Caveat: I hate you, 근데 잘하시네

I was assigning some homework to my student, Michelle, who is starting 7th grade. With typical early teenage hyperbole and a kind of breathless enthusiasm, she snapped, “I hate you.” But then, in the same breath, she added, in Korean, “근데 잘하시네.” [keunde, jalhasine]. This means, more or less, “But you’re doing well,” or “But you’re doing a good job.” And she smiled to herself, as she wrote down the assignment.
In fact, this shows an interesting contrast in the student’s mind. On the one hand, she hates me for giving homework. On the other hand, she seems to be acknowledging that that’s my job – to give homework. I actually felt like a very successful teacher in that moment, and I took the whole paired phrase, English plus Korean, as a kind of complement to and summary of my efforts.
Michelle is one of several students who are always trying to get me to play music videos in class. They point out to me various English language pop music videos, which I keep bookmarked for “reward times” (e.g. see below).
Today is one of those frigid days when I’m reminded of Minnesota. It was only -10 C (14 F), this morning as I walked to work, which is pretty mild by Minnesota standards, but with a brisk breeze, it starts to induce that crisp, snot-freezing vigor.
What I’m listening to right now.

Katy Perry, “Roar.” I like the song and its empowering message, though it’s a bit simplistic. The video is silly garbage, however.
Lyrics.

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sit quietly, agree politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

[Pre-Chorus:]
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus:]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

[Pre-Chorus:]
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus:]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
(You’re gonna hear me roar)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
(You’ll hear me roar)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

Ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar, ro-oar

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
(You’re gonna hear me roar)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
(You’ll hear me roar)
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar…

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: as if you would live forever

I wrote this exactly one year ago, as a possible blog entry. I never published it in my blog. I’m not sure why – it feels kind of important. I guess I didn’t feel it was “finished” and subsequently forgot about it. Now that I’m scraping the bottom of my barrel-o’-blog-ideas, I’ll go ahead and throw it down here.

Walking home last night [i.e. January 12, 2016], I was thinking about pain and my old, neglected aphorism, “Live each day as if you would live forever.” That aphorism worked for me at a time when the only limit to my youthful immortality was my own undying death wish. Essentially, it served as a way to subvert that death wish. But now that there are more threats to my survival coming from outside my mind (i.e. mostly coming from my own treacherous, aging body), I find it hard to maintain the suspension of disbelief necessary to live by that aphorism. Thinking about pain, my thought has always been: if I knew, confidently, that I was immortal, I should think I would find any pain bearable, over the long run. The reason pain is unbearable is because it is a kind of ur-premonition of our mortality. This idea is related to why I always found descriptions of the traditional Christian hell unpersuasive – I always thought, well, if you’re there, suffering for an eternity, wouldn’t you gradually get used to it? Eventually, after the first few thousand years at the worst, you might even grow to need it – it’d be part of the routine. At worst, you’d develop a kind of asceticism toward it, a kind of zen-like “let it pass through me.” To be honest, I would find the idea of actual, permanent death for sinners and eternal life for the saved much more compelling. This is known as the doctrine of conditional mortality – currently held by Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovah’s Witnesses and other such peripheral Christian groups.

I was experiencing a great deal of pain last January, related to the necrosis and tooth problem which reached a kind of resolution yesterday, as the doctor pronounced my “tooth extraction point” more-or-less healed, despite the necrosis in the jaw. So this seems a very appropriate point to revisit that pain, at its nadir.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Well that’s surprising

I went back to the hospital this morning, this time to see the Oral Oncologist – the glorified dentist Dr Min who has been monitoring my main post-cancer side-effect, the radiation necrosis in my lower jaw. 

He inspected my mouth, and sat back, looking puzzled. I felt a bit nervous.

"Well that's surprising," he said.

I asked what. 

"It's healed quite a bit. That really normally doesn't happen with necrosis like you have."

That was encouraging.

To what can we attribute this healing? It could be the medicine he's had me on – the off-label use of the blood thinner. It could be my punctilious adherence to my oral hygiene, refusing all between-meals food and brushing diligently, which only broke down during my trip in November. Maybe it's the way I worry the hole with my toothbrush, aggressively, when I brush. Or maybe it's just luck.

Anyway, it's good news.

The day is chilly, but it didn't snow last night, despite the forecast. So far is hasn't snowed at all, this winter. That's kind of boring.

[daily log: walking, 12km]

Caveat: Stanville

Yesterday morning, I went into Seoul. I travel so rarely, these days, even to just go into the city for a half-day – it was the first time I've left Ilsan since returning from my North American odyssey last November. 

