Caveat: Memoirs of the Architect

-> . . . )  Memoirs of the Architect ? {Post title}

When the calico cat on the couch fades
    in the slanted rays of the wintersun
And when the streets outside the window
    reach not for home but for their origins
Gentle, gentle, do my tears come.

Without the calculus of my memory to guide
    those tears
Without the nurture of my once heroic
Quiet, quiet, the pain slips heavily.

    Toward anger                .    Time
        the                            .        out
            Knife                .            of
                slips                            time
                    home.                    lost,

        for whatever reason,
That these viscous drops of blood are mine.
And so bloodied a knife in my trembling
Call me to mind,
        A japanese garden I once
saw in a photograph which I perceived
with an ambition to become an architect.

    A designer of my struggling end.

Little pebbles, little pebbles
                            .    for
                        .            nought
    Quiet    .
        11/17/83 JARED

    There's no eagerness here.
    Nor will it ever come to pass
        But in the thick, timid soul
    of the non-architect.
    It is irremediable.  ( . . . ->

[The "retroblogging" project:  this is a "back-post" transcribed from paper on 2010-11-28.  I've decided to "fill-in" my blog all the way back.  It's a big project.  But there's no time limit, right?  The above entry was surprising to find.  It appears to mark the very specific moment when I gave up my childhood dream to become an architect.  I'm not sure explains why, though.]