Yesterday, it dawned heavily overcast and about 10 C (50 F). This was an exact replica of the eternally overcast dawns of my youth in Humboldt, and put me into a moody, nostalgic state of mind as I sat and tried to read on my couch after waking and being unable to get back to sleep – a frequent enough occurance these days. It's a common type of weather on the Humboldt side of the Pacific, but not really that common on this side, in Korea, except during the monsoon, when if it's overcast it's always stickily 10 or 20 degrees C warmer.
Today dawned less overcast, more just that spring Seoul smog (outsourced from Beijing, mostly) that I like to complain about. It was warmer. I walked to work without my overcoat for the first time since last October or so. Buds had appeared on some of the trees.
At work today, Ken commented that I looked miserable. I reckon so.
I'm unhappy on several fronts. There's the increasingly permanent-feeling post-cancer reality of my seemingly fragile and unpleasant health condition. It still hurts to eat – I suspect it may never be an enjoyable experience again for me. There's the new arrangement in the staff room at work, which frankly sucks. I'm particularly put out by what seems to be a neglect of attention to the fact that of everyone's new spot, mine and Ken's are the only spots without conveniently adjacent shelf space. Is the fact that he and I both have tended in the past to complain about a need for more shelf space linked to this? Are we being punished? Do they think that native-speakers don't need shelf space? In the previous arrangement, I had finally won some shelf space after nearly a year of requesting it. How long is it going to take this time? Small things of this sort affect my mood profoundly. There's the 30+ teaching hours and concommitant shitloads of correcting. There's the never-ending litany of unrealistic parental complaints. There's the fact that despite having some great debate classes recently, I just discovered this morning that hours of video that I've taken are unusable due to technical glitches involving the microphone I was using. There's my perennial laziness vis-a-vis my efforts to study Korean, despite my equally perennial tendency to point out to myself that if there was a single thing that would improve my quality-of-life in my current circumstances, it would be to improve my Korean. Why must I be so lazy?
Anyway.
What I'm listening to right now.
Talking Heads, "Houses in Motion."
Lyrics.
For a long time I felt without style or grace
Wearing shoes with no socks in cold weather
I knew my heart was in the right place
I knew I'd be able to do these things.
And as we watch him digging his own grave
It is important to know that was where he's at
He can't afford to stop…that is what he believes
He'll keep on digging for a thousand years.
I'm walking a line-i'm thinking about empty motion
I'm walking a line-just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-no time to begin
This isn't the time-so nothing was done
Not talking about-not many at all
I'm turning around-no trouble at all
You notice there's nothing around you, around you
I'm walking a line-divide and dissolve.
Never get to say much, never get to talk
Tell us a little bit, but not too much
Right about then, is where she give up
She has closed her eyes, she has give up hope
I'm walking a line-I hate to be dreaming in motion
I'm walking a line-just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-no time to begin
This isn't the time-so nothing was done
Not talking about-not many at all
I'm turning around-no trouble at all
I'm keeping my fingers behind me, 'hind me
I'm walking a line-divide and dissolve.
I turn myself around, I'm moving backwards and forwards
I'm moving twice as much as I was before
I'll keep on digging to the center of the earth
I'll be down in there moving the in the room…
I'm walking a line-visiting houses in motion
I'm walking a line-just barely enough to be living
Get outa the way-no time to begin
This isn't the time-so nothing was done
Not talking about-not many at all
I'm turning around-no trouble at all
Two different houses surround you, 'round you
I'm walking a line-divide and dissolve.
[daily log: walking (a line), 5 km]