Day: June 1, 2014

Caveat: Half The Man

Banalities & Journaling / Cancer / My Photos

I weighed myself this morning and the number was 69 kg. That’s 152 pounds. I have not weighed this little since my early 20’s.

As I’ve commented before, as a person with a history of both anorexia and obesity (at different times), I cannot deny that I probably have somewhat chosen to go ahead and just let this eating problem turn into a permanent weight loss program. Still… I think there is coming a time when I will have to confront this situation more rationally.

I joked with someone last week that eating, nowadays, is a chore on par with cleaning my toilet. To test this, later this morning after eating a breakfast of ramen noodles (with half the spice removed to make it more bland), I knelt down and cleaned my toilet right then, thinking of this comment specifically.

Sure enough, the toilet was less unpleasant.

So there you have it.

The Jains of India have a tradition called santhara. It is a sort of slow-motion suicide-by-self-starvation – sometimes drawn out up to 12 years. The practice is in line with other ascetic practices of the Jains, whose historical predecessors were likely the ascetics referenced by Gautama Siddhartha when it is said he tried asceticism and failed it, before he ennunciated his “middle path” which became Buddhism. This type of asceticism has a sort of fatal appeal to me, and I feel as if my post-cancer-imposed eating regimen is evolving into a kind of unintentional santhara.

In any event, my peak weight of about 265 pounds isn’t quite cut in half literally, but I’m feeling that way. Half the man I used to be…

For reference, here are two interesting pictures from my archive. One picture is from near my peak weight, from February, 2005, with my friend Bob (he’s on the left) in Utrecht, Netherlands.

Jared2005

The second picture is from 1986, when I was 21, near my current weight, I think (or a little less even, maybe 140 pounds). It is a scan of a picture (it was in poor condition, so sorry for the poor scan) that was taken near La Libertad, El Salvador, in September, 1986.

Jared1986

CaveatDumpTruck Logo

Caveat: listening to people’s talking , scribbling on my notebook, and looking at the sky.

Kids / The Wonders of Work

My student Hyo-geun had me make corrections to a speech she is composing for a competition of some kind. There are some fairly minor stylistic or grammatical issues, but thematically the work is excellent. I think she may very well become the writer she says she wants to be.

Here is a reproduction of the pre-corrected speech she wrote.

Introducing my unique hobbies

Hello, my name is hwang, hyo-geun. Today, I want to introduce about my unique hobbies. To begin with, I will tell you about my simple profiles. I live in Ilsan, Goyang, and I am third grader at Deogi Middle School. Because I am in the third grade, I usually concered about entering high school. So, I relax my body and soul by my hobbies; listening to people's talking , scribbling on my notebook, and looking at the sky.

Firstly, listening to people's talking is my new habit since I moved to this new apartment. Now, I live in fourth floor so I can hear many different sounds which a variety of people are making. When I came home after school, I could hear kids yelling adn laughing each other. Their laughs were full of enjoyment and made me look back over my youth. Not only after school but also at night, especially in summer, many people come outside and talk with their families and friends. Sometimes when I can not sleep, I listen carefully to the outside. Then, I can hear people murmuring. When I am lucky, I can even hear what they're talking about. I like to listen carefully outside in my quiet bed room because it makes me comfortable.

Moreover, my another favorite hobby is scribbling on my notebook or writing down some novels. It is not bad to write down some stuffs in my study room, but I prefer lying down on my bed and scribble to writing in my study room. Anyway, writing is a good activity to get rid of stress or to kill time when I am bored. When I write some novels, I can feel the hundreds of feelings. I usually make these feelings get calm naturally. On the whole, I want to feel many feelings in the world so that I can easily sympathize with a person. When it become easy to appeal to someone's emotion, I want to be a writer.

Lastly, I really love to look at the sky in my bed. Especially, in autumn, the sky is blue and high, so I think it is so beautiful. Thus, when I lay in my bed, listen to my favorite music, I can feel my mind become peaceful. If I had more time, I would take a nap under the sunlight. the sky is beautiful at night too. Even though other apartments block the sight, I can still see the moon and the shining stars.

So to speak, I introduced about my unique hobbies. To outline the main points, I love looking at the people who are talking, scribbling or writing novels, and looking at the sky in my bed. These hobbies make me calm and peaceful, so I love them. I wish it could be a useful information for you to understand about me. Thank you for listening.

[daily log: walking, 1 km]

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