My friend Peter is on the Peninsula, now that he's a grad student specializing in Korean Studies, he has reasons to come back to visit, and apparently he managed to make it quite affordable. We met in that area around Dongdaemun that I have always called "Russiatown" – it's one of my favorite neighborhoods in Seoul, with much of the same "international" or cosmopolitan feel of, say Itaewon, but without the pretentiousness or gentrification, and fewer "fratboy" tourists, as the US soldier-on-leave crowd in Itaewon always seems to come off as. Nevertheless, I would say that "Russiatown" seems a bit gentrified, lately, too.

Anyway, my old standby, the Russian restaurant of the ever-changing name but fairly constant menu, was still there. Peter pointed out that it was in Russiatown in 2009 that we met for the very first time. I don't think I blogged that particular trip to Russiatown – I went rather frequently back in that era. Anyway, Peter and I had lunch at the restaurant, and then met a friend of his (colleague also enrolled in the same graduate program at Johns Hopkins, apparently) and went to Hongdae briefly, where I got to visit the Korean Language hagwon where Peter studied last year some. Peter is trying to persuade me, I think, to get more serious about my own regrettable progress in the language. Certainly I feel jealous of his amazing competence in the language relative to my own.

Then I went to work, taking the Gyeongui line subway route that follows the old railroad mainline to Ilsan Station. The line is several years old, now, but it still doesn't form part of my default mental map of how to get around.

Here are some pictures. I think Russiatown looks much more prosperous than it did 5 or 8 years ago. Still, there is much Cyrillic signage – not just in Russian but other central Asian languages typically written in Cyrillic, such as Mongolian, Uzbek, Kazakh and others. As I chatted with Peter, I coined a new name for the neighborhood: "Stanville." This reflects the Central Asian character as opposed to strictly Russian (all the "-stans" of the former Soviet sphere).

picture

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Борщ и Голубцы (borscht and cabbage rolls).

picture

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: calm as a shaman, sharp as a hawk

Ballad in A

A Kansan plays cards, calls Marshal
a crawdad, that barb lands that rascal a slap;
that Kansan jackass scats,
camps back at caballada ranch.

Hangs kack, ax, and camp hat.
Kansan’s nag mad and rants can’t bask,
can’t bacchanal and garland a lass,
can’t at last brag can crack Law’s balls,

Kansan’s cantata rang at that ramada ranch,
Mañana, Kansan snarls, I’ll have an armada
and thwart Law’s brawn,
slam Law a damn mass war path.

Marshal’s a marksman, maps Kansan’s track,
calm as a shaman, sharp as a hawk,
Says: That dastard Kansan’s had
and gnaws lamb fatback.

At dawn, Marshal stalks that ranch,
packs a gat and blasts Kansan’s ass
and Kansan gasps, blasts back.
A flag flaps at half-mast.

– Cathy Park Hong (American poet, b. 1976)

Brought to you by the letter "A".

[daily log: walking, 9km]

Caveat: Great again? Great idea…

A nation which makes greatness its polestar can never be free; beneath national greatness sink individual greatness, honor, wealth and freedom. But though history, experience and reasoning confirm these ideas; yet all-powerful delusion has been able to make the people of every nation lend a helping hand in putting on their own fetters and rivetting their own chains, and in this service delusion always employs men too great to speak the truth, and yet too powerful to be doubted. Their statements are believed – their projects adopted – their ends answered and the deluded subjects of all this artifice are left to passive obedience through life, and to entail a condition of unqualified non-resistance to a ruined posterity. [emphasis added] – Abraham Bishop.

Bishop was an American Jeffersonian politician (called "Republican" in that Era), abolitionist and orator, who lived 1763-1844. He apparently advocated for gender equality, too. Oddly, the wikithing lacks an article about Bishop, but I found this with some biographical information.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Englyn #53

(Poem #160 on new numbering scheme)

I saw bits of wood arrayed
along the path's side, like dead
insects, or some bones, which could
come from some strange beast, though flawed.

– an englyn proest dalgron

Caveat: Speed Demon

I was explaining the term "speed demon" to some students this morning. I drew a pink "speed demon" on the whiteboard." Later, a student amended the drawing, adding glasses and the name "Teacher" to the speed demon, and adding "scared" to the student.

picture

I asked if the teacher was me. She said no, it was just an average teacher.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Dreamless an’ deep

Snaw

Snaw,
Dingin' on slaw,
Quait, quait, far nae win's blaw,
Haps up bonnily the frost-grippit lan'.
Quait, quait, the bare trees stan',
Raisin' caul' fingers tae the deid, leiden lift,
Keppin' a' they can as the flakes doon drift.
Still, still,
The glen an' the hill,
Nae mair they echo the burnie's bit v'ice,
That's tint, death-silent, awa' neth the ice.
Soun'less, the warl' is row'd up in sleep,
Dreamless an' deep,
Dreamless an' deep.
Niver a move but the saft doon-glidin'
O' wee, wee fairies on fite steeds ridin',
Ridin', ridin', the haill earth hidin',
Till a'thing's awa'
An there's naething but snaw,
Snaw.

