As I said I would do a few days ago, here are revisions of my ED1M cohort's Halloween stories. These are entirely the students' writing, but I have made sometimes rather substantial revisions of grammar or vocabulary to make them more "native sounding" – I don't want the students memorizing speeches with bad grammar, as it only serves to reinforce or "fossilize" bad habits. I have not altered the plots as created by the students, although in a few cases I had to fill in some elisions with guesses as to the writer's intent. These plots are mostly quite a bit "darker" than the one I created. This is pretty developmentally appropriate for 4th-5th graders, I think. Death and gore are abstractions, but compelling ones from a story-telling standpoint.
Lucy
One day, there was a lonely ghost, named Nina. The ghost had died with a lot of tension, so Nina wanted to meet other ghost friends and she wanted to try to resolve her depression. Nina was reading a book about a call. Finally a friend called Nina and she was so excited to meet the new friend. This friend's name was Lum. Lum said, "I want to meet you." Nina said, "Sure, let's meet at the playground. Okay?" Lum said, "Okay. Good idea." Nina went to the playground and met Lum. Nina said, "Hello. I'm Nina. Let's be friends!" Lum said, "Good, I want to be your friend too." Then Nina said, "What should we do?" Lum said, "Let's go play with the other living people. It'll be fun to meet living people and they'll be happy to meet us. Let's go down to the ground." Nina said, "Sure, I want to meet these living people too. Let's go!" Nina and Lum floated down to the ground, and went to a school, and saw the students studying. When the bell rang, Nina and Lum met a girl named Sarah. She was very embarrassed to meet a ghost. Sarah could only be friends if she became a ghost. The next day Lum said, "I want to kill Sarah. Will you help me?" "Sure," Nina said. "I want to take Sarah." Thus Nina and Lum killed Sarah with an invisible sword.
Julia
One day, there was a lonely zombie. He wanted some friends, so he went to an amusement park. There were so many people there. He saw he could make many friends. First, he met a doctor, and killed her. She became a zombie. They became friends. The two zombies now wanted many friends. They walked across the street and met many people, all of whom became zombies too. The government gave a public warning: "In the amusement park, there are zombies! Please escape as soon as possible. Hurry!" Then, night fell. The zombies became angry. "Why are there not so many people, now?" The zombies went downtown. There were people shopping. playing, and then screaming. They killed and made friends with so many. The zombies had come quickly, but were dispersed when the government made a vaccine and gave it to people. The vaccine was great, but the zombies didn't want to normal people again. The zombies went to a market. They were hungry and wanted to eat fresh brains. There were many people. "Let's eat and make friends," they said. But one zombie had the vaccine."I can be a good person. I want to take the vaccine." She took the medicine and ran away from the other zombies. She said to the people, "Zombies! Run away!" The zombies were angry. One of the zombies ate her brain and she became a zombie again. She thought, "I don't have to be a good person. Let's find fresh brains." This earth became a zombie world.
Gina
One day, there was a lonely skeleton. This skeleton woke up only on Halloween. The skeleton waits until a child says, "Trick or treat?" Then it grabs the child and eats it. So one day, a child came and said, "Treat or trick?" The skeleton did not hear, because the skeleton could only hear "Trick or treat?" The child had said it backwards. Regrettably, then the child said again, "Trick or Treat?" The skeleton heard that, of course, and chased after him. The boy saw the skeleton and ran. The boy ran to his home and put a human doll in front of the door. The skeleton saw the doll and attacked it and ate it. The next day, the boy saw the skeleton was gone. He was shocked. He went to the hospital. There he dreamed about the skeleton. In the dream, the skeleton came and started eating his head. Then his mom came, and the skeleton hid. After his mom went out, the skeleton started eating his brain. Next the skeleton ate his foot, and his stomach. The boy woke up and was surprised to see he didn't have part of his brain and he didn't have part of his foot or stomach either. For five minutes he did nothing, he was so tired, and he slept again. In a dream, the skeleton returned and at his arm and one of his ears. The boy woke up again, and he was missing an arm and an ear. He looked around and saw the skeleton one more time. The skeleton ate the rest of the boy's body.
Amy
One day, there was a lonely mummy. That night, the mummy wanted to eat some people. Then a woman discovered the mummy, and she was not afraid. The mummy wanted to be friends with her, and she wanted to, too. So she and the mummy became friends. However, she left the mummy finally, because they didn't get along. She hated the mummy. So then the mummy was sad again. She was angry. The mummy started eating people. She ate many people. People tried avoiding the mummies. But the lone mummy got worse. People tried to kill the lone mummy that ate people, but it was not easy. This was because the mummy was eating the police, too. The people still didn't give up. Finally, the police injured the mummy. Unfortunately, because the zombie had been eating them, the police became zombies. Then the police ate people, too. This was terrible. As a result, the village gradually changed into a zombie community. It was a zombie village where only zombies lived. The zombies in the zombie village went to another village, and another. The zombies spread, causing the entire country to be overtaken by the zombie virus. The world was full of zombies, then. After a few more years, it was full of mummies too. In the end, it was full of ghosts. The world has changed strangely.
Luna
One day, there was a lonely devil. The devil liked to play. So the devil would take children's shoes. One day a girl named Elizabeth was crying. She had lost her shoes. That was what the devil had done. All of the kids were crying, and the devil was so happy. The devil also ate people's blood. "Today," Elizabeth said, "I will get my shoes!" That night she didn't sleep. She just hid in the tree. She said, "I'm sleepy, now." She decided nothing would happen, so she went to her room. At that time the devil came to Elizabeth's house. Elizabeth saw the devil, and said, "You are taking my shoes!" The devil was so surprised. The Devil ran away. He said, "I will take children's clothes and things." Elizabeth thought that finally the devil would not take children's shoes. But then one day the kids were crying again. Elizabeth knew this was the devil's work. So she said to all of the kids, "Now let's catch that bad devil." They waited for the devil. At that time, the devil came. Elizabeth said, "One, two, three, catch him!" So they caught the bad devil. The devil said, "What is going on? Hey! Hey! What are you doing to such as fantastic devil as me?" Elizabeth said, "Give us our shoes and clothes!" The devil was so scared, so he said, "Yes! Yes, I will do it." Elizabeth and her friends said, "This devil is so bad. They clapped and said, "Yeah! We caught that devil." Now they were happy.
Sean
One day, there was a lonely werewolf, named WW. WW wanted to eat guts. WW went to the mountains to hunt animals. He ate a lot of animals, but he was still very hungry. The police came and tried to catch WW, so he ran away. Finally WW was caught and put in jail. After 10 years, WW wanted to get revenge. He went to a village and killed all the people and ate their guts. The police came to the village to fight against WW. The fight lasted two years and the police shot many guns. The werewolf was badly hurt but killed all of the police. Finally WW became a kind of werewolf ghost that eats children's guts. The children screamed, "Ahhh!"
A saint came and hit the werewolf ghost, cutting through his body. WW was angry and this, and became a zombie. He was hungry, then, and ate many people's brains. He went to the city and many people became zombies. They ate each other's brains and even ate each other's bodies. Obama saw this problem and sent some soldiers to come and kill the zombies. But the werewolf-ghost-zombie WW couldn't be killed, so Obama himself came and fought WW. It was Obama versus WW. Obama shot the legs on the creature so he couldn't walk. Then Obama sent a missile and destroyed the earth. This solved the problem.
[daily log: walking, 7km]