despite the auspicious feeling at the start, yesterday morphed into a rather bad day. i felt a bit gloomy when i got home after my session yesterday, for reasons that can only be chalked up to the chance firings of neurons connected to dark memories.
and so i lay down to take a nap, as i sometimes do. maybe at one PM i awoke to a feeling that could be described as severe flu symptoms. . . runny nose, congestion, coughing, and most noticebly, fever. i took medicine.
none of these are unwarranted given my current treatment. . . after all, the immune system is what is driving these symptoms, as my body does its best to fight the radiation burns appearing all over its insides. but the net effect was i felt like a zombie. i tried and failed to eat some pasta for lunch, and finally drank one of those nutrition drinks ive been given.
even without the sense of taste, they are vaguely offputting. . . i think they have a not-so-delicious aroma. i added a drop of vanilla extract and drank it. i was in a bit of a haze, but gave myself permission not to go to work.
that was a mistake. after napping again from 6 to 9, i got a call from ken at work. he was asking about the pile of written tests i has taken on thursday to be corrected. guiltily i realized i had utterly forgotten them. ken asked if the radiation was burning brain cells too. it was jokingly, and good natured, but i felt really badly about it. . . i take pride in my responsibility and work ethic. i screwed up.
i doubt im burning brain cells. . . but my brain is attached to a body that is struggling a bit lately. i think the brain is therefore detaching a bit. . . letting itself exist in the bodiless ether where things arent so frustrating. this leads to an inattentiveness vis-a-vis reality. sigh.
