Caveat: Epiphania Berzerk

I was walking to work today, and feeling stressed. And a pair of tracks from Apoptygma Berzerk came through my mp3 player, and I had an epiphanic moment.

Those Apoptygma Berzerk tunes were part of my "crisis soundtrack" during the difficult fall of 2008, when I was working at LBridge and hating my decision to be in Korea, hating my job, just generally really stressing out. And during that time, I made some decisions about how I would organize my life and prioritize things and indentify what was important, which I began slowly to implement. Today, I realized I'd mostly carried through with those "promises to myself" – not in terms of goals so much as in the manner in which I would live my life.

The fact is, my job is very nearly the least stressful job I've ever had. Not because it's inherently unstressful, but because I've made it that way.

"But why is it, then," I asked myself, "that I'm feeling so stressed lately?"

The job has nothing to do with my stress. And unlike in Yeonggwang last year, the auxiliaries of the job – housing, location, social context – those things aren't stressing me, either. Those things are much more stable here in Ilsan, and most definitely much more under my control. I would hazard to guess that if I had to look at things carefully, my job is actually a net stress reducer. The kids (except for certain ones who must remain unnamed, here) wash away my stress and make me feel happy.

So, then. Where is this stress coming from? I can know, easily enough (and what a Konglishy turn of phrase that is, yet it comes so naturally to me, now). That was my breakthrough, today.

I'm making this stress for myself. It's about those personal goals, personal self-perceptions, and how those aren't working out for me.

I have set goals such as "learn Korean," that I can't seem to do. I feel unhealthy, and rather than work harder or make behavioral changes to get healthier, I stress out over how I'm unhealthy. I even beat myself up for not meditating. As if… as if getting angry over not meditating would bring me closer to inner peace, right?

I've got all of these stressors in my life, but they're not from my job, for the most part. They're traps of my own devising.

This is only a breakthrough in the sense that I thought it all through from start to end today, with a high degree of clarity (not to mention a dose or two of ironic self-honesty). I've not been unaware of these things. And… to announce here that I've "figured it out" is only another invitation to stress out later when it doesn't lead to some improved lifestyle change, I suppose. But This Here Blog Thingy (the runner-up title for Caveatdumptruck – jus' sayin') is nothing if not a place where I can unlaconically overshare my personal mental hygiene activities. So there.

What I'm listening to right now.

Apoptygma Berzerk, "In This Together."

Caveat: Never Let Me Down

As is generally the case, I was letting my mp3 files cycle on shuffle on my computer, providing an utterly randomized soundtrack to my rather-dull-yet-lucid life.

Sometimes I hear things I don't even know I own. Often, actually – I'm a compulsive downloader and collector of music, and I will download things on impulse and drop them into the infinite music folder of my soul, and forget I've done it.

This morning, suddenly a version of Depeche Mode's "Never Let Me Down" came around. Sort of a metal/gothic remake. I used to live in a Depeche Mode-only mode, and I still get thrown into a very dark, nostalgic mood when I hear anything by them. But this remake, by a German group called Farmer Boys, was excellent, since it wasn't so nostalgia-inducing in that way, while still capturing the awesomeness of the original song. I listened to it about 5 times.

What I'm listening to right now.

Farmer Boys, "Never Let Me Down." The video is cheesy and dumb, though.

For reference, here's the DM original.

Depeche Mode, "Never Let Me Down." Perhaps it deserves mention that this song is very likely about heroin addiction – a topic that has a particular strong, strange, and deeply personal resonance for me, but not for precisely the obvious reason you would assume. Perhaps someday in the future (or past) I will explain. Here are the lyrics, which would make this observation more clear.

I'm taking a ride
With my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
He knows where he's taking me
Taking me where I want to be
I'm taking a ride
With my best friend

We're flying high
We're watching the world pass us by
Never want to come down
Never want to put my feet back down
On the ground

I'm taking a ride
With my best friend
I hope he never lets me down again
Promises me I'm as safe as houses
As long as I remember who's wearing the trousers
I hope he never lets me down again

Never let me down

See the stars they're shining bright
Everything's alright tonight

Caveat: 모로 가도 서울만 가면 된다


모로      가도    서울만      가면   된다
sideways go-even seoul-only go-if becomes
Even going sideways one will only get to Seoul.

