Caveat: Five Rememberances

The "Five Rememberances" are from the Upajjhatthana Sutta (part of the Pali Canon [Buddhist scriptures])

I am of the nature to grow old.
There is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health.
There is no way to escape having ill health.

I am of the nature to die.
There is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love,
Are of the nature to change.

There is no way to escape,
Being separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings.
I cannot escape,
The consequences of my actions.
My actions are the ground on which I stand.

The word "actions" in this translation is kamma (karma) in the original. I much prefer thinking of karma as "action" rather than as destiny or fate. Karma is simply the things you do that have consequences.

Here's a picture I took last fall, of 법륜사, looking up under the eaves of a temple building.

Chuseokday 058

Caveat: 님의 침묵(沈默)

님의 침묵(沈默)

님은 갔습니다. 아아 사랑하는 나의 님은 갔습니다.

푸른 산빛을 깨치고 단풍나무 숲을 향하여 난 작은 길을 걸어서
차마 떨치고 갔습니다.

황금의 꽃같이 굳고 빛나던 옛 맹서는
차디찬 티끌이 되어서 한숨의 미풍에 날아갔습니다.

날카로운 첫 키스의 추억은 나의 운명의 지침(指針)을 돌려 놓고
뒷걸음쳐서 사라졌습니다.

나는 향기로운 님의 말소리에 귀먹고
꽃다운 님의 얼굴에 눈멀었습니다.

사랑도 사람의 일이라 만날 때에 미리
떠날 것을 염려하고 경계하지 아니한 것은 아니지만,
이별은 뜻밖의 일이 되고 놀란 가슴은 새로운 슬픔에 터집니다.

그러나 이별은 쓸데없는 눈물의 원천을 만들고 마는 것은
스스로 사랑을 깨치는 것인 줄 아는 까닭에,
걷잡을 수 없는 슬픔의 힘을 옮겨서
새 희망의 정수박이에 들어부었습니다.

우리는 만날 때에 떠날 것을 염려하는 것과 같이
떠날 때에 다시 만날 것을 믿습니다.

아아 님은 갔지마는 나는 님을 보내지 아니하였습니다.
제 곡조를 못 이기는 사랑의 노래는 님의 침묵을 휩싸고 돕니다.

– 1926, 한용운 (韓龍雲)


220px-Korean_poet-Han_Yong-un-01This is one of the most famous poems in modern Korean. I ran across a reference to it in my ongoing history-book reading, and decided to pursue it.

Han Yong-un was a Buddhist monk and independence leader, also involved in the March 1st movement of 1919 (I think). His pen-name was Manhae (萬海). Poetry is always hard to translate – I wouldn't dream of trying to translate this – I can barely understand it, in Korean.

I found three quite different translations. One unattributed translation I found here. I found another unattributed translation here. There is a third, quite formal reading, that emphasizes the religious dimension of the poem, at the English wikipedia entry about the poet.

I prefer the first of the translations I ran across. Note that the "you" of the poem might be a lover, or the Buddha, or Korea – or all three mixed together.

YOUR SILENCE

You have gone. Ah, my love, you have gone.
Shattering the green brilliance of the mountain, hard as it might
      be, cutting off all ties, gone along the narrow path that opens
out to the maple grove.
The old vows, firm and splendid as flowers of golden metal,
      have turned to dust and flown odd in the breath of a sigh.
The memory of a sharp first kiss reversed the compass needle
      of my fate, stepped backward and faded.
I was deafened by your perfumed sounds and blinded by your
      flower-like face.
Love too is man's lot; even though we have prepared with fear of
      parting at meeting, parting comes upon us unawares and the
startled heart bursts with a fresh sorrow.
However, since I know that to make parting the font of needless
      tears is to shatter love, I have transferred the irresistible power
of sadness and poured it over my brow to quench the old ill
with fresh hope.
Just as we fear parting when we meet, we believe we will meet
      again when we part.
Ah, even though you are gone I have never said good-bye.
The sad melody of my song of love curls around your silence.

[Update
2013-04-20: A recent commenter (see also the comments section, below) found both
attributions. The first link appears to be broken now, but my commenter points
out that the first translation is by Sammy Solberg, and appears in the Columbia Anthology of Modern Korean Poetry. The second translation is apparently by Jaihiun J. Kim.
]

Caveat: As Does Rain Or Snow

“Virtues are the fruit of self-discipline and do not drop from heaven as does rain or snow.” – from a Zen saying, supposedly.
Although I’m sort of a Buddhist, I find this conceptualization of virtue distasteful, for some reason. I should think that for a well-practicing Buddhist, virtue would indeed come as rain or snow … to those who can reach a state of mindfulness.
Or…  perhaps it’s just the term “virtue” that I specifically feel uncomfortable with – I don’t like what I term the “purity-narrative” aspect of Buddhism (or of any other religious/philosophical tradition, for that matter – they’ve all got them).
Another unattributed Buddha-quote, that I prefer: “A man asked Buddha “I want happiness.” Buddha said, “First remove ‘I’ – that’s ego. Then remove ‘want’ – that’s desire. See, now you are left with only ‘happiness.'”

