Caveat: plus or minus let-sick-people-die

Stephen Colbert, in an episode this past week, was referencing the recent "scandal" (not sure it really was one – there was at least some missing context) involving the Republican candidate's debate during which people seemed to be cheering when Ron Paul suggested that a sick, uninsured person just be left to die rather than be admitted to an emergency room.  So, a few moments later, he was discussing poll numbers, and in place of the regular margin-of-error qualifier, he said, "plus or minus let-sick-people-die."  This was extremely funny.

I'm having a lazy weekend.  I guess that's usual.  So… more later.  I'm reading a good book.

What I'm listening to right now.

Kraak & Smaak remix of "Man of Constant Sorrow." 

Caveat: A Biebsterized Birthday

Dear Everyone,

Who could have imagined I’d spend part of my 46th birthday singing along to a Justin Bieber video with a bunch of Korean sixth-graders? And that that would be, by far, the funnest part?

Ah, but such is life. My coworkers got a cake, which was chocolate, and quite good – although they also ate most of it, too – which was actually good, too, as it would have been unhealthy for me to eat too much of it.

And then there was one of those most excellent of Korean traditions, the envelope of cash – but note that the envelope, in this case, had a hand-made label saying “Happy Birthday JW” in ransom-note style (see picture). I like that kind of attention to detail.

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The Thursday “CC” classes that I have are kind of like noraebang (karaoke room) training – which makes sense: all Korean kids need karaoke training, as one’s ability to do well in noraebang are integral to success later in life.

I tried starting with a music video of a song I like, myself:

OneRepublic, “Good Life.”

It’s a pretty good song, and I like it partly because it was popular on the radio during the week I was driving around New Zealand back in February. So hearing it, and trying to sing along, reminds me of beautiful scenery and road tripping – how can that be bad, right?

But the kids said the song was difficult, and in thinking about it, I’d have to agree. The rhythms are tough, and the sentences in it are long. So then, at their request, we did:

Bruno Mars, “Just the way you are.”

This is an easy song, and I actually had the lyrics down pretty well, myself, by the time we finished practicing it. I got into it, even. It grew on me. The kids seemed to like it pretty well, too.

But in the end, I had to submit to their unceasing demands that we do Justin Bieber. “Jeo-seu-tin Bi-beo!” I can’t say I love Justin Bieber, but I’m happy to make the kids happy, and this, somehow, in some mysterious way, makes 6th graders extremely happy. Such is the impact of a Canadian teen idol and global pop sensation, even on Korean culture. We did his song:

Justin Bieber, “Love Me.”

It’s not a bad song, if not terribly original – I like the chorus’s riff on the 1996 Cardigans’ “Lovefool,” for example.

But really, it was just a regular work day, right? Although I managed to get out of there a little early – not that I did anything resembling celebrating. I came home, did a load of laundry, and read a chapter of a book about Buddhism.

I got a lot of Happy Birthdays on facebook. Thanks everyone! 

Love,

~ Jared

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Caveat: Unreturned Calls

In the past I’ve sometimes used the joking metaphor that I’m in a “relationship” with the Korean Language. Learning (or trying to learn) a language is like that, sometimes.

On Monday (Chuseok day) my friend Peter, an American who had been living and working in Ilsan up until May of last year, returned to Korea for a new teaching job. He visited with me yesterday before going off to his new job, and we took a long walk (about 13 km, in a circle around Ilsan, visiting old haunts and things I guess).

All the walking around, we talked about things, too. One thing that happened was when he made kind of a laconic question to the effect of, “So, has the whole Korean Language thing lost its lustre?” (not exact words, but that was the gist of it).

Without missing a beat, I responded, “Oh, I’m as infatuated with the Korean Language as ever. But she’s not returning my calls. It’s very sad.”

This takes the metaphor to a new level. But it’s pretty accurate. Oh well. I’ve been feeling stuck on a plateau lately, and unable to climb past it.

I didn’t take my camera on the long walk – so no pictures. But here’s a map-plot of the walk, as best I can reconstruct it from memory. The loop was completed with a two-stop ride on the subway #3 line, back home to Juyeop.

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Caveat: Have a Googly Thanksgiving

Today is Korean Thanksgiving (Chuseok). I went on a walk. The city is more shut down than Mexico City on Superbowl Sunday (which, contrary to preconceptions, is the most shut-down I ever saw that city).

Hurry, hurry, everyone. Go to your home town, and propitiate some ancestors.

Maybe you can google them first, and find out what they need – google presented a chuseok-themed googledoodle today.

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Ok, bye. Happy Holiday.

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Caveat: enough of the nineelevenism, already

I have decided to call the obsessive tendency in the media to discuss, memorialize and analyze the events of 9/11 on the anniversary of that event nineelevenism.  I’m seeing way too much of it – on the English language websites I visit, on English language streaming radio I listen to.

I’m sick of it.  I remember that day vividly.  I was working in the office in Burbank. Somebody got some still pictures of it on their computer, and somebody turned on the radio. Then one of the bosses had a television on.  I made an utterly inappropriate joke, very dark-humor, about disgruntled architecture critics – “those buildings were always so ugly.”   Which I believed.  I’ve always felt guilty for having made such an insensitive, inappropriate remark, before having realized the magnitude of the situation. I bear it like a little secret stain, a stolen moment of schadenfreude. Yet…

By the second day, I already saw the over-reaction taking shape. Yes, 3000+ people is a lot. But compared to wars and famines going on around the world at that time…

I wonder what date it was that the number of innocent, civilian lives taken by US / “coalition” forces exceeded the number of those lost on September, 11, 2001? I’m not talking about the lives of those who plotted, who combatted, who terrorized.  I talking only about the collaterals. I’ve read statistcs that, between Iraq and Afghanistan, the number of collateral lives lost is in the hundreds of thousands. That seems plausible… and deeply inappropriate for a supposedly civilized nation to be implicated in.

I am not a pacifist. But this just isn’t the right thing to do. It wasn’t, not at any point.

By the end of the first year, I felt despair. I took to citing Luke 6:27-31 to people ranting on justice and vengeance – not because I am Christian, but because they claim to be.

27 ¶ But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
29 And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.
30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.
31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

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The iconic image above (which I probably shouldn’t reproduce but I can’t resist) had an interesting write up in the Guardian recently. People love to rant about how inappropriate the mood of the photo is – this idyllic late summer scene, the smoke in the background. But this is humanity. Life goes on.

Look for beauty, don’t dwell on suffering. Seeking vengeance will rot your heart long before it destroys any enemy.

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Caveat: Cerulean Skies of Late Summer

pictureI had kind of a hard, depressing day at work yesterday. I had slept badly. I really hate sleeping with the air conditioner running, as it makes the air feel stale in my little apartment (not to mention driving up the electric bill, and setting aside the fact that Koreans would tell me that it’s lethally dangerous – this is a strong cultural belief they hold) – but when I try to sleep with my window open, these horrible swarms of mosquitoes that live in the swampy between-buildings-place under my window invade and chomp on my blood.

So I woke up at around 3 am yesterday morning, chompified, and slammed my window shut and hunted mosquitoes for a while, and then couldn’t get back to sleep. Because of the way the window opens (a sort of angle out tilt-opening window), a screen wouldn’t work even if it tried to have one.

So later I got to work, feeling tired out and under-rested.

I have some new classes, in new formats, because of the “test prep schedule” (see previous blog post).  I wanted to try to prepare for those some more.  Karma hagwon calls them “CC” classes, and I don’t even know what this acronym is supposed to stand for, but they’re meant to be multi-media classes where we watch, listen to and shadow various audio-visual stuff: news presentations, movies, pop-song music videos, etc.

