"You can't just walk away from your responsibilities because you made a mistake." – Captain Janeway, in a homily delivered to the character Neelix at the end of the episode "Fair Trade" (Star Trek: Voyager, Season 3, Episode 13). That's so Korean. Or something. But the point is, I was watching that episode, somewhat listlessly (it's really a pretty dumb episode, and not that well conceived or written), and that line just jumped out and grabbed me.
I've been struggling with a strong desire to "flee." To give up on the Korean project and go do "something else" with my life. It was very clear that the situation down in Yeonggwang County, last year, wasn't sustainable, but there is no objective reason why this situation here isn't sustainable. They've in no way affronted my basic humanity in the way that was almost routine at Hongnong Elementary, and the work itself isn't impossible, and it's sometimes fulfilling. So am I wanting to quit just because it's frustrating? Captain Janeway explains that that's a lazy response – which I already know (knew).
I had a rather uncomfortable conversation with my boss today. I tried to remain humble, and explain that I was hurt by his remarks last Friday. He continued to make some rather broad accusations regarding my "tone" and "mood" – which may, in fact, be somewhat valid – but I still resented them. I resisted getting angry, though, this time. I need to make changes in my life. But the changes required are mostly on the inside, not on the outside. There is therefore no valid reason to be listening to the man in my head yelling "abandon ship! abandon ship!"
More on this theme later. No doubt.
On the matter of Star Trek, I've probably said it here before, but one should never, ever lose track of one essential fact: none of the "rubber forehead" aliens that inhabit the trekkiverse are so alien to the human culture of the Federation (AKA Americans) as the Koreans in 2000 AD.
So… here I am: a Vulcan in voluntary exile on the Klingon homeworld… it's year 5. How's it going?