John M. Caie (Scottish Poet, 1878-1949)

I think that the Scots language is one of the most beautiful.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Student. Colleague.

I had an unexpected experience on Monday, the first work day of the new year, and first official day of the Korean school year's long winter "vacation" – meaning no public school, but hagwon still run full-tilt. 

I was looking for a certain fellow teacher, for what was, at that moment, an urgent matter – I needed to know something about a student. I didn't know where that teacher was, so I was popping my head into various classrooms. I popped my head into the large "Seminar Room" (really not a seminar room, just our largest classroom, generally used by the high school section). This wasn't a likely spot to find a middle-school teacher, but I was just covering all the possibilities. 

When I looked into the classroom, a girl named Yeonju, who had been my student some years ago in middle school, stood up from where she sat at the front. It's not unusual in the high school section to see a student sitting in the front of the class, in a "teacher" position – I assume this has something to do with the pedagogical style of Pete (the chief high school teacher). I hadn't seen Yeonju in quite a while, and she stood and approached me, saying hello. I asked if she'd seen the teacher I was looking for, which she hadn't.

Her English has always been quite good – she was a star student in middle school, and part of one of my best-loved cohorts of students – that cohort is the only one that sent me get-well cards when I had my cancer surgery.

Since there was no teacher present, I jokingly asked, "are you in charge of this class?" 

Quite unexpectedly, she answered, simply, "Yes." She grinned mischievously, and I realized she was serious.

It turns out that Yeonju has been hired for the period of the winter vacation to be a part-time teacher's helper at Karma. Later, she was getting trained on the mysteries of the printer/copy machine, and was tasked with stapling some handouts, sitting next to me at the empty desk in the teachers' room.

This is the first case of a student becoming a colleague, in my teaching experience. I feel a strange pride and gratification. She is in her last vacation prior to starting university, and in my limited observation, many students get some kind of low-level part-time job for that vacation period, since it is, in fact, the one time in a Korean student's career when there is no upcoming exam hanging over them (they're accepted to university, but haven't started yet). It tends to be a university-bound Korean student's first job, ever – unlike American high school students, Korean students almost never get jobs if they are university-bound – studying is  deemed too important, and they do it year-round. I also learned, later, that Yeonju has been accepted at the prestigious Korea University. That's pretty major, in Korea – kind of like "Ivy League" – what they call "SKY." It also happens to be my boss and friend Curt's alma mater.

I feel kind of old, having a former student whom I remember as a 7th grader, working here. I guess I am. At the least, with respect to Karma and the fairly tightly-knit Hugok neighborhood English hagwon universe, I am an old-timer.

[daily log: walking, 6.5km]

Caveat: Englyn #50

(Poem #157 on new numbering scheme)

Do the things that make you glad
despite the fact that you did
things undeniably bad...
you did them because you could.

– an englyn proest dalgron – apropos my posting earlier today, I guess, and tongue-in-cheek.

Caveat: A world famous, full service resort

Located in historic yet modern Goyang City, my lifetime membership card brings me so many benefits:

– Lots of challenging paperwork

– Countless gratifying interactions with a multilingual, efficient staff

– Mysterious injections

– Laconic lifestyle consultations

– Photons, photons, photons!

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Update: I got my follow-up right away, as I finished the CT fast (checking in early is generally a great idea). Dr Cho says I seem pretty healthy. Given I just survived a really horrible 2-month long flu thing, that's nice feedback. Nothing disturbing in the scans.

[daily log: walking, 12km]

Caveat: Celluloid

Lately, I have been doing something strange. I have been watching 100-year-old movies on youtube.

They intrigue me, although to be honest I don't always follow their plots very well. I think my narrative imagination isn't up to the challenge of the silent film aesthetic. I guess I stick with them mainly because they are historically interesting.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Englyn #47

(Poem #154 on new numbering scheme)

On the first day of the year,
I feel kinda sad. There are
so many things that I care
to achieve... yet I sit here.

– an englyn proest dalgron
[daily log: walking, 1km]

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