Caveat: You Already Are

Last night, Ken, Curt and I were having a kind of light-hearted discussion of life-goals. Curt was going to get a fancy house and have a successful business – but I already knew that. Ken was going to become a billionaire entrepreneur. I know he likes to think big, too, though I have my skepticisms. I really get tired of most people's obsession with making money as the measure of success (and to be clear, I don't view it as a necessarily Korean fault – other cultures are just as bad, including my own). Just the other day, in surveying a debate class about the question, "Money is the most important thing," I got all PROs and zero CONs. The money-obsession is everywhere.

I try to take it in stride, however, and stay light-hearted about it.

In a joking tone (but with utter sincerity lurking just below the surface) I said, "I want to become a Buddhist monk." Without pause, and in unison (but without consulting one another even in a glance), Curt and Ken both said, "You already are."

This was interesting. On the one hand, it shows that my inclinations are pretty transparent. But it also led me to think another thing: if I already am, I don't really need to plan on that, do I?

Caveat: This

What is This?

Mud-ox from the bottom of the ocean running away, holding the moon in his mouth;
Stone-tiger in front of boulder is sleeping, holding a baby in his arm;

Iron-snake is passing through Diamond-ball;
Mount-Sumeru riding on elephant's back, being pulled by the sparrow.

– Shin, Myo Vong, Cookies of Zen, p 175.

Caveat: karma w/ odd icons

KarmaThis image (at right)  was shared by a friend of mine in facebookland, and I "liked" it there, but it's grown on me, so I decided to curate it here, too.

The concept is awesome, if somewhat simple. I don't really like the "cleanse" metaphor – it is part of what I call the "purity ideology" that I view as damaging to human mental health. But I like the individual suggestions.

It's the icons that have grown on me.  My aunt Janet said they were odd. I agree. But they're also interesting. They're thought-provoking. A cloud for greatfulness? The heart for love is simple enough, I guess. But lightning for checking motives? How's that work? What's it mean? And a price-tag for attitude? Priceless! Uh… maybe.

The best is an umbrella for "forgive." How perfect is that?

Now when I open my umbrella, I'll think of forgiveness.

Caveat: Suffering That is Familiar

"People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." – Thich Nhat Hanh

This seems to me to be a definition for depression. I just found it interesting – not sure that I mean to go anywhere with is.

Work has been sucking up my energy, once again. Getting back into the routine is hard, and I'm feeling some post-travel existential restlessness that saps my motivation.

Caveat: the natural state of being

I ran across the quote below, surfing some Buddhist site that I failed to record the URL. On the one hand, I like the quote. But on the other hand, there's a certain hypocritical self-referentiality – he's guilty of what he criticizes, since he draws attention to his own enlightenment, and his very effort to explain that enlightenment is not special grants it a certain privileged or special status. It's a difficult path to navigate.

Do not think that enlightenment is going to make you special, it’s not. If you feel special in any way, then enlightenment has not occurred. I meet a lot of people who think they are enlightened and awake simply because they have had a very moving spiritual experience. They wear their enlightenment on their sleeve like a badge of honor. They sit among friends and talk about how awake they are while sipping coffee at a cafe. The funny thing about enlightenment is that when it is authentic, there is no one to claim it. Enlightenment is very ordinary; it is nothing special.

Rather than making you more special, it is going to make you less special. It plants you right in the center of a wonderful humility and innocence. Everyone else may or may not call you enlightened, but when you are enlightened, the many concepts of enlightenment is a big joke. I use the word enlightenment all the time; not to point you toward it but to point you beyond it. Do not get stuck in the idea of enlightenment.

Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It's seeing through the facade of pretence. It's the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.

Enlightenment is, in the end, nothing more than the natural state of being.
    - Adyashanti (Zen teacher Steven Gray)

– notes for Korean –
승가(僧迦) = sangha (संघ, saṃgha) (buddhist intentional community)
업보(業報) = karma (retribution or effects from previous life)

Caveat: Mormonism, Community, Belief

Mormonism is in the news a lot, lately – because of Mitt Romney. I have a strange fascination or attraction to Mormonism, for a constellation of reasons, not just one.

Foremost, my parents had no idea when they picked an obscure Old Testament patriarch's name for me at my birth, that they would be setting me up for decades of being mistakenly taken for a Mormon. You see, although "Jared" is only an obscure Old Testament Patriarch, it's also a book in the Book of Mormon, and there are Jaredites in the book of Mormon, and Jared is a very, very common and typical Mormon name.