I am of two minds of this type of thing. I think it can be very useful, and the kids get into it, as they do anything audio-visual and computer-based. But Korean classrooms (especially hagwon) have such low standards of technology infrastructure that wrestling with the hardware and software is often much, much more trouble than it’s worth. Very often when teaching at Hongnong, and even more at LinguaForum and LBridge before that, any time I get stuck using technology in a Korean classroom, I soon find myself fantasizing that my next teaching job will involve a dirt-floored classroom with only a blackboard, somewhere in India.

So messing with the technology for this CC class put me in a grumpy mood.

Then, my boss kind of blew up at me over the fact that some mom called and complained that her kid was having too much fun in my class. I’ve written about this many times before – there is a major subclass of Korean parents who believe that if their kids are having fun in hagwon, they’re not learning anything. It’s a difficult demographic to please, obviously, especially given my own methodological predelictions.

There’s never an easy answer to these things, but having him bitch at me about it really ticked me off. He knows how I think about it, and I think at heart, he agrees – I know he does, because that’s why I wanted to work for him. But there’s a lot of pressure on hagwon owners to please the parents, and as a businessman, that’s only logical. So, net result…  we have to figure out how to make little Jinmo a little less happy in his phonics class – give him a little extra homework, yell at him, a little bit. So sad… The parents are our customers, and “the customer is always right,” right?

So if the CC technology made me grumpy, my boss’s little parentally-induced tantrum had me fuming.  Not your typical day at hagwon.  And my “frontloaded” schedule – with no middle-schoolers – meant that I didn’t have any later evening classes to escape into to cheer me up again.  I just sat fuming at my desk, waiting for closing time and trying to do something productive on my debate textbook project (which had been in stasis for most of August). 

But then a middle-school student named Wonjun poked his head into the otherwise vacant staff room, and said, in a quiet, forlorn voice, “Hi teacher.”  Gloomily.  The test-prep classes aren’t much fun, I know.

“Wonjun-a!  What’s up?” I said, with that false cheerfulness I’ve learned so well since becoming a teacher. 

“I miss you,” he said, grinning.

[Picture above – Van Gogh’s “Pont de l’Anglois”]

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Caveat: 시험대비

시험대비 때문에 어제부터 중학생을 가르치고 안 있어요.

Twice each semester, the hagwon shifts into 시험대비 [test prep] mode. For 3 to 4 weeks, the middle-schoolers attend classes intended to help them raise their midterm or final exam scores instead of the regular curriculum. Because these Korean middle school English tests are largely in Korean (yes, that’s the terrible truth of it), as a functionally non-Korean-speaking English teacher I’m not much help to them, so as a result, the schedule gets rearranged, and I teach only the elementary kids for several weeks.

pictureConsidering my ambivalence of a few months ago about returning to the role of middle-school teacher, I actually find myself missing the kids. I guess that’s a good sign.

Yesterday I was teaching a special story-reading class to some intermediate level elementary kids, and I’d somewhat spontaneously decided to use, as a text, Bill Peet’s The Wump World. This was one of my favorite books as a kid, myself, but as we read through the first couple of pages of this story, I realized that Peet actually uses amazingly complex language – he seems to deliberately seek out irregular verbs, unusual hyphenated adjectives, and the like. So I ended up explaing a lot to the kids. Still, I could tell they were getting into the story. At least some of them.

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Caveat: “Then, I would like to continue this class.”

pictureesterday afternoon, in my ET2 (formerly ET1) cohort of 6th graders, for a listening-skills class, we were working through the end of our textbook, where there is a series of practice tests. I have this routine going, where we work through the questions, and for any question where the majority of the class gets the answer wrong, it gets added to the list of the listening questions for which they have to write a “dictation script” in their notebooks, for homework.  If the majority of the class gets the answer right, then the question is left off the list of dictation homework. This leaves the class highly incentivized to try to listen well and get the right answers.

Basically, unless everyone in the class is clueless, they will all come up with the right answer – the questions are mostly in a true-false or a/b/c/d format (such as is universal in tests, I guess).  This is because they have ways of communicating the right answer to each other, as long as at least one of them has it figured out.  This doesn’t bother me. It creates a spirit of teamwork in the class that I like to see.

Anyway, yesterday, we were working through the questions at a good clip, and we had added two dictation scripts (which are unpleasantly long) to the list of homework.  We weren’t able to finish the third question, so at the end of the class, the bell rang (well, not a bell, it’s a little recorded stupid melody that sometimes crops up in my dreams, these days), and so I said, “since we didn’t finish this question, let’s add it to the list of dictation homework, too.”

There were a number of groans, moans, and unhappy shrieks. “But… teacher!  Too much,” one girl complained.

Then a boy named Dong-hun, in perfect English, said, “Then, I would like to continue this class.” 

I laughed so hard at this. I’ve never had a student request – in such a clear, reasonable way – to continue a class beyond the “bell.” 

I answered, “Unfortunately, we cannot.  I have my next class to go to, and so do you.” But, for having shown such stylish initiative and admirable logic,  I removed the third question from the list of homework. I’m such a pushover for a kid with a nerdy sense of humor.

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Caveat: 87) 부처님. 저는시기하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to be envious.”

This is #87 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


85. 부처님 . 저는 화내지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to get angry.”
86. 부처님 . 저는 교만하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be arrogant.”
87. 부처님 . 저는시기하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this eighty-seventh affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be envious.”

picture…Speaking of economics.

But actually, I experienced a moment of envy, this morning, upon learning that my closest friend from graduate school has published a book. It’s an “edition,” such as academics do – in this case, an edition of Balbuena’s “Grandeza mexicana” from 1604.

Envy, I guess, because it was once the sort of future I ambitiously imagined for myself… it seems that I’ve traveled a different road. Regardless, congratulations to my friend, and at some point look forward to reading what she wrote.

The problem with envy is that it’s pernicious – it doesn’t always really feel like a “negative” emotion. How is it different than, say, aspiration? Or is aspiration something to be avoided, too? That’s a possible implication. Desire as the source of suffering, and all that.

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Caveat: Immaterial Economics

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I keep returning to thinking about issues of sustainability, economics, the “stable recession” in Japan, my own interest in things like carrying capacity and density. I ran across a book review in the Guardian of a book I’d like to get ahold of eventually. The review seemed to summarize some of the ideas that have been bouncing around my own mind for a couple years now.

One thing I didn’t really see addressed in the review, however, is the idea that there is a class of goods that don’t rely, quite as directly, on consumption of finite resources: I’m thinking of art and intellectual production. To the extent that we transition to a “knowledge-based economy” (though I hate using such a buzzword), we can continue economic “growth” (in the abstract sense of increasing the amount of money sloshing around, i guess) without necessarily using up “stuff.” Call it an immaterial economics.

What I’m listening to right now.

Joan Baez, “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall.”

Originally this song was by Bob Dylan, and I love Bob Dylan, but it’s Baez’s version that is embedded in my memory from my childhood. Yeah, growing up hippy, and all that. The lyrics.

