i am off to the hospital this morning, walking in a slow rain the same route that became rote last fall. i will have a ct scan. i feel more nervous about this one than the one in january, because my hypochondria has been in a kind of overdrive lately. i keep wondering if my remission has ended with each twinge of pain or discomfort that i feel. it could just be the nerve damage in my mouth, evolving or adapting or healing, but sometimes the sensations too greatly resemble those i associate with before my diagnosis and surgery.