For those not reading between the lines, I've been kind of down, lately. One part is just the feeling that I'm in a holding pattern at work, and the stuff where I can take initiative, like my textbook project, aren't going that well. But the main thing that has me down is exactly the thing I predicted I would like least about my return to Ilsan. My Korean feels like it's atrophying.
The reason is quite simple. My Korean made progress, in Yeonggwang, because I was constantly around people whose English was so bad that my Korean skills, limited as they were, were competitive in the "communication marketplace," as it were. Here in Ilsan, both my coworkers and my students, for the most part, have much higher level English skills, on average, and so my Korean ability becomes essentially worthless in the communication game – because I'm both socially shy and a little bit lazy, at some level, I don't have the willpower to force communication into the less comfortable, more difficult mode that sticking to Korean requires. Hongnong was so good for me, because I was constantly being called upon to communicate with people who utterly lacked English skills – it thus overcame both my shyness and my laziness.
So I stick to English, and then beat myself up for doing so. And I don't have the gumption to sign up for a class, either – I've been put off by the commute time required, and knowing that work is about to get a lot more demanding, once the testing period ends and I have to jump into the full-fledged summer session.
Am I regretting, now, my decision to come back to Ilsan? Not at all. I love that I have a comfortable and reliable "home life." That's important to me, and was missing in Hongnong. My stress level is, over all, much lower. And I'm rebuilding the good health and lifestyle habits that I allowed to atrophy in Yeonggwang – my daily exercise, my better eating habits (although so far I can't seem to shake the extra kilos that Yeonggwang blessed me with). So, much as I predicted, the move back here is a mixed bag – advantages and disadvantages. It's just that lately I'm really feeling the biggest disadvantage – the lower level of motivational support for my commitment to keep learning Korean.
The picture is of Tor House, near Carmel, California. Jeffers built the house as his home, by hand (i.e. medieval style), over many years.