I'm not sure about the grammar of the last part – it seems to be a kind of periphrastic future using the verb 되다 (become). Regardless, this seems to offer a number of possible proverbial meanings. At first, it seemed to mean "All roads lead to Rome." But looking it up, you also see offered "The ends justify the means," as well as "It doesn't matter which way you take to reach your destination." These all seem related.

Yesterday I must have gone sideways into the subway, because I ended up in Seoul. But that doesn't seem to happen much, as I commented – perhaps I don't go sideways often enough?

Why do I spend so much time studying grammar, when it's vocabulary that's my problem? Because I enjoy studying grammar, whereas vocabulary causes me pain.

Caveat: I go into Seoul less often now than when I lived in Glory

It's official.

I made it into Seoul about once every two months when I lived down in Yeonggwang-gun (Glory County). Last night, I went into the city to a bookstore, and realized the last time I'd taken the subway beyond Ilsan was back in October – 3 or 4 months ago. So it's official – I don't go into the city much, despite citing that as a reason for liking living here.

I guess in some ways most of the city things I like and value are already present in suburban (but very dense compared to US suburbs) Ilsan (Goyang-si). Things are walkable, first and foremost.

Anyway, I'm not really thinking very interestingly, lately. So that's that. More later.

Caveat: Charity

One of my advanced elementary students had an ingenious if somewhat cruel plan for helping the homeless people for which Seoul Station is somewhat notorious. He said he would make counterfeit money and give it to them when they beg for it. This would get them arrested, he explained, and they would end up in jail. In jail, he explained, they would have a warm bed, better meals, and help with their alcoholism. I decided not to disillusion him by discussing the fact that it's still quite common in Korea for police to beat up suspects, etc. He's speaking to an idealized notion of what the police should be as he is to any actual reality, obviously.

Obviously, I can't endorse this idea. It's got aspects that seem both immoral and inhumane. But… You've got to give him credit for creative problem-solving.

Caveat: The Other Point Of View

Why does it take The Onion to provide genuine insight into the other point of view in the alleged Iranian nuclear crisis?

TEHRAN—Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America's uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th nuclear weapon. "Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran," said Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi, adding that Americans have the fuel, the facilities, and "everything they need" to manufacture even more weapons-grade fissile material. "Obviously, the prospect of this happening is very distressing to Iran and all countries like Iran. After all, the United States is a volatile nation that's proven it needs little provocation to attack anyone anywhere in the world whom it perceives to be a threat." Iranian intelligence experts also warned of the very real, and very frightening, possibility of the U.S. providing weapons and resources to a rogue third-party state such as Israel.

Caveat: 심심해서

I have a sixth-grade student named Yungyeong who hits me all the time. Not hard hitting – it's that kind of reflexive, playful, 'oh I'm just kidding around' slap that some people seem to adopt as a way to reduce the awkwardness or formality of interactions. It's a little bit annoying, although I also accept it as a rather inept, low-level expression of trust on the part of the student, and in that way, I'm even flattered by it. We were discussing my alligator (the green plastic Chinese alligator) before class, and she did it again – whack, on my arm.

"Why do you always hit me?" I asked.

"심심해서," she protested immediately. [Cuz I'm bored]. And she whacked my arm again.

What a perfect sixth-grader answer.

Caveat: otra fuerza de que tu cuerpo es hoy cárcel

    El viento y el alma

Con tal vehemencia el viento
viene del mar, que sus sones
elementales contagian
el silencio de la noche.

Solo en tu cama le escuchas
insistente en los cristales
tocar, llorando y llamando
como perdido sin nadie.

Mas no es él quien en desvelo
te tiene, sino otra fuerza
de que tu cuerpo es hoy cárcel,
fue viento libre, y recuerda.

