This little holiday has been an experiment of sorts – what would my life be like if I quit my job (because of the stress), and did not replace it with another job (because any other job would be stressful too)?
The answer is that I would neverthless find many things to stress about: my health (or lack thereof), my progress (or lack thereof) on artistic pursuits, my financial situation. Et cetera.
My job is not so bad.
I was careful to avoid certain bad habits – in particular, I kept my “minimum internet” rule, because it is so easy to waste an entire day absorbed in the various blogs and art and culture sites I habituate. I keep the rule for Sundays, normally, because it is too frequent that I wonder where my day went, afterward. Keeping the rule for 5 days was difficult. It was like a chain of five Sundays, and by today I was vaguely restless and missing work.
I took a long walk in the drizzle down past Madu to Baekseok, this afternoon, and did something unexpected. I ate at a McDonalds. This might seem to be a bad move, but I had been struck by a compelling thought: I used to frequent that type of American fast food restaurant – it is partly how I managed to reach 125 kg in 2005 – but now that I am struggling not to lose weight, there is no longer any reason to avoid it. Unfortunately, my transformed taste buds and swallowing problems meant it was not the nostalgia trip I had been hoping for. It was my first American fast food experience since before my cancer – the last time I was inside a McDs was during my US trip 2 years ago. This visit went poorly. I guess mostly I do not miss it. . . this was out of curiosity.
[daily log: walking, 4 km]