] = stovetop (gas-range)
오븐 [o-beun] = oven
커튼 [keo-teun] = curtain(s)
블라인드 [beul-la-in-deu] = blinds
유리장 [yu-ri-jang] = a pane of glass
시계 [si-gye] = clock, watch
벌 [beol] = punishment
체벌 [che-beol] = corporal punishment (observation on usage: Koreans seem to preferentially use this term for what I, personally, prefer to call "hazing" – it's punishment of the body not by hitting or hurting someone, but rather by compelling them to hold positions or engage in actions which cause discomfort to their own bodies, e.g. making students stand with their arms up in the air for extended periods of time, making them hold heavy objects, making them jog or do pushups or that kind of thing – it's basically boot-camp-style discipline; I don't think this really means corporal punishment the way Americans use that term, although the literal meaning is corporal punishment [body-punish])
교실 [gyo-sil] = classroom
식당 [sik-dang] = dining room [also restaurant]
침 [chim] = bed
침실 [chim-sil] = bedroom [bed-room]
의자 [ui-ja] = chair
창문 [chang-mun] = window
문짝 [mun-jjak] = door [one panel of a multi-part door]
문 [mun] = doorway, gate
책상 [chaek-sang] = desk
책장 [chaek-jang] = bookcase (or, the pages in a book)
식탁 [sik-tak] = table
소파 [so-pa] = sofa
(진공)청소기 [(jin-gong)cheong-so-gi] = vacuum [(vacuum) clean-machine)]
드라이기 [deu-ra-i-gi] = dryer (dry-machine)
기계 [gi-gye] = machine
냉장고 [naeng-jang-go] = refrigerator, cooler
식혜 [sik-hye] = Korean rice drink, cf. horchata
생강 [saeng-gang] = ginger
도토리 [do-to-ri] = acorn (powder, flour)
도토리묵 [do-to-ri-muk] = acorn jelly
염원하다 [yeom-won-ha-da] = to want strongly, to long for
호치키스 [ho-chi-ki-seu] = stapler (really, this is a brand name = ~Hotchkiss?)
절대 않다 [jeol-dae anh-da] = (I/you/he/she) never do/es that
절대 안했어요 [jeol-dae an-haess-eo-yo] = (I/you/he/she) never did that
절대 안할 거에요 [jeol-dae an-hal geo-e-yo] = (I/you/he/she) never will do that
뛰어넘다 [ttwi-eo-nam-da] = to hop
열대 [yeol-dae] = tropical (climate)
온대 [on-dae] = temperate (climate)
냉대 [naeng-dae] = arctic  (climate)
아열대 [a-yeol-dae] = subtropical (climate)
야단맛다 [ya-dan-mas-da] = to be scolded
야단치다 [ya-dan-chi-da] = to scold
사랑스러운 눈길로 [sa-rang-seu-reo-un nun-gil-lo] = with a loving gaze
X스럽다 [seu-reop-da] = to feel X about someone else
받아들이다 [bad-a-deur-i-da] = to receive, to get
수용하다 [su-yong-ha-da] = to accept, to receive
수염 [su-yeom] = whiskers
뉘우치다 [nwi-u-chi-da] = to repent a sin
한 [han] = regret (N) [this is one of many homonyms of 한]

[Daily log: walking, 4 km]

Caveat: Ghost Man

What I'm listening to right now.

Bush, "Headful of Ghosts." Lyrics:

I stand around at American weddings
I stand around for family
At my best when I'm terrorist inside
At my best when it's all me

I was there when they took all the people
I was alone in a mental ravine
You breathe life when you break the walls down
You breathe life when you set me free

Where is my head
Where are my bones
Why are my days so far from home?
Where is my head?
Where are my bones?
Can you save me from myself?

Free thinking renegade social
Missed the moon, the man and now
In a slipstream of my possibilities?
I got the boat so we don't drown
These are the days that are split down the middle
No words to calm me down
Be sure that what you dream of
Won't come to hunt you out

Where is my head?
Where are my bones?
Why are my days so far from home?
Ghost man
Where is my head?
Where are my bones?
How come we get so lost?
Ghost man
Where is my head?
Where are my bones?
Can you save me from myself?
Can you save me from myself?

I stand around at American weddings
I stand around for family
At my best when I'm terrorist inside
At my best when it's all me

Ghost man
How come we get so lost?
Ghost man

Where is my head?
Where are my bones?
Why are my days so far from home?
Ghost man
Where is my head?
Where are my bones?
How come we get so lost?
Ghost man
Where is my head?
Where are my bones?
Can you save me from myself?
Can you save me from myself?

I like this song. It makes me think of my years living in L.A. – which were rough years, in some respects. We get nostalgic about even difficult times. I am a ghost man.

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