Starting in the fifth or sixth grade, I remember constantly being assumed to be Mormon – by neighbors, peers, teachers. Partly, it was because there was a relatively high proportion of Mormons in my home town – I suspect the percentage may have been as high as 10% of the local population. Further, I grew up in a house basically across the street from the Arcata Ward meetinghouse, with its brick facade (uncommon in rural northern California) and crossless spire and immense parking lots (because Mormons seem prosperous and they all have cars). I played at the Mormon church throughout my childhood.

Even the Mormons seemed to think I was Mormon. They probably suspected I was somehow lapsed, or rather that my parents were lapsed. And thus I always was in for special evangelical attention. So by the time I graduated high school, I'd received maybe a half-dozen copies of the Book of Mormon, and, what's more, I'd actually read it – because I'm a curious person and it struck me as the fair thing to do. I read the Book of Mormon before I read the Old or New Testaments, given my parents were not practicing Christians and never exposed me to the Bible except that it sat there on the shelf in our living room. I was a senior in high school when I found out my mother wasn't an atheist – I'd just assumed she was. And my father… I still don't know what he believes. He maybe doesn't, himself. He seems to be a Unitarian mostly out of habit, at this point.

My impression of the Book of Mormon was that it was patently absurd. I remember long conversations with one of my best friends in high school, Wade, about Mormonism, faith, the existence of God. He was Mormon, but an odd one – he was rather abandoned by his natural parents, but somehow some Mormons had taken him in and he was therefore kind of an adoptive Mormon. Mormons do this a lot, actually.

And that's the flipside of my finding the Book absurd – I found most Mormons I met to be profoundly kind, decent, caring people. I was very impressed by that.

Recently, I found online an interesting little memoir by Walter Kirn at The New Republic. It was one of the most rivetting religiously-themed memoirs I've read recently. Because what he's doing is – from a position as a lapsed Mormon – he's pointing out that Mormons aren't that "weird." They're really quite remarkable, and not just in cultish ways, but in the most positive way immaginable. He writes: "Mormonism is more than a ceremonial endeavor; it constitutes our country's longest experiment with communitarian idealism, promoting an ethic of frontier-era burden-sharing that has been lost in contemporary America, with increasingly dire social consequences."

This concept of religion as being about not doctrine but community made a profound impression on me. And it was utterly lacking in my own upbringing and life. I was fishing around for something. In college, I began to solve this problem by groping around for my own religous roots – my father was a non-practicing Quaker and my mother's mother had converted from Quakerism to a rather Calvinistic Episcopalianism primarily out of deference to her husband. So, I argued to myself, I was three-quarters Quaker. My increasing political radicalism also drew me to Quakerism, of course, and I occasionally attended meeting for worship.

And then, a series of coincidences put me in the center of an essentially religious community in Mexico City – the Casa de los Amigos, which was the Quaker mission  there, where my own uncle (my father's brother) had worked several decades before. I became a practicing Quaker.

Nevertheless, I struggled. Because the fact was that I found the more conventional Christian narrative that most Quakers hold to to be just as absurd as the more esoteric Book of Mormon. I was then as I remain, today, an uncompromising materialist, philosophically, and an atheist and skeptic, though it would be another decade before I "made peace" with my atheism.

I still tried. I told myself I would overlook the mythological or cosmological absurdities, and focus on the community. And here, I find Kirn's memoir reflecting a very similar process. Speaking of his own youthful enthusiasm for his Mormon faith, he says, "My time in the ward had shown me at close range that God doesn’t work in mysterious ways at all, but by enlisting assistants on the ground." This is nigh identical to how I viewed my time among the Quakers in Mexico City. I thought it mildly ridiculous, talking about the light of Christ speaking through me, as I sat in meeting. It wasn't what I believed. But I thought just like Kirn:

The “sacred underwear”? It was underwear. Everyone wears it, so why not make it sacred? Why not make everything sacred? It is, in some ways. And most sacred of all are people, not wondrous stories, whose job is to help people feel their sacredness. Sometimes the stories don’t work, or they stop working. Forget about them; find others. Revise. Refocus. A church is the people in it, and their errors. The errors they make while striving to get things right.

OK. Where am I going with this, now?

Two points, the first about politics, and the second about myself and my faith.

I dislike Romney intensely. But not because he's a Mormon. On the contrary, if Romney were a "good" Mormon I'd be deeply impressed by him. In fact, I despise him mostly because he seems to be a pretty crappy Mormon: he's a hypocrite. He changes and adjusts his "faith" to match his political and business ambitions. The evidence is incontrovertible. Hypocrisy is a thousand times more reprehensible, in my book, than sincere belief in absurdities leading to genuine kindness and peace of mind. Ultimately, as Obama is revealed to be a similar sort of hypocrite, I am forced to say I will not be able to vote for either of them.