A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall Lyrics

Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son ?
And where have you been my darling young one ?
I’ve stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains
I’ve walked and I’ve crawled on six crooked highways
I’ve stepped in the middle of seven sad forests
I’ve been out in front of a dozen dead oceans
I’ve been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard
And it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard, and it’s a hard
It’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

Oh, what did you see, my blue eyed son ?
And what did you see, my darling young one ?
I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it
I saw a highway of diamonds with nobody on it
I saw a black branch with blood that kept drippin’
I saw a room full of men with their hammers a-bleedin’
I saw a white ladder all covered with water
I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken
I saw guns and sharp swords in the hands of young children
And it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard, and it’s a hard
It’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

And what did you hear, my blue-eyed son ?
And what did you hear, my darling young one ?
I heard the sound of a thunder, it roared out a warnin’
I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world
I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin’
I heard ten thousand whisperin’ and nobody listenin’
I heard one person starve, I heard many people laughin’
Heard the song of a poet who died in the gutter
Heard the sound of a clown who cried in the alley
And it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

Oh, who did you meet my blue-eyed son ?
Who did you meet, my darling young one ?
I met a young child beside a dead pony
I met a white man who walked a black dog
I met a young woman whose body was burning
I met a young girl, she gave me a rainbow
I met one man who was wounded in love
I met another man who was wounded in hatred
And it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

And what’ll you do now, my blue-eyed son ?
And what’ll you do now my darling young one ?
I’m a-goin’ back out ‘fore the rain starts a-fallin’
I’ll walk to the depths of the deepest black forest
Where the people are a many and their hands are all empty
Where the pellets of poison are flooding their waters
Where the home in the valley meets the damp dirty prison
Where the executioner’s face is always well hidden
Where hunger is ugly, where souls are forgotten
Where black is the color, where none is the number
And I’ll tell and think it and speak it and breathe it
And reflect it from the mountain so all souls can see it
Then I’ll stand on the ocean until I start sinkin’
But I’ll know my songs well before I start singin’
And it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard, and it’s a hard
It’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall.

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Caveat: Kinda Dorky High Nerd

According to the nerdtest.

NerdTests.com says I'm a Uber Cool Nerd King. Click here to take the Nerd Test, get nerdy images and jokes, and write on the nerd forum!

Well, ok. As I’ve always said: “Being a nerd is kind of like being an alcoholic – there is no cure, but you can be in recovery.”

[UPDATE: the old link rotted. So I retook the test. I was promoted from “Kinda Dorky High Nerd” to “Uber Cool Nerd King.” Obviously, my life is progressing well.]

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Caveat: Mixed-Grain Rice Pilaf, Garlic-Rosemary Red Beans, Curried Apple-Onion Chutney

pictureIt being Saturday, I got home from work relatively early. I had been feeling motivated to go do some shopping, but when I stopped by the bank to get cash, I discovered that my ATM card had expired. I guess that’s one of those signs that I’ve been in Korea a long time. I need to go by the bank and get a new card.

So, being low on cash, I did a minor grocery run in the GS Mart instead, and came home.

I had this big pile of apples that have been getting older. As in, beginning to get soft and brown-spotted. Obviously, I’m not eating them fast enough. Feeling some minor inspiration, I decided to make some curried apple-onion chutney. It turned out to be one of those random, no-recipe-in-sight culinary experiments that was utterly successful. I try to keep wine around for cooking even though I don’t drink much alcohol, and I had this intriguing bottle of Korean chardonnay (Korean!), called Mujuang (see picture). I heated the chutney in that, with some lemon juice and lots of spices (tumeric, cumin, clove, cinnamon, red pepper flakes, etc. – a homemade curry powder), just long enough to make the apples and onions tender and to blend in the spices, and then I let it cool.

Then I took some of my already-cooked dark red beans that I keep in fridge (I have no idea what variety they are, in western parlance – they’re just a kind of generic Korean dark red beans, which I cook in a large batch in my rice cooker and keep in a tupperware in the fridge) and I heated them up with a dash of sesame oil, with rosemary and garlic. I scooped some rice out of my cooker into a little pilaf-thingy. I always cook my rice with some 혼합곡 [honhapgok = “medley” (a fifteen-grain medley)] mixed in, about 2 parts rice to 1 part grain medley, to give it more texture and flavor, and that lends it a purplish color.

Here is a picture of my dinner.

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It was a creative and tasty meal – its flavors and textures reminded me a lot of the vegan, Indian-cuisine themed restaurant I used to frequent when I lived in Mexico City in the 1980’s, which is still one of my favorite restaurants of all time.

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Caveat: And so begins a fifth year

At the risk of boring everyone with a third blog post in less than 24 hours, I feel compelled to observe that today is the fourth anniversary of my arrival in Korea. On September 1st, 2007, I landed at Incheon and made my way to Ilsan, where I was met by my new employer, Danny, of the eventually-defunct Tomorrow School, to begin my new teaching career.

I have spent all of the last four years in Korea, with the exception of a three-month, unemployed hiatus back in the US in the fall of 2009, and several shorter vacation trips – two to Australia to visit my mother (with side-junkets to Hong Kong and New Zealand), and one to Japan to resolve a visa issue.

I like Korea, But I’m not really a Koreanophile. Although my linguistico-aesthetic infatuation with the Korean language refuses to go away, I’m actually only lukewarm when it comes to Korean culture in more general terms. It has a lot of shortcomings, and I’m not always happy with it. But… I will attach two caveats to that statement: 1) I think the Korean polity is less dysfunctional that the US polity, and that’s a notable achievement (the current state of the US polity is so depressing as to leave me feeling embarrassed to claim US citizenship); 2) I reached a level of alienated “comfort” with life in Korea that is at least equal to the perpetual alienation I have always felt within my own country and culture.

The consequence of these preceding observations is that, as things stand, I have no interest in (and no current plans for) returning to the US – except perhaps for brief visits. For better or for worse, for now, Korea is my home. If, for whatever reason in the future, my life in Korea has to end, I will seek to continue my expat life elsewhere.

I have changed a great deal in the last four years. I have acquired some confidence as a teacher; I have built some good habits; most notably, I have embraced a sort of meditative buddhist zen (선) atheism that works well for me.  Although I’m hardly content – often lonely, often aimless in a philosophical or “spiritual” sense (as much as I dislike the concept of spirituality) – in fact I have found a kind of inner peace that my life prior to this most recent phase utterly lacked.

So, there you have it.  And so begins a fifth year…

I took the picture below on a long hike in October 2007. It shows some scarecrows in a field of cut rice, across the highway from the former Camp Edwards, in Geumchon, Paju-si (about 7 km northwest of where I live), which incidentally is where I was stationed in 1991, during my time in the US Army as a mechanic and tow truck driver. Thus, you see, my “roots” in Northwest Gyeonggi Province go “way back.”

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Caveat: Progress in Idleness

Life is kind of boring, these days, and I guess I'm OK with that.  I've spent the summer in a kind of workaholic hibernation – while working, I've been working hard and pretty focused, but I'm not actually working that much, at least relative to the kind of hours I used to put in as a database programmer.  So, never exceeding 50 hours per week, certainly, whereas there was the spring of 2006 when I easily put in well over 80 per week.

You'd think, then, that I have lots of free time, still, to do various things.  … pursue various hobbies.  What are my hobbies and pasttimes?  I claim several.  Here is a progress report on my hobbies and pasttimes – I assign points on the basis of how I feel I'm doing in these pursuits relative to how I wish I could be doing, ideally.

1) I blog.  Evidently – you're looking at it.  Progress: seven out of ten points.

2) I write.  Not this blog, I mean, but my novels and stories.  Progress:  one of out ten points.

3) I study Korean.  I really do… not as well or as dedicatedly as could be hoped, though.  Progress:  four out of ten points.

4) I hike (both rural / mountain hiking and "urban" hiking, which is really just exploring-on-foot).  Progress:  two out of ten points.

5) I read.  Books.  Stories.  Texts.  Progress:  six out of ten points.

