Caveat: Jealous Farewell

After my radiation treatment, Andrew, Hollye and I walked over the Jeongbal Hill to the subway entrance. I bid them farewell – they have decided to embark on a 2 or 3 day excursion to the northeast corner of South Korea, where they hope to go hiking in Seoraksan National Park. This is their thing – they are not city people, and for Andrew, especially, I often get the impression that his visiting me here in the suburbs of the world’s fourth-largest metropolitan area is something of a psychological hardship for him. So I hope they have a good time.

I’m a bit jealous, because all I get to do is attend radiation treatments each morning and correct essays all afternoon. I’ve never visited the northeast – not Seoraksan, not Sokcho. I want to.

Walking over the hill, I stopped and photographed some flowers at this one clearing area that I like. Just because.

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There’s this weird bench thing made of rough-hewn fallen wood. There was a flower under it.

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pictureAfter dropping them at the subway station and telling them “safe travels,” I walked the rest of the way home. But I stopped at the Ediya Coffee location near my building (Ediya is one of Korea’s many Starbucks knockoff chains), because lately I have become rather addicted to a grapefruit-flavored blended-ice thing that they make, which they call in brilliant pseudo-starbuckian konglishy marketingese a 자몽플랫치노 [jamong “flatccino”]. It’s not likely that healthy, but possibly healthier than ice cream, which is another post-radiation treat I’ve been getting myself on occasion.

 

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caveat: zap-o-matic number 12

last night i dreamed i was walking. just walking, along an infinite version of the sidewalk alongside the park that is the path to the hospital.

it was like that amnesiac protagonist at the beginning of the wim wenders movie "paris, texas." just walking and walking as if his life depended on it. but not knowing why.

an apt metaphor for life. and i walk, now, into treatment number 12.

Caveat: Punched in the Face and Other Pleasures

I woke up from my midday nap (which is now a thing, I guess) feeling like I'd been punched in the face. Punched twice, even – once for each side of my jaw. My teeth hurt. My jaw hurt. My mouth felt numb and swollen inside. I think they must have zapped new territory, this time, or in a different way.

Argh. It's not really very pleasant.

Work was a bit frustrating, too. I'm supposed to be part time, right? Maybe I'm supposed to be doing something like 20% of full-time. I am, on paper: I only teach class on Saturdays.

But… they keep finding things for me to do – such that, in the last 6 days or so, I've worked closer to 50-75% of full-time: correcting things, making tests, etc. The hardest part is that these are all the tasks I like least about my job, regularly – it's like having to do all the annoying, tedious busywork surrounding teaching a class without the pleasure of actually getting to present the class.

OK. Calming down. Taking breaths. I will be fine. I'm just venting a little bit.

I'm pleased to have a job where I can feel useful and a boss that's flexible enough to let all this happen (although to be clear it's not pure generosity – there are financial adjustments that mean no sacrifices are being made). I will see this as further training in acquiring patience and equanimity.

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