On a personal note: at some point, I began telling people I was a Buddhist. Not because I believe the particular Buddhist absurdities over and above those Christian or Mormon or Muslim absurdities, but rather because Buddhists have a tendency to react differently to my skepticism: when I tell a Buddhist that I'm an atheist, they say, "that's ok," and not, "Oh no, you're going to hell!" as a typical Christian tends to do. Which is to say, Buddhists don't make a big deal over compliance with doctrine, and they do this explicitly – rather than the sort of behind-the-curtain winking of Quakers for the materialists among them, or the hippy-dippy believe-what-you-want-it's-all-true of the Unitarians (which frankly always turned me off). Buddhists don't say "it's all true" but instead that "truth is impossible to determine." That's something I can get on board with. But I retain a deep respect for committed, non-hypocritical members of all faiths, including the "strange" ones, such as Mormonism or Scientology or whatever.

And that… is perhaps as close as you're going to ever get from me, as a statement of faith.

Caveat: What We Think

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become." – Gautama Siddharta (563-483 BC).

Caveat: pereat mundus, fiat philosophia, fiat philosophus, fiam!

I have been re-reading Nietzsche's Geneology of Morals. I first read it maybe two decades ago in Spanish, but I consider it a very important work, for me. So I go back to it occasionally.

In his third essay, he writes about the ascetic ideal. I have felt the wierdly unascetic yearning to find this idea. I recognize the hypocrisy of it, as with most "[broken link! FIXME] purity narratives" as I like to call [broken link! FIXME] them. Here, Nietzsche rejects (or seems to be on the path to rejecting) Buddha's ascetic idea, specifically.

NietzscheEvery philosopher would say, as Buddha said, when the birth of a son was announced to him: "Rahoula has been born to me, a fetter has been forged for me" (Rahoula means here "a little demon"); there must come an hour of reflection to every "free spirit" (granted that he has had previously an hour of thoughtlessness), just as one came once to the same Buddha: "Narrowly cramped," he reflected, "is life in the house; it is a place of uncleanness; freedom is found in leaving the house." Because he thought like this, he left the house. So many bridges to independence are shown in the ascetic ideal, that the philosopher cannot refrain from exultation and clapping of hands when he hears the history of all those resolute ones, who on one day uttered a nay to all servitude and went into some desert; even granting that they were only strong asses, and the absolute opposite of strong minds. What, then, does the ascetic ideal mean in a philosopher? This is my answer—it will have been guessed long ago: when he sees this ideal the philosopher smiles because he sees therein an optimum of the conditions of the highest and boldest intellectuality; he does not thereby deny '"existence," he rather affirms thereby his existence and only his existence, and this perhaps to the point of not being far off the blasphemous wish, pereat mundus, fiat philosophia, fiat philosophus, fiam!

At the opening sentence of the next section (section 8), he makes his point explicitly. "These philosophers, you see, are by no means uncorrupted witnesses and judges of the value of the ascetic ideal."

Indeed. These philosophers are, in fact, coopted by the purity meme. What's the [broken link! FIXME] alternative?

What I'm listening to right now.

Röyksopp, "Vision One."

Caveat: Where

This is so close to exactly where I am, right now, in my own putatively "spiritual" journey.

"…if you read the chapter on atheism, I call it ironic atheism. I think the Buddha was not a devout atheist. The Buddha simply did not have any time for the very concept or the language of God, and he dismissed it, really, as just yet another example of how human beings can dream up of all sorts of things, and he put it to one side. So Buddhism is atheistic in the sense that it simply it doesn’t have recourse to God language, but it’s not atheistic in the sense that it has as a central doctrine the denial of God." – Stephen Batchelor, a Buddhist scholar being interviewed for a website called buddhistgeeks.

I know atheism makes most people very uncomfortable. Unless asked directly, I don't bring it up. I have no interest whatsoever in confronting other people's faiths. It serves no purpose at all. But my "faith-based" atheism is pretty strong – it's taken shape and survived for 10 years. I do believe strongly that it is by our acts that we define our moral character, and not by what we believe or fail to believe.

Caveat: Epiphania Berzerk

I was walking to work today, and feeling stressed. And a pair of tracks from Apoptygma Berzerk came through my mp3 player, and I had an epiphanic moment.

Those Apoptygma Berzerk tunes were part of my "crisis soundtrack" during the difficult fall of 2008, when I was working at LBridge and hating my decision to be in Korea, hating my job, just generally really stressing out. And during that time, I made some decisions about how I would organize my life and prioritize things and indentify what was important, which I began slowly to implement. Today, I realized I'd mostly carried through with those "promises to myself" – not in terms of goals so much as in the manner in which I would live my life.

The fact is, my job is very nearly the least stressful job I've ever had. Not because it's inherently unstressful, but because I've made it that way.

"But why is it, then," I asked myself, "that I'm feeling so stressed lately?"