– Luis Cernuda

Es posible que algun libro de poemas de Cernuda fue el primer libro de poesía que leí en español. Algo comprado en las calles del DF en 86 or 87. No es mi poeta favorito, pero por eso si ocupa un lugar único en mi desarrollo literario.

Caveat: 바늘도둑이 소도둑이 된다

Cow_thief_by_ccc7ccc-d4m60qn
바늘    도둑이      소  도둑이      된다

needle thief-SUBJ cow thief-SUBJ becomes
A needle thief [eventually] becomes a cow thief.

This wasn't to hard to translate – the verb is simple, the nouns straightforward. But what does it mean, proverbially? It's the slippery slope argument, or the "gateway drug" argument. Starting small will still lead to perdition. Possibly true.

I think the literal version of this would make an interesting short story, about a needle thief becoming a cow thief – better yet, while retaining his virtue. Or maybe a cow-thieving alien, who started out as a needle-thieving alien (see right).

Caveat: Sledding

[broken link! FIXME] Images (1)The below picture is of my niece Sarah and nephew James, who live in Colorado. My sister posted it on facebook – I hope she doesn't mind if I share it here. The picture is just like a Calvin & Hobbes image. So amazing, awesome action shot.

..

..

[broken link! FIXME] Sarahandjames

Caveat: Ya es muy tarde

[broken link! FIXME] Cb 002I made curried broccoli, using some Thai green curry paste and spices and onions and coconut milk.

Después, lo comí.

 

 

 

 

 

What I'm listening to right now.

Pastilla, "Colores." La letra:

Ya es muy tarde
No es tan tarde
Espera un poco
Espera un ratito
Dame tu mano
Nada importa
Etamos solos
Yetás mojada.
(coro)
Cuando todo es de color
El azul es el mejor
Cuando quieras descubrir
Y tu piel quieras abrir
Cuando todo te va mal
Piensa solo en mi voz
Toma una navaja
Y córtate las venas.
Por la mañana
Abres los ojos…
Y te levantas
Te tomas un baño
Llama un taxi
Hacia el estudio
Todos te esperan
Yestan enojados
(coro).

Caveat: 발 없는 말이 천리 길 간다

[broken link! FIXME] Images
발   없는        말이              천리          길      간다
foot not-having horse(word)-SUBJ thousand-mile journey goes
A horse with no feet [still] travels a 1000 miles.

This is based on the pun on the fact the word for horse and the word for "word" are the same: 말 [mal]. So a "horse with no feet" is a word, or a rumor. It's the idea that "rumors fly." It wasn't too hard to figure out, except I had to read something to figure out that the pun was going on. I just got the horse with no feet, but I suppose I'd have eventually figured out the pun.

Caveat: Principles of Aerospace Instruction (or, Badly Written Wikipedia Articles)

I was reading an article in the wikithing entitled "Principles of Learning." I don't really think it's a well-done article – it's quite unclear where the "objectivity" (that wikipedia strives for) stops and the author's opinions related to the theory being expounded start. In fact, it's not even clear on a cursory read that it's a theory rather than objectively proven information. Much of "education theory" is rather like this, however. I find particularly bizarre the oddly specific reference to "aerospace instruction" in the header – this makes me think that a better title for the article might be "Principles of Aerospace Instruction." Yet the article is highly general in its approach – it has the appearance of a generalize theory of pedagogy.

Nevertheless, despite this, I find the statement below highly quotable, and it may form a core idea of my own teaching philosophy – at least on good days (of which I've not had many, lately, to be frank).

The principle of freedom states that things freely learned are best learned. Conversely, the further a student is coerced, the more difficult is for him to learn, assimilate and implement what is learned. Compulsion and coercion are antithetical to personal growth. The greater the freedom enjoyed by individuals within a society, the greater the intellectual and moral advancement enjoyed by society as a whole.
Since learning is an active process, students must have freedom: freedom of choice, freedom of action, freedom to bear the results of action — these are the three great freedoms that constitute personal responsibility. If no freedom is granted, students may have little interest in learning.