6) I jog.  I was jogging really well at the first part of summer.  3 or 4 times a week, 3 to 5 km each time.  Then it got rainy.  Then it got hot.  And I got lazy, or something.  Actually, I hate jogging.  But I really need the exercise.  Really, really, really.  Progress:  one out of ten points.

7) I cook.  I like cooking for myself, I like messing around with food in my underequipped "kitchen."  But I don't do it much, even though whenever I do I'm satisfied and pleased with having done so.  Progress:  two out of ten points.

8) I meditate and do "buddhist"-type things.  In an entirely atheistic way, of course.  I have a semi-lapsed zen practice, of sorts.  Progress:  two out of ten points.

So much for progress.

Caveat: una forma de tratar a mi propia vacuidad creativa

pictureSueño despierto

Yo sueño con los ojos
Abiertos, y de día
Y noche siempre sueño.
Y sobre las espumas
Del ancho mar revuelto,
Y por entre las crespas
Arenas del desierto
Y del león pujante,
Monarca de mi pecho,
Montado alegremente
Sobre el sumiso cuello,
Un niño que me llama
Flotando siempre veo!

– José Martí, en Ismaelillo (Nueva York, 1882)

A veces llevo la misma impresión que me ofrece ese poema: la de existir en una clase de sueño despierto por las rutinas de la vida diaria.  Anoche leía a Coleridge, y hoy en la mañana a Martí.

Son cuerpos de obra poética algo relacionados por lo temático onírico.  Pero aunque me encantan los rítmos de e.g. “Cristabel” de Coleridge, su contenido proto-romántico – digamos místico – me es difícil.  Prefiero el contendio martiano, tal vez igualmente místico pero ya plenamente proto-modernista.  Además, los poemas de Ismaelillo, por su fundación en la vida real del poeta – inspirados por su hijo – celebran algo del mundo real.  Es un onirismo cotidiano y realista – una vida de padre amoroso inmigrante en Brooklyn – en lugar de un onirismo evasivo y anti-realista, opiático.

Hace mucho tiempo que me dedico a leer tanta poesía como en estos días.  Tal vez es una forma de tratar a mi propia vacuidad creativa.

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Caveat: fuzzy spam

Today marks a new milestone on my blog:  I have received my first bit of "targetted" spam in my blog comments.  Up to this point, all the spam received in the comments sections on my blog have been what you might call "widecast" – just throwing out advertising for cheap internet shoes or jewelry or other products, willy-nilly, showing zero awareness of my blog's content, potential audience, etc. 

But today I received a spam comment from someone (something) named Jenny, in not-bad Konglish, advertising some kind of cultural event (or coupon club – I can't quite figure it out).  I'm not going to do her (he? it?) the favor or reproducing the comment's web address, but I felt some reluctance simply to delete it from the record without observing its passing.

It feels like a milestone, because, instead of being utterly random spam, it's spam-with-a-target – it obviously was placed by someone (or some program) that had a minimal awareness of my blog's "location" and audience.  We can call it contextualized spam, as oxymoronic as that sounds.

Here is the text of the spam comment, with the original business name cleverly disguised and with the website address expurgated (because I don't want to reward the spammer).

Come and visit SejongBlahblah on Sunday of the last week of the month. You can find many different artist and singers' performances that are free to anyone! Also, SejongBlahblah is currently having 1+1 ticket event for foreigners. You can purchase one package from ten different packages and get one free ticket with your purchase! If you are interested and want to find out more about this event, you can come out website: https://??? SejongBlahblah is a combination of about 30 culture & art organizations including performance halls, museums and art museums located in the walking distance centering around Sejong-no, where Gwanghwamun Square is located.

This is almost relevant.  More so than regular spam, anyway.  It got me to reflecting on the possibility that the boundary between spam and not-spam might be somewhat fluid… somewhat fuzzy.  Which, of course, makes me think of spam sitting too long in a refrigerator:  fuzzy spam.  That reminds me of the Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving) gift I received from my boss at LBridge a few years ago.  A gift set of spam.  Chuseok is fast approaching.

Caveat: Things I’m Not Doing

So anyway, after I got off work yesterday, I did a little whirlwind rare-grocery shopping tour into the city.  I took the subway to Dongdaemun, where I visited my favorite Russian bakery and bought two fresh loaves of the best dark rye bread in Seoul.  Then, having been craving lentils for a while, I decided to go to the somewhat infamous "Foreign Grocery" in Itaewon.  It mostly serves the halal needs of Seoul's muslim community, and I have a sort of love-hate relationship with Itaewon.  On the one hand, it's fascinating – it's Seoul's equivalent of New York City's Canal Street, maybe.  It's the only place I know of in all of Korea where Koreans are frequently a minority in the neighborhood.  There are Russian nightclubs, Indian and Pakistani and Argentine restaurants, a Taco Bell, US military on leave, Nigerian street-vendors.  A real mish-mash.  And as such, it's fascinating.  On the other hand, it's the only place in Korea where I instinctively transfer my wallet to my front pocket.   I'm not sure if that makes me guilty of racism – I suppose it does.  But it's not the foreigners I'm afraid of – it's the shifty Korean element that makes me nervous.  It's like the old "down-range" neighborhoods that can be found outside US military bases, but times 10.

Well, anyway.  I found my lentils.  Product of India.  And and split peas, too.  Product of Indonesia.  Then I hopped back in the subway and was home by 8:30.

I worked on my writing today.  But didnt' make much progress.  Per usual, these days, I know.  I'm allowing myself to feel a little burnt out, at the moment.  But there's work I need to get done, too.  I took a video of my debate-class kids debating, last week, and I need to edit that.  I've been watching episodes of American crime dramas – e.g. The Mentalist.  I really would rather be watching some of the Korean dramas I like, but I really prefer to have subtitles, and the website I've been using to watch the subtitled versions is too unreliable.  I'm feeling annoyed about that.

Caveat: 미쳤어…

I survived Grace’s vacation. My coworker came back from vacation this week, after having been gone for a little over a month. So my 35+ classes per week will end. I put in a few long days this week getting caught up on getting my grades and student performance comments posted to the computer, and as of 9pm this evening, a new tentative schedule is published where I return to a more normal class load.

I feel like I survived the past month with very little stress, comparatively. I kind of approached it “heads-down” and just plowed through, but it helped that there were no major crises, and no serious issues. Things went more or less smoothly.

It’s worth observing that I’ve reached the conclusion that hagwon work, in crisis mode, is equivalent to Hongnong Elementary in normal mode. And Hongnong Elementary in crisis mode, is like… well, it’s like being on the losing side of a major combat simulation. I’m not talking about workload – obviously, there’s no comparison: hagwon work is WORK, Hongnong elementary wasn’t really work. But I’m talking about atmospherics, stressors, incomprehensible dictates from on high, etc.

I felt like I really accomplished something, this week, having completed the increased class load, and getting my July grades posted, and writing out comments on all my students. And then I came home, went on a little jog in the park at 11 pm, and came home and made some tomato and pesto pasta for a late dinner. Yay.

What I’m listening to, right now.

손담비, “미쳤어” [Son Dam Bi – Michyeosseo “crazy”].

The verb michida (conjugated into an informal past tense michyeosseo in this song) is generally translated as “crazy” but I don’t think that’s accurate at all. It means “crazy” so that captures the semantics, but the pragmatics are quite different. “Crazy” in English is quite mild, and can be used positively quite casually: e.g. “Oh, man, that was a crazy fun time.” Etc. But in Korean, you really can’t use the word that way – not in polite company, anyway. It’s not as strong as “fuck,” but I’ve had Koreans react to my use of the word as an American might to an unexpected use of that word. So I almost want to come up with some different kind of translation for the song title. Not sure what to use, though, that would capture the lower social register of the Korean. Maybe something as simple as “Fucked up.”