The job has nothing to do with my stress. And unlike in Yeonggwang last year, the auxiliaries of the job – housing, location, social context – those things aren't stressing me, either. Those things are much more stable here in Ilsan, and most definitely much more under my control. I would hazard to guess that if I had to look at things carefully, my job is actually a net stress reducer. The kids (except for certain ones who must remain unnamed, here) wash away my stress and make me feel happy.

So, then. Where is this stress coming from? I can know, easily enough (and what a Konglishy turn of phrase that is, yet it comes so naturally to me, now). That was my breakthrough, today.

I'm making this stress for myself. It's about those personal goals, personal self-perceptions, and how those aren't working out for me.

I have set goals such as "learn Korean," that I can't seem to do. I feel unhealthy, and rather than work harder or make behavioral changes to get healthier, I stress out over how I'm unhealthy. I even beat myself up for not meditating. As if… as if getting angry over not meditating would bring me closer to inner peace, right?

I've got all of these stressors in my life, but they're not from my job, for the most part. They're traps of my own devising.

This is only a breakthrough in the sense that I thought it all through from start to end today, with a high degree of clarity (not to mention a dose or two of ironic self-honesty). I've not been unaware of these things. And… to announce here that I've "figured it out" is only another invitation to stress out later when it doesn't lead to some improved lifestyle change, I suppose. But This Here Blog Thingy (the runner-up title for Caveatdumptruck – jus' sayin') is nothing if not a place where I can unlaconically overshare my personal mental hygiene activities. So there.

What I'm listening to right now.

Apoptygma Berzerk, "In This Together."

Caveat: Is this how it works?

A zen parable:

One day the Master announced that a young monk had reached an advanced state of enlightenment The news caused some stir. Some of the monks went to see the young monk.

"We heard you are enlightened. Is that true?" they asked.

"It is," he replied.

"And how do you feel?"

"As miserable as ever," said the monk.

Caveat: 108) 부처님. 오늘 지은이 인연 아낌없이 시방 법계에 회향하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and turn today to the realm of Buddha now in generosity and kindness.”
This is the last of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I have been attempting to translate. I started, almost accidentally, in September of 2010, and now I’ve reached the last one.  I can’t guarantee the results, as I don’t really know Korean very well, but it’s been nice to try.


106. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 선지 식을 만날 수 있기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray to be able to find the ways of the prophets.”
107. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 부처님이 오시기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray that Buddha comes into the world.”
108. 부처님. 오늘 지은이 인연 아낌없이 시방 법계에 회향하며 절합니다.

I would read this one hundred eighth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and turn today to the realm of Buddha now in generosity and kindness.”
This was difficult.  I didn’t know what to do with “인연” (probably “karma” in this context) – so I ignored it as a gratuitous extra noun.  There was nothing for it to “attach to,” grammatically.  I had all these adverbs (“in kindness,” “in generosity,” “today,” “now”) but no verbs to attach to.
So I finish with the same doubts and ambivalences as I started with. As I’ve said in other places in this blog, I’m feeling very discouraged about my progress in learning Korean. I’m not doing very well with it. Having these little translations to turn to over the last year has been a good way to recover some focus on this project, so I’m going to miss it.  I’m fishing around for a replacement project, but so far I haven’t come up with anything.
“We are here on Earth to fart around. Don’t let anybody tell you any different.” – Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country, 2005.

Caveat: 107) 부처님. 저는이 세상에 부처님이 오시기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray that Buddha comes into the world.”
This is #107 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


105. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 수행하는 마음이 물러나지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to withdraw from a functioning mind.”
106. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 선지 식을 만날 수 있기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray to be able to find the ways of the prophets.”
107. 부처님. 저는이 세상에 부처님이 오시기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this one hundred seventh affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray that Buddha comes into the world.”
What I’m listening to right now.

정재은, “당신과 둘이라면.”  This is a genre of music called 트로트 [teuroteu “trot”] and it is the Korean cultural equivalent of country-western music in the US, or maybe norteño music in Mexico.  Basically, the genre consists of Korean folk-songs and love ballads, with cheesy 70’s-style backing music.  Also please pardon the cheesy Korean historical-drama screenshot on the youtube I found with the song.

Caveat: 106) 부처님. 저는 선지 식을 만날 수 있기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to be able to find the ways of the prophets.”
This is #106 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


104. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 반야 지혜가 자라기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray to grow in wisdom.”
105. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 수행하는 마음이 물러나지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to withdraw from a functioning mind.”
106. 부처님. 저는 선지 식을 만날 수 있기를 발원하며 절합니다.

ImagesI would read this one hundred sixth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to be able to find the ways of the prophets.”
I’m not sure about “ways of the prophets” for “선지 식” – but just “the prophets” made me uncomfortable. “식” means “ceremony” or “rite.”  I decided to make it “ways.”
I have two affirmations left.  [broken link! FIXME] Raggedsign day is approaching. I think I will make my last post on that anniversary.  Another finishing, another beginning. Year 13 of my life as ghost-in-the-world draws to a close.

