I ordered some seeds for my greenhouse.
I’m having an attack of low self-confidence with respect to taking on gardening this spring. Perhaps with respect to a lot of things, I don’t know. I’ve been having a hard few days since Andrew left. I think not directly related to his visit, but just feeling very aware of being stuck. I feel often frustrated with Arthur’s frequent obstinate denialism, his refusal to acknowledge any problems (incipient deafness, physical limitations, cognitive limitations), as well as with his frightening temper – with respect to his computer, especially.
And I’m frustrated with my own lack of motivation or determination to just get on with life. Feeling stuck.
Two quotes, unrelated to the above but related to each other:
“Words, as is well known, are the great foes of reality.” – Joseph Conrad
“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” – Rudyard Kipling
I’m unsurprised that you’re feeling stuck. Much of your current life is dependent on the actions of others (Arthur, the schooling authorities, etc.) who are currently impeding the “progress” you desire. Many other central aspects of your life (blog, Internet study, etc.) don’t bring the short-term gratification you are used to from your life in Korea as a teacher.
The joy of the peace and quiet of Alaska has worn off. The daily chores of Alaska mismatch to a large degree with your skill set and personal development goals.
Luckily, awareness of the problem is half the solution. 🙂
If it’s any condolence, I hosted my 90-year old ex-mother-in-law over the weekend to do the cooking and lend her some company as she recovers from a lung infection. As someone who knows her well recently commented when I said I’d visited her for _half an hour_ at the hospital … “Oh, then you listened to _an hour_ of griping.” You can imagine what a whole weekend was like!
We are good people and help out. But at some point our energy wears down and we need to be seemingly egotistical and recharge our batteries. Only if we have energy can we helps others.