Caveat: And on. And on.

I had a really terrible weekend.  Not anything specific, except a really extreme level of discouragement and consequential apathy.  I didn't study Korean, as I normally do.  I didn't write much, as I normally do.  I didn't go hiking or exploring – I had the excuse that I still don't feel very healthy, but that's really just a way to justify being antisocial.  And I was definitely that.

I've written before about feeling that I'm not making progress on the things important to me.  And I suppose I should try to better outline what those "important things" are. 

1) I came to Korea because I want to learn Korean.  It's not going well.  I've been here three years.  I can barely make myself understood in single sentences.  I understand less than 20% of what I hear.

2) I'm working as a teacher.  I like working as a teacher.  But I want to be an excellent teacher.  I don't think I am.  I'm barely adequate, mostly.   I don't know what steps to take to improve:  do I need to be more organized?  More spontaneous?   Funnier?  Less funny?  How do I connect with my students?

3) I wish I were a true artist.  I write all these little fragments, outlines, "first pages of novels."  I occasionally do a single drawing, or pen some half-hearted poem.  I have a musical instrument I tell myself I should learn how to play.  I don't work on it.  I'm intimidated by my inability.

4) I need to meditate more.  Better.  More…

These important things are all incremental projects.  They don't require miracles of talent or self-discovery.  Yet I'm not making progress.  I'm on a treadmill.

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