[Picture: [broken link! FIXME] Saul on the road to Damascus]

Caveat: 104) 부처님. 저는 반야 지혜가 자라기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to grow in wisdom.”
This is #104 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


100. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 전쟁이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be at war with the world.” 
101. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 가난이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
          “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be destitute in the world.” 
102. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 질병이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to suffer sickness in the world.”
103. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 보살행을 실천하며 살아가기를 발원하며 절합니다.
            “Buddha. I bow and pray to live and practice toward becoming a bodhisattva.”
104. 부처님. 저는 반야 지혜가 자라기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this one hundred fourth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to grow in wisdom.”
I have no idea what “반야” is – is it a verb with a “-야” ending, or a noun that I can’t find in the dictionary?  The only dictionary meaning found was “midnight” which makes no sense.  I basically ignored it in the above effort at translation.
Robot 005
 

Caveat: 103) 부처님. 저는 보살행을 실천하며 살아가기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to live and practice toward becoming a bodhisattva.”
This is #103 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


100. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 전쟁이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be at war with the world.” 
101. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 가난이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
          “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be destitute in the world.” 
102. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 질병이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to suffer sickness in the world.”
103. 부처님. 저는 보살행을 실천하며 살아가기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this one hundred third affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to live and practice toward becoming a bodhisattva.”
I was completely stumped by the -행 ending in 보살행.  It’s not in online Korean-English dictionaries, but it’s in the Korean only ones, where the definition is: “보살이 부처가 되려고 수행하는, 자기와 남을 이롭게 하는 원만한 행동.”  I decided to take 보살행 as meaning something like “bodhisattvaism,” but then basically to disregard it in my effort to translate, and use a phrase like “becoming a bodhisattva” instead.  I have no idea if this the right meaning.

Caveat: 102) 부처님. 저는이 세상에 질병이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to suffer sickness in the world.”
This is #102 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


100. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 전쟁이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be at war with the world.” 
101. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 가난이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
          “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be destitute in the world.” 
102. 부처님. 저는이 세상에 질병이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this one hundred second affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to suffer sickness in the world.”
I say that, currently suffering sickness.  Well.  Such is life.  It’s not a severe sickness, setting aside certain subtle inclincations toward hypochondria that I sometimes experience.
What I’m listening to right now.

Sarah Jarosz, “Left Home.”

Caveat: 101) 부처님. 저는이 세상에 가난이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to be destitute in the world.”
This is #101 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


99. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 모든 생명이 평화롭기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray to exist harmoniously with all life.” 
100. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는이 세상에 전쟁이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.
           “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be at war with the world.” 
101. 부처님. 저는이 세상에 가난이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this one hundred first affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be destitute in the world.”
I would only add that poverty is in part, at least, a state of mind.  Not that I deny real causes and inequalities – as a lapsed marxist, I must allow them.  But beyond the most basic needs of food and shelter, most of our needs are manufactured for us by our culture.  Hence true destitution is starvation and exposure to the raw elements – that’s something worth praying against.
On a lighter note, here’s a handy happiness diagram I found online.  
Life
Observe its truth, in your own life, today.

Caveat: 100) 부처님. 저는이 세상에 전쟁이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to be at war with the world.”
This is #100 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


98. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 맑고 밝은 마음 가지도록 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray to bear a clear and bright heart.” 
99. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 모든 생명이 평화롭기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray to exist harmoniously with all life.” 
100. 부처님. 저는이 세상에 전쟁이 없기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this one hundredth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be at war with the world.”
I’m not sure if this is supposed to be “not to be at war with the world” or “that  there is no war in the world.”  There is a pronoun with both a topic and and subject marker, and then the strange verb 없다 [eops-da = not to have] (which essentially slots two subjects, grammatically, with I as one subject and war as the other).  So it means “I don’t have war” or “War doesn’t have me” or “Around me there is no war” or “Around war I am not.”  Or something like that.  Translating it clearly is challenging, given my limited understanding.  I suppose from a pragmatic standpoint, all of these are roughly similar.
All of which is relavant in the context of Qaddafi’s death yesterday, which leaves me queasy despite his possibly deserving to have died – did he die fighting, or was he summarily executed?  I’m guessing the latter, and that makes me uncomfortable, just as it did with Osama bin Laden.  When did summary execution once again become the norm?  I thought sometime during the 20th century we decided, at a globally collective level perhaps – but most certainly at the level of “Civilization” – that such things as summary executions were uncivilized.
It’s so pleasing that [broken link! FIXME] the future Space Emperor signed off on this Libyan project.  Um.  Not.  Then again, the quote from Lincoln (at link) is the right sort of forshadowing – Mr Lincoln wasn’t exactly a pacifist, was he?
 

