Caveat: Tied to the shifting ground

I dreamed I was in some rural place. There were ramshackle, badly-plastered buildings scattered on a steep, gravelly hillside. Little springs of water were leaking out of clay embankments and skipping down the steep, tall grass.

The soil was ruddy. It was somewhat reminiscent of places I have seen in Korea, but also, in the dream, I felt the familiarity of my childhood in Northern California, along some river – the Trinity, the Eel. Thinking about it now, it was like my stepfather's "ranch" high above the South Fork of the Trinity river. I used to spend warm summer afternoons out on the hillside, trying to draw imaginary cities out of the rocky clay. 

Perhaps I was a child, myself. Someone nearby had a stuffed toy rabbit, and within the dream, this was utterly unremarkable. There was a dark, shrouded figure lurking in the doorway of one of the buildings, simply watching me. I didn't feel afraid of this, and it did not seem strange.

People were talking, milling around, but I wasn't being social. I was eating fish soup out of a paper cup. The bits of fish seemed like wax – like those was sculptures of food displayed in front of restaurants in Korea, sometimes.

I dropped my paper cup on the ground, and I was so angry, hungry and desperate that I began digging around on the ground for the little bits of fish and vegetables and eating them with chopsticks. Someone was laughing at me – a relative? a friend?

I ended up eating dirt and rocks. I focused on the ground, and ignored the people around me. It was one of those dreams I sometimes have, where I felt myself becoming an animal. Walking on all fours, loping along the hillside, biting at pebbles and blades of grass.

I slipped away into the forest.


What I'm listening to right now.

CHVRCHES, "Clearest Blue."

Lyrics.

[Verse 1]
Light is all over us
Like it always was
Like it always was
Shaped, by the clearest blue
But it's not enough
It's not enough, not enough

[Chorus]
Just another time I'm caught inside
Every open eye
Holding on tightly to the sides
Never quite learning why
You'll meet me, you'll meet me
You'll meet me halfway

Whenever I feel it coming on
You can be well aware
If ever I try to push away
You can just keep me there
So please say you'll meet me
Meet me halfway

[Verse 2]
Tied, to the shifting ground
Like it always was
Like it always was
You, were the perfect storm
But it's not enough, it's not enough
Not enough, not enough

[Chorus – Variation]
Just another time that I go down
But you are keeping up
Holding to a hope you'll undermine
Never to be reversed

Just another time I'm caught inside
Every open eye
Holding on tightly to the sides
Never quite learning why

Whenever I feel it coming on
You can be well aware
If ever I try to push away
You can just keep me, tell me

[Build Up]
Tell me tell me, you'll meet me
Tell me tell me, you'll keep me
Tell me tell me, you'll meet me
Will you meet me more than halfway up?

[Outro]
Shaped by, clearest blue
Shaped by, clearest blue

Shaped (will you keep it half-a-way)
By, clearest blue (will you keep it half-a-way)
Shaped (will you keep it half-a-way)
By, clearest blue (will you keep it half-a-way)

[daily log: walking, 6km]