Caveat: A Pretty Story

[broken link! FIXME] Prettyland_html_647cc005I have recently been exploring googlebooks. There are some interesting and unusual out-of-copyright materials there. This morning I have been perusing a text by someone named Francis Hopkinson entitled "A Pretty Story," originally published in 1774 and reprinted (I suspect from the original proofs since the text is full of 18th century typography not matching the 1860's edition date).

The story is a sort of political allegory, a rather thinly veiled account of the colonization of North America by the British, and relevant to the impending American Revolution (note that Hopkinson was apparently a signer of the Declaration of Independence).

I think I enjoy reading texts such as these as much for their archaic style and language as for the actual content, although making cultural comparisons of the then-to-now sort, in the style of a time-traveling anthropologist, is fun too.

On a technical side, I'd like to rant.

<rant>

Googlebooks' interface annoys me, because it keeps reverting to Korean Language, because of my IP address. I'm not opposed to using the Korean interface, per se, but I see it as a technical glitch whenever default language of web sites is driven by the geotagging information attached to the user's IP address when so much other information is available to the browser (e.g. my computer's preferred language setting, my browser's preferred / installed language, not to mention the language of the text being viewed – why would someone viewing an 18th c. political tract written in English not prefer [or at the very least, be uncomfortable with] an English language web interface?). I especially resent internationalized web content that fails to offer a clear control to change languages when viewing the page. Googlebooks apparently doesn't like to offer this option clearly on their page – although, if you scan it carefully, the extended URL contains a language flag, but even when you toggle this manually (changing the "ko" to "en"), the page nevertheless reverts if you follow any in-site links.

[broken link! FIXME] Prettyland_html_1e3b318

</rant>

Here are some screenshots from this archaic text.

The introduction, below.

[broken link! FIXME] Prettyland_html_m66383884

First page, below.

[broken link! FIXME] Prettyland_html_m6deade64

I like the old-style "long s" in the word possessed (roughly, "poffeffed").

Caveat: Sleet

I've been in a dark mood lately. Ever since last week when I realized even some of my students agreed that my progress in learning Korean was unacceptable.  Walking home in freezing rain or sleet or whatever it was, the air was smelling dirty or dusty – I wonder if we're getting sand from China and Mongolia?

Grumble.

What I'm listening to right now.

Glen Campbell, "Wichita Lineman."

Caveat: A Modest Proposal

An elementary student of mine wrote the following essay, which was supposed to be about an imaginary trip. It could be read as a depressing reflection of shallow values and crass materialism and at least a small dosage of racism thrown in, to boot… but I've decided instead to read it as a satire in the vein of Swift's Modest Proposal. Hereforthwith I present her writing, unedited:

I will go to Africa with small boat just by oneself.
At first, I will go to African's village and give lots of money
 and play with them.
Second, I will go to the diamond mine and dig many diamonds
 with African children workers and take it to Korea and sell
 at a high priceㅋㅋ
Third, I will go to national park and photographing all of the
animals and plants and I will take small and cute animals put in
the small case.
Then I will go back to home and sell diamonds, cute animals, and
I will be very very rich person in the world.
                                                         finish..

Think of it as a perfect description of the modus operandi of contemporary global capitalism. As explained from the mouths of babes….  Even if it's utterly presented at face value, there are lessons to be taken here.

Caveat: Waiting in Line

Garrison Keillor said of the Democrats, "…the party of people who don't mind waiting in line." Somehow, this captures a lot. It's a little bit funny, too. Some days, I enjoy "A Prairie Home Companion," and other days, I don't at all.

Caveat: 물 밖에 난 고기


물     밖에   난       고기

water out-AT coming-out fish
A fish out of water

This proverb wasn't difficult. I guess there's a first time for anything.

Unrelatedly, here's an interesting quote – yet another thing I can hit myself with when I contemplate my lack of progress in language-learning: "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." – Thomas Edison. I am constantly missing opportunities to learn Korean because of this exact problem. My inherent laziness kicks in.

Caveat: Spirit Wrestlers

[broken link! FIXME] Beets 001I finally ran across some beets during my most recent visit to the Orangemart supermarket across the street. Grace had told me that they had them, but I had never managed to see them until this time. Maybe it's a kind of sometimes thing.

