Caveat: Intentionally Boring Teacher

I've really been struggling with a certain class, known as HS1-T. It's making me feel like I'm a bad teacher.

The reconfigured cohorts of the new term which started with July has joined together a group of kids that seems to have led to some bad chemistry. The changes are subtle, and really it boils down to me feeling disappointed with the emerging lack of motivation of otherwise talented students. I realize I don't see the whole picture – these kids have their lives, and things going on, and who knows why a given kid or group of kids decide that working hard at learning English is not a thing they want to focus on anymore.

Nevertheless, I wonder what I could or should be doing differently. I have my insecurities, too. So I spend more time dwelling on this problem than I should, and without any clear resolution.

Last night, I faced the five students – arguably among them are several of the most talented students at Karma in absolute terms. None of them had done homework. I pushed down my anger and tried to shrug it off, saying only that they were harming themselves. Being the "angry" teacher doesn't achieve anything – I tried that last week to horrendous effect. Anyway, I refuse to become the constantly haranguing, nagging creature some of my colleagues devolve into. But being the happy-go-lucky "fun" teacher hasn't been working either. I'm at a loss.

Last night I tried to be "boring teacher" – mostly due to lack of ideas, but I suppose I saw it as a kind of punishment I was imposing on them. It was boring and depressing.

[daily log: walking, 7km]

Caveat: Random Poem #44

(Poem #345 on new numbering scheme)

When anger surges into that small spot
below my chin, I stop to think that that's
the locus, coincidentally where
a cancer grew in my throat, so I ask,
"Is that what happens when I swallow it?"
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