Here are the lyrics.

pictureyes yes, no no, which way to go,
2008 e to the r i c , let’s go
내가 미쳤어 정말 미쳤어
너무 미워서 떠나버렸어
너무 쉽게 끝난 사랑
다시 돌아오지 않는단걸 알면서도
미쳤어 내가 미쳤어
그땐 미쳐 널 잡지 못했어
나를 떠떠떠떠떠 떠나 버버버버버 버려
그 짧은 추억만을 남겨둔채로 날
후회했어 니가 가버린뒤
난 더 불행해져 네게 버려진뒤
너를 잃고 싶지않아 줄것이 더 많아 나를 떠나지마라
죽도록 사랑했어 너 하나만을
다시는 볼수없단 미친생각에
눈물만 흐르네 술에 취한밤에 오늘은 잠을 이룰수없어
내가 미쳤어 정말 미쳤어
너무 미워서 떠나버렸어
너무 쉽게 끝난 사랑
다시 돌아오지 않는단걸 알면서도
미쳤어 내가 미쳤어
그땐 미쳐 널 잡지 못했어
나를 떠떠떠떠떠 떠나 버버버버버 버려
그 짧은 추억만을 남겨둔채로 날
사랑이 벌써 식어버린건지
이제와 왜 난 후회하는건지
떠나간자리 혼자남은 난 이렇게 내 가슴은 무너지고
죽도록 사랑했어 너 하나만을
다시는 볼수없단 미친생각에
눈물만 흐르네 술에 취한밤에 오늘은 잠을 이룰수없어
내가 미쳤어 정말 미쳤어
너무 미워서 떠나버렸어
너무 쉽게 끝난 사랑 다시 돌아오지 않는단걸 알면서도
미쳤어 내가 미쳤어
그땐 미쳐 널 잡지 못했어
나를 떠떠떠떠떠 떠나 버버버버버 버려
그 짧은 추억만을 남겨둔채로 날
Rap by Eric:
너 의 memories 이런 delete it 매일밤 부르는건 your name 들리니? 몹시 아팠나봐 이젠 시작이란 말조차 난겁나 open up a chapter man i’m afaid of that 전화기를들어 확인해 니 messages, 떠나줬으면 좋겠어, catch me if you can but i’m out of here
내가 미쳤어 정말 미쳤어
너무 미워서 떠나버렸어
너무 쉽게 끝난 사랑 다시 돌아오지 않는단걸 알면서도
미쳤어 내가 미쳤어
그땐 미쳐 널 잡지 못했어
나를 떠떠떠떠떠 떠나 버버버버버 버려
그 짧은 추억만을 남겨둔채로 날

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Caveat: National liberation and other historical paradoxes

Today is Liberation Day in South Korea. It’s the day that Japan surrendered to the Allies, and 35 years of subjugation to Japanese colonialism were brought to a close.  What followed was the division of the peninsula by the victorious powers, and a bifurcated, two-sided neocolonial regime (Soviet and American) that, arguably, persists even today, 20 years after the end of the Cold War.

The North is the world’s only surviving even vaguely Stalinist regime, and the South, despite having shifted to a sort of neolibral democracy (such as it is, and, erm, perhaps not coincidental to the moment in history when the Soviet Union fell), remains the largest “peacetime” host of American troops on foreign soil (i.e. discounting the active war zones in Afghanistan and Iraq).

Despite my cynicism, I continue to believe that South Korea may be the sole genuine success story in America’s highly questionable exercises in “nation building.” I think that this is true, in part, because of the unique geopolitical moment that followed World War II and that the Korean War consolidated – a moment when “democracy” was happily represented around the world by repressive neo-fascist regimes (such as Syngman Rhee and subsequently Park Chung-Hee) – true – but where the lip-service concepts such as freedom were paid would eventually result in an evolution toward more inclusive (if never perfect) political systems.

I think that one reason why the current neoconservative efforts at nation-building (in e.g. Iraq) have been such utter failures is because of the historical myopia that is unable to recognize that “nation building” is, in fact, almost never a democratic enterprise. Democracy can take root in nations, undeniably, but nations are rarely constructed as a result of truly democratic impulses – because true democracies are full of people who are not, in fact, interested in being part of this or that nation.

And don’t try to sell me on some kind of American exceptionalism in this matter – the “American” nation was built by a very narrow demographic of middle-aged and elderly white, male landowners, over and against the objections of all kinds of embedded subjugated peoples (Native Americans, women, Catholic immigrant-laborers, Jewish small-scale merchants, etc.), who were only subsequently, through several centuries of struggle and brutal war (e.g. the Civil War), ideologically homogenized into some degree of inclusion.  Never forget: even now, Obama talks white – and that’s how he got elected.

Nationalism is – as movements such as Nazism (not to mention Teapartism) should make obvious – all about the imposition of some totalizing ideological regime across an inevitably heterogeneous population. It’s only as a retroactive construct that such homogeneous nation-peoples (such as Koreans or Mexicans or even Americans) choose to perceive themselves as such. 

All of which is my way of saying that I have, in fact, come to believe in a certain strain of South Korean exceptionalism, if only in that its relationship to the United States is utterly unique in the history of neocolonialism. There are lots of caveats attached to that, too.

There’s a perhaps-relevant quote, frequently misattributed to Sinclair Lewis (similar to something said by Halford E. Luccock, but probably invented in its misattributed form by journalist Harrison Salisbury).  The recent proto-primarial antics of Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry set me to thinking about it:  “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”

To which I will add: Yay, nationalism!  Oh, and maybe, as a dash of seasoning, the old Samuel Johnson line:  “Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”

Speaking of freedom… What I’m listening to right now.

Kris Kristofferson, “Me and Bobby McGee.”

Kris Kristofferson wrote the song, and this is an early demo version that is currently one of my favorite renditions.   There’s a Willie Nelson cover I like, too. I never actually cared for the famous Janis Joplin version that topped the charts in the early 70’s, for example, and I suspect the version that I grew up on was probably one of the Greatful Dead’s covers of it – I couldn’t find anything that sounded exactly right in surfing around youtube, though.

Here is a view of Ilsan’s Jungang-no [Central Avenue], a block from my apartment at the Juyeop subway entrance. I took the photo earlier, shrouded in drizzle – there are a few limp South Korean flags hanging from light poles. I took a long walk today, but didn’t really do a lot. Trying to find inner peace.

picture

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Caveat: Something Banal About My Day

pictureI had a pretty good day today.  Not any bad classes. The ET kids (just a name for an elementary-age cohort, I’m not trying to imply they’re aliens) are smart and fun, and I bought them cup-o-chicken thingies from the fast-food joint downstairs (they made the menu selection) because they’d all done their homework. The middle-schoolers were all well behaved and engaged – not a single rude or inattentive individual among them, at least today. I felt good about how things went.

And I even went for 3 km jog in the sauna-like evening when I got home, and then had some rice with beans and kimchi. I feel tired now.

That was perhaps surprising – the day didn’t start that well, since I woke up from a rather unpleasant dream in which I was working as a cashier at that hardware store I worked at in the fall of 1985, living in Chicago. Which I guess is typical random sort of dream, except that in the dream, I was unable to figure out how to work the cash register, which made working as a cashier pretty stressful.

Random.

