November 11 is Pepero Day. It's a silly, contrived holiday that makes Valentine's look laden with tradition and seriousness. But a lot of kids gave me Pepero cookies as gifts.
In other news, my boss basically had a tantrum at me today. He was very angry. I've seen him very angry before, but never directly at me. It was very unpleasant. The basis for his complaint was legitimate, but hardly grounds for a tantrum. Then again, it was basically in response to the inappropriate way in which I deal with my anger and frustrations–which is to write nastly little passive-aggressive letters explaining what is bothering me.
The original problem: the fact that CD-players in the school have a rather annoyingly high "failure" rate. It's very depressing and frustrating to go into class with a CD that needs to be played and a player, and have it not work. So I wrote a note about how it seemed like it would be a good idea to invest in more reliable equipment, especially since the students today commented to me about the problem, to the effect of, "this really makes it seem like my parents are wasting their money here." Which is a pretty astute observation from a 6th grader. Yet pretty typical for a snipy pre-adolescent. But I'm betting the fact that I conveyed this student observation to my boss, 피선우, is what set him off. Nothing is worse in the hagwon biz than looking bad to the students or their parents. But he really didn't manage his anger well.
I'm not naive enough to think that boss-tantrums are rare in Korea – I watch too much Korean television for that. But it certainly seems excessive and inappropriate to my American sensibilities. I would go so far as to say, this is the first time in life that I've had a supervisor yell so directly and angrily at me. And how should I deal with this?
Psychologically, I'm in a terrible place right now, and I'm struggling not to go off the deep end. But something is pushing me. It's related, at least in part, to a rather significant upcoming 10th-year-anniversary. Let's call it Ragged Point Day, November 17, 1998. Those who know me well know what this day is. And I'm pushing myself very, very hard to not do anything rash or regrettable, specifically because of the need to feel that I've "grown past" the mental issues that led me to Ragged Point in the first place. It's why I haven't quit LBridge. Why I'm putting up with the shit. Why I'm terrified of backing off a cliff, yet feeling cornered.