I love beets. And beets make me think of borshch (or borsht or borscht, Борщ). So I made borshch. I didn't follow a recipe. I'd been reading a while back about a way of making it where you oven-roast the beets and potatoes first, to carmelize them slightly and give them a stronger flavor. I don't have an oven – I don't even have a microwave – but I was trying to think of ways to achieve a similar carmelizing effect.

Here's the recipe I made up as I went, with occasional illustrations.

[broken link! FIXME] Beets 002I peeled and cut up one large beet into thin bite-sized slices. I did the same to one carrot and two smallish potatoes. This seemed about right for one "batch" which I imagine will be three servings for me.

[broken link! FIXME] Beets 003I sliced two small white onions and added a few cloves of crushed garlic to a pot and began to fry them in about a tablespoon of canola oil (I have a several-years' supply of canola oil, as several bottles came embedded in my Seollal gift-set from my boss this year). I added the chopped beets, carrots and potatoes, and some spices. I used ground bay leaf, thyme, oregano, dill seed, a dash of salt, black pepper, a squirt of lemon juice, a teaspoon of brown sugar (to bring out that carmelized beet and onion flavor, right?).

[broken link! FIXME] Beets 004Then, I "stir fried" it all on a low flame. I didn't add any additional liquid. I figured when it started to burn, I would add the liquid, but I wanted to try to get the carmelizing effect. And much to my surprise, it didn't start to burn, for almost 30 minutes. The onions and beets and the lemon juice seemed to provide enough liquid to prevent the stuff from sticking to the pan. I stirred it a lot.

[broken link! FIXME] Beets 006The stuff cooked down a lot. It bubbled and smelled delicious.

Finally there was some crusting on the bottom of the pot, so I added a half cup of red wine (which I keep for cooking and use when recipes call for vinegar). Then I added a cup of tomato juice – which is a great instant, convenient vegan substitute for any recipe that calls for broth or soup stock. This bubbled up and boiled I periodically added some additional water, for another 30 minutes.

The recipe is purely vegan up to this point.

[broken link! FIXME] Beets 009I broke that rule because I put a pat of butter on it and sprinkled some dried thyme, for serving it. I didn't have any sour cream or yogurt on hand, which is what you're supposed to put on borshch.

Borshch always makes me think of Doukhobors. Doukhobors are like slavic Quakers (and there's an important link to Tolstoy). I like Doukhobors. If I had to be a Christian, I would have to be a Doukhobor, maybe. The name means "Spirit Wrestlers."

The personal connection, for me, was in the summer of 1989 when I made a road trip with my brother and father in the moonwagon (my dad's 1949 Chevy suburban) from Minnesota to the Kootenays region of British Columbia. My father spent some time during his childhood there, in a Quaker semi-utopianist community named Argenta, that was linked to the one his parents had founded in Southern California. There are a lot Doukhobors in that part of Canada, and we visited someone who served us home-made Doukhobor borshch, which is one the most delicious meals I have ever eaten in my life, perhaps in part the context, but truly good food, too. Ever since, I keep trying to reproduce that experience, which is why I so [broken link! FIXME] frequently obsess on borshch-making.

And as a stunning non-sequitur, I offer: what I'm listening to right now.

Mexican Institute of Sound, "Yo digo baila." Y además:

Mexican Institute of Sound, "El micrófono." Que chango tan chistoso, ´nel video.

Mejitecno. Jeje.

There is really nothing quite like sitting in a cozy apartment on a frigid February day, in Northwest South Korea, eating homemade borscht and listening to Mexican techno.

Spirit wrestling.

Caveat: One Day

Recently I was listening to an NPR radio show called On Being – it was an episode called "Becoming Detroit," about a new/old urbanist kind of movement in Detroit, the capital of American decadence. One of the people being interview in the show was named Wayne Curtis, and he quoted a bit of poetry, somewhat informally. I have no idea if it's his poetry, or someone else's – if it's someone else's, I was unable to google an attribution. But it stuck with me:

"One day I forgot name, age, sex, religion, address. I found myself."