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Caveat: Mitt Lille Land

pictureMaybe a week or two ago, I was surfing the internet looking at news or commentary on the Norwegian disaster. I don’t really have any profundity to contribute, but I ran across this video at some point, and the musical accompaniment has become a new favorite on my mp3 rotation. I’ve always had a thing for songs in languages I don’t understand, I suppose – so the fact that it’s in Norwegian doesn’t bother me at all – Norwegian is one of those languages that’s in the category of “gee I’d really like to study that language someday” – along with about 50 other languages, right?

It’s a haunting tune, and since the bombing in Oslo / massacre at Utoya, has become a sort of informal anthem that Norwegians apparently associate with commemorating the events. The original song is by Ole Paus, and I like his version too – almost better. But here’s Maria Mena’s version, set to video footage from the aftermath of the attacks.

Ole Paus’ version follows below – it’s set to a video made of photo stills from some who-knows-who’s Norwegian vacation – which feels oddly intimate and intrusive to look at, to me – but unfortunately it’s the only full version of the original that I could find. I like its almost vaguely Appalachian sound.

Here are the lyrics. Norwegian is possibly my favorite of the Germanic languages (well, I like Dutch, too, and English has a certain amibivalent popularity in my heart, I must confess – but that may simply be excessive familiarity).

Mitt lille land
Et lite sted, en håndfull fred
slengt ut blant vidder og fjord

Mitt lille land
Der høye fjell står plantet
mellom hus og mennesker og ord
Og der stillhet og drømmer gror
Som et ekko i karrig jord

Mitt lille land
Der havet stryker mildt og mykt
som kjærtegn fra kyst til kyst

Mitt lille land
Der stjerner glir forbi
og blir et landskap når det blir lyst
mens natten står blek og tyst

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Caveat: Plus or Minus

I’m not in fact excited by this new thing out there called google+ (google plus).  It’s not entirely rational.  I use facebook, and in fact, I dislike it.  I’m a perfect profile of an early adopter when it comes to this type of thing.  Yet I don’t want to.  Here’s how I’m thinking about it.

For the last half decade, I have viewed google and how I use it as a rather “professional space.”  I rely on it, utterly, being an expat with only remote access to the servers that host my underlying internet domain names and email addresses.  It’s also where I keep my writing (such as it is – having once lost an entire novel to a hard drive failure), I now keep my writing in google docs as well as on two different hard drives, most of the time.

Meanwhile, my attitude about “social networks” such as facebook is that there is something, at core, deeply “unprofessional” about them.  So in google+ I find my “professional” webspace trying to elbow its way into my “unprofessional” one, and my gut reaction is: “no, these things need to stay separate.”

I don’t ever want to be in a situation where something involving my “social presence” online compromises my ability to access my professional webspace.  You hear horror stories about people getting banned from facebook due to some misunderstood post, which involves some controversial statement or even the behavior of some online “friend.”  I can’t risk losing access to tools such as gmail and google docs, at this point – they are integrated into my current lifestyle too deeply.

I’m not sure if this is entirely rational.  But even as it is, I sometimes dread having some online acquaintance post something embarrassing or inappropriate on my facebook – given it’s a space also accessible to many former bosses and coworkers as well as my current boss (not to mention former and current students!).  People will say, “well, but Jared, you post so much personal and deep and intimate stuff on this blog!  What’s the difference?”  And I will say, only, “that’s a good point.”  But I would differentiate only the following:  I have absolute curatorial control over my blog.  I own it.  I own the server it’s on (well, I rent it – but I control it).  Facebook, on the other hand, says right in its “end user agreement” that they are the ones with curatorial control of your content, and you hear stories about people who put things on facebook and can’t make them disappear or can’t edit them later.  Or about the people who get banned from facebook for some misunderstood post or comment.  More than once, I’ve gone back and changed some past post in this blog, after reconsidering the impact of the kind of impression it might make on some reader or another.

Well, that’s all not that relevant.  I’m feeling like this is a pretty rambling, incoherent attempt at a rant.

All I’m saying is that I don’t feel at all interested in trying google plus, despite despising facebook and yet being utterly “married” to it, at this point – I value its ability to keep me in touch with people.

Unrelatedly, what I’m listening to right now.

K-os, “Hallelujah.” [UPDATE: the following sentence is no longer true. Youtube embed was used, the German one had rotted anyway.] The embedded video is from some German website, since the youtube version was blocked in Korea (grumble annoyance grumble).

picture

picture

Caveat: …for endings, as it is known, are where we begin

Yesterday, yes, a day of ending things. I finished reading a novel: Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore. That’s been an “in progress” book for… almost a year. I finished reading a novella, too: Seo Hajin’s Hong Gildong (in translation; not the medieval Korean novel, nor the modern TV reinterpretation – rather, a modernist novella with a thematically related character). I’m not that good at finishing books, these days, so these are major accomplishments.

pictureLastly, I finished watching the episodes of season 2 of the TV series Pushing Daisies. It’s kind of inconsistent in quality, but it’s by the same guy who created Dead Like Me, which was a very underrated series with some similar themes. Really well written, for the most part, and funny. The narrator, in his concluding words at the close of season 2: “…for endings, as it is known, are where we begin.”

I suppose yesterday was the kind of day where I live up to just how boring my life seems. But I’m OK with it being boring, for now.

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Caveat: 78) 가장 큰 축복이 자비심이라는 것을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다

“I bow with a thankful heart and become aware that the greatest blessing is compassion.”

This is #78 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


76. 자연이 생명 순환의 법칙이라는 것을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.
        “I bow with a thankful heart and become aware that nature follows the law of life cycles.”
77. 자연이 우리들의 스승이라는 것을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.
        “I bow with a thankful heart and become aware that nature is our teacher.”
78. 가장 큰 축복이 자비심이라는 것을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.

I would read this seventy-eighth affirmation as: “I bow with a thankful heart and become aware that the greatest blessing is compassion.”

This seems a little bit cliche, and I have a hard time contextualizing (conceptualizing) “blessing” – that’s a strictly athiest’s handicap, I realize. By “cliche,” perhaps all I mean is that it doesn’t seem very insightful. Also, I may prefer translating 자비심 as “sympathy” or even “empathy” over the word compassion.

The sun is out. It de-motivates me, because it means it will be beastly hot out (since it will do nothing to abate the humidity). I was planning on taking a day trip somewhere, today, but seeing that blue sky and sun makes me think I’m happier with just cuddling up next to my airconditioner. I know that’s a world-fleeing cop-out.  What can I offer in my defense?

I went out to dinner with coworkers after work on Friday, and I think I finally managed to convey to them just how boring a person I really am. I’m not sure if this is a relief, or just depressing.

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Caveat: At least I’m wanted

My student, Dong-uk, drew this portrait of me last night, during class, and presented it to me proudly. The likeness is disturbing.

picture

The text he wrote:

WANTED
Jared Way (AKA 왜저래 [wae-jeo-rae = “what the heck?” but very similar to my name in Korean order – a running gag])
A little bit alchol [hmm really? looks like it, but … not accurate, I swear]
Doesn’t smoke
K a r m a E n g l i s h A c a d e m y
1,000,000,000$

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Caveat: 가르친다는 것은 오직 희망만을 얘기하는 것이다

Each Thursday there is a little staff meeting at work. It’s generally in Korean, so I don’t worry too much about paying attention, as I know that if some point or aspect is important and relevant to me in particular, someone will make sure I’ve understood. Not to mention the fact that the meeting always starts at around 3:30, which is when I actually have a class to go teach.

On the little meeting agendas that the boss makes and hands out, he is fond of putting these little pep-talks or aphorisms or proverbs.  For some reason, I more-or-less understood the one on yesterday’s. It said: “가르친다는 것은 오직 희망만을 얘기하는 것이다.” Roughly, it means: “Teaching is nothing more than talking about [or encouraging] hope.” I thought it was a nice thought.

