[This is a “back-post”; it is a work-in-progress, so it may change partially or completely, with materials added or taken away, over the next several days or weeks. This is “day 10(b)” of my stay at the Vipassana Meditation retreat. For general comments and summary, see “day 11.”]
The strict rule of silence ended, and I felt a feeling of relief, sadness, and frustration. Relief, because I was feeling fed up with the program. “Done.” Sadness, because I was, nevertheless, getting a lot out of it, and enjoying the focused, disciplined detail of the moment-to-moment. Frustration, because I had hoped I would have liked the program more… that I might have gotten more out of it.
Overall, however, I felt a sort of joyful equanimity. Not, perhaps, the sort of equanimity that Goenka would approve of: I was joyful to be IN the world, living it it, experience its beauty and complexity. No non-attachment, for me. I guess maybe I still don’t “get it” ?
There was this bench that I would like to spend time visiting briefly, during the short breaks between meditation sessions. It was right outside the “men’s entrance” of the meditation hall. I would go out and lie down on it, looking up at the sky through the branches of the tree. Night sky, with clouds and distant Chicagoglow, or with stars, or day sky, cloudy, or blue. But always quite cold. The warmest things got during the retreat was maybe low 30’s F.
I lay down on the bench and looked up at the tree. Snowflakes landing on my face.
Here is a picture of the bench [taken after I got my stuff back on day 11].
Here is a picture looking up at the tree [taken after I got my stuff back on day 11].