Not that I did that. It was just a sort of short conceptual bit of text that stuck with me. I'm kind of down lately.

Caveat: Pea Soup

What's with me and [broken link! FIXME] pea soup? If you look around this blog, you'd think it was the main thing I cook. It's not. It's just the main thing I cook and then blog about having cooked, I guess. Maybe I just really like the pea soup I make for myself?

I made pea soup last night. It's good on cold days. It feels nutritious and healthy to eat. This time I added dill spice (because I have a lifetime supply) and carrots and celery (the things added depend in part on what I run across in the produce aisle across the street – those wacky "foreign" veggies [i.e. celery] aren't consistently available).

My friend Seungbae called last night – one of my "Gwangju friends" whom I haven't visited because I'm too lazy to travel to Gwangju. And it turns out he's being tranferred by his work to the south side of Jeju Island – the Korean equivalent of being transferred to… hm, maybe Bakersfield (nice climate, but backwater town). Now it's even less likely I'll visit him, I suppose.

Caveat: Populists and Nationalists

We were doing an exercise in my debate class this evening, and these four mild mannered middle-school girls were turning into the most blatent populists and nationalists imaginable.

I was having them develop hypothetical presidential campaign platforms (for president of Korea, of course, although I also talked about the neverending campaign taking off in the US this year). They proposed everything from eliminating SAT tests (pandering to students) to providing free massage-chairs to everyone over 60 (pandering to the elderly). They suggested war with North Korea as well as Japan (just for old times' sake, I guess). One girl proposed building a protective dome over the country first, which I thought was clever, but it made me think of Newt Gingrich's moon colony for some reason. Another girl wanted to execute all prisoners. I said… even non-murderer criminals? Oh yes… prisons are expensive. Hmm.

Well, next week, I'll give them a chance to try to come up with rebuttals to some of these outlandish proposals. And I hope I can lead them to some degree of thoughtfulness about these  things.

Caveat: Self Deportation

This concept of "self-deportation" has come to the fore of the political debate recently due to the new law in Alabama (profiled in the radio show "This American Life" recently, for example) and references made by certain Republican candidates for the presidency. But it's interesting that the term was not invented by the right, but rather by the left, in the form of satire: there was a group of Latino activists in LA who formed a sort of social-satire poiltical campaign aginst Californi's proposition 187 in mid the 1990's.  I would credit the term "self-deportation" to brilliant cartoonist and satirist Lalo Alcatraz (sample of his work below).

Thx

I'm intrigued by this way that satirical ideas become "real" ideas coopted by the opposite side in political debates. Notably, Colbert has been exploring this, in the a sort of "push" approach with his conservative blowhard impersonation.

Caveat: Then Why?

After learning that I'd been in Korea for more than four years, my new(-ish) student, Sumin, a 7th grader with amazingly good English, only had one question: "Then why is your Korean so poor?"

Indeed.

I'm now plunged into a black, black depression.

Why, indeed, is my Korean so poor? Am I lazy? Inept? Hopeless as far as learning this language?

Caveat: falling down on their own

Yesterday at work was hard. Every time I have that PM2 cohort, I struggle – they are bright kids, including a few too bright for their own good, but they are unruly and uninterested in academics of any kind, as far as I can tell. This is a hard consituency for me to teach toward – I'm one of these people who thinks that if kids don't want to learn, and are clearly smart enough to be making that choice with some degree of self-awareness, then it's not really my role, as a teacher, to try to change minds. That's a waste of my energy, as such changing of minds is difficult and resource-intensive on the part of the  teacher. That kind of mind-changing is the job for parents or other role-models – if they can manage it. And sometimes, adults simply have to accept the kids aren't going to do what you think they should – and be accepting of their choices, even if we believe they're bad choices. As I've said before – sometimes kids have to fall down on their own.

OK, that got philosphical fast.There were other small incidents that left me feeling gloomy about work yesterday: greedy parental demands and irrational complaints.

It's become quite cold. I like this kind of weather. Hopefully today will go more positively.

Back to Top