Yesterday was one of those days when I’m reminded of why I have decided that teaching is the right sort of job for me. It was one of those days when I start grumpy and end happy. It’s the only job I’ve ever had where it often (though, obviously, not always) works that way.

I was feeling really frustrated and down after yesterday, and after sleeping badly, and feeling unhealthy and all that, besides. Not to mention the fact that some charmless woman on the street accidentally wacked me in the face with her umbrella on the way to work.

But then I had 6 hours of good classes.  All strung along in a row.  Each different, but each positive or successful in some small way. Connecting with kids, or having fun, or joking around, or making a point and being taken seriously.

So by the end of the day, I still felt tired, but I felt positive about my work, anyway. My boss asked me if I agreed with his little aphorism, mentioned above. “Well, not completely,” I extemporized.

“You always have to argue,” he joked, shaking his head in false exasperation. It’s a bit of a running gag, I suppose. It’s one way in which I am utterly, characteristically un-Korean, this business of declaring my differing opinion to my coworkers or boss. Korean culture is full of agreement and (verbal) harmony and lip service and (feigned) consensus. The proper Korean answer to his question would be, “Yes, boss.”

A couple of the highlights from the students.

A girl named Eun-sol (who I don’t actually have for a class right now) saw me in the hall between classes and when I said “How are you?” she said, triumphantly, “I’m not hungry.” Normally, this would be a non-sequitur, but with Eun-sol, it made perfect sense, and was funny. Eun-sol is always hungry. And I joke with her about it. So she was reporting a major accomplishment, or life-milestone, in not being hungry. It seems small, but these are the “real communicative moments” that make language-teaching seem interesting, to me.

Later, in another lowish-level class, a we had read a passage about history. Some European war that is utterly contextless and meaningless to these Korean kids, who aren’t even exposed to non-Asian history or social studies in the public school curriculum until sometime in high school. So after talking about it a little bit, I asked what seemed a not-too-difficult question: when was the war? The date was right in the passage, on the page in front of them – one of them was bound to figure it out. But the silence was epic. And it lasted a long time, against further hintings and promptings. Finally a boy named Hyeong-uk tentatively raised his hand. Excitedly, I called on him, and repeated the question, “when was the war?”

“Past,” he answered, deadpan.

pictureI had to laugh, of course. This was brilliant, both in being indisputably correct and yet utterly devoid of useful information. I couldn’t stop chuckling about it, for the rest of the class, in fact. Sometimes when students say exceptionally clever, funny things, I will write them on the board, in a corner, so we can admire them. That’s what I did.

Working in an environment where everyone has a cellphone with a camera, it’s inevitable that students take pictures of you, I suppose. I got this picture (at right) attacthed to a text message the other day. It’s kind of small format – but it’s a montage of four candidish pictures of me taken with a cell phone, and the word “smile” in the middle.

What is this, an homage? Some kid killing time, I guess. I’m glad I make them think of smiling, right?

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Caveat: Ham Rove and Sauron

I was really exhausted after work yesterday. We’re getting a lot of new students, which is a typical part of the hagwon business cycle, since it’s summer vacation and parents are looking for ways to offload their kids – what better way than to enroll them in a hagwon or three?  But anyway… I don’t have much to say. New students are a lot of work, mostly because of the shambolic curriculum, meaning that each new student requires a great deal of photocopying of materials and “catch-up” counselling. One thing I really appreciated at LBridge, in retrospect, was how smoothly incoming students were integrated into the tightly programmed curriculum. Because all the teachers followed the same texts, in the same pattern, on a published (via website) schedule, new students and the intake (front-desk) people could find out where the student should be and what materials they needed before they even came to class. Often, kids would show up for their first class already having done the homework, even.

OK – it’s easy to wax nostalgic for previous experiences – there were things that made LBridge a terrible place to work, too. So each place has its positives and negatives, right? I’m going through one of those inadequate-feeling phases with work, I suppose.

I was watching Colbert, thought this was very funny: he’s interviewing “Ham Rove” – a stand-in for Karl Rove. Note that’s a Sauron figurine behind Ham Rove to the far right. I think Sauron is Obama. Colbert definitely has his funny moments.

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Caveat: Dreaming the Dialectic

I was dreaming…

that I was trying to explain “the dialectic” to someone. I said that it’s like if you are showing how thinking about a story about a girl isn’t really about a girl. I pulled up an image of a girl, a kind of black-and-white, 1950’s photograph of a rather nondescript girl. “This girl looks like… just a girl. But the dialectic is realizing that something else is actually going on,” I explained.

I said to my invisible interlocutor, “It’s about that moment when you wake up.”

And then I woke up. It was perhaps 11 pm. I had fallen asleep with my face in the book – very much not my tendency or habit, these days. I had fallen asleep, while studying.

This was a former character trait of mine; I was reprising it from years ago: it’s from old, academic years. It developed due to the inevitable sleep deprivations of graduate school, perhaps.

The air around me was close and thick and hot – my window was open, but the earlier rain had stopped. The florescent light, on in the apartment directly across the alley from mine, seemed extraordinarily, unnaturally bright.  It was shining rudely out and illuminating all the unmovingness outside with its overconfident yet highly limited repertoire of wavelengths. I listened to the sounds of the city, vague echoes of a woman singing, buses trundling past on the Jungang-no. I lay very still.

And I lay there, breathing a little bit fast, feeling like I was on the edge of understanding. I felt surprised at how I could have just woken myself up from a dream by suggesting, in the dream, that I could reach a moment of understanding at the moment of waking up. Really, it was nothing short of startling myself awake by confronting the concept of waking up.

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The clear image of that story about the girl, from the dream, was falling apart very quickly, like a wet piece of tissue paper.  I’m not sure it was important, though. It didn’t feel important, at all, to what had just happened.  It was arbitrary, I felt myself thinking. I watched myself thinking….

I tried to visualize a slug walking along the edge of a very sharp knife: it just doesn’t work. Not funny. What if it was a fly, landing on that edge – would it… hurt itself? I was momentarily embedded in the digression of a Haruki Murakami novel. I’d been working on digressions earlier in the day – my own writing.  Polishing a few novelistic digressions, like so much antique silverware – wishing they were whales.

I feel like this strange, crystaline moment hasn’t brought me one iota closer to understanding the dialectic; but it was nevertheless a very surprising, lucid dream. It was like an epiphany devoid of epiphanic content. Epiphany for epiphany’s sake.

One might ask, why was I dreaming definitions of the dialectic? The answer is not so obscure… I’d fallen asleep reading a recently purchased book: Valences of the Dialectic, by Fredric Jameson. I’m barely to page 15, in the first chapter, which bears the title, “Three names of the dialectic.”  How about that Diego Rivera on the cover, by the way?

I’ll get back to you if I figure it out. I might not figure it out, though. I’ve not made much progress with feeling comfortable with this essential philosphical tool, over the years. Perhaps I’ve always invested too much in it. Perhaps, with Karl Popper, I am at core uncomfortable with the seeming solution-in-contradiction. But I’m particularly drawn to it as it is so ancient, so inherent – it’s one of the underlying intellectual tools that unifies Eastern and Western philosohpy. It is possibly something innate… even structural, a la Chomsky’s “language faculty.” A dialectical instinct? The insight presented by the dream, if any, is that there exists the possibility of a sort of recursive definition of dialectical practice.

Hmm… recursion as praxis? That’s a whole other post, maybe.