Caveat: 99) 부처님. 저는 모든 생명이 평화롭기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to exist harmoniously with all life.”
This is #99 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


97. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 자비로운 마음으로 살기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray to live with a compassionate heart.”
98. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 맑고 밝은 마음 가지도록 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray to bear a clear and bright heart.” 
99. 부처님. 저는 모든 생명이 평화롭기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-ninth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to exist harmoniously with all life.”
 

Caveat: 98) 부처님. 저는 맑고 밝은 마음 가지도록 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to bear a clear and bright heart.”
This is #98 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


96. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 긍정적이기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray to think positively in everything.”
97. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 자비로운 마음으로 살기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray to live with a compassionate heart.”
98. 부처님. 저는 맑고 밝은 마음 가지도록 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-eighth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to bear a clear and bright heart.”
A picture of an exterior temple wall from somewhere in Jeollanam Province that I took sometime in 2010.
P1040835

Caveat: 97) 부처님. 저는 자비로운 마음으로 살기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to live with a compassionate heart.”
This is #97 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


95. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 정직하기를 발원하며 절합니다.
“Buddha. I bow and pray to be honest in everything.”
96. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 긍정적이기를 발원하며 절합니다.
“Buddha. I bow and pray to think positively in everything.”
97. 부처님. 저는 자비로운 마음으로 살기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-seventh affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to live with a compassionate heart.”
What I’m listening to right now.

DownloadAntonio Carlos Jobim’s instrumental from his album Stone Flower, “Tereza My Love.”   As one critic put it: “Brazilian music made for Americans.”  But that doesn’t really detract from it, that much.

Caveat: 96) 부처님. 저는 매사에 긍정적이기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to think positively in everything.”
This is #96 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


94. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 최선을 다하기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray to do the best in everything.”
95. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 정직하기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray to be honest in everything.” 
96. 부처님. 저는 매사에 긍정적이기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-sixth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to think positively in everything.”
Spinoza This affirmation is quite important.  It is perhaps one of the affirmations that I have in fact been practicing, on and off, for a very long time.  It brings to mind the French philosopher Gilles Deleuze, writing on Spinoza:  “ethical joy is the correlate of speculative affirmation.”  I’ve mentioned that quote before, on this blog – it’s one of my favorite and most meaningful, so [broken link! FIXME] I come back to it a lot.  I found the silly image of Baruch de Spinoza in a random online search.  Philosophical powers, indeed!

At hagwon, yesterday, we returned to the regular schedule (post-시험대비, so to speak), but many of the middle-schoolers didn’t bother to show up – out recovering from their mid-terms, I suspect.  So we ended up showing them a movie:  Green Lantern.  One of the other teachers thought it could be justified “educationally” by having me ask some “comprehension” questions afterward, so I got to watch it too – during which I took notes and imagined I was going to have to write some kind of review.  My semiotician’s trope-detector kicked into overdrive, entertainingly.
We didn’t finish the movie, but in the last few minutes of class, I asked the kids what they would do if the alien had chosen to give one of them the green lantern and magic green ring (with it’s seemingly infinite, vaguely Nietzschean powers).
One girl said, confidently, “I will sell it.”  I laughed.  Money is better than infinite powers of Will.  Of course.  So… Man.  Superman.  Billionaire.

Caveat: 95) 부처님. 저는 매사에 정직하기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to be honest in everything.”
This is #95 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


93. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 겸손하기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray to be humble in everything.”
94. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 최선을 다하기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray to do the best in everything.”
95. 부처님. 저는 매사에 정직하기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-fifth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to be honest in everything.”

Caveat: 94) 부처님. 저는 매사에 최선을 다하기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to do the best in everything.”
This is #94 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


92. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 남을 원망하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray not to resent other people.”
93. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 매사에 겸손하기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray to be humble in everything.”
94. 부처님. 저는 매사에 최선을 다하기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-fourth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to do the best in everything.”
And hence, to Nirvana.  Not the end state of Buddhist practice, but the rock band.
On the radio there is a lot of retrospective about the 20th anniversary of Nirvana’s Nevermind album.  Everyone is saying it’s a group and album that changed everything.
So, speaking of doing one’s best, actually, I am inclined to agree.  I remember hearing the boys from Aberdeen, Washington, in 91 or 92 when I was in the Army, or shortly after getting out, and thinking, this is a band that is really representing something new, something different, something capturing the alienation of the post-disco, post-Reagan generation.  And I have a very, very distinct and clear memory of when I was studying in Valdivia, Chile, in 1994, and going to some bar or nightclub with some Chilean friends I’d made, and “Smells like teen spirit” playing, and one of them (who happened to be an activist in the post-Pinochet truth and reconciliation movement) turning to me and saying “Este grupo Nirvana es el más importante de nuestra generación – verás” [this group Nirvana is the most important of our generation – you’ll see].
I listened to the sound carefully, because of that, and felt inclined to agree in that moment, having drunk 1 or 2 Pisco Sours (Chile’s national cocktail).
What I’m listening to right now.

