So it's been a while – I confess, I've been in a bit of a funk. Not inactive, exactly – but not active in the areas where I feel I should be active, maybe. I've been doing job interviews, but my heart is only in half in it, as I mostly yearn for a job for the structure and the discipline, not for the need for employment per se. I've been reading a huge amount – Deleuze on Spinoza, Innerarity's Dialéctica de la modernidad, where he points out that the cynic is just a cartesian or kantian idealist, but defeated. Accurate, I think.
It rained last night – despite my confidence that the rainy season in LA was over. Not sure what's up with that – more and more, southern California seems to be getting these spring / summer monsoon-type weather patterns, like this morning's cloudbursts, which left the air clean and preternaturally clear, with well-shaped clouds of white and cobalt shredding themselves against the rumpled olivegreen mountains. Driving up the 134 toward Pasadena with my window rolled down, the smell of asphalt mingled with honeysuckle and the ozoney reek of recent summer rain reminded me of Mexico City, which reminded me of southern California.
Hey,
This entry is beautiful–your line about the clouds “shredding themselves” against the mountains is inspired! I liked the solipsistic connection between LA and Mexico City as well.
Who’s Innerarity? I like his/her definition of a cynic, but I think it paints cynicism in to negative a light. For a more positive evaluation, I offer my favorite line from Jane Wagner’s THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE (a one-woman show written for Lily Tomlin): “I worry that no matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.”
I can’t remember who gave me that book–perhaps Mary Chittenden? At any rate, it was a really long time ago…
Later!
Bob
Hey, my name mentioned in Jared’s blog again! I see he doesn’t delete _Bob’s_ comments. I don’t think I gave you that book, Bob.