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Caveat: holding up the sky

I needed to get out of the house yesterday. I took a long walk – along a route I took before… some years ago. I took the subway into the city and got off at Oksu, on the north bank of the rain-swollen Han River.  I walked across the bridge into Apgujeong. From there I went to Gangnam, and after stopping at my favorite bookstore, I ended up at GyoDae (University of Education). I walked maybe 7 or 8 km. It was heavily overcast but it wasn’t raining. It was kind of steamy hot. I took a few pictures.

Looking back down the stairs up to the bridge. The subway runs in the median of the bridge, that’s Oksu station on the right.

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I love the view along the river, here. For some reason it makes me think of Italy – maybe it’s the arches along the river bank and the way the buildings climb the hillside.

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The bridge itself, with its embedded subway tracks and industrial feel, is New Yorkish.

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Apgujeong (and all of Gangnam) is a very high-rent area. I would compare it to New York’s Upper East Side, LA’s Westwood/Brentwood.

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But there is still the occasional cardboard-carting ajeossi, blocking the forward progress of honking Mercedeses.

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The view at dusk looking east along Teheranno, one of Gangnam’s main drags, just west of its intersection with Gangnamdaero.

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Here is a rather famous recently-constructed building that even had a write-up in the Economist, if I recall correctly. It’s your basic glass-and-steel box skyscraper, right? But it’s wavy. Wiggly. And there’s a giant sculpture of golden hands, holding up the sky, in front – you could stand under the outstretched hands to shelter from the rain, for example.

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By the time I was headed home on the subway, it was starting to rain again. Just a sort of humid drizzle. I got home and made some tricolor rotini pasta with olives and pesto (I found jars of pre-made pesto at the Orange Mart across the street).

I did a lot of reading today.

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Caveat: My Life as a Zen Zenoist

Miscellany….

“I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.” – Oscar Wilde

I took an online quiz that told me what kind of philosopher I am. It turns out I’m a stoic – I was linked to Zeno of Citium. The modern meaning of “stoic,” by the way, doesn’t really capture the original nature of the tradition. Here is Seneca, perhaps one of the best known exponents of stoicism in its classical incarnation: “As long as you live, keep learning how to live.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Here’s an interesting thought: does my stoic orientation, combined with my sometime pursuit of mahayana meditation, make me a zen zenoist? Or maybe a follower of Zeno is a “zenist”?

Here is a vaguely arty photograph I took in 1983, of the mountains east of Eureka (near Kneeland, I think).

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Caveat: 76) 자연이 생명 순환의 법칙이라는 것을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다

“I bow with a thankful heart and become aware that nature follows the law of life cycles.”

This is #76 out of a series of 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


74. 무지개의 황홀함을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.
        “I bow with a thankful heart and become aware of the ecstacy of rainbows.”
75. 자연에 순응하면 몸과 마음이 편안하다는 것을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.
        “I bow with a thankful heart and become aware of the tranquility of body and mind as they accommodate [the demands of] nature.”
76. 자연이 생명 순환의 법칙이라는 것을 알게되어 감사한 마음으로 절합니다.

I would read this seventy-sixth affirmation as: “I bow with a thankful heart and become aware that nature follows the law of life cycles.”

Once again, I took some liberties in trying to translate this.  There’s no word “follows” in the above – the phrase is, literally, roughly something like “…become aware of [the fact] that nature is a law of life cycle(s).”  The nominalized copula suffix -이라는 것- fulfills the “[the fact] that… is” role, but I think “follows” captures the meaning better in English.  I’m just pleased I was even able to recognize and more or less understand the convoluted use of the copula – this is so common in Korean but I’m still really bad at recognizing what’s going on.

pictureI’ve decided to dedicate my little “holiday” to being eremetic and trying to “study”: study Korean, study my various literary pursuits, study the monkey mind (aka trying to meditate).

My friends and coworkers no doubt would find this a stunningly boring way to spend a holiday, but I am so often a rather unsocial person, and I’ve reached a sort of general acceptance and possibly even comfort level (meaning a most-of-the-time acceptance, and ambivalent comfort level, I suppose) with my mostly solitary nature.

I’m not sure if this “solitary nature” is part of the “nature” referred to above in the affirmation.

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Caveat: Old School

Working at my current hagwon is definitely “old school” Korea, in some ways. I suppose what I mean is that it’s a small business, where the human relationships are what dominate the employer-employee interactions, as opposed to the pseudo-professional character of the big chain hagwon (such as I experienced at LBridge) or the bureaucratic-but-hopefully-benign neglect that seems to reign in public schools (such as I experienced at Hongong Chodeung – minus the benignity).

pictureThis was underscored for me last night. Our hagwon is going to have a short little couple-of-days-vacation (not because it wants to – it’s a new provincial-level regulation that’s being forced on all the hagwon industry, apparently). Curt gave a little speech thanking all the hard work from the teachers and staff (July has been a tough month, the combination of increased class offerings and enrollment due to summer vacation, combined with Grace being on her long vacation meaning we’re short one teacher).

Then he handed out envelopes of cash.

I suppose there might be, um, er, “tax reasons” for handing out envelopes of cash, too – as opposed to simply paying higher salaries. But there’s nothing like two crisp gold-colored bills to make one feel appreciated, eh? The note reads “즐거운 휴가 되세요^^ 감사합니다.” [Have a pleasant holiday^^ Thank you.] Actually, I knew Curt did things like this – I’ve witnessed him doing it before, but had never been on the receiving end of it up until now.

Tangentially, below is a picture from the bathroom window at work. It was raining, and something in the view of all the apartment tower blocks seemed stark yet somehow iconic of life in high-density Ilsan. Remember, although this looks like something an American would call “housing projects,” in Korea this is upper-middle class. Everyone has a car in the underground parking garages. All the kids want to go to Harvard or Oxford or Yonsei or KAIST. One thing that is striking for me, about Ilsan, is that, because it’s one of the “oldest” of the 신도시 [sin-do-si = “New City”], it is lushly populated by large, healthy trees: apartment towers in a forest.

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Caveat: Hace 25 años

I am one of those people who’s a little bit distrustful of facebook. I worry about how it “owns” my social network. It’s partly why I mostly stick to posting and maintaining this blog, instead, where I more explicitly control the content and can curate its exposure to the world.

Having said that, facebook has proved an amazing experience from the standpoint of how it makes possible the renovation of old friendships, the rediscovery of long-lost friends and acquaintances. The other day I got a message and a “friend request” from someone I hadn’t heard from in 25 years – she’d been a good friend of mine when I lived in Mexico City. She’d invited me to meet her family and relatives in El Salvador, too, and I had gone in early September, 1986 – at the height of the civil war there. I remember going through army and guerrilla checkpoints, and the eerie normalcy of helicopter gunships flying overhead and truckloads of armed men racing down the highways.

She’d been a student of mine (although older than me) in my volunteer English class (that I gave at my workplace), but because of our friendship, she ultimately became one of my most important Spanish teachers. Even today, I would say some of the verbal “tics” of my colloquial Spanish have recognizable echoes of her use of the language.

I suppose I’m thinking of this in part because that summer and fall in Mexico City were the point in time when I feel I reached that “critical mass” of linguistic fluency. And it happened so quickly. And my current efforts to learn Korean are clearly hampered in part by the lack of any such parallel “teaching” friendship in my current life’s constellations.

Here is a picture, which I scanned some years ago, showing me and her and some of her relatives on the pier in La Libertad, El Salvador. I am standing a bit off to the side on the left, looking a little bit dazed (which was a frequent expression for me during that strange, immersive, whirlwind trip). I think it’s funny that my hairstyle looks like a Korean pop-star’s or something. Sorry that the picture is pretty poor resolution – it is ancient and scanned.

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