Caveat: Xanthic Dream

I dreamed a Xanth novel last night. This might require some background in order to be understandable to most people, I suspect – probably more background than I'm really willing to give… so perhaps you could spend some time on the topic using the wikithing if you're really interested (and who, reading this blog, is really interested?). My feeling about Piers Anthony's Xanth novels is that they're not as good as they seemed to me at the time when I read most of them, but they're not bad, either. They are good, optimistic, teenage boy nerd-lit.

OK. The dream. There was this dwarf or hobbit-looking character, who wore blue pajamas, and his special magic power was that his presence intensified the feelings of community and togetherness and the social cohesion of the people around him. A lot. But it worked very subtly, and in a way that did not make it obvious at all that his presence was the cause. Somehow I was on a quest – possibly to figure out my own magic power. All very typically Xanthian. There were weird espionage things going on, and I was peripheral to the central plot, more of an observer than a participant.

We sailed off across some sea, Dawn Treader style (see CS Lewis's Narnia series – and by the way, that's the only Narnia book I genuinely liked – and no, I've never seen any of the Narnia movies). The details of the dream have faded quickly since waking up, and so … I don't know exactly what happened. We landed on some new continent. There was a distraught princess who felt threatened by the dwarf character – perhaps she was aware of his magic power and was threatened. There was a fractious community that resembled an English hagwon that slowly became more harmonious because of the dwarf's secret magic. But then the dwarf was assissinated by a mule that had George W's face, and while the princess held the dead dwarf's hands and cried, I woke up.

Setting aside the annoying, brutalist symbolism toward the end, I'm genuinely interested in the narrative potential of the aspect regarding a "magic power" that intesnsifies communitarianism. I've long been intrigued by – and drawn to – concepts of intentional communities. I was deeply influenced by my "borderline hippy commune" childhood, no doubt. I suspect if there is a character in my real life that resembles this peculiar blue-pajama-wearing dwarf, it might be my mother – someone who sometimes seems better at creating community around herself than being in that community. I was struck by the aspect in which my role in the dream was as a spectator of community being built by others, rather than as a participant, myself. I wish I wasn't like that, but I accept that it's my natural role, maybe.

Caveat: Sucede que me canso de ser hombre

    Walking Around

Sucede que me canso de ser hombre.
Sucede que entro en las sastrerías y en los cines
marchito, impenetrable, como un cisne de fieltro
Navegando en un agua de origen y ceniza.

El olor de las peluquerías me hace llorar a gritos.
Sólo quiero un descanso de piedras o de lana,
sólo quiero no ver establecimientos ni jardines,
ni mercaderías, ni anteojos, ni ascensores.

Sucede que me canso de mis pies y mis uñas
y mi pelo y mi sombra.
Sucede que me canso de ser hombre.

Sin embargo sería delicioso
asustar a un notario con un lirio cortado
o dar muerte a una monja con un golpe de oreja.
Sería bello
ir por las calles con un cuchillo verde
y dando gritos hasta morir de frío

No quiero seguir siendo raíz en las tinieblas,
vacilante, extendido, tiritando de sueño,
hacia abajo, en las tapias mojadas de la tierra,
absorbiendo y pensando, comiendo cada día.

No quiero para mí tantas desgracias.
No quiero continuar de raíz y de tumba,
de subterráneo solo, de bodega con muertos
ateridos, muriéndome de pena.

Por eso el día lunes arde como el petróleo
cuando me ve llegar con mi cara de cárcel,
y aúlla en su transcurso como una rueda herida,
y da pasos de sangre caliente hacia la noche.

Y me empuja a ciertos rincones, a ciertas casas húmedas,
a hospitales donde los huesos salen por la ventana,
a ciertas zapaterías con olor a vinagre,
a calles espantosas como grietas.

Hay pájaros de color de azufre y horribles intestinos
colgando de las puertas de las casas que odio,
hay dentaduras olvidadas en una cafetera,
hay espejos
que debieran haber llorado de vergüenza y espanto,
hay paraguas en todas partes, y venenos, y ombligos.
Yo paseo con calma, con ojos, con zapatos,
con furia, con olvido,
paso, cruzo oficinas y tiendas de ortopedia,
y patios donde hay ropas colgadas de un alambre:
calzoncillos, toallas y camisas que lloran
lentas lágrimas sucias.

– Pablo Neruda

A veces me siento así igual. Mas en el momento me siento sólo solo, y cansado – pero no cansado de ser ser humano.

[Daily log: walking 5 km; running 3 km]

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