Nirvana, “Come as you are.”  My personal favorite from that album, maybe.  Perhaps one strength of Nirvana was that they managed to be huge and famous and yet in some weird way remained raw and utterly unpretentious. Not that that lack of pretention rescued Mr Cobain from his untimely suicide, right?  That means something, too.

Screencap from the video – note the lyric, “no I don’t have a gun.”
Idonthaveagun_html_7fc8cd83

Caveat: 93) 부처님. 저는 매사에 겸손하기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray to be humble in everything.”
This is #93 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


91. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 남을 무시하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to disdain other people.”
92. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 남을 원망하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
         “Buddha. I bow and pray not to resent other people.”
93. 부처님. 저는 매사에 겸손하기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-third affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray to be humble in everything.”

Caveat: 92) 부처님. 저는 남을 원망하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to resent other people.”
This is #92 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


90. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 남을 비방하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to slander other people.”
91. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 남을 무시하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to disdain other people.”
92. 부처님. 저는 남을 원망하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-second affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to resent other people.”
200909_UlleungdoKR_buddhaandseamonstersp090914174140 Resent.  Is this like jealousy?  The dictionary also offers the word “blame” as a translation of 원망하다.  It also lists “hold a grudge” and “feel bitter toward.”   I see resentment and blame as being very different things.  But I can see how they’re linked.  I would say resentment and blame, together, are the number one “sins” of the expat community in Korea – foreigners like to sit in Korea and resent how things are different, or blame strange Korean culture for all the various misunderstandings and frustrations they have.  It’s so very easy to slip into that mode.  It’s why I stay away from online groupings of foreigners at all costs, generally.
Actually, I don’t feel like this is one of my bugaboos.  Maybe my big problem isn’t with resentment but rather with metaresentment.  By which I mean the fact of resenting others’ resentments.  Haha.
I took the picture at left two years ago during my visit to Ulleungdo (an isolated island off Korea’s east coast by a few hours by ferry).  Ulleungdo is by far my favorite rural place in Korea that I’ve visited.  I’m mostly a city person, but I seem to like my rural places “extreme” or remote, in some sense:  Patagonia, Southeast Alaska, Upper Michigan, Ulleungdo.

Caveat: 91) 부처님. 저는 남을 무시하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to disdain other people.”
This is #91 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


89. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 거짓말하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to tell lies.”
90. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 남을 비방하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to slander other people.”
91. 부처님. 저는 남을 무시하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninety-first affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to disdain other people.”
The one-word substitutions from one affirmation to the next are the easiest to translate.  Even if I don’t know the word, with the syntactical matrix being exactly the same all it takes is a simple dictionary look-up.  무시하다 can also mean “ignore,” and I nearly preferred that word over disdain.  Mostly because it would make it a very “relatable” affirmation – I am, in fact, sometimes quite guilty of ignoring other people.  I have such strong anti-social tendencies, maybe… or else, in a more positive way, it could be said that I value and need my solitude, daily.  It’s so difficult when people “reach out” to me and I’m just not “in the mood” to be social.  It seems more polite to ignore them than to respond with a “leave me alone” (clearly), but I nevertheless feel guilty about it.
I wonder how this could connect to those Buddhist monks who go off and live solitary, isolated lives.  Are they still called upon to not ignore others?  I suppose they’re making it difficult for others to reach out to them … isn’t that a kind of ignoring? 

Caveat: 90) 부처님. 저는 남을 비방하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to slander other people.”
This is #90 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


88. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 모진 말을하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to speak harshly.”
89. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 거짓말하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to tell lies.”
90. 부처님. 저는 남을 비방하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this ninetieth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to slander other people.”
 

Caveat: 89) 부처님. 저는 거짓말하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다

“Buddha. I bow and pray not to tell lies.”
This is #89 out of a series of [broken link! FIXME] 108 daily Buddhist affirmations that I am attempting to translate with my hands tied behind my back (well not really that, but I’m deliberately not seeking out translations on the internet, using only dictionary and grammar).


87. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님 . 저는시기하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to be envious.”
88. [broken link! FIXME] 부처님. 저는 모진 말을하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.
        “Buddha. I bow and pray not to speak harshly.”
89. 부처님. 저는 거짓말하지 않기를 발원하며 절합니다.

I would read this eighty-ninth affirmation as: “Buddha. I bow and pray not to tell lies.”
No lie.
P1050303
Photo, above, taken exactly one year ago, in Gwangju (during a Mudeung Mountain hike).

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